Hello, Off Color TVians! Due to Thanksgiving travels and reruns, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. Side note, don’t you know if we were all hanging out somewhere chatting over a platter of assorted meats and cheeses and I used the phrase ‘its been a while’, there would be that one guy who breaks out into an acapella version of that Staind song? Is that just me, or does that happen to you too?

Before I officially move into the Modern Family Christmas season, I have to tell everyone about something that happened after my family’s Thanksgiving dinner. My sister and I were standing in the kitchen. I was eating a piece of pie that she had made whose ingredients included chocolate, cheesecake, whipped cream, and I think Oreos. It was pie and it was cheesecake. I’m not sure how she made that work, but she did and I applaud her for it. I began to tell her how magical her pie was so she told me the story of how she got the recipe:

Me: This pie is so good, it makes me want to slap my sister… I’m just kidding.

Sister: It is good isn’t it? I got the recipe from this lady at church. We had a dinner one Sunday after church and this lady brought it. I told her I had to have the recipe. She said she would bring it to church the next week. That whole week, I was like “Lord, please don’t let her die, please don’t let her die.”

Sister#2: Wait…wasn’t that Linda…who has cancer?

 Sister: Yes

Ok, I know you came here for Modern Family and not my personal preferences in pies so I will get on with it. Christmas episodes are always hit or miss, usually either incredibly cheesy and stale or hilarious. I thought last night’s MF was great, probably one of the better Christmas episodes we will see this season.

We start the night with Phil cancelling Christmas due to an unexplained cigarette burn on the couch. After only a few minutes of Phil and Claire’s interrogation, I was convinced none of the kids had anything to do it with. Alex conjuring up the Spartacus plan only furthered my beliefs. I just couldn’t figure out how the burn actually got there. (SPOILER ALERT! (that is the first time I have ever actually used that phrase. (I swear.))) I would have never guessed the Seinfeld-esque revelation at the end where the ornament Phil’s parents had gotten them, that was so casually mentioned in the opening, would end up being the culprit. Nicely played, MF writers. Also, nicely played Alex, for stepping up and atoning for throwing Luke under the bus and being willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of a Dunphy Christmas. I hope you get a window seat on the flight to Italy.

 One of my constant favorite things about Modern Family is Jay’s interaction with Gloria and Manny’s Columbian culture. Jay is old and set in his ways, and then here come Gloria and Manny with Mexican ways of their own (burrito, bur-ray-to). Jay, as always, was reluctant to give in at first. Really, who can blame him? I haven’t been able to comfortably watch a video on the internet since about 2003 due to those shock video gags. At the end of the episode, we think Jay has had enough when he returns home announcing there are to be no more Columbian traditions allowed in the house. Then he popped his head back around the corner proclaiming “Innocente!” He even had fireworks and a nice sappy voice over to close out the show. I’ve seen were some people are complaining about the voiceovers at the end of the episodes, I don’t mind them.

Then there’s Cam and Mitch who each have a little problem of their own. Mitch is getting homeless men fired from their jobs and Cam has a nemesis Christmas caroler. Feeling guilty for getting Bad Santa fired from his job and not wanting him to spend Christmas Eve in his car, despite the fact it is much roomier now that his wife moved out, the guys asked Bad Santa over for dinner. That was a bit of a stretch to me, but all the jokes that it brought on made up for it. Like Mitch’s confession about getting him fired tuned into how he had forgotten to clean the lint trap, as Santa was unveiling a miniature machete from his boot. Turns how Santa knew all along, but was teaching the boys, especially Cam, a lesson in forgiveness. Cam’s nemesis caroler showed up with his The New Greensleevers, obviously to rub it in Cameron’s nose. As Cam was about to turn the sprinklers on them Santa talked him into being the bigger man and making nice. Cam tried to be the adult and talk to the man who had staged a coup that had gotten him kicked out of his own caroling group, but the favor was not returned. This resulted in Bad Santa punching him in the face. Why? Because Cam was nice and the other guy was naughty.

Sadly, this is the last new episode until January, but when I return I promise not to reference any forgotten early 2000’s bands’ work. This was a great episode to go out on and I hope all of you have a great holiday season.

If this post were a DVD, this part would be the extra features:

• I don’t think there was a better choice than Fred Willard as Phil’s dad

• Cameron’s poinsettia themed western shirt

• Manny: “OK, but if this so-called Santa Claus doesn’t bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, we’re going to have a big problem.”

• Cameron is really taking the phrase “sonovabitch” and making it his own isn’t he?

• Scott the Santa: “Can I bring anything? Ketchup? Soy sauce? Straws?”

• Luke: “But I already have a book.”

 • Jay: “I’m sure they do, but as you’ll notice from the lack of goats in the street, we are not in Columbia.”

• Phil – Haley, I guess I will have to take back that car. Haley- I was getting a car! Phil- No, I was lying because that’s what we do now.

• Does anyone else think Hailey looks like a mini Mila Kunis?

SB Edit: Go comment!  (You know it isn’t a post unless I demand that you comment.  So I demand.)