Vampire Diaries. My emotions? How is this even happening right now?

Oh my GOD, you guys.  Now that?  Was an EPISODE.  I swear.  Episodes like this make the set up ones (like last week) all worth it.  Also, did you notice that there was no Bonnie?  Coincidence?  I think not.  But let’s not talk about her anymore, because we have so much important shit to discuss!

First of all, the ball.  I mean, on the one hand, I find it hilarious that everyone in town is adequately prepared to throw a full-fledged BALL on a moment’s notice, but on the other hand, I’m fairly certain that I also have a Cinderella fetish, so god bless Mystic Falls, right?  And I totally cracked up when Klaus complimented Caroline’s dancing and she cited her extensive training as … a resident of Mystic Falls.  Hee!  Well played, writers.

Also?  This was kind of a bottle episode, right?  All the characters together in one place for the entire episode?  Except it was way more awesome than getting snowed in or having a stupid “Truth Up” sleepover at your high school.  I mean … sparkly dresses, handsome men in tuxedoes, blood champagne, and so much sexual tension.  SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION!  Between everyone.  And I loved the dance where they kept switching partners.  It was a dizzying sequence of sexy awesomeness.  And I’m pretty sure this gets us one step closer to everyone fucking everyone in a big, sweaty, naked pile, which I’m pretty sure is the ultimate dream end game for all of us here.  We’re just like, three or four slice-your-palm-open spells away from everyone just strippin’ down and gettin’ NASTY.  We’re going to have to find a solution soon, because this party was so full of (mostly) unrealized sexual potential that I’m officially naming it The Blue Ball.  Listen, do you think if we all pooled our money together, like the entire fandom, maybe five bucks a person, that we could round up enough money to pay the actual actors to star in a porn version of TVD?  I’ll be taking suggestions for the spoofy porn title in the comments.  Bring your A game.

Alright.  Let’s dive into this.  You know where I’m starting, don’t you?  Yup.  Caroline.

She tore it up this week.  I loved her and Elena talking about Elena kissing Damon (so Caroline, being hurt about Elena not having girl talk with her), and I loved her message from (and to) Tyler.  Although … dammit all if him saying, “I’m gonna fix myself and come home to you,” didn’t REEK of tragedy.  They love to really keep me on edge with Tyler.  Although …

Basically, this show can sell me on ANYONE with Caroline.  I have loved her, and I don’t mean “liked”, to be clear, I mean LOVED her with everyone she’s been with.  And I kind of love how I feel like her feelings about Matt have come up to the surface a little bit lately.  I mean, things did end suddenly and VERY strangely between the two of them, so I kind of loved her agreeing to go to the dance to spy on Matt and Rebekah and then doing just that, WHILE dancing with Klaus.  And then KLAUS … but we’ll get back to that.  The point is, I so far feel like Tyler, when he’s not out being all sired and biting her and stuff, has been the best match for Caroline.  But the longer he’s gone, and the more I see her with Klaus, the more I kind of … forget about Tyler.  And really, well done, Show.  Because it’s probably not unlike that for Caroline.

Something about the look and feel of this, and how they look at each other, reminds me of the Claire Danes/Leonardo DiCaprio Romeo & Juliet costume ball scene. Which you should all know, is HIGH PRAISE. I could look at this gif all day.

And okay, how about the way Klaus LOOKED at her when she walked in?  You guys.  It was SO Hilary Duff and Chad Michael Murray in A Cinderella Story, which yes, I DO own on DVD.  And LOVE.  But seriously, I think I was clinically dead for a minute there.  Joseph Morgan, you sexy motherfucker.  I have decided that he has OFFICIALLY joined the ranks of Nathan Fillion of really knowing how to LOOK at a woman.  This is major, y’all.  That is as high an honor as it gets.  Did anyone, in that moment, man, woman, gay, straight, animal, space invader, etc. NOT want to be Caroline?  GOD.  I’m officially sold on Klaus.  I’m sold on him for Caroline, and I’m sold on him to stick around.  Do you guys think that Caroline can redeem him enough that they call off this whole killing him and restoring the balance of nature thing?  (And good lord, could I be any more fickle?)

And the rest of their interactions were golden too.  I loved how hard Klaus was having to work and how much Caroline wasn’t having it.  He kept trying to compliment her and she just kept rolling her eyes and reminding him that he’s evil and made her hybrid boyfriend bite her.  Ha!  Oh, Caroline.  Never change.  Sidenote: when Klaus took Caroline to the art room and she asked what he wanted to show her, did anyone else hope it was his wiener?  Because I totally did.  Also, while we’re having a sidebar here, every time I saw Ringer commercials during TVD tonight, all I could think about was how Candice Accola would’ve made such a kickass Buffy in a reboot.

But the truly pivotal scene between those two was by the horse, where Klaus again offered Caroline everything–to take her anywhere to do anything.  But Caroline wasn’t having it, because she knows that getting things the way Klaus has been getting them doesn’t end well for anyone.  So she fights him, and he calls her out about the bracelet, and she rips it off and throws it on the ground (which seems to really shock him, which seemed subtle, and yet I loved it) and totally calls him out, and pegs him perfectly–his daddy issues have made him think that no one will ever love him, so he does some seriously fucked up shit in the name of not being alone.  But she tells him that it doesn’t work like that, and it’s all so raw and brutal, and she’s not afraid of him at all (unlike probably most everyone else he’s dealt with in the last … at least five hundred years, right?), and you can see on Klaus’ face that it’s so honest that it really gets through to him and he knows she’s right.  And you know?  Klaus seems to have somewhat of an innate understanding of Caroline … that she’s resilient and vivacious and positive, and that she WILL want to see the world and do it all, and he even seems vaguely amused by her sassiness and stubbornness, and is willing to put up with it.  I genuinely do think that he fancies her (adorable, by the way).  But what’s perfect about this scene is that Caroline really gets Klaus, too.  She gets him in a way that it seems like no one else has, and again, Caroline being so amazing made Klaus an instantly more compelling character (because he was SOOOO boring before, OBVIOUSLY).  And not that we didn’t all know that this was going to happen eventually anyway, but in that scene, you knew … IT IS ON.

And if it wasn’t on then?  It was DEFINITELY on when Klaus gave Caroline a PONY.  Well, okay.  It was a drawing (a beautiful drawing) of her with a horse, but it was wrapped up in a little black box, and it had a heartfelt note thanking Caroline for her honesty.  Caroline is a sucker for people appreciating her (which happens WAY too infrequently, thanks to Elena’s magic vagina always stealing the show), and she has a definite weakness for people who need her.  And oh my GOD, you guys … if anyone has ever needed someone to love them, it’s Klaus.

This show manipulates me so hard.  I feel whatever they want me to feel, and I LOVE IT.

Next, let’s discuss Rebekah.  I love her.  And I love the whole competitive mean girl thing that she has going on with Caroline.  And OMG, I loved Klaus bitching to his mom that Rebekah wasn’t out of her coffin for a whole day before trying to ruin his life.  I really laughed out loud.  Something about Klaus and Esther is just priceless.  (Also, she is SO PRETTY.  Right?)  And I know that there was the big Damon and Rebekah sex scene (although to be honest, I prefer her when she’s telling him to shut up and/or daggering him), but I actually really loved her and Matt.  And I love how Matt avoided being murdered just by being a sweet, polite guy.  And I like the callback to the idea that Rebekah has really never had a chance to be normal.  She’s never gone to a prom or high school … she’s just never had time for it.  And now here she is, and the quarterback is putting his letter jack it around her, and it’s new and special.  I love how she and Caroline are really similar in a lot of ways, but they’ve basically had completely opposite lives.  And I know I just said I love the mean girling, but I also sort of hope those two end up being friends.

I really wish Matt would get over his whole vampire aversion, though.  I mean … that sounds bad, right?  It’s not like being involved with vampires has been great for anyone he knows, and one did turn his sister, who was then killed, and who he had to banish in ghost form.  I know.  It’s traumatic.  But I think that my biggest issue is that as long as Matt is completely anti all things supernatural, he’s always going to be on the periphery of the stories, and I want him to be involved.  I guess if they can find a way to make it happen, that would do it for me, but it’s just … it’s hard when a character is, completely in keeping with his character, insisting on being segregated from the action.  Where do you go with that?

Matt needs friends.

And finally … Elena and the Salmatores Salvatores.  First of all, I LOVED Elena’s dress.  She should’ve worn THAT to whatever awards show she went to with Ian Somerhalder where it was good from the calves up but the bottom looked like red napkins.  Just let the wardrobe people dress you, honey!  Those bitches know what they’re doing!

There was a lot of the recent usual, with Stefan snarking about Damon and Elena and acting like he didn’t care, and the bros took turns dancing with Elena and watching broodily.  Like I said, the usual.  Still, a couple of really interesting things happened.  The first was that we had some forward movement on the Stefan front.  The conversation that he and Elena had, where he helped her get to Esther alone, was really insightful.  Elena commented that he had always let her make her own decisions while they were together, and at least that hadn’t changed.  Gah.  And then Stefan lied to her face, and said that he cared about killing Klaus more than anything else.  I mean … we all knew that wasn’t true, right?  But then when he admitted it to Elena at her house?  I DIED.  It was so intense.  And I have really, really loved bad Stefan this season.  I honestly never thought they’d draw it out this long, but I love what they’ve done with him.  And Paul Wesley is SO GOOD. Did they know he’d be so good at EVERYTHING when they cast him?  Incredible.

I mean, everything with those two tonight was hot–the dancing, the hand on the arm … their chemistry is just smokin’, moreso this season than ever.  But I really loved the scene after the party, where they’re just talking, and where Stefan admitted that he hated himself for what he did to Elena but he couldn’t deal with feeling it.  The exact line was, “If I let myself care, all I feel is pain.”  I actually almost made that the title, but it really wasn’t reflective of how I felt about the episode on the whole.  Still, I thought it was a clear and concise line that’s really relatable in a human way.  Vampires aren’t the only ones who can shut off their emotions, and something about the way Stefan said it was just so universal, ya know?

And overall, I liked the impression tonight that those two still love each other, but they’re so different and so much has happened, and I feel like Stefan is going to have to work for Elena’s love if he wants it back (and he does, obviously).  The first time, she just gave it to him freely.  The next time, he’ll have to fight for it.  As he should.  And that’s a story that I want to see unfold.

Now, shit went down with Damon, too.  Damon really is looking out for Elena’s best interests, and he is trying to protect her.  And in keeping with everything he’s done so far, he’s trying to make executive decisions and just force what he wants upon her.  It comes from a good place, but it’s just not going to work.  Elena is more stubborn than that, and she finds ways of getting what she wants.  I did love when he yelled at her that he was mad at her because he loved her.  It felt really, really true.  And you could tell that Elena believed it, but she just couldn’t bring herself to say it back yet.  But the love for him is there, and you know where it was most telling?  When she told Stefan that she’d call him to let him know she got home okay.  That’s something you do for someone that you care about and who cares about you.

Still, I think that the whole night, with Damon being left out of the loop, and Elena putting herself in danger against all his best efforts, and everyone telling him that his caring was a liability, was finally just too much.  I think that stuff combined with the fact that he accidentally had a really painfully open moment with Elena, where he told her passionately how he felt (on both ends of the spectrum in one statement, no less), and she didn’t give him anything really just finally pushed him over the edge.  And Elena was so right–he IS being self-destructive right now, all picking fights with Originals and fucking Rebekah (this CAN’T end well, right?).  I mean … again, maybe it’s wrong to say, but I kind of like this Damon.  I missed him!  I like when he’s being a loose cannon and fucking shit up.  And I mean, he really DOES always have good intentions but when he starts making crazy decisions everything just gets completely out of control and it’s SO GOOD story wise.  I think we’re in for some good stuff.

Also, I always thought Damon and Rebekah had good chemistry.  I wouldn’t have minded seeing them together in a more serious way (and not in a “we just got dumped by humans on the same night” way), so if that’s something that pans out later, I’d be down.  (Plus, if one of the Originals is alive, that means they all are, right?  So that’s an added bonus.)

Alright, just a few stray thoughts to wrap up here and then I’m going to let you guys have at it.

• Did anyone else notice when Elena was walking in and they showed the shot of her from behind that she had kind of a rat tail thing going on?  What a hipster!
• That blood tree was BEAUTIFUL.  They had some seriously good art in this episode, and also?  I thought that effect was really well done.  It didn’t look computer generated at all.
• So far I’m not 100% sold on Finn and Kol.  I mean, Kol adds some necessary evil, but … Finn just seems kind of blah.  I’m glad there’s someone around to take over the weird hair duties though, now that Elijah is fresh to death.  (Yeah, I quoted Jersey Shore about an Original.  What about it?)
• Did anyone see Tiki’s grandad at the ball?  I heard he was there but I didn’t see him.  I really wanted to see him in his tux!

Okay, that does it for me.  I’ve talked this one to DEATH, I’m so sorry you just spent so much time reading this!  But I really did love this episode, and I still feel like there are things I probably missed.  So please, talk to me in the comments!  We have a new system but it’s easy to use, just takes a second, and I NEEEEEED me some comments!  Feel free to tell me if I missed anything, got my facts confused, if you agree or disagree, your favorite lines, moments, quotes … really, anything you want to talk about, I’m down for!  Let’s have a ball in the comments!  (See what I did there?)