Suburgatory. Scarlett Johansson. Dead.

Pilots are always pretty rough in the TV world: new characters, new story arcs, new surrounds. What separates the The New Girls from the 2 Broke Girls of the world is the second episode. Here is a tweet from my wife:

“If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?” “Scarlett Johansson. Dead.” And Suburgatory has won me over.

There you have it, folks. Episode 2 was a success. How about some details?

Locker humpingly good.

Locker humpingly good.

Given that George and Tessa are the newbies in a nice, friendly neighborhood, obviously they are going to be hounded by some wierdo neighbor to come to dinner. Sheila is that neighbor. Fortunately, George has been creatively wiggling out of it, short of running Sheila over with his car. The new strategy? Avoidance. I’m a huge fan of the Indiana Jones/Temple of Doom-type attempted escape, complete with over-the-couch dive and the Dukes of Hazzard butt-slide. George shuts his coat in the door, giving Sheila a chance to sink her fangs. From what I can tell, it is 80 degrees out, so I’m not sure why he was wearing a jacket in the first place. In any case, they are roped in to dinner.

I wasn’t sure what to expect out of dinner with the neighbors, but imagine my surprise when I found out the dad is Dr. Leo Spaceman from 30 Rock. I can’t wait till Tracy Jordan shows up as a wacky, ultrarich country club member. Sheila and Dr. Spaceman, er, Fred, fill George in on the ritual of the barbecue. Every new neighbor must throw a barbecue bash or risk being ostracized.

Meanwhile, Lisa, Lisa’s brother Ryan, Tessa, Dalia, and a host of other local teens head to the basement rumpus room for a game of truth or dare. Obviously Tessa is above these sort of games, but gets roped into a dare to kiss Ryan, the idiot savant, minus the savant part. Like the gentoo penguin, Tessa has been infected by the suburbs when taken out of her natural urban environment. She is powerless against Ryan’s abs. Under the bleachers, in the laundry room, washing the car. She is first in line for the gun show. She ends up breaking it off, but you know she’ll be back for more soon.

At the barbecue, Noah and George bust out a beast of a grill, but run out of propane. To stave off a sundress and poloshirt fueled riot, George busts out the tiny hibachi and grills up some New York-style dogs. Holy shit, I’m so hungry right now.

Let’s wrap up with some quotes. If you can, I recommend rewatching the entire scene from under the bleachers. Ryan was on fire.

“Hey Lisa! This is how dad does it to mom!”

“Do you want your bones?” “Yes.”

“You know what a loop hole is?” “Sure, its a hole with a loop in it.”

“A rustic, high-end, wood-paneled asylum.”

“Have you seen his rock hard abs? I mean, if, uh, heh heh heh, I…”

“Are you addicted to drugs? I’ve heard many people from the inner city are. And I’ve seen Rent.”

“Who’s cliche? Is she like a singer?”

“If you could have dinner with any famous person, living or dead, who would it be?” “Scarlett Johansson. Dead.”

“If she wasn’t made of steel, I would take her as a lover.”

“How’s the guacamole?” “It’s killer. Did you smush it yourself?”

“As much as I want to put that whole bag of chips in my mouth, I don’t because I know if I do I’ll get dehydrated, I’ll break out, and I might even get diarrhea.”

“It’s so nice to see a gay couple in the neighborhood.” “There’s a gay couple? Gossip! I love hearing before my wife!” “Dish! Dish!”

What did you think of the follow up to the pilot? Any guesses on who is going to play the mom? You know she’s going to show up. I look forward to your comments. Toodles!

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  • Patty Housel

    This show is ON FIRE!!!  I love it.  I watched it twice already and I really dont’ have time to be rewatching shit right now.

    I loved the slow-mo escape scene and the not-gay-gay couple.  It’s just so suburban.  I can’t wait to see what this show does every week.

  • Nicole

    “Scarlett Johansson. Dead.” totally won me over too.  I mean, I already liked the show, but that was fucking hilarious.  Also, it makes Ryan a little more intriguing, right? 

    Even though I am still very distracted by Tessa’s similarity to Emma Stone (no doubt at least part of the reason she was cast), but at least Tessa (sorry, don’t know her real name) is equally funny and deadpan and entertaining.  She’s great!  And Isabelle from Weeds is awesome.  I heart this friendship a lot, and it’s barely started. 

    And as always, Jeremy Sisto is the hotness.  Would it be too much to ask that Rachel Griffiths play Tessa’s mom?  I’d be so down with seeing a Brenda/Billy reunion, and this time they could make out and it wouldn’t be illegal. 

  • SJP

    I really love this show which is funny because I didn’t even know about it until SB mentioned you were going to recap it so obviously I had to check it out. Really it’s great and smart. Don’t even get me started on the suburban depictions. One word: TRUE.

    Lisa’s brother has me rolling! I mean who the fuck dirty dances against some lockers?! He might be my favorite new stupid person. Also I love Tessa and Nicole is SO right about the Emma Stone comparison.

    I’m so glad you’re recapping this Andy because it blows 2 Broke Girls out of the water in terms of hilarity and storytelling.

  • ahow628

    I would say that Lisa’s brother is one of my favorite characters on TV right now. Right up there with Tom Haverford. Everything out of his mouth is pure gold.

  • ahow628

    I forgot about the Brenda/Billy make out session. Gross. Although it was no Rome brother/sister bang.

  • Anonymous

    I do think she looks like Emma Stone, but I also think she looks like a hybrid of her and Kristen Stewart–assuming, of course, that Kristen Stewart had a personality and not cold, dead eyes.  I think it’s the teeth.

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