off-color commentary

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Well, in case you haven’t heard, I’m sorry to break it to you that Melissa’s new motto for the circle jerkers shall not come to pass. Which is a shame, because I would have been down for a ‘more fun’ version of this show. All the usual sites are reporting that the show has officially been cancelled by the CW. Take a moment to reflect and grieve, and then we’ll get into my recap of what is now the series finale.

Damn. Well, first thing’s first. I gave my word last week that if Grant wasn’t revealed as evil by the end of the season, I’d dedicate a paragraph of this review to discussing Cassie’s positive qualities. Never in a million years did I think I’d actually have to do it. But, here we are (although, if this show had been renewed I’d still be betting on Grant being shady). As promised, here is my Ode to Cassie:

Cassie is brave, and she has pretty hair. Her grandma was real nice. She’s not afraid to almost kill her friends to get shit done. She managed to keep her still-in-tact feelings for Adam to herself because she knows how much the show suffers when Adam is too busy being entranced by her Dark Magic Vagine to have a personality. She turned on her dad when she had to in order to protect her friends. She managed to get through at least one take of the beach scene without bursting into a fit of laughter and/or uncontrollable tears over how stupid it was. So, she’s not ALWAYS the worst. There you go, Cassie. You’re welcome.

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Well life got in the way this week. I was at a work conference and thought I could make it all work. Unfortunately life conspired against me. Did you know you can’t watch The Voice on Hulu on an iPad? Well, you can’t. Anyway, here is my take on the finals of The Voice. Nothing like a day late and a dollar short.

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So, as you’ve probably noticed, I was a bit fail with last week’s Modern Family recap. But it wasn’t my fault! My POS DVR decided last Wednesday that it didn’t feel like recording Modern Family. I don’t normally watch it live, so I didn’t notice until 9:03, so I scrambled to start the recording when the apocalypse hit. My DVR crashed. And proceeded to try to reboot itself for the next 45 minutes. *Sigh* But, so, instead of having the recap be days late, or show up on a Saturday, I decided to make you wait a week, because that’s the logic that my brain follows. Kidding. I figured I’d just hit y’all with a DOUBLE recap this week! I know. I’m too kind. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Last week’s ep was pretty good. There was a good call back to Phil’s friend Andre, the neighbor he met while he was working on Luke’s treehouse, so that was pretty awesome. I enjoy them together. I love Phil and Luke together (like with last night’s episode), but it’s good to see Phil with actual adult friends. Anyway, the purpose of their friendly outing was that Phil was going to buy a new car. He was going to be all practical about it and buy a sedan, but Andre convinced him to get the sleek, 1991 convertible instead, even though Phil knew Claire was going to be mad. Soon after purchasing, he realizes it’s not practical for work, so he and Claire trade cars for the day so he can have the van.

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Still of Gabriel Mann in Revenge

 

Hello everyone, and welcome to the year 2002.

In last night’s episode of Revenge, “Legacy,” we got a big ol’ flashback complete with of-that-time political and pop culture references, a surly Amanda, a TERRIBLE-WIGGED Jack, and a much, much different Nolan. At first I really loved this episode and thought it was très interesting, but as it went on—especially at the New Year’s Eve party when people were just sort of standing around and chatting about Rudy Giuliani and the DC sniper and “Puff Daddy’s” White Party, I think it lost some momentum. But all in all, it was nicely done and shed a lot of light on Amanda and her motivations.

Because this episode was a little different, the set up of this is gonna take a bit of a detour from my normal, bulleted lists. (I know you’re all shocked. But it will be okay. I promise.) Instead, let’s just have a running commentary, ok? OK! *cheerleader clap*

So, we start out in a club where a dude groping a brunette Amanda. She shrugs him off and he goes and finds another girl to grope/assault in the bathroom. This Amanda is all badass and orders things like, “Vodka tonic. Hold the tonic.” Amanda goes into the bathroom and beats the hell out of the dude she was with, all with a smile on her face. Nolan serendiptiously comes by and picks her up as she’s being thrown out of the club.
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Well guys. We have made it through the first season of New Girl.

And in true New Girl style, this season finale didn’t really have the gravitas many finales have. Sure, plotlines were resolved and decisions were made so that the show can carry on, but there was no big cliffhanger or gasp-inducing moment at the end. Instead, the writers just righted things so that all is right in the apartment again.

Well, as right as they can be in that apartment.

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Oh hai, Dad! Thanks for the fancy job and undoubtedly obscenely expensive plane ticket! But actually, FUCK YOU, I'm Dr. Zoe Hart! Now excuse me while I say my own full formal name a bunch more times and so does everyone else! Because I'm a doctor! And I'm Zoe Hart! So fuck you and don't you forget it (until I need something else or call you to whine about my non-problems some more!)!

Okay, so … this episode was much better than the last couple and I would even say it was a good episode, and it sort of feels like we’re getting back on track, BUT.  You knew it was coming, right?  The but is that I don’t think I have forgiven the show yet for the New Orleans episode.  That shit seriously pissed me off (as you know) and I felt betrayed as a viewer, and it will just take some time to win me back.  And really, if the finale weren’t next week, I’m not sure I’d still be recapping it right now, just because I feel like me and this show need a little break, where I don’t talk about it on the internet and I maybe let it pile up on my DVR and instead of spending time with it, watch How I Met Your Mother instead.  You know, like a real “taking a break” in a relationship, minus the part about piling up on my DVR.  If the person you’re trying to avoid is on your DVR and must be ignored, you have much more exotic problems than me.

Anyway, just because I don’t have a lot of enthusiasm for this episode, which is a bummer because I SHOULD, doesn’t mean I have anything bad to say either, really.  So let me just hit the high points here and then y’all can talk about it in the comments (and again, plenty of Wade, so I’m looking forward to the gif linking fest that’s sure to ensue).  Ready?  Let’s do it. Read the rest of this entry »

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It’s a brand new week and I’ve got a shit load of gifs to share with you. Then end of the season is nearing for a few shows and they’ve really been ramping up the emotional stakes and hitting us where it feels just so good.

Those crazy Powers That Be sure love giving us feelings. Lately it’s all been rage, exasperation, delight and just plain heartache, yet we keep coming back. I like that these roundups give us a chance to relive all the funny lines and the beautifully happy and sad moments from the past week. If you have a request for the next roundup, tweet me. I’ll do my best to find whatever you like.

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First off, Parks & Rec deserves a huge congratulations for winning Best Comedy Series at the Comedy Awards. If you didn’t see it on Comedy Central last night and avoided having your tumblr and twitter feeds blown up with the announcements when the ceremony actually happened last weekend… then you are probably a better functioning member of society than I.

This week’s episode marks marks the last day of campaigning in Pawnee. Which means that Leslie’s busting out the big guns: a Bus Tour. Leslie and her band of merry pranksters will travel around on the SS Knope in a one time-campaign blitz. It will be their home for the next 24 hours and, if they win, Ben & Leslie’s home to share for ever. Maybe not, it was just an idea she had. But the good news is, Leslie’s only 2 points down.

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“And they lived happily ever after.”

Or, you know... not.

So some BIG IMPORTANT things happened in Friday’s episode, and that was pretty awesome. But I’m going to go ahead and say it: the episode was… strange. Something felt off about it. Maybe it was because the set up felt like I was rereading the first forty pages of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (financials. GOD with the financials already). Or maybe it was because the creature was Spanish this time, and not German, which definitely threw me off a bit. Or maybe it was because I was seriously scared that there was going to be ZERO Eddie in the ep, which panicked me, not gonna lie. Whatever it was, it almost felt like it wasn’t an episode of Grimm. Not as we have come to know and love it.

Friday’s episode, based on the story of Cinderella, felt closer to the first few episodes where Nick was more like a pawn in the overarching story, as opposed to the other way around. Over the course of the season, this show has really learned how to do that well – making it about Nick and the situations he encounters. But this episode felt more about Lucinda, the bat-Wesen Cinderella, and Nick and Hank were the cops. It was kind of Law & Order-y. That’s not to downplay the mythology, though. We still learned a bit there. We also got more information about Nick’s Big Picture, which was great. The episode as a whole was just… not my favorite.

The episode opens with this young guy finding out that the man who’s been taking care of his money and investments killed himself. It was all very Bernie Madoff. The young guy panics and calls his friend, who turns out to be his wife’s godfather, because he needs a way to get his money back. Spencer, the godfather, suggests they talk to the wife’s (Lucinda – the Cinderella in this story) Evil Step-Mother, who flat-out turns them down. Well, that makes someone angry, because next thing we know, the Step-Mother finds herself dead.

The death scene was actually pretty awesome, so it bears specific discussion. It was actually the first time this show has made me scream out loud since the ep where the troll busted through Nick and Juliette’s window.  And y’all know how much I enjoy being scared (I am going to see Chernobyl Diaries when it comes out, y’all. And I sincerely hope it makes me piss myself). You see, while Mavis (the Step-Mother – aren’t you shocked at how many of the characters’ names I actually caught this episode?!) is getting ready for bed, she hears a noise, which sounds to me like an animal being eaten. And then the sound of what I’m imagining is blood dripping on carpet. Maybe I’ve seen too many scary movies and should sit CD out. Naaaah. But, so, she decides to take a peek under her bed, and there is a demon-eyed bat thing that screeches at her and scratches her. It’s at this point that I screamed “OH SHIT!” and had to pause my DVR to catch my breath. Also, my roommate was out in the hallway, so, thanks, show. If he didn’t think I was nuts already (which is likely), he certainly does now. Read the rest of this entry »

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I LOOOOVED this episode you guys. So, so much. How could you not? Unless you’re not a Cas fan, in which case, I don’t understand how your brain works. But to each his or her own! I am definitely a fan of the weirdo fallen angel and always have been, so Reading is Fundamental was right up my alley. Plus, it finally gave the brothers a plan for battling Dick Roman and even dredged up some old angel business that we haven’t heard about for a while. All that, and it was FUNNY AS SHIT while still managing to kick you in the heart a couple of times, which for my money is always the best kind of SPN episode.

Before I go into full-on gush mode, there was one thing that irked me that I need to address so I’m going to get it out of the way first.

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