Alright, now I am admittedly OCD … quite a lot, actually, and in the same way that I have a hard time starting something when I’ve missed the beginning, I have a really hard time stopping something once I’ve started.  Case in point, I’ll be watching something on TV that I start by complete accident and I don’t even REALLY want to be watching it, but I’ll hit a certain point where I’m like … BUT I’VE COME SO FAR ALREADY!  And then before you know it, I’ve watched an entire episode of Intervention or like that Siamese twins special on TLC (I know you know the one I’m talking about) and it’ll be past my bedtime and I’m cursing life.

Next Iron Chef was a lot like that.  Probably about halfway through the season, I realized I was totally bored, didn’t care who won, and didn’t really want to be watching it, but I’d already started and I was blogging about it, so I figured I’d finish.  NEVER AGAIN!  I don’t want to do this if they have Next Iron Chef next year!  Besides Alton being a creepy bastard and Appleman being an egomaniacal douche-hole, I just don’t have that much to say about it.

The finale predictably came down to Mehta and Garces, and Mehta was as villanous as ever, with his crazy voice and accent and refusal to blink.  Garces was as forgettably likable as he usually is, and when it came right down to it, Michael Symon was my favorite part of the episode anyway, so I might as well have just watched his Iron Chef episodes.  Also, it reminded me how the last season of Next Iron Chef was so much better.

But you know, Michael Symon did bring up an interesting point that I think is worth repeating, which is that you can’t be truly creative unless you have solid technical skills.  Many of you know that I’m also a photographer in my normal life, and that DEFINITELY applies there also.  I thought it was an accurate and insightful thing to say.

So, congratulations, Chef Garces.  I suppose I’ll be seeing you on Iron Chef, but really I’ll be creeping around waiting for more Jeffrey. :)

Alright, I enjoyed the Castle blurb so much that now I’m feeling all blurby.  Plus, this episode of Next Iron Chef went EXACTLY as we all knew it would be.  Chef Mullen got the boot, and we have a Mehta/Garces finale.  And they went to the Tokyo fish market, just in case you needed another non-shock.  I did feel bad for Mullen with his rheumatoid arthritis, because that has GOT to suck, but … that’s part of it, you know?

Did get a chuckle out of Mehta purposely leaving the damn ice cream maker (seriously, will someone just “accidentally” break it already?) dirty for Chef Mullen, since that’s how he got it last week.  That bitch is EVIL, and I kind of love it.  Total Bond villain.  And Billy pointed out that he never blinks.  Also, did you see how much food he brought back?  Do they not give them budget limits on this show like they do on Top Chef?

Favorite thing, this episode and always: Jeffrey criticizing food while continuing to eat it.  I LOVE Jeffrey.  The only thing I love more than Jeffrey is Jeffrey sitting next to Ted Allen.

Anybody want to chat in the comments?  Favorite parts, things you’d eat, who you think should’ve gone home?

Okay, two things about this episode where Morimoto shows up and reminds me what a badass Iron Chef looks like.  First of all, the editors TOTALLY tricked me.  That went down about the exact opposite from how I thought it was going to.  Secondly, I don’t really know how much I think any of these jokers deserve to be the next Iron Chef, frankly. 

Umami is a hard concept for me to grasp and “earthiness” sort of helps me get closer, but I still never quite feel like I get it.  Still, I rolled with the soy sauciness of the episode and I did enjoy the skewer challenge because, like all good midwesterners raised on state fairs, I loooove food on a stick.  In fact, I should consider making some food on a stick one of these days.  How awesome would that be, for dinner?  I’m getting inspired now.

Anyway, the elimination challenge looked insane, although I actually really love rice, so there were a couple of things I’d have actually eaten this week, octopus totally NOT included.  The way the editing was going, though, I really expected Mehta and Garces to be in the bottom, with Garces going home.  Obviously, he won the challenge and Mehta came in second.  Meanwhile, I thought Freitag might win and she ended up getting kicked off.  Still, I maintain that from a production standpoint, Garces and Mehta are the more interesting people to have as an Iron Chef than Mullen or Freitag, who seem to have similar styles to the existing Iron Chefs.

Maybe it’ll be different with Mehta and Garces cooking in styles they’re comfortable with, but I just haven’t been terribly impressed up to this point.  I mean, I’m impressed in general with everyone doing so much in short periods of time or knowing a lot about different cuisines, but I just kind of feel like, if no one really stands out, does anyone deserve it?  It’s like when I go shopping, and I can’t decide between, say, two sweaters.  Well, if I can’t decide then I must not love either one that much and should probably save my money for a sweater I DO like, because maybe I just haven’t gotten to that store yet, but I’ll get there eventually, like right after I hit up the Auntie Anne’s.

It’s right before lunch and I’m hungry, AND I’m writing a cooking show recap so just cut me a little slack here, okay?

Anyway, I don’t know what’s going to happen next week, but I assume it’ll end with Chef Mullen going home.  I don’t think it’s the finale or my DVR would tell me so, so I won’t get too excited just yet.  I reiterated to Billy my feeling of feeling committed to Next Iron Chef but also being sick of it.

Oh, speaking of Billy, I know you all love me and Billy’s hilarious conversations, so I leave you with this:

Me:  Mehta needs to have his own show where he’s the villain.  Look at how evil he looks.
Billy:  Mmmhmm.
Me:  You don’t even care.  You’re just trying to agree enough to shut me up.
Billy:  [indecipherable vague noises]
Me:  Just LOOK at him.  And his VOICE!  And look at how he always looks like he’s plotting!  And the ACCENT!  He should totally be a Bond villain.
Billy:  He needs a scar.

Okay, you guys, I finally figured it out.  I know who Chef Mehta’s voice reminds me of.  Drum roll, please!  … Hannibal Lecter!  Yeah, totally.  I told Billy that and he suggested that maybe in the finals, he should cook liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.  I’m down.

Obviously the big news was Appleman’s takedown, but we’ll get to that.  I want to save it for as long as I can to draw out the joy I’m getting from this.  For now, let’s discuss how the producers totally handed this challenge to Chef Mehta.  An Indian cooking challenge to make it into the top four?  Really?  I mean, I can understand how having an Indian Iron Chef would be good for diversity, but I can also understand wanting a Latino Iron Chef.  But do you need to be so obvious?  I mean, couldn’t you just pay off the judges to say the food is good?  It’s not like we really have any idea what it tastes like, and it would be fun to pretend that this is an actual competition, right?

As far as Indian food goes, I’ve got to say that I am a total n00b.  I’ve had exactly one complete meal of Indian food and thus far, my likes seem to be relegated to the least intimidating offerings possible, like naan and samosas.  This episode left me feeling like I might want to try chicken tikka though, and Chef Freitag’s rice and potatoes business looked pretty good (and I love Jeffrey for loving food so much and always wanting to eat off other people’s plates), and in fact, if I could (had to?) eat one plate of food, it would’ve been hers.  I thought it was a little comical that they gave the win to Garces, like NOT giving it to Mehta would fool us into thinking this wasn’t a total set up–nice try, but no.  Not even just “no”–not even close.

It seems pretty clear to me that Chefs Mullen and Freitag really can’t win this competition.  It isn’t that they aren’t good chefs, it’s just that they’re totally unnecessary to Iron Chef, because they would just be way to similar to Michael Symon (if he’s sticking around?  I don’t really know who they’d replace) or Bobby Flay, whereas an Indian or Latino chef would really add something different.  But I don’t know, I would’ve expected there to be a runaway winner by now and there’s not really, which is weird.

I was, however, thrilled that there was a runaway loser last night, and that was Appleman.  I mean, he’s always a loser but in this case, he didn’t win the competition and OH thank god.  If by some shitty twist of fate he had won, I would have never watched Iron Chef again, even to fall asleep on the air mattress to, because of how much I hate him and would want to protest.  And really, after he won the first challenge, I thought we might be in some trouble.

Thank god, he really screwed the pooch on the challenge.  I have no idea how someone can be such a cocky, arrogant bastard as to think that they know nothing about Indian food, have never MADE Indian food, and yet may not only not LOSE the challenge, but possibly WIN it.  How delusional can you get?  Plus, it’s like I told Billy … I’m no chef, but I’m preeeetty sure a gnocchi isn’t so much Indian.  Eye roll.  I just hate him so much, I’m glad to see his obnoxious, lying, little-man-syndrome ass hit the road!

Anyway, this challenge got me and Billy talking again about who we thought were the more talented chefs, this bunch or the cheftestants on Top Chef (and could I say “chef” a couple more times in that sentence?).  In general, I think this is very obviously a more seasoned (pun alert!) group of chefs and they’re expected to know a lot more and really, it seems like they’re also asked to DO a lot more within their time constraints.  It does seem like it requires a greater knowledge and deeper understanding to create actual, authentic Indian dishes, rather than to “make a dish inspired by the flavors of India!” or to “reinterpret a classic Indian dish!”, you know?  That said, I still think that Top Chef’s Kevin would kick all of these people’s asses, but as of now, that’s just a working theory.

Anybody else care to weigh in on this topic?  I know I’ve got some Top Chef watchers out there who might have something to add, so let’s hear it!

Man, is it me or does Next Iron Chef feel like it’s just flying by?  Seriously.  There are only six chefs left and next week is a double elimination.  That is insane.

This week seemed really rough on everyone, but I wasn’t shocked to see Chef Crenn get the boot.  I’m a little bit bummed, not because I thought she deserved to stay but because I just loved watching her so much.  She’s so beautiful, like really really beautiful, and she’s so willing to be a bitch and say whatever she’s thinking.  For me, Chef Crenn would be the perfect elegant villain in a movie.  Someone needs to get on that.

And speaking of people willing to be bitches, Chef Mehta.  Dude, I love that guy, and I love his voice and accent and how he’s completely up for sabotaging other contestants.  I’ve gotta think his karma is going to bite him, but it’s entertaining to watch.  And thank god we can put that damn ice cream maker up now.  I am so sick of seeing that thing AND of Alton’s lectures about it.

I was kind of surprised that Garces and Trevino didn’t do that great in a Mexican food challenge, but I suppose that’s how it goes sometimes.  I really don’t think Garces can win this thing–I wouldn’t be surprised to see him eliminated with someone else in this double elimination coming up. 

Naturally, I continue to hate Appleman.  The guy is just such an insufferable douchebag, you know?  I was just SO happy when his food was burning, and how sad is it that he’s so hateable that his misfortune brings me joy?  But it totally does.  And he just makes it so much worse for me with the lying to the judges.  I mean, WHAT!  It’s bad enough that he does it, and with such ease–it really calls into question how much he lies in general–but then he ADMITS it in the talking heads.  Does he not consider that anyone would see that and that there would be consequences.  And hello, PLEASE let there be consequences!  I am so OVER this guy.

Chefs Mullen and Freitag are still around, but they were mostly forgettable (except that Chef Freitag was in the bottom with Chef Crenn).  Like I said, no one really did a great job this week.  And at this point, it’s a really interesting race because I feel like it’s anyone’s game.  And that’s cool, it makes for some interesting challenges, but if they end up with someone who isn’t really that much better than the rest of their peers, should they really be the next Iron Chef?  I don’t know.

Alright, as I’ve established, I love yelling at my TV, so I guess it’s a good thing Appleman is still on but he’s such an asshole I can hardly handle it.  UGH.  FIRST OF ALL, why would you lie about fucking pot roast?  Seriously?  It’s pot roast, it’s American, and there is absolutely no reason to LIE about it, you douche!  Secondly, yes, Chef Mullen is serious competition because he’s won twice in a row.  But do you know who was nipping at his heels both weeks?  NOT YOU.  Chef Freitag.  Yeah, that’s right–Chef Freitag.  So admit it or don’t, but you got beat by a girl and she’s ALSO competition, you smug bastard!

Now that that’s off my chest, I don’t even want to talk about him anymore because he sucks as a human being.  Moving on.

I actually really liked both parts of this challenge, both trying to recreate a dish (in 10 minutes!  That is INTENSE!) and making an innovative new American dish using the flavors you had that day.  Very cool.  It seems like front runners are starting to emerge (Mullen and Freitag) and the bottom dwellers are getting picked off.

You know who really did it for me this week though?  Chef Mehta.  First of all, I love the name Mehta.  It reminds me of both Data from Star Trek: TNG (nerd alert) and Lt. Gaeta from Battlestar (double nerd alert).  Secondly, and related to his cooking, I think he’s really smart.  During the five minute head start (or handicap, depending on who you were), a lot of people spent their time worrying or talking shit or joking around, but you could actually see Mehta mentally preparing for what he needed to do, where he needed to go, what he needed to get, and I thought that was really smart. 

Secondly, I know he was supremely stupid for messing with the ice cream maker AGAIN (give it up, it isn’t happening and we’re all sick of it), but I did laugh when he said that giving up is for losers.  And on top of that, I thought the concept was really genius.  I know it got mixed reviews, but I thought it was cool, creative, and most definitely interesting. 

I can definitely see where it would be hard for foreign-born chefs like Mehta and Chef Crenn to really wrap their heads around standard American food.  I didn’t think they’d get rid of Crenn because even though it was weird all together, everything seemed to taste alright.  And also, did anyone else think it was funny how cracked up the judges got at her stereotype of Americans loving everything with ice?  I thought it was really cute and funny.  That said, I don’t think she’ll be around a WHOLE lot longer, but still.

What did everyone else think?  I doubt Farmerie was a shocker elimination to anyone, but was there someone else you thought deserved to be sent home more?  Comments, people!

Well, I’ve gotta say that I didn’t really do any yelling at the TV this week, and that’s always kind of a bummer for me, but Appleman was keeping his damn mouth shut, so what’s a girl to do?  Not to worry, I’m sure he’ll start up again in no time.

Meanwhile, I wasn’t shocked to see Chef Smith go–I thought her exit talking head was really self-aware, and I’m sure there are lots of chefs who are amazing at what they do but just don’t thrive in a competition environment, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that or any shame in that.

I can’t help but compare this show to Top Chef, and I think it’s kind of bizarre how no one is jumping out yet as a front runner.  People seem to be still getting their bearings and go from last to first (i.e. Chef Mullen) rapidly, and all I really know is who the other chefs see as a threat.  My early faves are Trevino and Garces (I’d love to see a Latin cuisine Iron Chef), Mehta, and you know, I still like Amanda Freitag from other things and I think she’s good, I’m just not sure she can win this–I think there might always be someone a little better than her, although I could be wrong.

I asked Billy at one point if he thought the cooks were more talented on Next Iron Chef or on Top Chef, and he couldn’t really decide.  We did agree that the Next Iron Chef chefs seem more seasoned (cooking pun!).  I just realized that it gets kind of hard to judge who’s best and worst when everyone has different ingredients to work with and it’s just tough for the average non-chef, non-foodie like myself to really compare.

Anybody else out there in Internet Stadium watching this show?  I’m a little hooked, but I’ve already mentioned that I’m a sucker for cooking competitions.

Seriously, wouldn’t that have been a great “exotic” ingredient for him? 

Dude, I don’t know what it is with me and these cooking competition shows, but I seriously love all of them–Top Chef, Chopped, Food Network Challenge, and now I’m getting sucked into Next Iron Chef AGAIN.  What are you going to do, though?  They’re such great DVR filler for when it’s like six o’clock and there’s nothing else on and you can’t handle another day of Sports Center.  So yeah, with that in mind, I don’t know how expeditiously I’ll even talk about Next Iron Chef or even if I’ll keep talking about it, but for now … what the hell.  Mondays are light.

I am glad that Jeffrey is there and if Ted can’t be there to bicker with him, at least we get Donnatella, who I kind of love.  And I’m glad to see that they’re keeping with the great Iron Chef tradition of making food that makes me want to puke.

I like both of the Latin guys, a preference that quite possibly could’ve been influenced by my Mexican cravings last night, and I liked the guy with the duck tongue, and I was excited to see Amanda Freitag, since I’ve enjoyed her as a judge so much and she makes some of the greatest bitchfaces I’ve ever seen.  It was funny, I didn’t realize that her ingredient in the first challenge was beer, so when I saw her crack that baby open and take a swig, it looked really funny. 

Most of my time during this episode though was spent yelling at Appleman.  What kind of douchebag tells someone that their opinion is wrong, especially on his own food, which he may be a little biased about?  Asshole.  And let me just tell you, the second you stop being able to take constructive criticism is the second you start going nowhere.  Which is why I was EXTRA pissed when he won.  Ugh, are you fucking kidding me?  We couldn’t give it to duck tongues?  Give me a break.  But at least now I have someone to yell at next week too, so there’s that!