Merry Christmas! As an early Christmas present since you were all good little girls and boys, Satan left you an extra episode of Up All Night. It was the one where Reagan and Chris were away from Amy for the first time. I loved it and you can read my recap for it if you haven’t already. And just to clarify, I meant to type Satan, not Santa. They are pretty much the same person, am I right?
Gene and Terri (as opposed to Terry and Jean) have gone all out with the Christmas decorations. We are talking Clark Griswold-level decorations. And Amy’s eyes were lighting up. She was in love with the decorations.
Aside: Can we just talk about the fact that Chevy Chase from the Vacation movies, Caddyshack, and Fletch bears zero resemblance to that curmudgeonly old fart they claim is Chevy Chase on Community. What happened? Has there ever been a person who ended up further from their origins the Chevy? Sometimes I’m shocked when I see Chevy in things where he is funny and having a good time (you know, the old stuff). And I fully blame Chevy Chase for Community to getting cancelled, er, hiatus’d. #sixseasonsandamovie #endrant
Back to the decorations, Reagan is pretty much obsessive about things. This week, she gets hooked on Christmas decorating. Specifically, the plastic Santa with the reindeer that goes like this:
Her quest for said Santa is unfruitful. In a surprising turn of events, Reagan’s straight-laced mom steals the vintage Santa from the white-trash, over-decorating former-neighbors, the Tardinos from when Reagan was a kid.
Ava has decided to whisk Kevin away on a whirlwind trip to Utah for a snow and ski vacation. His ex-wife has other plans and decides they should spend Christmas together with the daughter, McKenna, nixing any romantic skiing dreams that Ava had. She tweets from Utah, but in reality, she sets up shop at Chris and Reagan’s to be a creepy, binocular-wielding stalker. I love the ex-wife bashing they do on Ava’s behalf: Compulsive liar, ran a Ponzi scheme, huge badonkadonk, talk about woof, bad breath. She ends up getting busted by Kevin for being a celebrity stalker that is actually a celebrity.
Chris is having romantic struggles of his own. He is trying to balance the difficult what-she-says-she-wants vs what-she-actually-wants argument. Chris, brother, I feel your pain. Since he hasn’t had a job for the last year, he decides to take his hockey memorabilia collection, hock it, and get Reagan a tennis bracelet made of diamonds. When Will Arnett said diamonds with the accent, I totally felt a Gob Bluth vibe going on. And I also liked the Modern Family-ish eye spray with the cologne bottle.
In the end, Amy’s eyes light up from the Christmas decorations (or rather Reagan and her mom falling off the ladder maybe), Ava and Kevin affirm their relationship, and Reagan gets her eyes lit up by the tennis bracelet from Chris. All is well, except that Gene and Terri are still alive to sing Christmas carols, including Terri beatboxing.
What would you say if I had some quotes for you?
“Reagan has been doing really well this year. Did you know she makes 70% of what the male producer at the Ellen Show makes?”
“What does this smell like?” “Waxy cinnamon?” “Christmas! It smells like Christmas.”
“I’m burning up! Missy, come get me out of this fucking thing! What’s happening?!? I feel like I’m being raped by a sleeping bag!”
“Chris, what are we going to do with our little obsessive compulsive?” “Well, this little ADHD boy is not going to touch that one with a ten foot pole.”
“Is it just me or is this snowman perverse? Gyrating like that with no pants on.”
“Ew, a fruit basket for Christmas? Hope you wanted fruit flies for Christmas, Claire.”
“Ga-goosh? Is that a penis sound?”
“That was a little elf decoration, right? Not like a little man. I just thought I heard a little ‘Oh no!’ or something on impact.”
So how is your Christmas season going so far? Excited for all the Christmas-themed TV episodes? Hopefully this one made your favorites list. Let me know what you thought in the comments.