So. This episode is called “Poseidon Adventure”. I like my title better mainly because I’m a self-proclaimed jackass so it makes me feel close to Jim knowing that’s what he thinks of himself. Really, for me, it’s not only self-proclaimed. Lots of people tell me I’m a jackass. I think they mean it in a good, fun way. Mostly.
That said, I almost named my recap “We Also Found This Dried Foamy Fluid in Your Backseat” because it made me laugh, grossed me out, made me think of last week’s conversations in the comments section because now, along with never wanting to eat or prepare food in my office kitchen, I also never want to sit in anybody’s back seat again. Ever.
Moving right along…we open with a fun day at the beach. Hot chicks in bikinis, of course. And then…a not so hot lifeguard leering at the bikini girls in a total cheeseball way that makes it seem like there’s no way he realizes that he’s never going to get hot bikini girls. Listen, I know we have Passmore as eye candy. Does that mean we can’t have a hot, built “realistic” lifeguard too? If I’m drowning I don’t want cheeseball, doughboy, with a sunburnt back trying to save me…I want a tall, built, evenly tanned dude who looks like he was born on the beach and who can lift me gently to safety and ascertain whether or not he’ll need to do mouth to mouth and I won’t mind if he does ‘cuz he’s beautiful. He also won’t have to “leer” at passing biking girls ‘cuz they’ll all be hanging around his lifeguard station.
Shit…I’ve taken that too far, huh? Especially since the lifeguard doesn’t really matter at all. Except, after creepily leering at the bikini girls & believing he has a shot with them, he thinks he sees a shark fin in the water…cue “Jaws” music…and then…it’s a dead mermaid. Obviously.
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