There’s something that happens to my brain in May. Everything starts to scramble and I feel like I’m super busy all the time, but the weather still isn’t quite warm enough and I just want to eat brunch outside without wearing a jacket. You know what I mean?

It’s because of this brain scramble that I didn’t realize that there was a New Girl episode on last week.

For real. I had NO IDEA there was an episode. I thought it was a re-run. And then I was going through my DVR last night and was like, “What is this New Girl episode on here?” And then I realized.

God.
Read the rest of this entry »

Okay, I’m just going to say it—this episode felt like filler to me. Fun, funny, Dylan O’Brien-filled filler. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I was hoping for something that didn’t feel like…well, filler.

I’ll stop saying filler now.

So this episode, “The Virgins,” was a flashback episode about how each of the roomies (plus Cece) lost their virginity. What I liked about this is that the stories weren’t pretty. And Cece’s story was just stupid. I mean, c’mon, who is going to believe that a high school girl with my haircut lost her virginity to Mick Jagger? If this were the ’60s or ’70s, I’d be more apt to believe it, but I don’t know. I definitely rolled my eyes really hard at that scene.

Overall we learned that Winston lost his to a hooker named Mysteria who was bought for him (and another, creatively named Octopussy, was for a terrible wig-headed Nick with braces, who couldn’t go through with it.) by Nick’s dad. I mean, EW. Do dads do that for their kids? I mean, I understand that Nick’s dad (RIP) isn’t supposed to be a paragon of virtue and morality on this show, but GODDAMN that is gross and freaking me out still. So while Winston had no idea he was sleeping with a hooker, Nick and his dad were having a heart to heart about how the best things in life happen when you don’t let yourself think too much about them.

We got a lot of Fat Suit Schmidt in this episode, which is not my favorite kind of Schmidt. But other people like him, so I’ll shut up about it. Anyway, he lost his virginity to Elizabeth (maybe?), but Nick was in the room high on mushrooms, Schmidt used a disgusting amout of lube, and ended up sliding off of Elizabeth and the top bunk, and landing on top of Nick, who was crawling across the floor. Then they sort of lube-wrestle for a bit. It was weird. The Boyfriend found it funny. I’m just not the demographic for Fat Suit Schmidt avec Lube. Anyway, presumably Schmidt & Eilzabeth end up making the sex and not just sliding around all over each other. Congrats to them.

Read the rest of this entry »

 Call me crazy, or was this week’s New Girl episode, Bacehlorette Party, kind of meh?

I mean, it was a good idea. I enjoyed the overall concept. There were a lot of really quick, hilarious one-liners. But I just…didn’t laugh as much as I normally do. It was probably my mood getting in the way of me enjoying things than the actual fault of this episode.

Sometimes I’m annoyingly gloomy.

Regardless of me, the episode was all about Cece’s arranged marriage to Shivrang—whose name we find out Cece has been mispronouncing since she met him—which will happen in “three weeks.” I don’t know if that’s an actual three weeks our time, or three weeks TV time, but I’m pretty sure the wedding is supposed to be the season finale, complete with Taylor Swift. For real. If her appearance isn’t somehow connected to Schmidt singing “Speak Now” at the wedding, I quit.

Read the rest of this entry »

God, New Girl airing on a Thursday really, really threw me off. And I had this huge meeting at work on Friday where I had to pitch a book/my editing skills/my publishing department/my publishing house to a celebrity I like mucho (it went well, thanks for asking.), and TVD wasn’t on, and so I ended up going to Panera and ordering too much macaroni and re-watching an entire disc of Veronica Mars Season 1. And totally forgot that New Girl was on.

So here I am, on Monday, writing this. I know you’re dying to talk about it.

Because the episode, “First Date,” was about Jess & Nick’s first date. Complete with Tran the Always Smiling Mute Asian Man, DERMOT MULRONEY, an affable cop, Outside Dave, and a large black man dancing around in his underwear.

It was pretty great.
Read the rest of this entry »

I have a bone to pick with the New Girl casting people.

Why in the world did they not cast Charlie Day as Nick’s brother? WHY?

I mean, seriously. It’s the most perfect casting option. And maybe I’m not the only one to see that, and maybe the casting people were all like, “We need Charlie Day.” and then Charlie Day said no because he’s too high-fallutin’ these days or something.

But I doubt it.

…It should also be said that I CAN’T FUCKING STAND Nick Kroll.

But unfortunately I’m not a casting director and my thoughts and opinions are moot. Read the rest of this entry »

As one of my Facebook friends put it, “How is it that every episode of New Girl is the new best episode of New Girl?”

That pretty much sums it up.

Bethany, Out.

(Just kidding. You know I have way more to say than that.)
Read the rest of this entry »

This week’s episode, “Table 34,” confirmed my worst fears: post-kiss New Girl might be horrible.

Okay, those aren’t my WORST fears. I definitely have nightmares about giant insects with two heads and horns that try to eat my mom’s dog fairly often. And sometimes I am CERTAIN that there are people who watch me through windows, waiting for the perfect opportunity to kidnap me and … then I don’t know what.

But you get what I mean. The inevitable Jess/Nick hook-up on this show is something that everyone accepted as THE THING THAT WILL HAPPEN at some point, and now that it’s happened—in a very very satisfying episode—the next episode, which I was hoping would also be very very satisfying, was not at all.

AT ALL. Read the rest of this entry »

Y’ALL.

I CAN’T.

I DON’T EVEN.

WAHHHHH.

Read the rest of this entry »

Y’all.

I adored last night’s episode.

ADORED.

It was hysterical. All the way around. I kept pausing so I could laugh and not miss anything. I mean, for real. My roommate thought I was going mad. I’m fairly certain he had a therapist on speed dial.

And of course, I’m the asshole who didn’t note which of the New Girl writers worked on this episode, and for some reason IMDB isn’t telling me.

Anyway. This episode, “Pepperwood,” was amazing. Serious Emmy-bait. For everyone involved.

It was so good that I have no idea how to recap it. I mean it. I’m just. Just go watch it and then come back and comment.

Okay, fine. I’ll try to recap. I promise nothing.

Read the rest of this entry »