Hart of Dixie. “Time to take to the road, for a quiet little drive in Dixie.”

In honor of the (hot) mayor’s pet, I will be titling every recap with a Smokey the Bandit quote, albeit slightly paraphrased. Also, I would just like to point out that Zoe chose to read The Notebook. Because no one can resist Ryan Gosling.

So y’all know when Life Unexpected started, we were all like this has the potential to be like an old WB show and it ended up as some shit stew? Yeah, Hart of Dixie isn’t that. It’s already like the perfect blend of WB and CW and tastes like a five course meal. Which is to say that I liked it. I really, really liked enjoyed fell madly in love with Hart of Dixie. In all fairness, Dixie has a lot going for it. (I can’t call it HOD for short. I just can’t. If you have another suggestion, throw it out there.) Josh Schwartz (The OC, Gossip Girl, Chuck) is at the helm, though the show is created by Leila Gerstein and Schwartz’s usual team of producers and writers are on staff. I’m not so blind as to say that Schwartz shows don’t have their flaws (because when he fucks it up, he really fucks it up), but he and Kevin Williamson are the undisputed kings of creating epic TV couples and epic TV triangles. Rachel Bilson and Scott Porter each bring their own band of cult followers as well. Add in a little southern belle bitchiness and sexy men, well the success is easy to predict.

I have to start by giving mad props to Bilson and Porter, both of whom had traces of Summer Roberts and Jason Street but came across as different, fully nuanced characters. The tiny moments felt more like a sneak gift to a discerning audience.

Due to the fact that I love most of the show and want to be able to gush about it, I’m going to address my two caveats early on. One’s not even my issue, it’s just a concern people have brought up so I feel like adjusting your perspective. Okay so my problem is mostly with the promos and a little of the show. I think the whole Zoe’s dad thing was way too convoluted. Especially since the extended (six minute) preview told you that Harley Wilkes is/was Zoe’s real father. Now, the show did move past it well enough since once Zoe found it, she pretty quickly surmised that this explained why her ‘real’ dad was so shitty towards her and why Harley left her the practice. I don’t know if Dixie thought they were going to make it more of a mystery initially and then didn’t change the scenes or what but there was just no point to the confusion. (And I know, many of you are probably like, “I wasn’t confused.” But we all watch a lot of fucking television. Like obsessive, join a meeting in a church basement kind of a lot. We pick up on these things. I’m critiquing from the point of view of the average TV viewer, people who think Jersey Shore is real and keep The Secret Life of the American Teenager on air.)

The other issue that I’ve heard people say is about the accents. First, it is almost always people outside of the South who complain about accents of Southern based shows. I’m from Texas originally and all of my family, minus this one group of Amish cousins (which makes sense if you know my parents but not much knowing the drinking, dirty minded me) is from Texas and Tennessee. The accents go across the board. Some have drawls so deep you can barely understand a thing while others have such flat speech you’d think they were from LA. People from the South don’t all talk a certain way. Neither do the people on the show. Scott Porter of course has had plenty of practice thanks to FNL but I think the one most people were annoyed with was Jaime King. I will admit that hers is a little too strong but it also comes on stronger when she’s talking to Zoe, making it seem more purposeful, like she’s intentionally exaggerating. We’ll see how that adjusts as the show goes on. With filming in LA, I’d imagine her accent will tone down. Everyone else sounds fine to me.

Anyway, moving on from that, let’s break down the plot real quick. Zoe Hart is a doctor, and a pretty new one at that, who dreams of becoming a heart surgeon like her Not!Dad (Stole that from TWOP. No shame.) but didn’t get the fellowship she wanted. So, since she’s been offered a job in Alabama for the last several years by some random old dude, she takes it until she can get back to New York. Long story short, she hates it at first, there’s a bitchy girl, judgmental townsfolk, welcoming townsfolk, hot boys, and she’s just trying to get out of there. Then Zoe discovers that the old dude (who died before she got there, whoops that might be important) was her real father and left her his practice. She also helps a young girl and decides to stay.

Otherwise, a quick meet and greet of the main players seems important. The doctor’s receptionist is changing after the third episode because Nancy Travis is stuck on that fucking disaster of a Tim Allen show, Last Man Standing. Cress Williams plays former NFL all-star, now current mayor of Bluebell, Lavon Hayes. Zoe is staying in the carriage house on Lavon’s plantation. Wade Kinsella also lives on Lavon’s plantation, has this sexy 5 o’clock shadow thing going on and his car horn plays Dixie. Also, he likes antagonizing Zoe. George Tucker (Porter) is not a serial killer (his words) but is a lawyer so I guess you can be the judge there. He is nice to Zoe, who develops a bit of a crush, but is engaged to Lemon Breeland. Lemon is a bitch to Zoe but we’re told there’s more to her character. Lemon’s dad owns half of the local medical practice while Zoe inherited the other half. There may have been other people but this recap is already too long and I have more to say.

ICYMI (In Case You Missed It):

• So the mayor and Lemon have (or had) a little thing going on. That should be interesting.

• Lavon Hayes’ great grandfather was a slave on the plantation he now owns.

• The alligator’s name is Burt Reynolds because of the mayor’s love for Smokey the Bandit.

• Scott Porter makes me swoon, whether he’s on TV or walking ahead of me into a bar in San Diego. (Oh yeah, I just name dropped like a mo to the fo.)

Shipper Names:

Please. Like I wasn’t going to start this. Also, you should note that I am really not a fan of the whole shipper name concept, except for LoVe because duh, but I’m also lazy and shipper names are so much easier than writing out full names. I want us to come up with our own that everyone will then copy and we’ll be like yeah we came up with them first fuckers and they’ll be like so and we’ll be like well shouldn’t we get paid for that and people will be like you’re a soapdish.

Lemon Breeland/Lavon Hayes:

Okay these two are just the most fun ever for possible names. LavLe sounds kind of like lovely and is nice and short but YesLand just has so much more dirty potential.

Lemon Breeland/George Tucker:

Technically these two are together so I guess they need a name. But I’m at a loss.

Zoe Hart/George Tucker:

I won’t lie, I’m kind of leaning towards playing with Zoe’s last name and both of George’s names and calling them HartTug. Because he sort of tugs at my heartstrings. (We’re gonna have a lot of cheese in these recaps, dear readers).

Zoe Hart/Wade Kinsella:

These two barely got started but the previews for next week seem to hint that a friendship is brewing. And as long as George and Lemon stay together, this side of the triangle will get more attention at first. We could go with HarKin or maybe SellaHart cuz he’s gonna be selling his heart to Zoe. (Yeah seriously get used to this. I find myself hilariously funny).

George Tucker/Wade Kinsella:

Hey, we all know that epic bromances happen on Schwartz shows and CW shows so these two will have to be buddies at some point. They deserve a name too. I’d say WaGe because I’d pay good money to see Scott Porter play Dixie with his ass in Wade’s car.

Overall, I think there’s some interesting groundwork laid for a couple love triangles and the characters are all engaging. But the real trick to a show like this isn’t in the main characters alone. It’s in the town. We all dream of living in places like Gilmore Girls’ Stars Hollow, CT because of town meetings and knowing everyone’s business and having a Kirk. If you want to make viewers fall in love, you can’t have a redneck town or an ass-backwards town. It has to be a small town with smart people and quirky charm. Bluebell has that. There’s a little too much kitsch to start, but a pilot will do that as it has more to introduce. Still, this feels like coming home after a long stretch of pointless CW vapidity.

This should be the longest recap, (hey introducing a show takes work!) because I will expect you to know your shit in regards to show details after this. Also, while a sweaty and slightly muddy Scott Porter is acceptable, I will be needing shirtlessness within the next couple episodes. FYI. Finally, if you have a heart (ha! I’m so funny), then comment! Don’t be an SBB (Southern Belle Bitch) and just walk away after reading.