Biggest Loser

No promises, folks, but I thought I would toss up this post for everyone to submit their questions and see if we can get our Biggest Loser friends (acquaintences?), Oatmeal and Sunshine, to answer then. What burning questions do you have that you want answered?

Mine is this: How much work is done on them in terms of physical therapy, massage therapy, and injury treatment? I’m assuming they have to go through some pretty heavy-duty physicals to find out all the things that are wrong with them before they first work out, but I’m wondering more on the maintaining side. I work out hard for an hour and I’m sore for three days. I can’t imagine hitting the gym daily for 4-8 hours and not being incredibly sore, blistered and bruised.

Also, thanks to Sarah, Oatmeal’s wife and Sunshine’s mom, for being a great sport about the ribbing that we’ve been giving all the contestants, trainers, and definitely Allie.

Anyway, submit your questions and we’ll see what happens. To the comments!

Recap recap recap. In case you missed the season so far, some big fat people are now little skinny people.

The first reveal is Daris. He really doesn’t look too much different from the last show. However, it does look way different than the holographic Daris next to him. He got a pretty hot looking girlfriend though. Koli pops out next. He is in quite the awful outfit, including horrendous pink pants. And as expected, Daris pulled off the win in the America Votes contest.

Here comes Shay from last season. She has Stretch Armstrong arms. And legs. And face. She has lost 224 lbs since she started the Biggest Loser. Pretty impressive. She ended up winning $52k but Subway will double it if Jared (the Subway guy) and Shay complete a marathon at the end of the year.  [I thought for sure you were going to say "bang".  Hell, I'd throw in a couple dollars on that and I don't even know who Shay is. --SB]

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I have a buddy named Andy, who we will call AJR so as to be less confusing, that each year works up the numbers on the Biggest Loser contestants and figures out who has the best chances to win the title of Biggest Loser. I thought I would share AJR’s most recent post with you guys.

Anyway, one of my favorite blogs to write is the Biggest Loser math for the finale. Let’s look at the final four.

Ashley – 5’5″, 25 yrs old, starting weight – 374 (wow), last weight – 213 (loss of 43.04%)
Michael – 6’3″, 30 yrs old, starting weight – 526 (wow), last weight – 299 (loss of 43.16%) [Note from Andy: corrected these numbers slightly]
Koli – 6’1″, 28 yrs old, starting weight – 403, last weight – 218 (loss of 45.91%)
Daris – 5’10″, 25 yrs old, starting weight – 346, last weight – 197 (loss of 43.06%)

Before we get too far, let me throw Koli and Daris out of the picture. Their starting weight was not high enough. Ashley is 4 inches shorter than Daris but 30 lbs heavier at the beginning. Wow. Koli at 6’1″ could maybe get down to 175. That is really skinny. However, even at 175, Michael would beat him with a weight of 225 and Ashley would beat him with a weight of 160.

Initially, I thought Michael was in the driver’s seat but I am wrong. Ashley is the driver. This is Ashley’s game to lose. At 5’5″, she could easily end up at 140. That is 73 more lbs but totally doable for the season finale. If she ends at 140, that is a weight loss of 62.57%. Mike would have to weigh in at 196 to barely beat her. I am not saying Michael won’t lose 103 more lbs. It just looks a little easier for Ashley to win this game.

In Season 7, Helen who is 5’6″ ended up at 117 lbs. Rebecca from Season 8 who is 5’6″ ended up at 140 lbs. Ashley is an inch shorter than both of them. My final guess for her is 132, a weight loss of 64.7%. Michael will not end up at 184.

My final guesses as as follows:

Ashley – 132
Michael – 192
Koli – 177
Daris – 165

Seems interesting that the biggest dude (Mike) and the biggest girl (Ashmonster) were the two guaranteed finalists. Also, all the remaining contestants are under the age of 30 (Oatmeal being the last older contest being eliminated).

So, did that align with what you thought? Who is your choice to win it all?

After starting off the last show before the finale with a butt-load of recapping, the contestants are heading home for 30 days.

At home, they weigh in in front of their friends. I love it how they made them take their shirts off at the initial weigh in and now that they are fit they get to leave them on. Exploit that insecurity while they have it. After they complete their weigh in for their hometowns, Allie pops up and tells them they get to do a marathon sans bike.

While at home, Koli Bear gets some quality time with his dad, Mike cooks healthy with his family, Daris gets hit on by his mom, and Ashmonster is trying to deal with her dad’s death. Ashmonster calls up Mike and they decide they are going to do it. Before you get completely grossed out, they are referring to the marathon. I’m also suspicious that they might be dating.

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So this post is a couple of days late due to me being a slacker. I didn’t think it was a huge deal, but then this comment popped up on my last post from Sarah, an Oatmeal lover, much like myself.

“Are you missing Oatmeal to much that you can’t write this week?”

ZING! She showed me. On with the review.

Wow, so much scheming in the house. The White-Orange-Pink vs Yellow-Gray match up is heating up. Koli is on fire. Too bad that none of these schemes matter because there is only a red line. If you are the lowest player, you are gone. This is the last elimination of the season before the finale.

Two players come back from different ends of the spectrum: Helen is still skinny after winning two seasons ago and Eric from season three gained nearly all of his weight back.

Helen talks to Ashmonster about her partying and drinking. Eric talks to Daris about hooking up with chicks and using that as motivation. Helen got a little obsessive with losing weight (as we could tell from her anorexic look at the finale). She chatted with Sunshine about going into maintenance mode. Eric took a stroll with Koli and it hit Koli that it isn’t going to be smooth sailing at home, especially since Sam moved to LA for his chica. Helen and Eric are double teaming Mike, although it isn’t as sexy as it sounds.

Argh! Mike just said “flustrating!” That is not a word! Irregardless, Mike is stuggling with the obsessive stuff that Helen was talking about. He is also really caught up with this whole “I’m still obese and I’m going home soon” thing.

And then he completely loses his shit. This is some major flustration going on here. He and Bob have a touching conversation. Are they going to kiss? Now things are getting uncomfortable.

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Its about F’ing time: MAKEOVER WEEK!!!!

The contestants are getting $1,000 to blow on clothes plus they’ll get a new hair do.

For the clothes shopping portion, it’s really cool to see these guys shopping at a regular store. Mike’s still, even after 183 lbs, shopping at the big guy store though. For the hair part, they all got to hang out together. Good thing there isn’t a poofy and awful salon, otherwise half the contestants would have had to head over there. I’m looking at you Sunshine, Daris, and Mike.

Sunshine looks great. She looks like Jordin Sparks from American Idol. Her brothers were a little creepy talking about how good she looks. Holy Koli! He looks like a regular person. Love the emo glasses, but I feel like he should be playing a guitar and looking at his feet. The ol’ Ashmonster still needs quite a bit of work. Plus the sound of screaming girls really makes me want to stab myself in the cochlea. Sam is looking sharp. As if he couldn’t be more of a heart throb. Alright, enough of my swooning over Sam. Daris gets biggest change of the night so far, but let’s see what Mike has in store. Wow, its a toss up. Mike looks really great. Its amazing how all these people’s lack of confidence spilled over into their appearance. They went from fat and frumpy to skinny and frumpy. Now they are skinny and stylin’.

Awesome, the contestants are off to a concert. Umm, Ashanti? Really? God I’m glad I have a DVR. We skipped straight through that Ashanti horseshit. Whoever thought that was a good idea (besides Ashanti) should be fired. And by fired, I mean put in front of a firing squad. My wife actually said she was trying to think of an R&B singer who had nothing going on right now. That should have been the first clue it was Ashanti.

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The contestants are headed to Texas for the week. They will be in charge of getting the people of Texas in shape. Jillian will be working with a former contestant and Bob will be training some people at a gym.

Wow, Texas is enroute to having 75% of the state be overweight or obese. That is pretty shocking. The contestants head to the radio stations to advertise a 5k run. $10 BILLION a year for obesity related diseases. It is great to see these regular people who are being inspired by BL contestants. Koli met a dude named Jeff who has lost 90 lbs because he saw Michael, the teenager from the Brown team a couple years back lose so much. 90 lbs on your own is huge. Cici, the lady with the bad knees is the last to finish at 2 hour and 8 minutes. I curious how a lady in her late-40s/early-50s had knees that bad. Crazy. All in all, lots of dustiness on this episode.

Impressive contestent of the day: Daris. He ended up running the 5k in about 21 minutes. That is a 7 minute mile for those of you scoring things at home and that is really good.

Is it just me or is these season really long? When Allie mentioned the Olympic Train Facility, my wife asked, “Was that this season?” Exactly.

Bob is at the gym working people out and he just said, “I could do this every day.” Umm, Bob, isn’t that you what you do everyday as it is?

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Straight off the bat, we get a food challenge. The kitchen is closed and all meals have to be eaten in a room with healthy and unhealthy food. The person who eats the most calories gets the only vote at elimination. If the big eater falls below the yellow line, it’s back to a normal vote.

On one side of the room: bacon and eggs, donuts, bagels, cake, cookies, burgers, wings, and hotdogs; on the other side: veggies, fruit, cheese, and other healthy stuff. If no one decides to play the game, Sam is in good shape since he eats the most calories on campus anyway. Koli decides he is going to win to protect Sam and gorges himself on 1,545 calories. Mike doesn’t play the game but ends up faking that he ate a bunch to Vicky. Koli goes in for round 2 at lunch and downs another 2,064 calories. I think you have it in the bag, Koli. Now he is just being ridiculous. My wife is screaming about the french fries. Apparently she is craving fries and the fact that everyone is rejecting them is driving her crazy.

Koli is completely stupid. If he keeps eating, he is going to end up below the yellow line and Sam will be right there with him. That means that one of the two would go home. At least they follow it up with a 5 hour workout although they are not sleeping which could be just as bad. The next day, Jillian nails it and calls Koli out for being co-dependent. He absolutely is. Both of his shady game play moves involved him trying to save Sam (tossing Stephanie under the bus and now the eating thing).

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Straight into the pop challenge, off the bat, my wife informs me that they have to eat quarters. Oops, nope, they just have to hold a tray and put quarters on it. For every quarter the winner has, they get $10. That means 1,000 quarters translates to $10k. This looks like a stupid challenge. By the end, I wanted to amputate my arm because they were in such raging agony. Looks like I’m the stupid one. Mike ends up winning and apparently the sponsors, Total cereal, didn’t run through their budget because they end up doubling Mike’s winnings of $1,000 and giving second place Sunshine her final total of $650.

Would you look who it is: Suze Orman. Get ready for a bunch of stupid cliches and catchphrases since that is all she can do. Barf. She brings in Danny, the winner from last season. Suze begins asking questions and the big revelation is that Koli doesn’t count his calories. What the F? How can you be on a weight loss show and NOT count your calories? We usually don’t know these things and it is interesting to find out why he has been all over the charts. Suze picks Sunshine to win the whole thing based on her credit score. She nailed it last year by picking Danny.

Man, Victoria is being a big baby. She pansies out on every workout. Jillian is going to run her till her legs fall off. That is something I want to watch. Now we get to hear Vicky ramble incoherently. She has stolen that crown from Oatmeal.

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Vicky’s first elimination experience is rough on her. Still hard to believe she just wrapped up her first full week on campus in week 12.

Melissa is still 100% game playing. Bob even told her game play is going to bite her in the ass. Again. This dummy just doesn’t get it.

Allie’s back to her grunge roots with that silly plaid blazer. Weird. Are you paying attention, marthapao?

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