Well, our shows are winding down (or done) and summer is almost here, and you know what that means!  So much reality TV!  And so much drinking!  So go grab yourself a tall glass of Fame Whore Punch (it works because it sounds like a cocktail AND because we want to punch the fame whores, see?) and shit, put it on the rocks, because we are about to get as wasted as all of our primetime hours this summer!

Drink every time:

• someone says, “It is what it is.”
• they get in a hot tub.
• someone refers to other (non-relative) cast members as “family”.
• someone says, “I’m not here to make friends.”
• someone says that this has been an incredible journey, amazing experience, or some variation of those.
• the show switches to night vision cameras.
• someone refers to throwing someone under the ever-present proverbial bus.
• someone says “on the chopping block.”
• someone tells a sob story about why they need whatever money is at stake (extra drink if they’re lying).
• a body part has to be blurred out.
• there’s a fight!  (Fight! Fight! Fight!) Extra drink for a girl fight (which we all know is the best fight)!
• anyone refers to an alliance.
• an alliance is formed, and someone immediately declares in a talking head that they’re BS-ing the others (more than one BS-er? One drink for each!)
• someone is staring pensively into the distance.
• someone refers to themselves in third person.
• people pull covers over their heads while messing around, like everyone doesn’t know EXACTLY what’s happening.
• someone listens to a conversation through a wall or door.
• someone threatens to just go home.
• someone is asked if they even really want to be there.
• anything with flashing lights (bam-ba-lance, cop car, firetruck) shows up.
• one cast member wears another cast member’s clothes (extra drink if they’re hooking up).
• someone is pissed about where they have to sleep.
• there are two or more people in a talking head.
• one cast member impersonates another.
• the show cuts to commercial (probably mid-sentence) just before a dramatic reveal or elimination.
• a “celebrity” makes a surprise appearance (extra drink if it’s a former contestant/cast member).
• someone says “make it your/my own”.
• someone cheats on an off-screen/at home significant other.
• someone who thinks they are “100% safe” gets sent home.
• someone says, “I didn’t think it would be this hard!” (or some variation). Extra drink for tears.
• straight girls kiss each other for attention.
• someone drinks straight from a liquor or wine bottle.
• someone talks on a cell phone on speakerphone (ugh, the worst).

Any other ideas?  I know there have got to be some other great ones out there, and I can’t wait to hear them in the comments!  (And special thanks to twinkiesandwine for her help with this post!)

As always, OCTV disclaimer: know your limits, don’t be a dumbass, entertainment only, and we aren’t responsible for any stupid shit you may do, so don’t do it, but if you do, please tell us about it.

Castle! Fucking finally, right? She better say yes.

Awkward!

I have no idea what this means? But apparently it was funny.

Ugh, Jenna. Matty is more than his looks! Is that all you see in him?

Uh oh, this pretty boy could be trouble.

Mindy Project! This got a loud snort out of me.

Oh yeah, remember when Mindy was sleeping with Jeremy? That was so long ago.

Ah, they are cute with their matching hair cuts!

Can I just? This was really swoon worthy. But like, not nearly enough for me at the same time.

Grimm! David’s looking real pretty lately.

Rosalee’s wesen is totally adorable.

New Girl! Finale time. Look at our little gang, sharp.

Nick in that blue suit was a beautiful thing to behold.

Jake’s face deserves an A+.

Who is Schmidty going to choose??

Wow, look at these two liars.

Serious Winston appreciation time.

Swoopy kissing! Swoopy kissssinggg! Jake needs to teach a class.

Arrow! Yes, if you’re going to torture Oliver, make sure he’s shirtless.

Okay, so who’s going to be the sidekick?

Ouch.

SAD. He’s not really dead though, right? He’ll be saved and trained and come back as Arrow’s nemesis. Please?

Need more Felicity.

Supernatural! Ready for a gif explosion? And no, I’m not sorry about it. The season 8 finale ended up being pretty epic.

I can’t see anything but Sam’s hair blowing in the wind.

Aw, guys. Kevin has been busting his ass but he’s still a kid. He’s got the secret key, which means he’s a Winchester now. Men of Letters FTW!

It’s almost like old Cas was back.

Was this supposed to be Bobby’s old place, or just a bunch of abandoned cars, because OUCH right in the feels.

What the hell happened to partially cured Crowley?? I need to know!

Destiel vs Megstiel joke?

The bar scene! I loved it, like a lot?

FEELINGS. The looks between them hurt me.

This conversation was a long time coming, and was amazingly done by both actors. Jared looked just wrecked too.

As fantastic as this moment was… they’ll figure it out, like they always do? Do they really always figure stuff out? Or do people die or go to hell or miraculous things just happen? I guess it’s a fine line. BROTHER!

This was when the episode crossed over into HOLY SHIT territory. Can we have season 9 now, please? There’s so many places they can go and I am intrigued as hell. Men of Letters bunker, Angels falling, Cas human, Sam broken, and on and on. Wow.

The Office! I know I haven’t included the show in the roundup much (ever?) but these came up on my dashboard and I was feeling nostalgic. I haven’t watched the show in several seasons but it used to be my favorite. Casino Night, anyone?

TVD!

So, Alaric was in the last two episodes, which means I might have to actually watch them?

Okay, now Jeremy’s back too?

Nikita! Hey look, it’s Shane West almost naked!

I’m glad they didn’t kill Michael for good, but where’s Owen/Sam?? He was in the opening credits.

Orphan Black! Sooo, I guess I’m fully on this Paul/Sarah ship.

OMG the tail. Helena dancing with it last episode was gross and amazing.

Alison was amazeballs this episode, yet again.

SNL! Time to say goodbye to Stefon. This was pretty fucking awesome.

Game of Thrones!

Cersei cares not for your shit.

Someone needs to cut off Joffrey’s dick and make him suck it. Ugh, hate him.

Oh hey, naked Gendry! Too bad about those leaches.

If you want to request something for next time, find me on twitter, or leave a comment here. Feel free to chat with us. What’s been your favorite finale so far? What summer shows are you looking forward to? Any that I need to add to the roundups each week?

Come on, supernatural creatures.  Don’t you have anywhere better to meet up than at the setup for a high school graduation?  Like, I don’t know, a bar?  A cellar?  A … where else do they go in Mystic Falls?  Also … why is the mic just turned on, and why does Kol need a mic to talk to like … twenty four people, not all of whom even showed up?  But you know, this is just the first of many, many … MANY questions I’ll have during this episode, and these rank fairly minor, so let’s just … not, shall we?

Oh my god, Lexi and drunk Stefan dance party to Bon Jovi!  Yaaaaay!  Well, Stefan’s more doing The White Man’s Overbite on the couch, but I think it counts, because it looks super fun and Stefan is finally the fun one and Damon is the worried one, which proves once and for all that Elena’s type is just whoever sucks the most at a given moment.  And good god, Stefan killed me with the hero hair line, which of course is the title.  Such a Damon line, actually, but expertly delivered.  Snark looks good on you, Stefan!

Do you guys think Bonnie’s body is starting to stink yet?  Jeremy started to stink.  Just saying.

Speaking of Jeremy, I LOVED the scene with Jeremy, Alaric, and Elena eating sandwiches and giving each other shit.  And everyone was so happy!  We don’t get a whole whole lot of that on this show, so when we do, it’s fun and nice.  And then Elena, of course, gets teary-eyed and buzzkills the whole scene, as usual.  And then she beat the dead horse that she just buzzkilled by talking about her fucking feelings.  So much eye roll.

I’m not real sure how much I’m going to discuss the vampire hunters, at least in the beginning parts.  They were pretty much just hanging out and fucking shit up, and that’s about all that needs to be said about it for now.  Except for the fact that Rebekah’s caveman boyfriend’s hair was hilarious, and also?  Do you guys remember how last week I made an Encino Man joke?  I, NO SHIT, saw an Encino Man thing happening on the streets of downtown St. Petersburg.  It was probably just some recreationally homeless hipster, but he had the gross Encino Man hair, and he was like a little skinny fat and walking around with no shirt on, only plaid shorts and shower shoes, and he paced the street I was on like four times, and the only noteworthy thing he did, besides completely entertain me with his whole persona, was pause to pull a cigarette butt out of an ashtray on a sidewalk table and try to smoke it.  Hee!  I felt like it was the universe’s little gift to me.

Anyway.

Okay, I know I said we don’t need to talk about the hunters anymore, BUT I lied, because Alaric racing to the grill to regulate on anyone that threatened to burn down his bar was so awesome.  ALCOHOLARIC 4-EVA!  Does being a vampire hunter give you super speed?  I don’t remember that being a thing.  Maybe being dead gives you super speed.  I don’t know how anything works anymore.

I also don’t have much specific to say about Rebekah and Matt.  I’m not really feeling any heat or chemistry between them (which, according to Joey Tribbiani, means the actors are doing it).

Totally died when Katherine called Bonnie “Bon Bon” while insulting her.  Katherine, you are not the worst, not even close.

Elena saying she wants the cure … I mean, DOES SHE?  Really?  I don’t know if I was really getting that vibe from her.  But mostly in this scene, we find out that the sire bond is good and truly broken, so … that.  And I love eavesdropping Stefan, who may or may not go live in a yurt.

Stefan wasn’t the only one spitting Damon lines–Damon cracked me UP when Elena demanded that he take his shirt off, and he was all, “ELENA, there are children present,” like Jeremy couldn’t hear him.

For the record, I loved the idea of curing Damon.  He’d fucking hate it, and I could see a lot of interesting possibilities for his character.  Obviously, it wasn’t to be, but … just the idea of it intrigued the hell outta me.

Ohhhh, Elena shows up and the piano starts.  (Picture me doing the jerking off motion, because I totally am.)  But I was sort of touched by Elena thanking Bonnie for the day.  And I loved Sweet Caroline getting excited about a triple room and Stefan being cracked up by her.  You guys … I’ve always loved Caroline and Tyler, and now I love Caroline and Klaus, but I’ve gotta tell you … I don’t hate the idea of Caroline and Stefan.  But we’ll discuss all that more later as well.

Again, why is Bonnie’s dad running graduation.  HE IS THE MAYOR.  Say it with me.  MAYOR.  Not the principal.  Someone write up a goddamn job description and hand it to him–I feel he’s unclear on this.

The ceremony was nice or whatever, I guess, and again, I got a little choked up when Bonnie thanked her dad for everything.  Something about that particular gesture gets me EVERY TIME.  But other than that … I’m not sure I had the reaction to all of this that the show was hoping I’d have, ya know?

I was pretty confused about how the dead supernaturals were among the graduates but no one seemed to notice.  I thought the veil was down, which meant they were basically alive again, but it seems like that was maybe not the case.  Plus, even if you kill them, they don’t get … MORE dead.  I’m not sure I really understand the intricacies of what dropping the veil did.  Well, no.  I KNOW I don’t fully understand it.

Kol, you so pretty.

So I guess Alaric does have super speed?  You guys … seriously, what am I missing here?  It’s driving me nuts.  WHEN DID HE GET THAT?

Pretty great seeing Klaus again, and that he stepped in to rescue Caroline.  So sweet, and I LOVED the decapitation by mortarboard.  Hee!  I think they call them The Originals less because they were the first vampires and more because of all their creative and innovative ways to kill people.  And you guys, did you see the look Caroline gave him?  Fucking adorable.

Stefan, Lexi, and Alaric, sitting around the living room, eavesdropping on Damon and Elena … OMFG, it was perfect.  Like, SERIOUSLY, perfect.  Here’s my new proposal (which … maybe isn’t that new because I’m pretty sure I’ve BEEN saying shit like this for awhile, but whatever): we kill Stefan and focus EXCLUSIVELY on “The Other Side”.  We could even give it its own spinoff–it would be called “The Other Side”.  Shit man, even just Lexi and Alaric.  You guys, did you love Lexi and Alaric talking about the OTHER other side as much as I did?  So interesting.

Elena’s speech to Stefan, where she offered him the cure, was really sweet.  I didn’t believe at any point that he would take it, because that would just be too happy, and I think it would probably eliminate the need for Stefan on the show.  But it was nice nonetheless.

So let’s move on to what I’m sure you all know was my favorite scene, which was, of course, Klaus and Caroline after graduation (which she appears to be cleaning up by herself … god, this town sucks).  Y’all, it was perfect, right down to the kiss on the cheek.  And even with the mini-fridge comment … for all these vampires who are chasing down humanity so hard, Caroline is the only one who really manages to hold onto it.  And it’s weird, because vampires are immortal, and yet she’s human BECAUSE everything isn’t life and death.  She cares about small things–moments, milestones, and it keeps her alive.

I had REALLY hoped that they would move her over to The Originals once they announced it got picked up, and I’d even been checking to see if they announced anymore casting for it now that the TVD finale aired, but it hasn’t been the case, and this scene didn’t seem to really indicate that that would happen for her.  Still, I feel like they purposely kept the door wide open on that one, and my guess/hope is that they’ll see if The Originals can stand on its own, and then wrap her up in Mystic Falls, whatever unfinished business she has with her mom and Tyler and so on, and then they’ll move her over.  And I don’t think it’s the worst idea in the world.  If I thought Caroline was going to be on The Originals full time next fall, there’s a decent chance I’d fully jump ship right away.  With the way things are going right now, I’ll probably really end up watching both, no matter how much I protest it.

Alright, so Damon and Elena.  As I mentioned last week, once you know two actors have dated, it’s REALLY hard to separate that when you’re watching the show.  I will say that I think while they were sort of yelling at each other, it probably enhanced the scene, but man … how much does it have to suck for at least one of them and maybe both to have to kiss each other so much NOW?  God, the awkwardness makes me want to curl up into a little ball!

And speaking of, it breaks my heart that Stefan listened in on all of this, that he HEARD Elena pick Damon over him.  OUCH.  Too bad all the vampires on this show just remembered like last week that they have super hearing.

The Salvatore brothers kill me every time.  Stefan was just so gracious to Damon, and Damon was so kind and understanding about it.

And while we’re on the subject of killing me (which this show loves to do), oh my god, everyone saying goodbye when the veil closed.  Alcoholaric and Damon split up AGAIN is almost too much for me.  BONNIE YOU STUPID BITCH, LEAVE IT OPEN!  Alaric’s show got cancelled and he can come back!!!!!  Ugh, I’m desperate.  Those two are my favorite ship.

But I still love Stefan and Lexi forever.  I SO wanted to see them run off to Portland and hang out.  And I loved Lexi’s pep talk about multiple Ones.  I believe that, you know?  And hearing her say it was just … it was so good.  And it opened the door for Stefan to really move on, because Lexi is so damn wise, and he always listens to her.  I swear to god, if Lexi was my BFF and she was dead and I was alive and I knew there was an afterlife, I’d kill myself just so we could keep hanging out.  I’m kind of surprised Stefan doesn’t, but I guess TV doesn’t so much work like that, huh?  But when he said, “See ya, Lexi,” he just looked SO completely and totally alone and it broke my heart.

Now, on to less pleasant topics.  Bonnie.  Bonnie is dead and Jeremy is alive, and while I’m happy for Jeremy and especially his nipples return (I TOLD you they’d never let those nipples walk out the door!), this means that Jeremy, who can see ghosts, can see Bonnie.  And THAT means that even though she’s dead, we’re still gonna see her all the goddamn time, and I am SO OVER IT.

Matt Donovan.  #1, he said “What happens ________, stays _________.”  That is a terrible offense.  And #2, Matt just officially became the saddest character when he confessed HE HAS NEVER LEFT HIS HOMETOWN.  Except wait … he played football.  That means that unless all of his games were at home (which, why the hell not!  The mayor runs the school now!), he has.  I KNOW that it’s being literal, but I AM JUST SAYING.

I enjoyed the Katherine and Elena fight, mostly because Katherine was kicking Elena’s ass.  But the ending, where Elena gave Katherine the cure … I don’t know.  I don’t know how everyone else felt about it, but I wasn’t a huge fan.  I just … I love Katherine, and she’s so bitchy and badass, but she’s also kind of a peripheral character, and something about it felt cheap.  I wanted it to go to someone that we know and love and see a lot of, so we would really know kind of … what they’re going through.  With Katherine, I already feel like I know exactly how she’s going to be as a human and I sincerely hope that the writers have something more interesting up their sleeve than just Katherine hating being a human.  Also, I’m assuming that once she’s cured, she can’t turn back, because that seems like a simple solution and it’s never that easy.

Now, the very final scene … totally confused me, not gonna lie, and it raised the question for me of … if Bonnie dying nullified the turning-Silas-into-stone spell, then why didn’t Bonnie dying just close the veil again?  Anyway.  Some other things came out that … really only led to more questions, at least for me.  So Silas created the immortality spell … which means he probably doesn’t want the cure, right?  Are we supposed to assume that the whole Ketsia story was a ruse?  But she was to exist, or how was he turned into stone for all those years?  I just … am I an idiot?  WTF is happening here?  And also … if the balance for the immortality spell is a doppelganger, then … are there more people who are “Silas immortal”, since there is another set of doppelgangers?  And why would they need a cure, since the immortality spell is already balanced?  Does that mean that Elena possibly gave Katherine something that doesn’t actually make her human at all, but does something else entirely?  WHAT?

I did like the twist of Stefan being thrown in the quarry, though, mostly because I love Evil Stefan and now we get a version of that next season without pushing the limits of how many times he can waver between good and evil.  Very cool idea, and I’m excited for it.

You know, one of the best things about this show, which was very evident in this season’s finale, is that the show continues to grow and evolve its characters.  It’s definitely not a perfect TV show, but they’re very, VERY good at that, and I have so much respect for it and it keeps me coming back for more.

Some of you guys may have caught that we’re changing up the format of OCTV a bit next year, and moving away from weekly recaps and more covering shows in chunks or writing more feature-type posts.  I’ve had people asking if I’ll still recap Vampire Diaries, and I’ve been thinking it over for awhile.  It’s very hard for me to imagine not covering the show in some way, but I’m not sure it’ll be exactly the same way (although I’m not ruling that out entirely either).  It seems like interest has waned a little bit this year and I like having a little more time to think about the eps than just writing about them the night of.  Plus, with The Originals starting, I don’t know if I’ll want to cover both, do some comparing and contrasting, see how they’re running alongside each other … there are just a lot of variables.  Bottom line, we’ll definitely still be talking about TVD here next year, and I hope that you’ll all come along with me for however that shapes up, which I may not know until we’re a few weeks in.  But I love sharing this show with all of you and the fun discussions that always come of it.

And speaking of … comments!  Let me know what you thought, help answer my stupid questions, disagree with me, whatever!  You know I love it all and can’t wait to hear what everyone else thought!

I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see the “Road So Far” as we start the finale.  It’s just warms my heart even when it’s full of death and head shopping and people (and monsters) that aren’t’ around anymore.

Oh look!  It’s Sheriff Jodie!  And that fucker Crowley.  Dammit! I don’t want her to die too! And Crowley has a hair under his nose that is poking out weird and it’s distracting. I really wanted Jodie to find the hex bag and go “A HEX BAG!” and automatically burn it.  But she doesn’t and it’s that awful blood vomiting, choaking witch crap. Not cool Crowley. Although I am strangely aroused by the ringtone that he has for Sam & Dean.  Dean has called (just in time) to make a deal (OH NO!) to stop the trials and all the killing.  This can’t be good, can it?  Crowley wants the demon tablet, Dean wants the angel tablet and it’s a go.  I assume Jodie doesn’t die and that Crowley leaves her choking on her own blood in the bathroom. He totally IS a douche.

Sam and Dean go meet Kevin who is digging up the other piece of the demon tablet that he buried under Devils chili pot sign.  Which I thought was pretty funny.

nice ass there Kevin

Dean takes the tablet and sends Kevin to the secret MoL bat cave.  No keggers, Kevin.

And they are off to meet Crowley at Bobby’s.  It makes me super sad.  Dean’s bowlegs are super dreamy. I was really scared there was going to be another Crowley  kiss. Contracts, bitching. Blah blah blah. And Dean slaps the demonic handcuffs onto Crowley. I can’t believe that Crowley didn’t guess that he was going to be the third trial.

The boys take Crowley to an old church (consecrated ground) and Sam needs to confess to purify his blood.  Not sure why Dean is being such an ass and bringing up all the stuff he thinks Sam should confess. Ruby, letting Lilith out, not looking for him when he was in Purgatory.  Come on Dean!  Lighten up! Sam looks like shit! Of course, we don’t get to actually HEAR what Sam confesses, dammit!

I am really not trusting Booger Metatron. He is just leading Castiel along by the nose ring.  Naomi is not happy that Castiel is in Houston with Metatron. She pops down and kidnaps Metatron and hauls him up to heaven to read his mind with that mind drill thing.

Cas runs to Dean and drags him off to help him do the angel trials. Sam will have to do the final demon trial on him own. And ya’ll this whole stabbing Crowley in the neck every hour with blood is kinda gross.  Then is gets grosser when Crowley bites a big chunk out of Sam’s arm.  Although Sam’s reaction was pretty funny. “What the HELL, Crowley?  Biting?  Seriously?”

While Sam wraps up his arm bite, Crowley spits Sams blood into his hand and does a demon phone call!  It’s been awhile since we’ve seen that one!  Too bad it summons Abaddon.  Really, I was kind of excited.  I like her.  She’s pissed and beats the crap out of both Sam and Crowley.  But Sam recovers and sets her on fire.  So I guess when we see her again it will be in a new body.  Because I am SURE we are not done with this character.

Crowley starts quoting HBO shows, including Girls and Sam looks at him like he’s crazy.  And it IS crazy seeing Crowley all mushy and teary.

Cas and Dean want Kevin to translate the angel tablet.  Kevin’s being all pussy boy and Cas is pissed and manhandles Kevin into doing his duty. Dean and Cas head out to a bar to chat about Cas doing the angel trials.  And this happens.

They catch/find Cupid so they can get her bow.  Which turns out to be a tattoo on her hand. So I guess they cut her hand off.  Nasty.  She gives it to them because she wants heaven fixed too.  But it’s still gross.

Kevin has translated the angel tablet but he doesn’t see any of the crap that Cas has been doing in there. That’s when Naomi shows up to warn them Metatron is  pissed and we find out that the angel trials he has Cas doing are fake trials and instead of closing heaven with the angels IN heaven, it is a spell that will cast them all OUT of heaven.  That and if Sam finishes the demon trials, he’ll die.  That’s kind of a big one.  Cas thinks she’s lying but you can tell that Dean believes her.

Cas takes Dean to Sam just as he is starting the last of the injections.  Sam looks pretty bad and is all beaten up and glowing. Dean tells him to stop or he’ll die but Sam doesn’t care.  This is heart wrenching!  The back and forth between the brothers and Sam feeling that he always lets Dean down.  And Sam talking about Dean turning to an angel and a vampire when Sam let him down?  Tears. His and mine.  It’s hard to watch.  Big man tears and Dean telling Sam there is NOTHING he would put in front of Sam.  Not Benny, not any demon.  And then big hugs.

But Sam is not OK.  Something bad is happening.

In heaven, Naomi is dead by the drill and Metatron ties up Cas so he can steal his essence.  The last thing he needs to cast all the angels out of heaven. Oh, and Cas is human again.  And now he’s back on earth and he is laying in a pile of leaves.

The last two minutes are fabulous and awesome and terrifying all at once.  The machines in the MofL bunker start to go crazy with lights flashing and alarms sounding. And we see all the angels falling from grace to earth.  It’s beautiful and awful.

While I still think the S3 finale is the best, this one is up there too.  I am just the other side of disturbed. What did you think? Are you looking forward to the big move to Tuesday night? What do you want to see happen with all the fallen angels and Crowley all soft and gooey? What do you think will happen to Sam?

I started rewatching S4 last weekend, which is the first angel season.  I am hoping to see some interesting tidbits now that we are 4 more years into the story.  I will let you know periodically over the summer.  So check back.  If you are in the mood, go check out the SPN Rewatch tag. We made it into S3 and I will be picking up this summer with S4.  Not one episode at a time though.  Probably more like however much I watch a weekend at a time.  So get to watching!  It’s a really good show to rewatch.  If you don’t  have the DVDs or Netflix, you can always watch on TNT on weekdays.  I always end up watching when I am home on a day off.  I am weird like that.

Every one have a great summer!

There’s something that happens to my brain in May. Everything starts to scramble and I feel like I’m super busy all the time, but the weather still isn’t quite warm enough and I just want to eat brunch outside without wearing a jacket. You know what I mean?

It’s because of this brain scramble that I didn’t realize that there was a New Girl episode on last week.

For real. I had NO IDEA there was an episode. I thought it was a re-run. And then I was going through my DVR last night and was like, “What is this New Girl episode on here?” And then I realized.

God.

So, last week’s episode, “Winston’s Birthday,” was basically a deleted scene from Bachelorette (a movie you really should all get your hands on) in which Jess is Kirsten Dunst’s character, minus the eating disorder. She’s running around LA trying to balance her feelings for Nick, the fact that her dad and Nick are hanging out together in the apartment, the probability of Nick telling her dad that they’re . . . whatever they are, trying to sub an unruly class and interview for a teaching job, delivering Cece’s wedding sari, and helping Cece get henna off her face (!!!!) the day before her wedding all at the same time.

She does a good job of it. Except, sigh, it’s Winston’s birthday, which no one in the apartment remembered. So anytime Jess asks Winston to do something, he thinks it’s actually a request to show up somewhere in his best Michael Jackson in Thriller suit because there is clearly going to be a surprise party.

There’s no party. He is living Sixteen Candles and there is no Jake Ryan for him. It is a very depressing reality.

Meanwhile, Schmidt and Elizabeth have re-hooked up and he wants a review of his new body. But Elizabeth is not at all a superficial human, which I love about her, and she tries to make Schmidt understand that she liked him—and his body—when he was Fat Schmidt. He adorably invites her to have lunch with him and she shows up at his office wearing an old T-shirt. His coworker is condescending, he basically denies knowing Elizabeth right in front of her, and she tells Schmidt she’s going on a date that night with another guy who won’t judge her. Her date turns out to be hella boring, Schmidt shows up wearing a shirt that says “Frogetaboutit”, tells the band to oom-pa-pa and the two of them dance like fools. It’s adorable.

So, in Nick and Jess land, Nick does tell Jess’s dad, Jess’s dad does NOT take the news well and then calls Nick a lazy nobody who will never amount to anything more than he already is. It’s rough. I would have SOBBED if anyone—especially someone’s parent—said that to me. Then Jess’s dad goes on to say that Nick is him when he was Nick’s age and that if he had had his shit together more, maybe he and Jess’s mom wouldn’t have gotten divorced.

Thanks, Jess’s dad. *said sarcastically*

Then Jess’s dad decides to sleep on an air mattress in the hallway between Nick and Jess’s rooms. So Nick sends her a text that says “Roof,” which was just, gah, so good and perfect and it made MY stomach have little butterflies flapping about in it. Oh, Nick Miller. How I love your fictional ass.

So Jess meets Nick on the roof and he’s made her the breakfast he tried to make for her that morning, and then their romantic date is interrupted by Schmidt and Elizabeth who came up there with a telescope to look at the stars. And then Winston joins everyone and is all excited because this, surely, is his birthday party. He’s just so happy about it.

Good episode, show.

Other Things

• Nick pets and kisses Jess’s shoulder.
• Nick attempting to cook Jess breakfast is the cutest. And grossest.
• CIVIL WAR BLUNDERS on the chalkboard. Hehe.
• I cannot even begin to imagine talking to someone’s parent the way Nick talks to Jess’s dad. But I like Nick’s shirt. It looks soft.
• Nick has a croquet mallet. Surely it’s Schmidt’s.
• The #Frogetaboutit that FOX decided would be a good idea for people to live tweet is maybe the best live show hashtag I’ve seen. Good job, FOX.

Quotables

Jess: Were you checking my pulse?
Nick: You were very still.

“She’s not quirky. She doesn’t have bangs.”—Nick to Jess’s dad about the girl he is seeing (Yolanda Winston!). But, really, the girl he is describing is Zooey Deschanel when she does THIS with her bangs.

“I’m getting married tomorrow and I look like Mike Tyson.”—Cece

“Burkas isn’t you guys, right?”—Jess to Cece

“Hey Geppetto. Make with the oom pa pa.”—Schmidt

“Is that a golden telescope? You know how much I love to explore space and time, man!”—Winston, whom I want to watch Doctor Who with.

***

Okay! Now for this week’s episode, aka the season finale, aka “Elaine’s Big Day.”

It’s Cece’s wedding day! Nothing will go wrong!

Hahahahaha.

As all the roomies get to Cece and Shivrang’s wedding, which will last three hours, Elizabeth reminds Schmidt to go pee. Instead of finding the bathroom, he finds the bridal suite and sees Cece in her gorgeous gorgeous OMG SO PRETTY wedding sari. They lock eyes and say no words, but he KNOWS that she doesn’t want to get married and wants him to sabotage her wedding. Nick refuses to help out with the sabotage because he wants Jess to think that he isn’t a person who screws everything up. Schmidt accuses Nick of trying to be someone he isn’t to impress Jess.

The first idea is to sound an air horn while Shivrang rides to the wedding on his white horse. [Note: Because this is the episode in which Taylor Swift guest stars I was looking everywhere for signs of what she might be in the episode even though my money was on Schmidt tweeting to Taylor to help him get the girl he's in love with back during her wedding and that she would show up because she was conveniently in L.A. and they sing "Speak Now" together. But this is sort of an obvious choice. So when I saw the white horse, which is apparently A THING that happens during Indian weddings, I was like, "Taylor totally has a song called "White Horse!" This must be a sign!"]. This does scare Shivrang’s horse, but he still makes it to the wedding.

The next option is to blast “Cotton Eye Joe” as Cece walks down the aisle. This is totally hilarious to me. But Jess is PISSED and because she knows how much Nick enjoys “Cotton Eye Joe” (clearly Nick is my soul mate), she accuses him of helping with the sabotage. He tries to tell her he isn’t doing it, but she is just railing on him and telling him how she knew he would be childish and help Schmidt in ruining Cece’s wedding and she won’t listen to him. So he tells Schmidt that he’s in for whatever the next step in the sabotage plan is.

The next step is from Winston’s messed up brain. As it turns out, the University of Wisconsin live badger mascot is at the same hotel Cece’s wedding is taking place. Weirdly, Winston is really into badgers and he knows exactly what to do—drop the badger from an air duct onto the officiant’s head. Schmidt is NOT into this idea and he tells Jess that Winston and Nick are in the air ducts with the badger. He also tells her that Nick hadn’t been helping until this point, so Jess goes up into the air ducts to not only stop the dropping of the badger, but to apologize to Nick. Obviously this all goes very very awry and the badger ends up on the loose and Nick and Jess fall through the air duct onto the thing that Cece and Shivrang and the officiant stand under. Not good. They try to fix things, but Cece tells them not to. That it’s okay. This wedding, this marriage, isn’t what she wants.

Then Shivrang, taking a note from The Princess Diaries 2, is all “OH THANK GOD. I mean, Cece you’re really great and beautiful and amazing, but I’m in love with someone else, too!” Then he looks for Elaine and it’s Taylor Swift and they run away together.

Yep.

So even though Cece gets what she wants, she also feels rejected. Then Elizabeth straight up confronts Cece about whether or not she’s in love with Schmidt while Schmidt is standing right there. Cece confirms that she is still in love with Schmidt and then Elizabeth is all, “Well, Schmidt, who’s it gonna be?” I assume this will be the entire plot of Season 3.

Meanwhile, Jess and Nick have decided to call things off between them. She has too many reservations and fears about Nick and who he is and if they’re actually compatible. So they’re both sad red pandas. Jess leaves and Nick goes to the bar. Winston, finally crawling out of the air ducts, has been bitten by the badger and used his tie as a tourniquet. But even though he has sustained an injury, he sits with Nick at the bar and says that Nick is acting like his dad and that there are other moves he can choose to make.

Winston is totally the Xander of New Girl. (I think I’ve probably said that before. STILL TRUE.)

So Nick goes to find Jess, and he does, and she has clearly been crying. She makes this nice big speech about how she wants them to be together and how they should uncall their break up. And they do. And they get in the car and ride off into the nighttime listening to “Cotton Eye Joe,” completely leaving Cece and her rejected heart to deal with all of her disappointed guests from ANOTHER COUNTRY and Schmidt’s current girlfriend to deal with.

Quotables

Jess: We’re going to a wedding together.
Nick: It’s nice, right?

• REMEMBER THAT EPISODE IN THE FIRST SEASON WHEN THEY WENT TO A WEDDING TOGETHER AND THAT WAS WHEN WE ALL DECIDED TO LIKE THE SHOW? I don’t know why I just typed that in all caps. But I did.

Elizabeth: The groom comes in on a white horse.
Schmidt: So basically they’re just copying my bar mitzvah.

Schmidt: Bros. Ever before the hoe.
Nick: Anybody have the jar?

• I love how subtly this show hates on HIMYM.

“This is where I belong: with Winston and a badger.”—Nick

“I want our children to be photographers and to backpack across Europe.”—Shivrang

“I just got this new Coldplay album, Live from Rotterdam. Why don’t we just cook some pasta and sleep on it.”—Schmidt, to Cece and Elizabeth

“Hey, bartender. Can you call an ambulance? I’m about to bleed out.”—Winston

So! Season 2! That was it. It was good.

Really good.

H50! I love when everyone gangs up to tease McGarrett. Nice haircut Alex babe.

Awkward! Gif makers definitely need to make more of Kevin Hamilton because I am definitely Team DILF. Oh, and is Mike Faiola in every commercial now or what?

I had a friend live with me in high school while her parents went home to New Zealand for a few months and it was horrible and awkward? We definitely weren’t really friends after that. I need my SPACE ya’ll. No idea how Jenna could have lasted that long.

 These two are clearly destined to be friends.

Mindy Project! OMG you guys, this puppy! So cuteee.

Yes! Sharing showers is not sexy or practical as you are lead to believe.

Word, Mindy.

Almost the title of this week’s post. I may say this… a lot.

Hart of Dixie! Oh, honey. If I saw that man coming out of my bathroom in just a towel, I would not be trying to wake up.

I have no words for how fucking angry this made me. George has no right to be upset. He literally laughed in Zoe’s face just two episodes ago. At least Wade is adorable with what we were all thinking.

Dash and his town blog is fun and all, but I think this was too meta. Also, who the fuck ships Zeorge still? I’m not even going to mention Jonah. Ugh, hate that guy.

We need more Wade and Annabeth, yes? Yes. Good.

Why is Lemon the only voice of reason right now? Wade is making an effort and he’s awesome.

Lemonade shenanigans! I think they’ve high-fived in every episode since the contest for the speedboat.

Yes, I’m including this whole thing, because it’s important and perfect and Wade is brave and honest and Wilson Bethel killed me with his face and his everything. Sigh, those are a lot of reasons.

Grimm! Hank is back from vacation (injury? I figured the actor must have hurt himself when they ushered him out of the precinct in a chair a few episodes ago) but it doesn’t take long to catch up.

Monroe and Nick made a dinner date and Nick broke that date to have dinner with Juliette, but then fucked that up to. Monroe was jealous and concerned and it was just cute, okay? Bitchy!Nick is fun though.

Finally. Can we just get this girl completely with the program now, please?

New Girl! Nick Miller is going to need to stop. I’m serious.

I have a full beard!

Jess’ dad is my dad’s actor doppelganger. It’s kinda creepy.

Kinda sad that everyone forgets Winston’s birthday but he’s still funny and great, just like the show seems to ignore him, but we know Larmorne is underutilized and funnier than he’s given credit for.

Bitch, If I’m gonna eat some fucking cake, you better stay out of my way. Also, amazing Eddie Murphy outfit!

Arrow! So much Olicity goodness.

OMG close your curtains!! Oh hai Stephen Amell’s back.

I lol’d.

Supernatural! ALL THE GIFS. Deal with it! I love domestic!Dean.

Cas is eating popcorn? Ugh CAS, I missed you.

Sex dungeon!

Dean’s face in that second gif!

Cas shopping for Dean, trying to make everything okay between them, is my new favorite thing.

Hmmm. Interesting.

Loving the callback line.

Dean mad (frustrated/disappointed) at Cas abandoning him makes my heart hurt. Sigh, just cut it out why dontcha. I didn’t use it much anyway.

Upsets me so much that I need to get lost in this man’s ass for a few moments. Why don’t you join me?

Community! Season finale. Perfect time to get Joel McHale naked.

TVD!

WHAT? ALARIC!

Nikita! The show was picked up for a fourth season YAY! Shortened season, which sounds like it sucks, but I think this kind of show will benefit. Hit em hard, hit em fast. No filler.

This might not end well…

Orphan Black!

Elena is so weird. Very different than any other the other clones. I really don’t know how Tatiana does it. Girl must be tired.

Okay, Paul has grown on me. I ship it now. The nuzzling!

Game of Thrones! I love those fucking dragons.

Ygritte looks so pretty out of that dreadful snow.

Looks like Margaery has a little crush on sweet naive little Sansa.

That’s it for this week. Find me on twitter to put your requests in. Maybe start thinking about what summer shows I need to be including. Hit up the comments and let me know! And, come get your chat on. 

Anyway!  Let’s get started.

OH WAIT!  Before we begin, impromptu drinking game!  Take a drink every time someone says “drop the veil”!  You’ll be fucking wasted.  And seriously, I never want to hear that phrase again!

I love the opening scene.  Not because of all of the stupid Elena/kill Katherine bullshit, mind you, but because Stefan is pretty awesome.  I just realized how much I’ve missed him this season.  I know how I always bitch about how Caroline is underused, but he really has been too, all year.  And I know the Ripper act is hard to follow, and this is the Elena season (gag me with a spoon … dipped in white oak ash), but you remember how good he is when you see him there with Elena, and she’s back, and her humanity is turned on, and it’s not at all what he was expecting, nothing like he was hoping for.  It’s disappointing, or maybe just underwhelming, and he is PERFECT and conveying it.

Is Elena wearing an off-white blazer?  Tres 9 to 5 of you, Elena.  Bringing the shoulder pads back.

Ah, Katherine.  Being a fucking bitch about the shoes SHE chose to wear AND calling Bonnie creepy!  Can we please reiterate … KILL ELENA!  KEEP KATHERINE!  Plus, she hates Bonnie almost as much as I do, so, bonus.

This scene in the hospital is really cracking my shit up.  I mean, first of all, “see for yourself”.  Um … how about a simple yes or no, Lizbian?  And secondly, just … the artful posing of the bloody, Christlike patient/victim.  There’s no police tape, and it looks like he was just peacefully eaten.  How polite.  And third, the decor in that hospital room.  I haven’t seen that much pink and oak in one place since my grandma’s house.  Also, I find it hilarious that two seasons equals on year on this show, and yet they have a full moon like every five seconds.  But these are things I’ve promised myself to never think about.

Bonnie has so many witchgasms in this episode that it must be acknowledged.  

Awww, Elena said Thelma and Louise!  Do you remember when I mentioned this in my blog?  I’m psychic.  And now Elena is being a bitch to Caroline, which I cannot deal with.  I want to stab her in the eye with a dart.  Also, that’s the kind of gore this show has been lacking lately.

Can blood ACTUALLY be calcified?  Google break!  (Fuck you, Bing!)  Hmmm, after just skimming the hits, it looks like maybe it can.  Never heard of that!  Who knew the CW was so educational?

How much do you think Nina Dobrev enjoyed stabbing Ian Somerhalder in the gut with a stake?  Because I like to think she enjoyed it a lot.  This is the problem when actors on your shows date each other–you just can’t help but think about it while you watch the show.

AAAAAAND HAHAHAHAHAHA Bonnie’s spell!  Hilarious!  A rock bleeds, she lights a candle, and says, “It’s done,” and boom … that’s it?  I’ve heard the fucking phrase “drop the veil” no less than like seven million times this season, FOR THAT?  Fuck you, Bonnie!

But I don’t want to dwell on it for too long, because this is where the episode starts to turn amazing.  First ghost on the scene, Alaric Motherfuckin’ Saltzman.  And I swear to god, you guys, you cannot make this shit up … Damon is sitting there, holding onto his wood, maybe pulling on it a little, and here comes Alaric to, no shit, OFFER HIM A HAND.  HEEEEEEEE!  (Pretty sure the word “job” there at the end was implied.)  My heart just exploded.  I just died of HoYay!  And man, what a way to go.  Most perfect moment of the season?  HIGHLY possible.

As a good to know/responsible sidenote: Alaric pulls (it) out.  Hee again!

Now, while it’s delightful and charming that Alaric hid alcohol not only in his desk, but in an unlocked locker easily accessible to students, YES, Silas would know about that.  If he was, in fact, Silas, he’d be in your head and know everything.  Sigh.  LAZINESS.  Still, Damon’s happy smile almost makes up for it.

Man, Rebekah is working Matt HARD.  It is … NOT … attractive.  Unlike Kol, who is still SO FUCKING HOT.  And he’s all on a rampage to kill Elena, which I am so down for.  Kol, your stock is rising.

Again, Katherine is my soulmate.  I’m just glad someone finally acknowledged the damn vampire hearing.

You guys, maybe I should’ve acknowledged this sooner, and I admit that sometimes my mind wanders, especially when I think of Damon and Alaric rubbing up on each other hugging, but I really don’t understand why Bonnie needs Katherine to be there.  Does she need doppelganger blood or something?  I feel like this was mentioned and I forgot, and not that I’m opposed to Katherine standing around snarking at everyone’s least favorite character, but … what’s happening here?

You know, in general, I’m a fan of Katherine and Elena scenes, and a fight scene in particular is cool.  Whatever my issues with Elena as a character, Nina Dobrev is really great at this.

Also, you guys, just … do this with me.  Please–I don’t ask that much of you.  Watch the scene again where Elena is torturing Katherine and Bonnie is all gasping and moaning.  Except DON’T watch it, just LISTEN to it, and tell me it doesn’t sound like straight up sex noises!  That’s a fact, bro.  In fact, I just had a pretty gnarly flashback to the fourth floor of my freshman dorm in like, the middle of the day, just strolling down the hall.  Good god.  Those people were not shy.

Wait, have I been wrong all this time?  Is it possible that they weren’t fucking, and that they had just linked some doppelgangers to themselves, and at some remote location, those doppelgangers were being tortured?  I may never truly know.

Stefan is SO Teh Sex™ when he tackles Elena and tells Katherine to GTFO before he kills her himself.

This scene with Rebekah nursing Matt actually gives them some sort of connection here–Matt values being a human so highly, and Rebekah so badly wants to be one.  (Or at least, so she thinks.)

Damn, Caroline slicing her wrists was GROSS.  There’s the gore I’ve been waiting for!

The scene in the cave with Bonnie and Silas was AWESOME.  I love when the show lies to us, or more accurately, when a character lies and the show lets the audience believe it.  All this time, Silas has been convincing Bonnie that he can’t get in her head, and it was all bullshit!  Amazing.  He just earned some serious villain points with me, and they’ve made him SO SCARY looking.  I love that he can be anyone, or he can be this gross monster with a horrifying voice, and he just pops up like SUCH a creeper!  So far, the scare element of Silas has been really working for me.  I sort of wish they would’ve busted it out sooner, but maybe the build up helped.  Plus, it’s been fun to see the various characters as Silas.

I don’t know.  I kind of feel like this particular plot line has gotten muddled in ways that it didn’t necessarily need to, which is kind of a drag.  But I’m not kidding when I say that I would watch an entire movie of Silas.  They’ve got a great horror character on their hands here.  (Next spinoff, maybe?  Kidding.  Unless you’re gonna do it.)

Again, I love Stefan when he’s telling Elena that there are no shortcuts through grief (true for everyone, including non-vampires in real life) and that she has a lot of time and loss is part of the deal (also true for non-vampires in real life).  It was one of those scenes where, in a show about vampires, they managed to spit some real truth about the human experience.  And Paul Wesley’s delivery, the tough love nature of it all, it was great.

I was not down with Elena punching Stefan in the face.  I understand that he’s a vampire and he can take it, but that doesn’t make it okay.  And I would’ve been fine if he punched her back.  He didn’t, of course, which I think has a lot more to do with Stefan himself than with the fact that Elena is a girl.  And just the look on his face as she leaves, where he’s not even looking at her but he looks like he might cry at any moment?  SO GOOD.  Nice to see you, Stefan.  Where have you been all season???

Sweet of Alaric to squeeze in a little girl talk with Damon in the middle of a crisis.  God, I love those two.

And speaking of love, I LOVED the way Caroline yelled, “BITCH!” at Rebekah, who totally snapped her out of cutting herself.  Oh, Caroline.  Even when you’re the worst, you’re the best.  And then right after that, she had a really great moment as Silas too, where Bonnie is all whining, “Then the supernatural creatures will be roaming the earth!” and Caroine/Silas says, “Well, if you don’t do what I tell you, I’LL be roaming the earth.”  Um, oh snap.

Bonnie choking didn’t even excite me.  These fucking cockteases.

I love Elena/Nina Dobrev for really committing to the Ugly Cry.  Every time, really.

Jasmine Guy is great, you guys, and I’m really glad they find ways to bring her back, you know?  But she’s so good.  And like … take the scene where Bonnie is grasping for air.  Now, Kat Graham seems like a truly lovely person, and I’m sure there are things she’d be great in.  I blame the terrible character of Bonnie more on writing than on acting, generally speaking.  But she had a heavy load to carry in this episode, what with the witchgasms and whatnot, and by the time she got to the struggling to breathe part, I just felt like she got stretched past her abilities.  (Well, and then there was later, which we’ll get to.)  Having Grams there just kind of makes it all more vivid, how terrible Bonnie is next to her oozing awesomeness all over the place.

Also, all this talk about Ketsia and we’re not even going to see this bitch?  Lame.  She better show up next episode or I am going to be so annoyed.

Man, Silas looked GROSS all shriveled up!  And I say that with respect and glee.  In case you can’t tell … pretty into Silas.

I’m not sure how much Kol really needed to be here, even though I love looking at his pretty face.  It sort of feels like the show just sent out a mass email to everyone who’s ever died on the show to see who was free, and he responded.  I know they did it to give Jeremy a reason to show up, and yeah, again, I’ll never NOT enjoy seeing Jeremy staring intensely down a vampire gun.  But isn’t seeing Elena and giving her some closure and whatnot reason enough to come back?  I mean, Alaric came back just to raid his old liquor stash.  So … ?  Just saying.

And AGAIN, Stefan is a total badass breaking Kol’s neck.  You know what this post is making me realize?  It’s making me realize how much the show not only did things I like, but it REINFORCED those things.  If this ish keeps up through next week, I am going to end this season with some very positive feelings.  Hopefully I didn’t just jinx it.

Also drink for “putting the veil back up”.

Nice little Stefan and Elena moment at the end, and he once again nails it with how he looks at her, and how loaded he makes that “welcome back” sound.

STEFAN AND LEXI ARE STILL THE BEST EVER.  You guys … gah.  I love them and am a little obsessed with them.  New plan: leave stupid Elena and Bonnie alive, move Caroline to The Originals, kill Stefan, and do a show about the supernatural ghost world!  I would watch the SHIT out of that!  Those two and their killer chemistry.  And I was just thinking about how much I love the Stefan and Caroline friendship, but you know, it kind of pales in comparison.  And when is the last time anyone has EVER said that about Caroline’s chemistry with someone?  Plus, I just love a good platonic friendship between girls and guys on TV.  (And a good homoerotic relationship between two grown dudes that spend way too much time with high school kids.)  I seriously almost died when Stefan told Lexi “Do not start”.  He just seems like such a real PERSON when she’s around.

Also … did you guys know that there are hair extensions in supernatural heaven?  You learn something new every day!

The scene in the cave, where Grams is begging Bonnie to stop, it completely drives home the point I was making earlier about how Grams is amazing and Bonnie, who is not that great, just looks even worse next to her.  But, beyond that, I really thought we were about to get an Evil Willow set up for next season.  Instead, Bonnie falls dramatically to the ground, surrounded by about half as many candles as Rebekah lit for Matt.

Alright, so now, at the end of the show, one episode before the season finale, here’s what’s happening: the power is on and there’s a caveman on the loose.  I am really hoping that shit gets all Encino Man up in here, but as it happens, he speaks very good English (which we see in the preview).  And the other vampires are there, putting a real buzzkill on all my Pauly Shore reboot dreams.

Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier, Alaric swiped the cure and gave it to Damon.  It looks like a cross between like … a condom filled with blood, and an Oscar Meyer Wiener whistle.  But more see-thru.

The other big thing, of course, is Bonnie dead.  Much like the dropping of the goddamn veil, in that it was talked to death and then they were like, “Okay, it’s dropped!” (I swear to god, I got more creative with games of pretend when I was a kid), Grams pops back up looking sad, and Bonnie just looks over at herself lying on the ground and goes, “OMG, I’m like totally dead!” (or something … really it wasn’t even that enthusiastic).  People have been asking me since this episode aired what I think about this development.

Honestly, you guys, they have been toying with me on this for so long that I’m not even willing to get my hopes up.  I’m not convinced she’ll stay dead, and even if she does, it doesn’t mean anything to me if she’s still around and I still have to see and hear her.  It’s not that I particularly want her dead, it’s that I want her GONE.  And I’m not sure the show is willing to do that yet.  So we’ll see.

Anyway, I am SUPER stoked for the finale.  What do you guys think?  Theories?  Things I missed?  Favorite moments?  Answers to my stupid questions?  Feelings on Bonnie’s “death”, if that’s what it really is?  Lay it on me in the comments!

I can’t lie.  I always love/hate the last 3 episodes of any Supernatural season.  They are ALWAYS gut wrenching and heartbreaking and disturbing.  And this episode does not disappoint.

Clip Show starts with a man and woman in a cabin. The woman seems happy but the guy is uneasy.  As I would be.  Because camping?  Yuck.  Even in a cabin.  And it’s partly because of Supernatural.  Wendigo is one of my favorite episodes.  I won’t say I wasn’t disappointed that it wasn’t Cory Monteith who’s head exploded.  But it wasn’t.  It was Tommy Collins the survivor of that episode.  His head just exploded.  Kablooey!

Sam and Dean are researching the third trial and Sam is not looking good.  Dean is pissed at Castiel. There is tension.

While digging around looking for a file, Dean finds their very own dungeon.

They find some info about the trial.  Apparently, the MoL had been working on a way to “save” a demon.  (was I the only one who giggled when the priest said “wash the taint”?)  While Dean and Sam are talking to an old priest, Cas is out trying to find some pie to make Dean not be mad at him anymore.  But Booger  Metatron steps in and kidnaps him to a crepe place in Ojai to discuss what’s going on in heaven.  I had a bad feeling about this interaction from the get go. Naomi isn’t really running things.  It’s chaos.  Metatron wants to use the angel tablet to close Heaven. He doesn’t really need the tablet because he wrote them all.  And he wants Cas to do the angel trials.  This should be interesting.  I am thinking this will be a big part of S9.

Sam and Dean watch the demon torture film and figure out what all they need to save a demon themselves.  You know it’s not going to be as easy as it sounds right? They go dig up Abaddon and sew her all back together. Except they don’t sew her hands on thinking that’s going to stop her from doing anything fishy.  It doesn’t. They leave the room to chat on the phone to Crowley, who has called to tell them if they don’t stop this nonsense trial business he is going to kill everyone they have ever saved, and she somehow commands her hand to crawl over to her and pull that devil’s trap bullet out of her head and she escapes.  Oops.

Meanwhile, Cas is supposed to cut the heart out of their crepe waitress as the first trial because she is a nephilim  and that shit is apparently an abomination. Also, Crowley is going to kill Sarah. Remember Sarah from S1.19 Provenance ? Crowley is such a fucking dick.  I really loved Sarah.  She was cute and smart and liked Sam.  They try and stop it but they can’t.  She dies right in from on our boys and it’s tragic.

First we had this exchange

source

but then THIS

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And my heart is broken. Ya’ll.  Seriously.  This show hurts my heart.

So now, everyone is in a pickle.  Cas begins the angel trials, Sam and Dean are going after Crowley, because, like I guessed last week, HE has to be the demon they have to save.  Abaddon is PISSED and on the loose and I am sure will throw a wrench into the works.

I have to commend the fantastic use of flashbacks in this episode. For a longtime viewer, flashbacks are killer. I watched Swan Song 5.22 this morning and that damn Impala flashback STILL makes me misty.

Are you ready for the season to be over? I am and I’m not.  I really don’t know if my heart can take it.  It’s good to know that we have a season 9 and that the story will continue.  My hope is that next season will be as great as season 8.

Hit up the comments.  How are you feeling about the last moments as the season winds down?  Are you wrecked about Sam and Dean not being able to save Sarah like I am?  What about Cas?  We know he’s a regular next season.  What do you think is in store for him?

Preview for the finale next week!

Introducing Bluebell’s Ultimate Power Couple!

That’s a wrap folks! Hart of Dixie has said goodbye for the summer but the shenanigans of our favourite Bluebell residents will continue in the fall! That said, the finale was a bit lacklustre…a bit meh. And frankly, I’m not even sure I have a whole lot to say about it! But I’ll be sure to give it a try!

I did like the ending of the episode. Giving some of the characters a bit of a different direction might prove revitalising for next season. And hopefully create some new story lines, though preferably none which includes the giant asshole with a stethoscope, Jonah (ugh).

With fairy tale music striking chords in our romantic hearts, the dream within the dream turns out to be reality! Zoe did indeed have a good time with Wade no matter how much she wants to Inception her way out of remembering it! And then George walks in.

Talk about bad timing…use the phone next time GTuck, OK?

I have no idea why George gets his panties all in a twist when he discovers Zoe with Wade (and yes please Wilson Bethel and low hanging towels, thank you again dear TV Gods!) since he already told Zoe to take a hike. So, Tansy breaks up with him (and throws his underwear out her trailer window) and what does golden boy do? Go straight a-knocking on Zoe’s door. Seriously George? This is getting ridiculously sad to watch!

Oh, but it gets even better. When Zoe realises George and Tansy have broken up she goes over to the boat to talk to George where he proceeds to blame HER for all his troubles. No, sorry George but you do not get to use Zoe as a scapegoat for your emotional issues and inability to reassure your girlfriends that you really love them. Zoe isn’t responsible for Tansy breaking up with you, YOU ARE! Well, and Tansy actually…

But yes, Zoe and George are indeed living in a fantasy land of “what could’ve been.” Like George points out, they’ve never actually been on a real date! How can they continue to pine after each other when they hardly even know one another? And yes, Zoe is still hung up on Wade. She chose Wade and she still has feelings for him. So thank you George for pointing that out!

Back to the point!

While George is busy pushing that giant splinter (named Zoe) further up his ass, Zoe gets busy with the pastry. Though it’s kind of hard to believe that pastry ever got permission to get past Rachel Bilson’s lips. Anywhoo! Wade comes bearing gifts, a six-pack and an offer of casual sex. Ah Wade, you charmer you! How is a girl supposed to resist such an invitation?

Turns out Zoe can and very effectively shuts the door in his face. And then she packs like the wind and decides to go to that wedding in New York after all. I’m team Zoe on this one, girl needs to get some perspective. Especially since her therapists are not up to scratch this morning.

Meanwhile, back at the Rammer Jammer, Lemon retires as Belle President due to her roadhouse (my mind went to Ellen and Jo in Supernatural for a second there) obligations and Cricket jumps in to claim the spot. Lemon being Lemon and therefore a little bit miffed, claims to have plans to bring the so-called roadhouse to great musical heights by making it a real sought after concert venue, starting with a secret performance by Gloriana. So secret actually that even Gloriana has no idea they’re supposed to be performing…

Before Lemon has even finished her sentence, Cricket has activated the Belle Phone Tree and everyone is coming to the Rammer Jammer to witness the sophistication of the place. Lemon manages to get a meeting with the band, which leads to an entertaining Lemonade road trip!

Either Lemon has a serious bladder infection (or is pregnant; Jaime King just revealed she’s expecting so her pregnancy will definitely be an issue when filming season 3!) or she just drank a whole lot of coffee but Wade isn’t happy about all these pit stops along the way. Lemon tries to get sourpuss Wade to admit that he’s really all upset about Zoe and then personifies the viewers when she asks Wade if he’s still in love with the good doctor.

In a scene reminiscent of Grease’s Summer Lovin’, Wade explores his feelings for Zoe while Zoe confesses all her troubles to a random stranger on the plane to New York, which prevents her from reading what I’m sure is a riveting story, The Single Girl’s Guide To Big Weddings. Wade receives some pep talk from Lemon, who rightly points out that Wade has indeed changed a lot and is becoming a better man than he was and that the two of them made each other better (awww), while Zoe is told once and again that Wade is the one she has feelings for.

Then there’s a medical emergency on the plane and of course Jonah (ugh) is there and lots and lots of ugh. Though yay for Zoe who gets to be on the news!

Hearing about the emergency landing, Wade decides that now’s the time to go and tell Zoe how he really feels, much to Lemon’s dismay! They randomly meet up in a roadside diner and then there’s a beautiful pasture outside and some horses and Wade telling Zoe he loves her and we all go a little bit awwwww! But she needs to get some perspective, have some alone time, so she decides to spend the summer in New York working as a doctor. And Jonah (ugh) is there, of course, yuck. Can he please leave for good?

Meanwhile George teams up with Miss Crazy Pants, Lily Ann, and writes a song about his experience with Zoe. Song therapy is all well and nice but then he ends up thinking that going on tour with Lily Ann for what I assume is the summer, is a good idea. Is he going to end up as bitter as Lily Ann or is he going to work through his crap? In any case at least he’s doing something different for once! Hopefully that makes for a less boring and less hung up on Zoe Hart George when he comes back to Bluebell.

The comic relief of the night, and a nice alternative to all this drama, was the Ocean’s Eleven inspired rescuing of Burt Reynolds, who had been alligatornapped by the evil Mayor of Fillmore, who still wants his mall. The elite alligator rescue squad, put together by Lavon, was less than stealth and managed to get themselves between Burt Reynolds and his girlfriend! The girlfriend did not look pleased about this, it is alligator mating season after all y’all!

But in an act of pure brilliance AB, who had been kept in the dark about Lavon’s plans, rescues the team by driving her truck straight into Todd Gainey Sr’s barn! And this is why AB and Lavon win as the greatest couple on TV! The bar of crazy is set high in that relationship!

So there’s that. Zoe is staying in NYC for the summer and unfortunately Jonah (ugh) is there as well (what Zoe needs is so not a third guy to obsess over). Wade is maturing and still wants another shot with Zoe but he’s not overly confident that Zoe will actually be back after the summer so maybe we’ll find he has moved on next season. Lemon is growing into her own and may just save the Rammer Jammer from being regarded as a mere Southern watering hole. George has joined forces with Lily Ann for the time being and who knows where that’ll lead him? And Lavon and AB continue to be absolutely kick-ass awesome and here’s hoping that doesn’t change at all!

Bits and Bops:

“I get all the history lessons I need from looking at your wardrobe.” -Magnolia delivers the ultimate zinger!

“I’m just a rat in a maze, looking for cheese. But there is no cheese, only pain.” -George is a poet.

Wade’s U-turn? Priceless.

AB and the get-away truck? Hands down the best moment of the episode.

The whole Ocean’s Eleven inspired alligator retrieval mission, concocted by the Reverend! Tom in a valet costume? Lavon’s cap and sunglasses? Wanda and the sandwiches? Ruby’s grandpa and the umbrella?

Burt Reynolds enjoying his hamburgers? A hungry gator!

And that’s that ladies and gents! All over for now! This season has had its ups and downs for sure but overall I thought it was quite entertaining and I’m happy with most of what went down. It’s great to see some character growth and I hope there’s more of that next season.

I hope y’all have enjoyed my recaps this winter! I’ve really enjoyed this hart to hart (hahaha) we’ve had over the last few months and I’m definitely looking forward to some more Bluebell craziness in the fall. Sound off in the comments, let me know if you loved or hated the finale!

Castle! The clip episode was actually kind of great. Even though you knew they weren’t going to kill Beckett. It was fun to see all the old hits.

I always think it’s funny that these two think they fool anyone with their adorable feelings.

Awkward!

Papa Hamilton is back! We need more DILF story lines.

Sadie is still the best bitch.

Grimm! The show has moved to Tuesday, just as the season is wrapping up. Weird, but whatever. It ended up sticking around on my DVR until Friday anyway. Nick Burkhart, the cockblocker. Just let Monrosalee be!

Wu, the sass-master.

Praise baby Cheesus, she actually remembers! Sort of. Can we move on now? This story line should have wrapped up half a season ago.

Mindy Project!

This made me laugh probably more than it should have.

Hart of Dixie!

Don’t be cute, Zoe, I’m still annoyed with you.

Star of this episode? Wilson Bethel’s arms. Yep…

Our adorable power couple.

It’s okay that I’m completely torn about this, right? I understand she needs some comfort, and going to Wade is a good thing? But she’s going to break his damn heart. I just want Wade to be happy, ya’ll.

New Girl! It’s timeee. Are you okay with reliving almost the entire episode? Because that is what’s about to go down here. Come on, you shouldn’t be surprised at all.

!!!!! Disney Prince in a bowtie and waistcoat.

Well, excuse you mister. Your face is dreamy.

High school Winston was a playa. This line made me laugh so hard.

Oh god, high school Nick was scary gross awesome. Props to Jake Johnson for the voice change and the face and the making me uncomfortable.

HAIR.

… You’re gonna need to stop. (Don’t. Seriously. Keep doing what you’re doing. Cause it’s working for me.)

I guess this is me telling you that you should get used to Dylan O’Brien gifs because Teen Wolf returns next month and I’m gonna be all about that.

Chest hair, shoulders, back and moles appreciation time!

I love that the dude is going to take an ax to a play castle that is clearly plastic and can be easily dismantled. But mostly I just enjoy staring at Dylan’s clavicle.

Sometimes I really love fat!Schmidt.

Nick’s not jealous. Nope.

GUYS.

 EEEEeeeEnjkdsghs!

Arrow! Pre-Island Oliver was kind of adorable but also a cheating asshole.

Felicity is awesome. Unintentional awkward Olicity moment!!

Haha poor invisible Felicity.

Supernatural! Oh, hello my handsome husband.

Jared’s playing sick weak Sam so much more believable than crazy Lucifier seeing Sam from last season.

Forgiving the clear violation in Grand Canyon continuity, this was pretty funny.

Wet… what?

Kevin Tran, yo. Advance fucking Placement.

Dean is doing that protective big bro thing again and it’s making my womb all quivery.

CAS!! Don’t fuck with this angel of the Lord. He’s learned things.

Team Free Will is back together again! Now, let’s get this third trial shit done and fast.

Parks and Rec! LOL forever at Andy’s face.

What about ‘Honey’, Leslie?

TVD!

Community!

Nikita!

Any mention of dead Sean and I get emotional.

Not quite the shower scene Mikita fans were hoping for.

Why is Sam so much hotter than Owen when they are both Devon Sawa? He should always wear that suit.

Happy Endings! Fingers crossed this show gets renewed. I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.

Alex looked amazing in the vintage tennis gear.

Another season that ends with a wedding.

Orphan Black! Are you watching?

I don’t know how Tatiana does it. Alison was so great this episode.

Cosima girl, you in trouble.

Game of Thrones!

Poor naive little Sansa.

I love this Granny.

I’ll probably be shipping Tyrion and Sansa next episode. This might actually be fun.

I’ll end it there this week. Thanks for visiting! Feel free to stick around and get your comment on. I’d be happy to chat about whatever you like. Especially if you want to gush about Dylan O’Brien or freak out about Nick and Jess. Or, ya know, anything else from the past week. Find me on twitter for your requests. See you next week!