Marry, Fuck or Kill: Monday Shows!

October 10, 2011 in off-color commentary by Nicole | 35 comments

Yes, the title is strategically placed.

SB and I were chatting the other day and thought it would be fun to play a game on the site, and what game is better suited to our particular style of cussing, bitching and drooling over hotness than Marry, Fuck or Kill? Since there are many, MANY characters we’d like to M, F and/or K, we thought we’d break it down by day to make things a little more manageable. We’re each going to make our own picks (mine in purple, SB’s in blue), but this is interactive! You guys have to leave your picks in the comments, okay? And don’t feel limited to the three people we might pick – you can choose any three people from each show. And for all you looky loos, what better way to start participating and getting to know the regular commenters than by telling us who you’d like to bone, wed or toss in front of a speeding train?

Ready? Ok!

Wait, wait, wait! I am not ready! I have to slightly disagree with your picture caption placement. For me, It’s fuck MATTY (and I mean like … the NASTY kind), marry Jake (so sweet and patient and … marry-able). Of course I’m with you all the way on killing that pumpkin pie hair-cutted freak, Ricky Schwartz. Is anyone NOT on board with that?

NOW I’m ready! Ok!

How I Met Your Mother

Well, marriage is easy. I would marry Marshall in a heartbeat – who among us hasn’t wished to call Marshmallow our very own at one point or another? My kill pick is also kind of easy – sorry Ted, I actually think I like you better than most fans of the show, but you’re still the whiniest bitch on TV since LUX got cancelled, so off with your head. As for who I’d fuck, I was obviously going to go with Barney, but here’s the thing: Barney is gross. He has slept with at least 1/2 the female population of NYC and god knows what’s going on with him down there. On the other hand, if I was ever going to test out the other team’s waters, I think I could do worse than Robin. And she’s pretty hot when she’s all suited up with a cigar and a cocktail. Robin it is.

Totally marry Marshall. No question. The birthdays alone would make that worth it. My kill pick is tougher–I think I like Ted more than any other watcher of the show, and I still just feel very medium about him. I wish some of the girlfriends were around, because killing Zoey and fucking Stella would be a given. But that seems like cheating, so I’m gonna go with … fuck Lily (I feel like she’d be a little wild, and hello, Stripper Lily!), and kiiiiill … oh shit, whatever. Just kill Ted. But for the record, it wasn’t an easy call for me since Barney’s womanizing sometimes gets on my nerves and Robin doesn’t add much for me when she’s not being Robin Sparkles or talking about Canada (which I’m pretty sure is why Nicole wants to fuck her).

Hart of Dixie

This one is easy. I would have married George even before seeing the pilot because Scott Porter was Jason Street and who wouldn’t marry Jason Street? ~~Texas~~ Mississippi Forever! (She means Alabama. Forgive her, she’s Canadian.) But even without the FNL points, George is obviously marriage material. He’s hot, he’s funny, he isn’t afraid of alligators…perfection. I find both Lavon and Wade very attractive and charming, so my fuck pick was more difficult, but I’m going with Wade for now, only because we’ve seen him in action and it was HOT. As for kill, well, as much as I’d love to take Lemon out (which would free up both George and Lavon, apparently), her father is a sexist jackass. Bye, bye Dr. Breeland!

Alright. So I STILL haven’t seen Friday Night Lights (I’m SORRY), so I have no special attachment to Scott Porter, who seems like an alright guy. I’m having a hard time on who to marry here … George, who is cute and nice and a lawyer, which could really go either way (on the one hand, probably makes decent money, but on the other hand … LAWYER–sorry, Nicole), or Lavon, who is hot, funny, and the MAYOR. So he’s no slouch in the nice house department either, plus, he gets stuff by smiling at people, which I find endlessly entertaining. Still, I think I’d rather fuck Lavon so I guess I’ll just marry George and fuck Lavon on the side. Probably much like Lemon’s future plans! Man, me and that girl should be besties. As for kill … there aren’t many choices yet, are there? Oh, got it! Rachel Bilson’s mom! Do we think she’ll be back? But seriously, she’s a bitch and while I enjoy a fun Mean Girl bitch (Lemon), bitchy mothers just stress me out.

Okay, that’s it for our picks – now it’s your turn! Neither of us watch The Lying Game so we didn’t include it, but don’t let that stop you (or any other Monday show we didn’t cover). We know that our readers have no shortage of opinions when it comes to love, sex and hate so get to it! And be sure to come back for part two tomorrow – you don’t want to miss Glee and … Ringer, do you? (You don’t.)

Related posts:^?

Tags: Games, Hart of Dixie, How I Met Your Mother, The Lying Game

http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

Let me get this out of the way. I will not be marrying anyone until Friday. I am not a marrying girl. Except or one or two unattainable peeps and then only if I can put them in a cage and just watch them and do bad things to them.

I forget Awkward is on Monday’s because I always watch it on Tuesday’s a lunch. So Fuck Matty (and that is something I didnt’ think I would say when I first started watching the show) And kill the ginger. Ginger girls are hot. Ginger boys remind me of Ralph Mouth.
HoD, I think I have to go with Wade to play with and Tim Matheson to kill as I agree he is an ass.

Dude, Hawaii 50? DO I have to pick? Alex O’Laughlin and Scott Caan fuck sandwich please? I would kill Boomer from BSG because she is beating me down these days.

Castle – Obviously, Nathan Fillion is the fuck. Can the kill be whoever the red shirt of the week? I really like everyone on this show.

I think that’s all the good shows. I watch Lying Game but well, pickins are slim.
Randi

Awkward – I’m with SB, Marry Jake, Fuck Matty (that took me to my happy place), and kill Ricky Schwartz….ugh, he’s just gross.

HIMYM – Marry Marshall (so obvious), Kill Ted (so obvious), and fuck Barney. Yeah, he’s gross but it’s the gross ones that know what their doing. Hahaha.

Hart of Dixie – Marry George Tucker, Fuck Wade, Kill Brick.

I don’t watch Gossip Girl, but I wanted to include it because I used to watch it a long time ago and I’d totally Kill Chuck Bass for those ridiculous ascots, marry Nate (for the money), and fuck Dan.

I’m so far behind on The Lying Game that I can’t really remember who the dudes are.

Yay, fun.
Bethany E. Larson

Castle is really hard! I mean, every person on earth should want to fuck Fillion. But I really like Ryan and Espesito too. Maybe we should all just have a good ol’ fashioned orgy.
Bethany E. Larson

I’m not even going to weigh in on The Lying Game, because . . . I don’t care to put that much thought into it, honestly. Unless I was going to pick the girls . . . OOH LET’S DO THAT! So, I would kill Char, marry Laurel, and fuck Sutton. There, I said it.

Hart of Dixie: Marry George, Fuck Wade AND Lavon, Kill Brick. (Duh.)

I would do The Sing-Off judges, but I like all of them so damn much that I don’t know who to kill. But I would absolutely marry Ben Folds. That much is for certain.
Sarah (Seels)

Um, okay… CASTLE: Marry- Castle…he’s rich. I’d probably kill Beckett…she really annoys me. And heck yes I would totally screw a certain Javier Esposito. Even if he’s already said it to Lanie, I still want him to follow up with a “See you at the scene, sexy” to me.

Let’s see…Monday Night Football. I would probably marry Jaws, and I would totally do Jon Gruden, which I guess means ‘sorry about your luck, Tirico. It’s nothing personal’.
Nicole

So, Mississippi and Alabama aren’t the same state? Lol, kidding – I had a brain fart, but we can pretend it’s because us Canucks are just as misinformed as you Yanks about the layout of other’s country (ooh, geography burn!). As for the shot at my being a lawyer, well…that’s totally fair.

I’m pretty sure that Awkward is on Tuesdays, but I used it for the picture because the season’s over and I wanted to include it so I thought I’d make it the official OCTV MFK picture. BUT don’t let that stop you guys from making Awkward picks. And for the record, I’d be perfectly happy to marry and fuck Matty for the rest of my life and leave Jake to y’all, but the rules say you have to pick separate people. But at least we can all agree that Ricky Schwartz and his fucked up haircut need to die.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

How does one choose? Not who to kill, obviously that tends to be the easiest one. I’ll totally leave Castle to you kids for that orgy because I can’t stand any role Nathan Fillion has ever played. (I love him, I just don’t like his characters). I’m pretty sure you’ll all just be killing me now.

HIMYM: Marry Lily. I love Marshall but I like Lily slightly better. Kill Ted because well, duh. I actually do like him like you guys but he’s still interesting. I’d fuck Brad because Joe Manganiello has a sick body.

Awkward: Kill Ricky! Not just in the game but in the show. Kill that pumpkin haired bastard dead. I’d fuck Matty and marry Jake too.

Lying Game: I’d fuck Ethan and Eduardo, marry Laurel (for the Caroline Cash) and kill everyone else.

Gossip Girl: Um kill Vanessa because I need someone to insure that she is never, ever, ever coming back. I think I’d marry Dan because something about Penn Badgely’s hair is perfection. Totally fuck Blair because what I know of where Chuck & Nate have been is bad enough but think about all you don’t see.

Hart of Dixie: I’d kill Brick as he annoys me and at least part of Lemon’s story line is intriguing. I’d fuck Lavon as thanks to Lemon, he probably has too much baggage to commit. And I’d marry Wade because he’s hot, drives a truck, plays guitar and is a little scruffy. And fucking him once just would not work for me.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

Pssh, we don’t all deserve the geography burn. I proudly won two questions at trivia night for knowing the Bay of Fundy (do not ask me how I remembered that) and I knew all but Saskatchewan for the provinces. Which I did know but blanked out on for some dumbass reason.
(However, considering none of my fellow players knew more than Ontario, Alberta and British Columbia, I’d say the burn still applies.)
http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

Awkward marathon on MTV this afternoon! Guess what I am doing????
http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

Did I know that Edwardo was in Step Up 3D? I could only watch for 20 minutes but he’s hotter to me now.
http://twitter.com/mjw_o Megs

I’m SO with Bethany on The Lying Game, but can we add a “strangle until almost death” for Mads? Thanks.

Hart of Dixie: I would have fucked the mayor… but he obviously had an affair with the annoying bitch who you know has some kind of STI.. so I’d fuck the shit out of Wade, Marry George and Kill the annoying bitch, because you know that nosy cunt would always try to start shit.

I dont really watch much monday night tv.. so for whatever other shows just assume I’d fuck the ones with the best shoulders, marry the one that either has a) the biggest liquor supply on hand, b) the largest bank account or c) the gay one (less drama if you are justa beard) and of course kill whomever is most annoying.
http://twitter.com/MollytheGhost Molly Kasperek

I’m so glad Twitter brought me back to this site. I love it so.

HIMYM: Kill Ted because he’s boring and whiny and rambles too much. Marry Marshall just because of Freaks & Geeks alone. And I guess fuck Barney. Because even though he’s dirty and gross, he’d probably be fun.

Hart of Dixie: Okay, y’all, full disclosure I was born in Alabama. So this show just gives me the warm fuzzies when they make accurate references. Because of this, I have to, have to, have to marry Lavon. Not only is he mayor, but guys, he played for ‘Bama. (Roll Tide.) I would fuck hot truck-driving neighbor guy and kill Lemon because, dear lord is she annoying.

Castle: Marry Castle because we’d just hang out and play laser tag in his apartment all the time and because he is Mal but also Captain Hammer. Duh. Screw Esposito (I’m still swooning from Generation Kill) and kill, well I would say the captain but he’s off the table, so I guess Ryan. Sorry, Ryan.

Gossip Girl: Marry Dan, screw Nate, kill Chuck.
Stephanie

Alright here we go. My Monday’s Marry, Fuck, Kill.

HIMYM: Ok so OBVIOUSLY I’d fuck The Frozen Snow Shoe aka Beaver from Greek because hello he’s adorably hot. I’d probably marry Lily so we can craft our crafty asses off. Lastly, I’d totally kill Ted because his damn red cowboy boots. Yeah bad fashion sense will get you whacked by me every time (that’s what she said).

Hart of Dixie: You all know my affinity for all things FNL so George would so be my main groom. I’d fuck Wade hard and dirty repeatedly. It’s the plaid, jackass attitude, and scruffiness guys- total turn on. (Also sidenote I have a feeling he’s going to be HOD’s Pacey mark my words.) As for who I’d kill, well that’s lovely Lemon Meringue Pie because that bitch is a dirty ho.

Castle: I don’t watch so kill them all. Cold, heartless, bitch here!
http://salvatoreboardinghouse.wordpress.com/ cinjudes

I’m with you on all of your choices — ROLL TIDE! — except GG: Fuck Chuck, Marry Nate & Kill Rufus. Hate Rufus. Not as much as I hate Jenny or Vanessa, but you know. But seriously, you got my Castle, HoD & HIMYM picks nailed. ;-)
Stephanie

Oh I forgot Awkward!

Marry: Jake
Fuck: Matty
Kill: Ricky

So simple really.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

As far as I’m concerned Wade already is HoD’s Pacey. He’s just skipping the acne phases poor Josh went through.
http://twitter.com/mjw_o Megs

Isnt some dancing reality show on Mondays too?? KILL THEM ALL.
http://twitter.com/KimberGracie Kimber

So, I still haven’t gotten around to watching Awkward, so I feel as though I can’t make a life-altering decision like fucking without knowing the boys. I’ll have to get back to you when I get around to that show.

Hart of Dixie … damn, I think I’d have to go with fucking Wade (because the bad boy thing is seriously doing it for me today), marrying George (because d’uh!), and kill … damn, it’s hard but I’ll have to steal your choices and kill Dr. Breeland. Just because.

My other Monday show is Castle, and you know … I think I might want to marry Rick Castle. He’s rich, he’s got a nice family, and he’s rich. Oh wait, did I say that twice? Yeah, I did. If you don’t judge, I think I’d have to fuck Beckett because I’ve got a mad crush on her. And kill … how about the new bosslady? She’s a major douchebag.

Also – LOL! We played MASH in school too. And Heads Up Seven Up. And those little fortune teller type paper origami things you’d fold up and flap around. God, we were so naive.
Lemonade

So first I have to ask: Can we include FNL later this week even though it’s no longer on the air? All this Jason Street talk is just making it to difficult to not think of my choices for FNL.

P.S. I’ve been computer-less for the last week and a half, hence my lack of comments. Now I’m sooo glad I’m back in time for this! :)
Lemonade

Aww, Beaver! I loved him on Greek so much. Miss that show.
St101ina

Okay so most of my marrying choices will be the ones I like too much to be with just once, even if they don’t seem like good husband material. Plus, I just feel like mixing it up a little. :)

HIMYM: I’d Marry Barney (gasp!), maybe Fuck Carl the bartender, and Kill the Mother, just so there could be a spinoff called “How I Killed Your Mother” in which Ted tells his kids the darker side of his story! (Hey it’s CBS, it could happen.)

Hart of Dixie: Marry Wade, Fuck Lavon, and Kill Brick.

Gossip Girl: Marry Nate, Fuck Dan, and Kill Chuck, or Rufus, or Vanessa, or…it’s a tough choice. It’s funny though, if you’d asked me a couple of years ago, my answers would have been completely different.

Can’t wait to do the other days’ shows, :) already thinking of my choices!
Anonymous

After watching Hart of Dixie tonight, I change my marriage vote to Wade. I like ‘em sassy.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

The Beaver episode remains my favorite of the series. I miss Greek too.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

So marry fantasy shows or sitcom, fuck dramas and kill reality TV?
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

Ha! Heads Up Seven Up…totally forgot about that one.
http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

Did you SEE the previews? I might want to just fuck everyone after next week.
http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

Dude! Get onto Awkward! It’s only 24 minutes an episode and I think there are only 12. You can watch it in an evening. Which you will because it’s fucking hilarious.
Lemonade

I love that episode too. It was such a nice surprise to get a whole hour from his perspective. :)

And Wade is totally HoD’s Pacey. I already liked him, but helping Rose with her crush last week won me over completely.
Stephanie

I’m changing my marriage vote to Wade too. Damn my tendencies to fall for the Southern boy jackass w/ a hear of gold
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

I’d like to note that I was smart enough to pick Wade to marry right off the bat. Y’all should listen to me more. ;)
Anonymous

How could anyone possible miss Saskatchewan? I feel personally offended.
http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

Pssh. I remembered that Nunavut was a freaking territory that has to count for like triple points. I was totally annoyed at the girls who call Anne of Green Gables one of their favorite books yet couldn’t remember Prince Edward Island.
http://twitter.com/mjw_o Megs

YES!! Now we are talking!! But I would also like to Marry Revenge.. Or at least have a committed mistress relationship with it…
http://twitter.com/marlene1009 marlene1009

I just found out that I do watch a Monday show (although I’m currently watching it on Netflix) – Make It or Break It! There’s my ultimate teeny bopper show (to fill the PLL void between seasons).

M – Alex Cruz. The bald head and goatee just work, and the full home gym – I could get used to that. F – Sasha Belov – even the girl who’s pledged celibacy (played by the actress formerly known as DJ Tanner) wants a piece of that action. Finally, I want to kill both Lauren and her daddy Steve Tanner, but they add such juicy villainous gymnastics drama to the show, so I will go ahead and kill Carter.
shehroz

hi dear how ru i wanna marry you are u ready………….

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