Lane is underwater with the Inland Revenue, big time. Like, JAIL, underwater, it seems. We see him trying to shake down some kind of sketchy private banker for a loan, purportedly for SCDP. Oh, Lane. This is a bad, bad idea.

Kinsey (remember Kinsey? looked like Orson Welles?) is trying to get together with Harry. Harry’s dodging him. When we eventually catch up with Kinsey, he’s a freaking full-on Hare Krishna. I hope they’re offering him at least a three-episode arc, or that he didn’t actually shave his head for the part. Harry is dying, basically. Dying. There’s a hot Hare Krishna lady who looks a lot like a young Juliette Lewis had a baby with Cobie Smulders. Harry’s warming up to the whole idea.

Lane calls a meeting to inform everyone they have a “surplus of fifty thousand dollars,” which, incidentally, is the exact sum he just borrowed on their behalf from the private banker. Lane suggests they use this unexpected sum to hand out bonuses. Pete: “What ghost visited YOU, Ebeneezer?” (He’s convinced they’re going to land the Jaguar account, which everyone else thinks is total, total bullshit.)

(What’s Roger doing today? Drinking and ranting about the Japanese, naturally.)

AHHHH, Roger and Joan are talking about their baby! She wants to lock him down (I assume in order to become the third Mrs. Sterling), has been sending his money back.

Back at Krishna Fun Zone, Harry’s getting worked over. Kinsey wants to leave with the hot girl and make a life for themselves. Harry doesn’t have a job to offer him, Kinsey has a spec script for Star Trek. Christ. Harry agrees to pass it along. (To Peggy, as it turns out.) It appears to be truly awful.

Don and Megan are out at an experimental play, which is partially about the evils of advertising. Don goes home in a spectacularly bad mood.

Lane, alone in the office at night, plundering the company checkbook. LANE, stop being so self-destructive! (Looks like he’s forging Don’s signature.)

The hot Krishna shows up to see Harry, who is visibly sweating. She tells him that his chanting brought out crazy sex vibrations in her. Aaaaand they’re making out. And she’s bending over his desk. HARRY FUCKING CRANE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Oh, big shock, she’s gonna blackmail him to stay away from Kinsey. Kinsey, you see, is their best recruiter.

Joan gets served divorce papers at the office, goes totally postal. Don takes her out to try out Jaguars as his fake wife to cheer her up. He and Joan have a cute drink thing. Don beats a hasty retreat before sleeping with her. But the chemistry is amaaaaaaaaazing. He’s driving drunk, obvi. But in a Jaguar. (Which, thank God, he appears to have returned safely to the dealership.)

Megan gets crazy on Don (not in the good way) when he returns home, loaded, several hours after she knows he left the office.

Harry, over lunch with Kinsey, tells him the script went over like a rocket at NBC, but it can never be produced for legal reasons. He gives him five hundred bucks and a ticket to LA to become a TV writer, but he has to leave the Krishnas. This is actually not a stupid play on Harry’s part.

Back at the office, Pete announces that Mohawk is drying up as a revenue stream for a while, so no Christmas bonuses for the partners, just the junior staff. Lane begins to twitch. Why, it’s almost as though embezzling is COMPLICATED, Lane!

Don announces that they WILL land Jaguar, and they will be working 24/7 to achieve this goal. Lane continues to twitch.

Oh, Betty. Poor Betty is weighing out her spartan “reducing” breakfast. Does the toast need to be blackened, or is that just to make us feel worse for her? I can’t even talk about the half-grapefruit, the world’s saddest creation.

Pete struts into the elevator to announce that the New York Times is interested in doing a feature on SCDP, so Don pulls together their creative portfolio. It looks like Ginzo is writing most of their copy. That boy is GOING PLACES, KIDS! Don doesn’t want to include “The Letter,” probably because he’s internalized that it’s the kiss of death in their business.

Those of us who live for Bert Cooper moments get a big win as he tries to get Roger to help him land the Manischewitz wine account, because of “his Semitic wife.” Roger reminds him they’re getting divorced. “Not Mona, Jane!” says Cooper, witheringly. Yeah, Cooper. Welcome to the treehouse. Cooper, on being informed that Jane is also on her way to Splitsville, checks his watch and says “so soon?” Ouch.

Leaving the office late, Don finds himself rifling through a file of Ginzo’s pitches for Sno-Ball. He’s amused, and it inspires a weird series of stream-of-consciousness pitches of his own.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pete is back on the train with his insufferable seatmate, Howard, attempting to read a book. Said insufferable seatmate (LIFE INSURANCE, UGH) is droning on about the delights of nailing 24 year-old strawberry blondes in secret city apartments.

Roger calls Pete in to tell him he’s getting buzz in the industry, hands off some freebie skis.  TOTALLY suspicious, obviously. Don is feeling elderly and out-of-touch again, this time because he has no idea how to find the “right” sound for his Beatles-lookalike band for the Chevalier Blanc ad.

Megan is being completely weird.  She places a secret call, then blows off Don’s dinner invitation, THEN tells Peggy she has to go to the aforementioned dinner.

Pete winds up picking up the cheating life insurance salesman’s Rory-Gilmore-lookalike wife at the train station (oh, because she’s actually Alexis Bledel, which was determined after a ten-minute argument with my husband). She’s gorgeous and lonely and depressed and takes him home and fucks the shit out of him.

Don calls in to the office, Peggy blows Megan’s cover. He calls back later, drunker. Peggy is totally horrified and has no idea what to say. Obviously, Megan is not cheating on him, right? Megan wouldn’t do that.

When Megan sweeps home, Don deliberately doesn’t try to catch her in a lie, telling her that Peggy said she was on her way to meet him. She breezily covers by claiming she met friends for drinks and lied to Peggy so she could leave work without drama. He either buys it or doesn’t want to know. Megan is visibly nervous around Peggy the next day, Peggy traps her and demands an explanation. Megan tells her she had a callback for an Off-Off-Off-Off Broadway play and didn’t want to tell Don she’s not enjoying her job. Peggy is PISSED that Megan wants to toss away her job, while Peggy fought for hers.

Megan and Don do this freaking adorrrrrable Cool Whip faux-ad routine that everyone loves except Peggy, who is filled with quiet penetrating fury.

Pete calls Beth, his miserable suburban housewife date, and tries to get her to meet him in the city. UGH, she even looks like Trudy, pre-baby. Fuck it, Pete, pull it together! Beth tells him to lose her number, it’s too dangerous. Pete has a really cute, pissy conversation with Harry Crane in which they talk around the outskirts of his lady problems.

Megan wakes up Don to tell him about the audition. He is not taking it super well, but supports her.  They go in the next day and announce that she’s quitting. Peggy is ferocious on her behalf, despite having been angry about it the previous day.

Don puts Megan in the elevator, and notices that the door to the next elevator has opened on an empty shaft. He stares down it. It’s pretty fucking ominous.

Pete, the self-destructive douchebag, tells Howard he can pitch him a life insurance policy OVER AN UNEXPECTED DINNER AT HOWARD’S HOUSE. So, you know, the wife is horrified and terrified and he kisses her when Howard is out of the room. What a loathsome creature. Loathsome.

Don comes home to a barefoot wife in the kitchen. They’re still happy.

Rapid scene shift to a glum Don sampling various frozen toppings with Peggy and Ken. Don and Peggy have to perform the Don-and-Megan routine, terribly, terribly, terribly together in front of the Cool Whip people. It’s like a car crash. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen. He’s making it worse. AND THEN, DON AND PEGGY HAVE A MASSIVE FIGHT ABOUT MEGAN THE MINUTE THE COOL WHIP PEOPLE LEAVE AND KEN NEARLY DIES FROM EMBARRASSMENT.  Roger soothes him some later, over drinks. Some.

Pete is alone in the hotel room he told Beth to meet him at. She doesn’t show. Obviously.

At home, Megan hands Don a copy of “Revolver.” I really hope it changes Don’s life. Why wouldn’t it? He plays “Tomorrow Never Knows,” which is not even that great. Pete glowers at Beth at the train station, she traces a heart on her car window.  Song in, song out.

GLEN IS BACK. Sally calls him! He is taller and less creepy-looking. Also, funny. I’m digging it. Pauline winds up tripping over Sally’s phone cord and breaking her ankle. I am…not sympathetic. Well, at least we know she probably has a purseful of painkillers to go with her Seconal. Pauline, wanna come over and watch Court TV with me? Bring the stash! Anyway, this means that Don and Megan have the kids until Pauline heals up.

Megan’s parents are visiting (to see Don get his undeserved award from the Cancer Society in recognition of his stunt with Lucky Strike), and being adorably snipey to each other. Me, as an Anglo-Canadian, I loathe French-Canadians, but I’m making an exception for them. Megan’s mother is also two? three? years older than Don. And totally eye-fucking him. It does not go unnoticed. Look, Megs, Don is a fine-looking man, and your mom is just trying to grab herself a hot lunch.

Roger is having drinks with his ex-wife (the first one!) and discussing his split from Jane. Apparently, his life has been in decline since the 1919 World Series. Ex-wife: “I thought you’d married Jane because I’d gotten old. And then I realized, it’s because you had.”  NICE. SOLID.

Over at the office, the creative types are discussing their Playtex account over takeout Chinese food, Peggy’s boyfriend is getting a little weirded out by their boob-based rapport. Abe is kind of lame, she should get rid of him. He calls later and gives her drama about it. Then tells her he wants to have dinner at Minetta Tavern.

The next day, in the office, Megan comes in and pitches Don a decent-sounding Heinz concept (I mean, it’s not great, but it’s clearly supposed to be good). The creatives acknowledge that it’s better than their original concept, but are obviously not enthused that it’s Megan’s concept.

Peggy, clearly displeased by the Abe situation, vents to Joan. Peggy thinks he made dinner plans with her to break up, Joan thinks he’s going to propose. That’s not how men break up with you. Peggy (in genuine disbelief): “Someone broke up with you?” God, I hope he’s not proposing. Either way, Peggy is going out to buy a new outfit. (It’s hot pink, empire waist. In case you were wondering.) Read the rest of this entry »

Our action opens with Peggy (in curlers!) fighting with her muckraker boyfriend. Too bad, Abe. Peggy’s not going to pick you over work.

Which is convenient, because Don drops the Heinz pitch meeting in her lap so he can road trip with Megan to the signature Howard Johnson’s in scenic upstate New York. The pitch, “Home Is Where The Heinz Is,” sounds dumb to me, but, what do I know, I was fine with the “let’s just show a photo of someone eating beans happily” idea from four meetings ago. The Heinz guy, a perennial downer, is all “did Don sign off on this?” which sends Peggy into this craaazy combative, super-sexy fit of aggravation. It goes over like a lead balloon, Pete yanks her off the account.

What follows is a glorious montage of high-quality acting-out: Peggy tosses back a shot of the preferred SCDP brown liquor, ditches work, shares a joint with a stranger at the movies, and then gives him a handjob. The shot of her triumphantly washing her hands in the bathroom after is classic cool. She returns to the office and conks out on her couch, waking to a weird call from Don. Has she heard from anyone? Has Dawn heard from anyone? Click.

Peggy and Ginsberg are having a sort of flirty, companionable late-night moment in the office, which he punctuates by casually revealing that he was born in a concentration camp, and adopted by his adorable father out of a Swiss orphanage after the war. It totally throws Peggy.

Now, the timeline starts to get a little wonky. Pay attention! Read the rest of this entry »

I hope everyone here hates, loves, or hate-loves Pete Campbell, because this episode is for YOU.

We open with Pete taking interminable driving classes at a local high school, where he appears to pass the time by gawking at flip-flop clad coeds. C’mon, Pete. You’re with Alison Brie. 

Lane’s wife drags him out to a pub to watch England defeat Germany in the World Cup, which he eventually manages to enjoy, despite attempting to abandon England at every chance he gets. One of his friends, or, rather, his wife’s friend’s husband, works for Jaguar, and makes it clear that he’s open to moving their advertising account. Pete is sort of a Debbie Downer on the idea, pointing out they’d have to hire new staff, etc., etc. Lane makes it clear he wants to bring in the account on his own. Roger gives him some pointers about letting the client mention a vulnerability, and then suggesting you share it. Oh, boy. Lane is a BUNDLE of vulnerabilities. “I was in love with this black chick, but my father beats me up and made me marry this brittle white woman who doesn’t much like me, instead.”

Peggy runs into Ken while out to lunch, he awkwardly refuses to introduce her to the man he’s meeting. Later, at the office, she reminds him of their “pact” (to leave SCDP together, or not at all), and he reveals he’s been writing a lot of short stories about (you’re my man, Ken!) “robots and planets and things” under the name “Ben Hargrove” and that the man in question is an editor at FSG. (Might just have been FS, then.) She promises not to tell anyone.

Trudy, being Trudy, is strong-arming everyone (especially Megan and Don) into going out to the suburbs for dinner at their place, and blows right through Don’s attempts to put her off. Don grudgingly accepts, with a “too bad your husband can’t close a deal like this.” Read the rest of this entry »

Now, THIS is an episode. Let’s get right to it!

Don is hacking up a lung for the next, say, fifty minutes. To be honest, after the first ten minutes it occurred to me that he was, perhaps, dying of the same strain of Spanish Flu that took out Lavinia Swire, only to realize that I was not watching Downton Abbey, and much of the expanse of the 20th century separated the two illnesses. Still, Don, go get some Ricola, or something.

Coughing Don and Megan are making cute, as per usual, on the elevator, when a Skank from Don’s past enters and starts trying to climb up his leg. Coughing Don introduces his wife, frantically. Megan is not thrilled, obviously, but keeps her shit together as the Skank beats a hasty retreat. Coughing Don is having a shitty day.

Peggy’s hipster photog buddy shows up with the not-fit-for-print crime scene shots from the infamous (you will get really tired of references to it over the rest of the episode) student nurse murders in Chicago. All the creative types are geeking out, since it’s before Wikipedia and TMZ, except for Ginsberg, who tells them they’re ghouls and stomps off. Peggy looks duly chastened.

Coughing Don gets a call from Sally, your best friend and mine, who is having a hellish time being unwillingly baby-sat by Henry’s awful mother, Pauline. Coughing Don is sympathetic, but tells her she kind of has to suck it up. He also refers to the Francis home as “the haunted mansion,” which is both apt, and appropriate for the general horror-movie aesthetic that Matt Weiner is rocking today.

Over at Joan Harris’ place, it becomes clear that she and her mother are in a tizzy to welcome home Rape Doctor, who some call “Greg.” Unimpressed! Also, Joan’s mom is pretty weird. Rape Doctor, when he arrives, manages to be not-terrible for a single scene. You go, Rape Doctor. He also says something not-racist. Perhaps Vietnam has improved him!  I reserve judgment. He then tells Joan he has to spend another year in Vietnam. She is not happy. Me, I’m happy. I don’t like Rape Doctor. Read the rest of this entry »

Two things before we get started. One: I totally postponed watching the Game of Thrones premiere because I wanted to make this happen for you. No greater love hath a woman, etc. etc.  THING THE SECOND: Oh, you guys, we’re totally gonna see Betty!  She and her wicked, pathological ways are all over the “scenes from previous episodes,” as well they should be, because YES.  No, really though, I love Betty. I love her hair, and her flat affect shark eyes, and her immaturity, and her hamfisted attempts at parenting. And I love how Matt Weiner, in interviews, is always “I don’t know why people don’t like Betty!  She’s just like my mom.” Okay, let’s get this recap happening.

BETTY IS FAT. Not Bridget Jones fat, but weird-fat-suit-that-makes-her-head-look-tiny fat. We’re watching her trying to wrestle herself into a dress with a little outside assistance, and, in the process, pay homage to two different scenes from Classic Cinema: Mammy shoving Scarlett O’Hara into her corset, and Regina George being told she should try Sears.

Scene moves to The Draper Residence, where PARALLELS, MOTHERFUCKER – Megan is effortlessly sliding into this Pucci-looking purpley thing with the grace of a gazelle who also does ballet and Pilates. Have I mentioned that I love Megan? I love her more as she chit-chats with her mother in (ugh) Quebecois French.  I’m an Anglo-Canadian, and I think Those People should be sent back where they came from. (jk? maybe?) Don gets on the phone and breaks out a laborious “bonjour,” which is super cute, then immediately transitions into “I can’t understand you, lady, you are speaking a foreign language.” Try just speaking louder, Don. That always works!

Don and Megan, it transpires, are on their way out to a super awkward dinner with Heinz Guy and His Wife. Megan kind of clutzes her way through it, hitting such high notes as “Don was divorced when we met,” as Heinz Wife politely stabs her with her fork. Heinz Guy, in one of those moments where you understand why clients are The Worst, suggests “heyyyyy, my daughter is super into this new Rock and/or Roll group, the Rolling Stones. Do y’a think they might like to sing a song about beans for us?”

Don manages not to be all “die, worm,” and instead agrees to look into it. Yeah, that’s going to happen. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been ages, darlings. AGES. Time for a swinging party! A particularly messy, ill-advised party.

The action starts with a bit of a kerflumpf. Or, rather, a wet splat, as the frat boys at Y&R drop water balloons on African-American picketers on Madison Avenue. The whole scene is a little tossed-together, especially since the show jams more speaking parts for said African-Americans into thirty seconds than we’ve seen in the entire run of the show to date. It looks like that might change this season! Only Matt W. knows for sure.

We move our action to the new home of Mr and Mrs Don, as a shockingly big Sally Draper tries vainly to figure out which door leads to what. OLDER Sally, I mean: she’s shot up four inches and her voice is lower. Lord knows the poor creature is going to have enough body image issues with her psychotic mother without me contributing to them. The former Betty Draper, for the record, does not make an appearance in the season premiere. We’re greeted to the latest installment of Bobby Draper (Bobby Draper XIII: Electric Boogaloo), but let’s not get too attached, hm? They must be farming them commercially at this point.

Next we have Pete, who Trudy has apparently succeeded in dragging out of the city, making the B&T trip to work with his own, surly grace. He’s got spit-up on him! Those Campbell boys aren’t shooting blanks, you know. Read the rest of this entry »