New Girl. Actually, Let’s Not Laugh When You’re Near My Penis.

Welp, the World Series is over, and now non-baseball related TV is allowed to be back on FOX during prime time. So after what seems like a thousand years (but was actually just three weeks), there’s a new episode of New Girl. 

Now, y’all, I won’t lie I was a little nervous about this episode. The pilot was so-so, the second episode just didn’t do it for me, but I loved the third episode something fierce. So, this fourth episode, in my estimation, should really make or break my feelings on New Girl. And you know what? I liked it. *fireworks*

So, this episode starts off with all the roommates watching a scary movie. Jess, wearing printed pajamas and eating ice cream, freaks out about watching a scary movie, then talks about Fame, then “predicts” that “That guy is gonna blow himself up. Wah Wahhh.” (read: she told them what was going to happen because she’s already seen the scary movie she’s complaining about being too scary), then suggests they all watch An American Tale. I love her.

This fourth episode is, I swear to God, about Nick’s penis. And the fact that Jess accidentally saw it when she just strolled into his room while he was checking himself out before his big post-Caroline date with Amanda (Lake Bell) and listening to reggae music (WHYYYYYY?!), to ask him to turn the awful reggae down. And y’all, her reaction was AWESOME. It was this sort of embarrassed smiling, shriek thing. And it’s pretty much the reaction I’d have if I were to see a surprise penis. I mean, really, a penis is something that you want to be prepared to see because, let’s be honest, they are not attractive things. But that is neither here nor there, and now I’ve talked too much about penises and I’m not even anywhere close to being done with this recap.

SO! Now Jess has seen his penis and Nick is upset because she basically laughed at it. (What did he expect her to do?! The ONLY reaction to surprise penis is to laugh. Unless, of course, it’s a terrifying moment of horribleness and I don’t want to dwell on that. Erlack.) And Nick’s self-confidence is sort of shot because he thinks his penis is laugh-inducing.

So, Nick goes on his date with Amanda, who is channeling Kristen Wiig in her ironic delivery of every line she says, and they go back to her place and the time comes for him to get naked . . . and he can’t do it. Even when SHE gets naked, he can’t do it. So they end up awkwardly cuddling instead.

MEANWHILE, Jess tells Winston and Schmidt that she saw Nick’s penis and laughed at it, and wants their advice on what to do. Schmidt tells her to act like it never happened, but Jess is sure she can’t do that. Winston is pretty much uninterested in this, mostly because he has bigger issues than Nick’s penis (See what I did there?!)—aka, finding a job and learning the last two years of American pop culture—and because he’s also seen Nick’s penis. Upon learning this, Schmidt feels left out because he’s the only roommate who hasn’t seen Nick’s penis and he makes it his mission to see it, even if it involves creepily stalking Nick in the bathroom.

So, Jess is really upset with herself for killing Nick’s self-confidence and she desperately wants to talk about it. But Nick, because he is a dude, absolutely does not want to talk about it. He even goes so far as to break her Feelings Stick. But, no worries, she has a travel size one. Of course she does.

Later, Jess chases Nick throughout the apartment and the building they live in, trying to get him have a mature conversation with her about what happened, but to no avail. Mostly because Nick points out that there’s no way they can have a mature conversation when Jess can’t even say “penis.” And she really can’t. Never in my life have I heard a penis and testicles referred to in such weird, ridiculous terms.

After this encounter, Jess goes to CeCe, who tells Jess that all she needs to do to fix this issue, it to arrange for Nick to “accidentally” see her naked. Jess doesn’t love this idea, but seeing as she has no other plan of action, goes along with it. She wraps herself in a towel and, when she hears Nick coming into the apartment, goes into his room to wait for him. I guess she was going to dramatically whisk the towel off of herself when he walked in? Or something? I mean, I would have probably planned to run into him in the bathroom, but whatever.

So, while Jess is standing in Nick’s room wearing only a towel, he busts in with Amanda and they are making out and obviously preparing to get naked. Amanda goes ahead and takes her shirt off and HOLY LORD are her boobs incredible. I mean, really. They’re impressive. I am jealous. Jess tries to hide by laying on the floor on the other side of the bed, and then crawling toward the door, but Nick spies her and yells at her. At this point, she runs toward the door! But then she can’t get it open! And THEN! Her towel drops! So she does the only thing she really can do—turns around and says, “Hi, I’m Jess. Welcome to our home.” YEP.

At the end of the episode, all of the roommates are pow-wowing. Schmidt and Winston bust out the Feelings Stick and use it against Nick, who absolutely does not want to talk about his feelings or let Schmidt look at his male parts. But, he and Jess are cool and she even learns how to say “penis” without wincing or adding an extra vowel or singing it. So, progress all around.

Random Things:

• This sentence, which would have never even been thought two years ago was said: “Did you see the JWoww retweet of Gaga’s TwitPic?” I’m both happy and sad that I know exactly what that means.
• We got a Schmidt Fat Kid Flashback in this episode! And he was wearing a bunny costume!
• WHERE THE FRACK IS DOUCHE BAG JAR?!
• I’m in the market for a new pair of glasses, and I really want Jess’ glasses. If any of you know what brand/designer these are, LEMME KNOW and I will award you a thousand million Pacey Points.
• Why does Schmidt run with T-Rex arms and wear slicky shorts?!
• This little snippet of dialogue made me all kinds of happy:
  Schmidt: “Country’s broke . . .  Betty White’s back.”
  Winston: “What about the rest of the Golden Girls?”
  Schmidt: “They’re all dead, man.”
  Winston: “Damn.”

So what’d you think of this week’s episode? Did New Girl hold up to your expectations? Do you know from whence Jess’ glasses came? Do you have thoughts about male foldy-parts? Tell me ALL ABOUT IT in comments.