After being sick last week and missing my recap, I’m happy to say I’m feeling great and Suburgatory had their best episode in weeks. It was right up there with the “Scarlett Johansson, dead” episode.

As is usual, Tessa and George are facing yet another we of struggling with the ditching of their old city life and replacing it with new suburban traditions. This week, it’s Thanksgiving on the chopping block. In the city, George and Tessa would check out the floats being blown up in Central Park and then hit a diner for turkey burgers. Now, they are heading to Dallas and Dalia’s.

Lisa, on the other hand is having some issues of her own. Her mother is insisting on her wearing an abomination of a dress. Laura Ingalls Wilder would have been embarrassed to wear this calico dress. Lisa decides her time would be best spent in her room. Her mother decides to “smoke” her out by cranking the heat. We get a rousing speech by her brother Ryan in which he brings her a Vitamin Water after being inspired by her protest but then proceeds to drink it all after forgetting why he was there in the first place. After the heat is too much to bear, Lisa hits the shower but her mother sneaks the dress in place of her cloths. As a last ditch effort of protest, Lisa bares it all and goes nude for Thanksgiving dinner.

By the way, Lisa’s family is awesome. We’ve already gotten a good taste of Ryan, her brother, earlier in the season when he was making out with Tessa and her dad, aka Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock, but now we get her grandmother, aunt (Joan Callamezzo!) and uncle on her dad’s side, as well as their kids.

Before the Dallas and Dalia Thanksgiving dinner, George has to head out to look at a job and asks Dallas to hang out with Tessa to cheer her up over the loss of her Manhattan traditions. They hit the salon for a Brazilian… blowout. A Brazilian blowout, which is apparently a hair styling thing. Tessa is hesitant till Dallas offers to do anything for Tessa if she does the hair styling thing. Tessa takes her up on the offer and they head to Manhattan, only to see George. Making out with a woman.

Tessa is mad that George is cheating on Chatswin with Manhattan and Dallas is upset because she thought George and she had a connection.

"That doesn't count as work." "It does if you're doin' it right, am I right?"

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A couple things to start off with:

• Anyone want to bet the over under on “OMG, I want to be in the shower with Jeremy Sisto!” comments? Don’t act like I don’t know my audience.
• I’m still struggling with this show’s direction. Where is it all going? Everything just feels week-to-week with no overarching storyline or theme. A new character is introduced and then abandoned in nearly every episode (Lisa’s dumb brother, Jay Mohr, tranny Gladys). Are we learning lessons? Is it a comedy? Is everything just sarcastic for sarcasms sake? Throw me a bone here Suburgatory.

Alright, so tonight is about touching cultural issues such as sharing, wastefulness, and caring for those less fortunate than ourselves. In true Chatswin fashion, however, they clueless as to how the world works.

Tessa is disturbed by all the uneaten food thrown in the trashcans of the school cafeteria. Not only is it uneaten, but a majority of it is completely untouched. Tessa proves her point by grabbing an apple out of the trashcan. She does decide however, perhaps the 5 second rule is a little too liberal for apples out of the trash. In any case, Mr. Wolf, the guidance counselor feels that raising awareness of wastefulness is a teachable moment and puts Tessa in charge of organizing the school to help others.

Too bad that train of goodness gets derailed by Dalia. She manages to hijack the school assembly with a Daliaesque story about wandering away from her posh vacation spot in Orlando to where the locals live. She saw suffering. Extreme suffering. People there had dry skin and frizzy hair. Oh the humanity!
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I considered not even writing a recap for this episode. I felt like all the writers were busy putting together the story arc for the rest of the season and asked the interns to write this episode because they were too busy. This episode was definitely subpar, plus I feel like the series as a whole has lost some steam. I don’t know, it could just be the newness is just wearing off at this point.

In case you don’t already have a feel for Chatswin, it has a very staged look to it. As a matter of fact, they were voted as having the most uniform houses. That’s not nothing, but it is next to nothing. Congratulations to Chatswin. Being that as it is, they are particularly watchful when it comes to decorating. And boy do George and Tessa go all out. Guillotines, tombstones, and pumpkins galore. The problem? It all has to go. So sayeth the neighborhood association. But there is a sliver of hope as Dallas is the head of the association and may be able to help out George.

Unfortunately, she is too busy planning her Jaunty (not haunty) Carefest (not scarefest). Apparently Halloween has too much of a scary factor so they totally dumb it down with clowns, candy, and sexy mushrooms. George challenges Dallas to open her mind by inviting her to join him for some scary movies. That part is a big “who cares?” but it gets good when Dallas’s husband shows up.

Welcome Jay Mohr! Love that guy! In the limited time we meet him, he is an out and out weirdo. He is obsessed with shoes being off, goatees, is totally an awkward kisser, and is barely bothered by George and Dallas watching a move together.

Meanwhile, Tessa finds an awesome blue velour tracksuit, some heels, and a Bump-It. Queue the oh my gawds. Now as much as I like the city girl Tessa, she actually could have easily been cast as one of the suburban bitches. She totally pulls it off.

Oh my gawd!

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The start of this episode was possibly the grossest thing ever. I had a roommate in college who didn’t like any noise when he was in the dorm room. He also liked to eat while he was around and had an unnaturally loud chewing and swallowing sound that he would emit. I had to leave the room every time he would walk in to eat at his computer. So gross. And now I feel like I’m having flashbacks to ‘Nam.

The disgusting silence is shortly interrupted by the tweeting birds of the city: police sirens. What kind of heinous crime could have befallen Chatswin? Doll theft, of course. Sheila from across the street has had her Shirley Temple dolls stolen and the crime spree has sent the entire city on lock down. As a result, dentists are making mouthguards for stressed out teeth-grinders, school announcements are being made, and George is being talked into becoming a panic room architect.

To ease their own concerns, Dallas and Dalia move in with George and Tessa. Obviously Dalia drives Tessa crazy, but Dallas actually starts driving George pretty crazy as well. To drive Tessa even more crazy, George and Dallas work things out and plan some future festival festivities together. Chowder and apple festivals.

Not winking, just blinking. Barely.

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Before we get started, just wanted everyone to know, if you haven’t participated, it is Marry, Fuck, Kill week at OCTV. Each day (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday), we are picking characters from shows that we cover and determining which role they fit best. I also wrote up a brief history of MFK, in case you wanted some background on the game. Don’t expect to learn too much, but I guarantee you’ll laugh your ass off.

George is feeling a little territorial as Sheila tries to usurp his roll as provider for Tessa. Getting even means George is going to step into Sheila’s big thing: PTA. Sheila tries to run George out of the PTA, however, her plan backfires and George becomes the male advice guru for the Chatswin moms. Sheila is on the outs and George is the backbone of the PTA. Unfortunately this leads to less attention to his daughter than before. In a smart move, he tosses the reins back to Sheila. George was going off the deep end, with the Garage-a-palooza being the last straw for me. Only a total nutjob would get pumped for Garage-a-palooza.

For her elective, Tessa has elected to read in the handicapped stall of the girls’ room. That idea gets shot down and she has to pick between day trading, flat ironing, and drama (aka the KKK – Kimantha, Kaitlynn, Kenzie). A better option is the unread school paper, The Chatswin Chronicle. Her new elective mate, Malik had tirelessly dedicated all his time to the paper – except when he is at the his Medium re-enactment club.

OMG! Is that Patricia Arquette?

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Pilots are always pretty rough in the TV world: new characters, new story arcs, new surrounds. What separates the The New Girls from the 2 Broke Girls of the world is the second episode. Here is a tweet from my wife:

“If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?” “Scarlett Johansson. Dead.” And Suburgatory has won me over.

There you have it, folks. Episode 2 was a success. How about some details?

Locker humpingly good.

Given that George and Tessa are the newbies in a nice, friendly neighborhood, obviously they are going to be hounded by some wierdo neighbor to come to dinner. Sheila is that neighbor. Fortunately, George has been creatively wiggling out of it, short of running Sheila over with his car. The new strategy? Avoidance. I’m a huge fan of the Indiana Jones/Temple of Doom-type attempted escape, complete with over-the-couch dive and the Dukes of Hazzard butt-slide. George shuts his coat in the door, giving Sheila a chance to sink her fangs. From what I can tell, it is 80 degrees out, so I’m not sure why he was wearing a jacket in the first place. In any case, they are roped in to dinner.

I wasn’t sure what to expect out of dinner with the neighbors, but imagine my surprise when I found out the dad is Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock. I can’t wait till Tracy Jordan shows up as a wacky, ultrarich country club member. Read the rest of this entry »

Last season, I covered Biggest Loser and it was brutal. I complained about everything: the filler, the length of the episodes, the length of the season, the lack of anything interesting. Well, I decided not to cover BL this season, so as a replacement, I decided to pick up a little doozy known as Suburgatory.

To be honest, I didn’t know anything about the show and I kind of hated the name. Yes, I understand that it is a mashup of suburb and purgatory but it just doesn’t roll off the tongue well. What did intrigue me was the premise. As a father of two daughters (granted they are 2 right now) living in the city, I’m dreading the day that this show hits close to home. The suburbs suck balls.

Wash! Crazy Billy Boy! Isabellie! Lloyd! Lady from that pie movie with aforementioned Billy! With all new shows that include actors that have been around, I always struggle to pick up the new characters’ names, mostly because I can’t stop calling them by their names in other shows. For now though, I am going to keep IMDb open and try to use their names from this show. Read the rest of this entry »