You guys, this week has been SO much fun! Thanks for all of your comments and Twitter pimping – you rock! We’ve covered Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and now we’ve reached our final destination on this week long journey of reflection and self-discovery. Friday’s kind of quiet on tv, but there are still epic battles to be had (hello, we have to choose between Winchesters!), and we’re including some weekend tv to boot, so let’s get to the main event. As you all know by now, my picks are in purple and SB’s are in blue:
So, truth be told, I haven’t watched this show since around the middle of season 2 (I like it, I just fell behind and haven’t had a chance to catch up), so I’m pretty sure that there are a billion characters I don’t know, and probably 3 versions of each character that I do know, but here goes: I’d marry Peter (unless he’s dead? or evil? he was nice and Pacey-like the last time I saw him), eff Astrid cause she’s sassy, and kill Olivia because she has the emotional depth of an automaton (at least she did, I think there are 6 different Olivias now, so one or more of them might be interesting).
Yeah, I had to stop watching this in S1 because of how much I hated Anna Torv. So based on that and like the four or five episodes I watched, kill her, fuck Pacey, and marry the old guy. God, is there anything better than a hilarious and eccentric old man with an accent? No, there is not.
Oh this post is making me feel so guilty, because it’s also been a while since I’ve seen Chuck. The last ep I saw was the one where Chuck proposed to Sarah – I know, I know – I’m going to catch up I promise. ANYWAY I feel perfectly comfortable making my picks regardless. I’d marry Chuck as long he promised to stop being a whiny bitch about our relationship at all times and ESPECIALLY while we’re being attacked by bad guys – he really needs to learn a few things about timing, that guy. I’m having a hard time figuring out who I’d eff between Captain Awesome and Sarah because they are equally hot. Probably Sarah to be honest – the girl is pretty smokin’ and she usually has weapons strapped to her which is kinda sexy. I’d kill Jeff because he is gross.
Awww, Chuck. I’m a little sorry to see it come to an end, but I also sort of think it’s time. I’m going to fuck Sarah. This doesn’t even need an explanation if you’ve ever seen her in a girl fight. Or strapping a weapon to her leg. Or dancing. She OOZES sex. And while I thought about marrying Ellie (again, I like being taken care of), I can’t go through with it because I’m gonna marry Casey. And even though I will never be able to follow his portrayer on Twitter again, I thankfully unfollowed in enough time that my Casey (and Jayne, from Firefly) love remained untainted, and I am in it with Casey for the long haul. We will have a very opposites attract kind of thing going on, obviously, since I am not down with … pretty much anything he’s down with. But he’s so BIG. And I’m going to kill Big Mike. Never been a fan.
This one is SO hard!! And not just because I have to make a Sophie’s Choice between Sam and Dean, but also because no matter who you pick, everyone is SEVERELY fucked up in one way or another. Like, do I really want to be married to Sam and deal with his Hell wall issue forever? Or Dean’s MASSIVE abandonment and trust issues? I mean, neither of these guys is ever going to be the ‘hang out with our friends and get trashed on the weekend’ kind of guy. But okay, moving past that, I guess I’m picking Dean to marry. I love Sam, but he is WAY too emotional. Dean gets upset, but he’ll shed his single perfect man tear and get on with his life whereas Sam has to like write in his diary and keep secrets and stare into the middle distance a lot, and…I just don’t want to deal with that. Plus, TERRIBLE HAIR. ALWAYS. But I will GLADLY deal with it for a night because the boy is fine and has an amazing smile. And he’s tall like a cartoon lumberjack. Who can I kill that hasn’t been killed already? You know who I’m picking? GOD. The REAL one. Because he/she has been off playing golf or whatever while the world falls apart and that is a major dick move. Yeah, I’m going the controversial route – deal with it.
Well, I’m a Dean girl, as we have established like a zillion times, so the only question is, do I want to fuck him or marry him? I’m gonna go with marry him. I’ll take an eternity of Dean, issues and all–I’ll throw him a couple funerals, keep a fridge full of beer, and we’ll be good. Best of all? I am CONSTANTLY having car problems and we know Dean can handle it.
I’m gonna fuck Cas, and not just for the touched by an angel joke, either. Cas is a stone cold fox, and if I can get him during his sex orgy guru phase, all the better for me.
Kill is a little tougher–I wasn’t big (to say the least) on Ruby 2, but she’s already dead and I don’t necessarily want to kill Sam’s real life pregnant wife because that makes me feel gross. So I’m going to go with something that might not go over too well, but … I’m gonna kill Bobby. Hear me out. I kind of think that Bobby should’ve stayed dead at the end of S5. I kind of get Cas coming back (kind of), but bringing Bobby back just seemed cheap. I feel like the show relies on him a lot as a deus ex machina type of thing, but I think they might even do it a little too much, and now that Bobby’s house, fortress, books, etc. are gone, maybe cutting him loose in a hugely epic way wouldn’t be the worst thing to ever happen.
Saturday Night Live
This one is kind of hard actually because there are quite a few hot guys in the cast right now. When it comes to marriage though, it really comes down to either Bill Hader or Seth Meyers (Sudeikis is hella cute, but he fucked January Jones which makes me question his entire being). Seth is HOT (I saw him live at the UCB Theater in NYC and trust – he’s even more so in person) but his love of sports is only surpassed by my apathy about sports, so I think we’d have issues there. Hader seems like SUCH a nice guy and he’s hands-down my favorite cast member, so I’m going Hader. Which means, Meyers for the F. Fo sho. As for who I’d kill? I pretty much like everyone in the current cast (YES, that includes Wiig even though I know my partner in crime is about to throw her under the bus. The lady is mad talented, yo). I’m reaching into the wayback machine and killing Mike Meyers who seems like a colossal asshole and was so unfunny in his recent hosting duties I was embarrassed for him. If we can kill hosts though? January Jones is number one with a bullet on my list.
Um, yes, Nicole, I AM going to throw Kristen Wiig under the bus. I will throw her under a bus, off a cliff, into an incinerator … whatever gets the job done. She is the WORST. I am almost always annoyed with her and when I’m not, I just fucking HATE myself for laughing. And I know you say she’s good in other roles, and I’ll give you Bridesmaids (because she was so un-Kristen Wiig-like in it), but we are going to have words on the Suburgatory post because I saw what you said! This is so much bigger than our “what is more offensive, never having seen Firefly or never having seen Friday Night Lights” debate. THIS IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF US!
Anyway, I’m going to marry Bill Hader (I want to be around him all the time), and while part of me wants to pick Jason Sudeikis based on his dance moves in What Up With That?, I can’t because of a douchey story That Bitch Amy told me about how one of her friends went out with him once when he was still in Chicago. So for fuck … I’m gonna go with Andy Samberg. I know, right? I find him really strangely attractive. I think hosts are off limits, even though I’d love any opportunity to kill Tom Brady, because picking Justin Timberlake to fuck would just be too easy.
The Amazing Race
I have no opinion – I only ever saw the first season of this show, and Phil(?) didn’t do much for me, so you guys’ll have to debate this one without me.
I only watched the Jeff and Jordan season (for Jeff and Jordan), so … yeah, I’m useless.
The Good Wife
Ah, this one is easy. Fuck Will, marry Cary and kill that uber annoying new chick playing Grace’s tutor who also loves doing solo flash mobs and putting the videos online. She makes me extremely uneasy and she needs to go away.
I’ve never seen this one. There’s just too much TV and not enough time. Ditto for Breaking Bad (below).
I didn’t include Breaking Bad since it ended last week (did you guys SEE the amazingness that was the season finale? I had dreams about it for three days afterward), but because I’m writing this and can do whatever I want, I’ll say for the record that I would marry Jesse and take him away from all of the ABQ madness and we’d go live in a cabin in the woods and I’d take care of him until his wounded, broken self could learn to live and love again and then we’d open a bakery together in Vermont or Maine and live happily ever after. Not that I’ve given any thought to the matter.
Now go hit the comments and make it count! Again, thanks a million for taking this as seriously as you have – OCTV readers are the BEST readers!