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Grimm: Knowing what’s right isn’t always so easy

April 24, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 4 comments

Yes, I’m late with this recap again.  I was all set to bang it out yesterday morning, and then the state showed up for their unannounced Medicaid audit, and you know how everyone thinks our health care system is all fucked up?  Well, trust me:  It’s way more fucked up than you think.  But y’all don’t want to hear about my hell-week at work, you want to talk about blutbaden and skeevy supernatural underworld dealings and Sebastian Roche!

Speaking of whom, was there some law passed in Hollywood that requires every single show with a supernatural element to employ SB as a guest star?  I’m not complaining, mind you, I just want to get things straight.  For the record, you know.  I mean, it’s not just anyone who can list Angel Original Vampire Freidenreden (and no, I have NO IDEA if I’m spelling that correctly) on their resume.

ANYway, let’s sum up the plot real quick:

Resistance leader/freedom fighter Ian Harmon (Well helLO there, Ian. How you doin’?) leads his would-be assassins on a merry chase across the country, ending in Portland, where Ian is shot but not killed by Sebastian Roche, who is going by the handle Edgar Waltz in this TV-guest star incarnation.  Ian makes his way to Rosalee’s shop.  Ian is unaware that Rosalee’s brother, Freddy, was in on the Resistance and was supposed to provide Ian with help.  Ian is also an old boyfriend of Rosalee’s, which, damn!  You go, girl!

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Grimm: “I think it’s time we settle our differences. Violently.”

April 17, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 4 comments

Hi guys!  Christina is off on vacation (lucky wench!) so y’all are stuck with me this week and next.  I’m not quite as “Woo!” for Wu as she is, but I’ll try and do her justice.  Just don’t depend on me to throw around any nifty and helpful German translations for you.  My knowledge of German starts with “Gesundheit” and ends with “Oh Tanenbaum.”  That’s pretty much all I got.

"OMG WTF, no translations?! Where is Christina?!!"

So, remember how last week, Nick was all, “Will you marry me?” and Juliette was all, “Nah.”  Well, they’re still together, though things are understandably a bit awkward. Nick is spending time going through Aunt Marie’s trailer, looking for things that might be unlocked by the key she gave him, but has to curtail his search to go meet Juliette, Hank, and Hank’s date for dinner reservations.

Speaking of Nick’s Grimm key… well, actually, that’s what Renard is doing, having been taken at gunpoint by a Thomas Woolsey for an on-demand meeting with Him (capital H implied).  ”Him” is in fact a Cousin Anton, in town to hassle Renard about getting the damn key, already.  The family wants to see some action!  Renard obliges, going all BAMF on Woolsey, taking his gun, shooting Anton in the forehead, and then killing Woolsey.  Wow, I bet the next family reunion is gonna be aaaaawkward.

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Smash: “…like God, or aliens”

March 28, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 2 comments

All you DVRers out there caught up on this week’s Smash yet?  You guys… this Show.  This is becoming some kind of abusive relationship.  It keeps telling me it wants to change, and buys me flowers and chocolates and strokes my hair and tells me I’m pretty, but then it suddenly turns cold and cruel and embarrasses me in front of my friends after I’ve told them that things are looking up.  Kinda like Director D-bag and Ivy!

So last week, you know how I was all, “hey, this is how the show should be done!”  And the show was focused, and pulled together, and didn’t devote a lot of time to all the stupid crap that we can’t stand about it?

I should have known it would get drunk and call me stupid again.

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Awake: Kate Is Enough

March 23, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 1 comment

I’m going to go out on a limb here right now, and say that the Green World, where Rex is alive, has got to be the real one; surely no parent would go to the trouble of creating a complete fantasy world, only to have their dead child act like a shit and treat them like the worst thing ever, right?  I’m just sayin.’

RED WORLD:

On the job:  Michael and Vega arrive at a marina, where a fancy yacht party resulted in a DOA.  A woman, named either Annie or Dani (I couldn’t tell which, so we’re going with Dani) reportedly jumped from a state room balcony and into the water, where she drowned before the crewmen could pull her out.  Michael notes that the handle to the balcony door-latch looks awfully clean, like someone wiped it down.  The boat’s owners, Cameron Fuller and Darren Knox, volunteer that Cameron — whose engagement to a celebrity was being celebrated at this yacht party — was having sex with Dani.  Cameron reports that he had broken it off with Dani when he got engaged, but she apparently didn’t take it well.  She got drunk at the party, and the last Cameron knew she was sleeping it off.

Ordering a toxicology report on the vic, Michael runs into one of the party guests and recognizes her as Kate, Rex’s former babysitter.  Kate is now an investment banker in New York, and her bank financed Cameron and Darren’s company.  Kate is sporting a wine stain on her dress from stepping out of the ladies’ room and running into Darren, who was running to find out what happened with someone falling overboard.  Vega is very interested in “interrogating” Kate a little further, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.  Despite his pleas, Michael does not make introductions between the young detective and the former babysitter.

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Smash: The Workshop

March 21, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 4 comments

Now THIS is what I’m talking about!  A tighter, much more focused episode that centers around the workshop, with the peripheral foolishness (Michael and Julia’s affair, Tom’s awkward boyfriend) more or less limited to how it affects the production and the people working on it.  This is what I signed on for.

1.  The workshop is upon us, but wait!  The studio building’s boiler is on the fritz, causing a tropical heatwave in the building.  With all of those rich, potential investors who don’t like to sweat coming to view the workshop, Eileen is all over the superintendent to get it fixed.  He has put in the phone call, but the workers are unionized and will get to it when they get to it.  Fortunately for Eileen, bartender Nick from her new favorite place, the Bushwhack, “knows a guy.”  He’s unlicensed and an illegal alien, but he’ll do the job for payment under the table.  Eileen accepts that offer, even breaking the padlock off of the boiler room door so he can work.  Grateful for the connection, Eileen invites Nick to stay and watch the performance.  I think there may have been a little flirtation there too, but I’m going to ignore that for now because…

Okay, look.  I’m just gonna say it.  Anjelica Huston?  Is a fine, fine actress, but she is more than a little… unfortunate looking.  Especially with that Cleopatra haircut that presents her face with all the subtlety of a well-honed battle-axe.  I don’t want to see her getting all down and dirty with the downtown barkeep (or with anyone else at all, really), is what I’m sayin’.  Still, I like the character of Eileen more than I ever thought I would, especially when CW comes tattling to her about Michael and Julia’s affair, and she shuts him down with a quickness:  ”I won’t pretend that this isn’t useful information.  But if you repeat this to anyone, I will see that you never work on this production, or any other, ever again.”

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The Walking Dead: “This is no longer a democracy.”

March 19, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 11 comments

First things first:  I owe a GINORMOUS apology to anyone who came to Off-Color TV last week without having watched The Walking Dead yet.  Like the clueless git that I am, I led off my recap with a photo that was a big ole spoiler to anyone who hadn’t watched the episode yet.  So, if anyone was inadvertently spoiled before the much smarter admins caught my gaff, you have my most sincere and humble apologies.

So, moving on:  Season 2, in the books.  And some really cool set-up for Season 3!  But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

We pick up more or less where we left off, but instead of being wise to the humongous horde of zombies heading straight for their tasty brains (which, let’s face it:  these zombies are gonna be going away hungry.  There are not enough brains on that entire farm to satisfy one walker, let alone 3,254,692 of them.  I’m just sayin’…), Rick and Carl are taking a leisurely stroll back toward the house while Rick tries to come up with a reasonable explanation for why Shane was all of a sudden zombie-Shane.  Luckily, Rick is saved from having to answer awkward questions by the sudden realization that there ARE in fact 3,254,692 zombies bearing down just a few yards away from them.

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Awake: “No child should have to pay for the sins of his father.”

March 19, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | No comments

So, you may have noticed that this recap is a little late.  Unless you DVR’d it and didn’t watch it until this weekend, in which case, why aren’t you watching this show live?!  DVR “The Mentalist” and watch this show!

I’ll spare you the gory details of why this recap is late, except to say that it went from Wednesday night through the weekend and involved a very sick dog,  two bottles of Febreze, and a carpet-shampooing at 3:00 in the morning.  But hey, better late than never, right?  Let’s do this.

 

GREEN WORLD:

On the job:  A prisoner, one John Cooper, is at a hospital undergoing dialysis. The nurse administering the dialysis compliments him on being so still.  He remarks that one thing he’s learned is patience.  She says she’ll see him next week, he says not if he gets lucky, and the guard leading him back toward the van uses the opportunity to heckle him about how his mother was on a wait list for three months to get dialysis, but here he is sucking up taxpayer money and blah-blah-Republican-bullshit-blah.  Cooper messes around with the bandage covering the catheter port in his wrist, and a bunch of green fluid starts pouring out to soak the bandage.  I may or may not have made some remark about how he must be an alien, which was neither original nor particularly funny.  Shut up, it’s been a rough week.

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Smash: “That’s not a gap, that’s a black hole.”

March 13, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 5 comments

Time for our weekly installment of Smash.  Too many characters?  Check.  Too many plotlines?  Check.  Half of those plot lines boring and/or irrelevant?  Check.  Okay!  Looks like we’re good to go!

 

1.  Despite the workshop that is scheduled to take place — in front of potential backers — in one week, Julia has still not finished the story or the lyrics.  She tries to plead Frank’s absence and Leo’s recent brush with the law as an excuse, but it’s mainly because she is too busy daydreaming over Michael to do things like write lyrics or cook pancakes without burning them.  Michael is not making things any easier, first accosting her at rehearsal and threatening to cause a scene if she doesn’t talk to him, then calling her house and chitchatting with her recently-returned husband before prevailing on her to meet him at 10:00 at night in the rehearsal room.  Meet him she does, ostensibly to “get through to him,” but I think she knew damned good and well what was going to happen before she even stepped outside her door.  And what happens is that Michael is a Class A douchenozzle, going on about how he can’t think if he doesn’t touch her, and unbuttoning her…

Okay, she’s either wearing a pajama shirt, or one of Frank’s shirts, and I’m pretty sure it’s the former, but I’m definitely sure it’s not the sort of thing one should be walking around the streets in.  Anyway…

Michael convinces Julia that maybe they can just look at each other, and since she is not in fact in the 6th grade and playing her first game of spin-the-bottle with Steve Cunningham in the upstairs of his garage (not that I, um, did something like that or anything… oh, shut up.), she should damn well know better.  But since I think she went there knowing full well that she was going to hit a home run with Joe DiMaggio, she lets him take her shirt off, then take his shirt off, and then there’s shirtless hugging, and then there’s the conveniently placed pleather sofa right there under the windows…

I think you get the idea.  Not getting the idea?  Frank, who is clueless about the affair five years ago and was hoping to have Michael over for a beer.  Awkward…   But hey!  The GOOD news is that Julia’s writer’s block was apparently located in her vagina, because once she “rehearses” with Michael she’s able to complete the lyrics and get the story back on track.

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The Walking Dead: “No more kid stuff.”

March 12, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 5 comments

 

Hey, so, you remember how The Man Honey Badger was all, “This group is broken” last week?  And then that was amply demonstrated by the uber-uncomfortable kill-Randall/don’t-kill-Randall pow-wow?  And THEN Dale got all eviscerated by that zombie that Carl didn’t kill?  Well, Rick delivers a nice eulogy for Dale about how they’re going to fix the group as a tribute to him.

Yeah.  That goes about as well as you’d expect.

The plan is now back to a catch-and-release program for Randall, but in light of what happened during their last road-trip, Rick wisely decides to take Honey Badger with him instead of Shane.  But since no one trusts Shane to be left to his own devices for two damn minutes, Rick asks NLR to babysit him, saying that he can’t have Shane going nuts every time he leaves the farm.  NLR:  ”Maybe you should stop leaving.”  Shit, if she continues not whining and making sense, I may be forced to not hate her anymore.

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Awake: “The Little Guy”

March 9, 2012 in off-color commentary by Dayna | 2 comments

Before I get into the recap of this episode, I want to draw your attention to an interview that creator Kyle Killen did with IGN.  (You can read the entire interview here.)  In it, Killen flat out states that “one of Detective Michael Britten’s worlds is real and one is fake. That’s right. There will be no ‘he’s in a coma’ third option, folks. None of that ‘it was all a dream’ stuff.”

So there you have it, guys.  One world is real, one is a dream/fantasy.  And we’re not going to solve which is which any time soon.  But we can sure have fun trying!

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