Well life got in the way this week. I was at a work conference and thought I could make it all work. Unfortunately life conspired against me. Did you know you can’t watch The Voice on Hulu on an iPad? Well, you can’t. Anyway, here is my take on the finals of The Voice. Nothing like a day late and a dollar short.

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Me? A Bitch? But I'm so cute and mystic chic!

• In honor of Erin Willet’s birthday elimination we all need to take shots! I have a feeling Blake got her good and drunk as any good coach would. We all know how much he likes to drink.
• Other title contenders: “There’s no ego up there besides Carson” “You’re as happy as you can be for one and as sad as you can be for the other.”
• While all the other judges are dressed to the nines, Adam is in a black t-shirt. Somehow he’s still hot, ha!
• Vicci looks GOOD and Beverly looks exactly the same. Exactly. I think they’ve just had her on ice for the past year.

Battle of the has-beens Alums:

1. Vicci Martinez feat. Cee Lo Green “Come Along” The song was very dramatic and had a haunting tone to it. I think it was about American Indians? They sounded great together and she killed it.
2. Dia Frampton feat. Kid Cudi “Don’t Kick The Chair” The girl still looks down a lot while she sings. It was fine. The sound mixing was awful as I could barely hear either of them.
3. Javier Colon feat. The ball cap “A Drop In the Ocean” What a snoozefest. I see he’s still wearing that damn ball cap, but now it has a musical note! I think we can safely compare him to Jermaine and I would say that Jermaine is better. Adam, his former mentor, didn’t seem to thrilled. I wouldn’t want to go to one of the Maroon 5 concerts he’s opening.
4. Beverly McClellan feat. Cyndi Lauper “Money Changes Everything” I guess it should have read Cyndi feat. Beverly. She’s the only one that didn’t get to do an original song. I’m guessing she’s the one with the least exposure/success. Not surprising knowing Christina was her mentor. The whole thing was a hot mess. It was more of a jam session with people screaming “money” and “changes” at each other.

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Just a friendly little cat

Tonight we finally got all the teams performing on the same night. I still seem to find myself almost forgetting who has made it. Especially with Team Blake and Team Christina. Two weeks is a long time in the entertainment world.

Christina wore a crown. My only guess is she wanted us to know she is the Queen Bitch. If this were RuPaul’s Drag Race I’d say she was throwing shade, but since this is The Voice I’ll say she was dissing Tony at every opportunity. It was more than blatant. Cee Lo decided his giant pussy wasn’t getting enough attention so he put its face on a shirt. He also went without his sunglasses.

This post is nearly 1300 words so dive in at your own risk…

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WTF!?!? And of course THIS girl would love Juliet's wings.

• Florence + The Machine–Florence Welch can sing. There’s no denying that. Team Cee Lo joined in, not that you would have notice if not for the camera work.
• I don’t normally watch the lounge interviews but I had to stop to try and figure out what was going on with Lindsey Pavao’s face. She had white eye liner that went across her nose (see photo.) Is that a thing now?

TEAM ADAM #1? Tony Lucca. After the reaction Monday night it’s not a big surprise. I even started typing his name before Carson said his name. Katrina and Mathai will sing for their lives.

Mathai “Cowboy Casanova” She’s no country singer and can’t hold a candle to Carrie Underwood. It was alright but not the knockout performance needed to guarantee her spot in the final eight. Blake liked it. Christina saw the nerves coming out.

Katrina Parker “Perfect” Oh, this could be awesome for her. Great song choice. The music was too loud and she got drowned out sometimes. I still think it was a better performance than Mathai. I think it’ll come back down to who Adam thinks can win. Blake says he knows Tony got America’s vote, but Katrina is really the best singer on Team Adam. Xtina 100% agrees and gets a Tony dig in while she does it. She also says out of all of the Team Adam members she’s most excited for original music from Katrina. Cee Lo thinks she sang with a lot of “clarity and conviction” in these stressful circumstances.

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WOW!!!

After the craziness of last week what will Adam & Cee Lo’s final four bring? Apparently, Cee Lo sportin’ a pimp chain. Hee! He gets beeped right away. You can’t say “Shit” on national TV, Cee Lo. Oh, and they couldn’t stop laughing because Cee Lo was passing gas. All the more reason why I love this show. Christina brought out the whore makeup again. SOMEONE STOP HER! I wrote way too much on the peformances so let’s jump right in.

TEAM CEE LO

Jamar Rogers “It’s My Life” How can anyone vote against The HIV? He was inspired by an early Cee Lo song, he never thought he’d reach 30 and he just had his 30th birthday party…there is no stopping this kid. Plus, he had actual FLAMES on stage! Oh, and he also sounded pretty amazing on his song. It was different and even an improvement on the original. I think I’ve found my favorite if he wasn’t already. The dude can put on a show. Adam said he was the first voice they heard in the blinds and that’s why Cee Lo snatched him up so easily. Blake said they were the perfect mentor/artist pairing and a great song choice. Christina called him one of her favorites even though he’s not on her team. Cee Lo takes a moment to let the crowd’s roar roll over Jamar. He then professes his undying love. Poor Jamar is reduced to happy tears. Let the man just perform and leave his emotions alone, damn.

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Don't I have the perfect bone structure to be the next Drag Superstar??

You want bullet points? Who am I to argue?

• The Wanted, aka the newest boy band out of the UK, sang some song. I expected them to be hotter tho I’m probably twice their age so…I probably shouldn’t be staring at the jailbait.
• Christina says she is no stranger to controversy. She is making no excuses for kicking Jesse off. No one understands her decision but they respect it.
• Bieber shows up (looking very Maddow) and the crowd goes Ape. Shit. The clip of the video was very typical– hot girl, him trying to look sexy. In other words awful.
• Christina looked to want nothing to do with Bieber. She didn’t look him in the eye when he came to say hi. Ha! I want to know more. Did he reject her? Does she have a beef with Selena? What’s the story?!?!
• Blake takes the crew to open for him at an intimate concert. He says he use to open for people with just his gui-tar. All the girls are able to play and sing. I think that’s cool.

I thought the post needed to start off with a little HOT-ness!

This is THE VOICE and for this round we have live eliminations. Christina and Blake are floored and are kinda mad about it. Adam actually likes it. They will have control over who goes home and not America. He’s a self-professed control freak. He’s also hot and had his green-eyed jealousy monster out tonight. Cee Lo was on downers and didn’t have much to say. Buck up, dude, you’ve got one of the best teams! My favorite moment from the show was actually the promo for Tuesday night. Beiber will be unveiling his newest video! Who is most excited? A bearded overweight old guy clapping frantically hee! Most editors would go for the young teen shot but I’m glad the over 50 male Beliebers are getting some recognition!

TEAM BLAKE

RaeLynn “Nothin’ but Country” Straw bales in glass cases! Hee!! Man, I’m not sure about this girl. She growled the whole thing and it didn’t sound like her normal singing voice. Wait, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Christina loved it. She wants to sing Country now (please don’t) and thinks RaeLynn is a little badass. I must be listening to something different. Adam is a fan and is impressed Blake finally got something right (song selection). Blake thinks she is showing America that Country can kick ass.

Jordis Unga “A Little Bit Stronger” Eh, it was entirely forgettable. As in I have nothing to say about it whatsoever. You know when Christina doesn’t like something. She immediately compliments the outfit and never really says she likes the performance. Adam apparently is going to be nice to everyone tonight. I doubt she makes it to tomorrow’s elimination show.

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Awful cell phone pic from the TV, but it gets the point across. Why wear a skirt if it's see through?

Jessie J is someone I didn’t know the last time I saw her on one of these shows. I really like “Domino” so I actually watched the whole performance. It was pretty great until Christina’s artists joined in. Did you catch Arsenio Hall in the audience? Are you watching Celebrity Apprentice? Yeah, neither am I. Christina is taking her new image to a whole new level. She looked like a 5th grade teacher complete with googly-eyed heart sticker. We will not talk about the weirdness in the Sprint Lounge or whatever it is called.

So as not to spoil anything the rest is after the jump…

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Tonight Adam and Cee Lo get a chance to show off their teams. Adam was amazed by a few of Cee Lo’s artists and was pissed they didn’t pick him in the blind auditions. Blake was acting like the grumpy old man that doesn’t understand teenagers and had to be three sheets to the wind. Christina continued her streak of tasteful makeup and geometric patterned dresses. Though she did feel the need to sing to Karla. Overall, the night was not as good as last week. The best show would be Christina vs Cee Lo for production value alone. Adam and Blake would be a bit boring. Without further ado…

TEAM ADAM

Katrina Parker “Tonight, Tonight” They want to get away from the Adele comparison and they give her that Adele hairdo? Failure. She’s no Billy Corgan, but it wasn’t bad. I thought the music was too loud because I strained to hear her. Cee Lo explained it well. Her performance wasn’t tortured enough for the song.

Tony Lucca “In Your Eyes” Does anyone really believe he chose to not be as famous as Britney, Justin, and Christina? Let’s be real. Overall, he sounded good, though was he high fiving those kids in the front row or slapping them? It looked a little forceful. Christina was giving a bit of shade. (Can you tell I’ve been watch too much RuPaul’s Drag Race?) She called him one dimensional and wants the show to be about The Voice and not “celebrity sway.” Apparently Justin has been giving him a lot of support. “There are better voices on the show.” Wow, how does that knife feel in your back, Tony? Do you think she’d be saying the same thing if he was on her team instead?

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