The Lying Game. You’d Have to Be Lorelai, Because I’m So Obviously Rory.

HOLY LAUREL’S ONE-LINERS, BATMAN! These writers have OBVIOUSLY been reading our reviews and know how much we love Laurel. Or maybe they just love her as much as we do. I truly don’t care what the answer is BUT OMG did Laurel have some great one-liners in last night’s episode, “Escape from Sutton Island.” I’m a GINORMOUS Gilmore Girls fan and was literally bouncing and squealing and fangirling when Laurel told Emma who their respective Gilmore equivalents were. OMG. So much Caroline Cash*, ya’ll. Laurel could buy herself an entire case of thousand dollar bottles of wine. (We’ll get to that in a bit.)

Ok, let me tell you about the other shit that went down in this episode real fast, then we will return to the AWESOME that is LAUREL.

Actually, it all boils down to Annie Stuff. Let’s break it down by CITY, shall we?

Los Angeles
So, last week we had a nice cliffhanger when Sutton was suddenly grabbed from behind upon finding Annie in the psych hospital. This episode opens with Sutton wearing scrubs and yelling at the Evil Doctor Lady about her rights being violated. She swears her name is Sutton Mercer and that the Evil Doctor Lady should call her family in Phoenix. Instead, Evil Doctor Lady calls Adiran Pasdar, so he has THE KNOWLEDGE that there are two Sutton Mercers running around the western United States.

So, Evil Doctor Lady tells Sutton that she knows she isn’t Sutton and Sutton starts screaming about how she and Emma switched identities and that just makes her sound banana-pants crazy. Two orderlies (is that PC? Are they male nurses? murses? No, that’s what we call man purses. Oh hell, I give up.) come in with giant syringes and Sutton changes her tune and says that she is Emma Becker.

A little later on, Evil Doctor Lady asks Sutton how she’s doing and if she’s ready to go home. Sutton asks if she can stay one more night for her mental health’s sake. THEN one of the orderlies comes over and is all “You look fine to me,” and then Sutton basically prostitutes herself out for fifteen minutes of freedom from her room in the middle of the night and his keycard. OH, SUTTON.

So when she gets out of her room, she obviously goes to Annie’s room and asks her questions. Annie talks about how she’s so sad that she killed Emma in the fire and then Sutton tells her that Emma is still alive and Annie goes APE SHIT INSANE and starts yelling about how “they” told her she was dead and that “he” wouldn’t lie to her. She’s throws such a damn fit that the orderlies come and take Sutton away from Annie. Then at the end of the episode, Sutton is being allowed to “go home” and because she’s at a psych hospital she has to be cuffed and escorted out. Sutton acts all confused and says something like “But I thought I was going home?” And then Evil Doctor Lady says, “Yes, Emma. Back to Las Vegas.” WHAT WHAT WHAT. I really didn’t see that coming. I was SHOCKED.

Phoenix

Not a close-up, but you can still tell how BAD this make-up is. via ABC Family

Soooo Eduardo the Hot Male Ballet Teacher is in the hospital and has the WORST CAR ACCIDENT VICTIM MAKEUP EVER EVER EVER. Y’all it is seriously bad. I actually laughed out loud when I saw it. Anyway, he KNOWS things because he overheard Adrian Pasdar’s phone conversation that one time. Eduardo sees Emma and says something like, “It’s you.” and then he codes. Or something else medically scary. So now Emma and Ethan and Thayer are convinced they need to get back into his room to find out exactly what he knows. But this is being made difficult because Adrian Pasdar convinces Ted that Eduardo KNOWS THINGS and that all their kids/kids’ friends should be kept away from Eduardo. At the end of the episode, Adrian Pasdar talks to Eduardo about what he overheard when he was forced by Mads to hide behind the French doors, and Eduardo says he remembers nothing. And then Emma & Co. break in to talk to him and he’s coding. I’m pretty sure he died, but I’m still a little fuzzy on that front. (Tentative RIP Eduardo the Hot Male Ballet Teacher)

Ok, what else. Ethan and Thayer sort of get into a weird macho-fight in the hospital and somehow it comes out that Sutton and Thayer slept together. So now Mads (who is wearing the same shirt tied in a off-center front knot, circa 1992, she was wearing in the last episode.) and Char are mad at “Sutton” and they all have a friendship break-up. But not for long because at the end of the episode Emma (as Sutton, mind you) tells them the mostly-truth: that she’s close to finding her bio-mom and that she thinks Adrian Pasdar knows who it is and that Thayer has been helping her out in the search.

Let’s see . . . (I really want to focus more attention on Laurel, so I’M SORRY if I’m skipping over other stuff. Actually, I’m not.) Thayer and Emma talk a whole bunch and Ethan doesn’t like that. There are a couple really creepy scenes involving Emma being paranoid when she’s alone. At one point she maces (the spray, not the spikey weapon) Ethan, but he seems fine so apparently she did not do a good enough job. Or he’s just impervious to mace. I suppose he can have a Pacey Point for that.

Char and Thayer share what is probably THE MOST ANNOYING SCENE IN TV HISTORY when Thayer tells Char that Adrian Pasdar and Derek have been calling each other. (Oh yeah, Thayer figured that out with his awesome techno-spy skills.) Then they flirt and she giggles and its UBER-ANNOYING. Any Caroline Cash she might have received in the last episode has been revoked due to that giggle.

OK. I THINK THAT’S IT. LET’S TALK ABOUT LAUREL.

So, Laurel has decided that Justin is The One. When she proclaimed this to Emma, this is what I wrote in my notes (because I take notes):

LAUREL NO. HE IS NOT THE ONE. Oh. She’s talking about virginity. Nevermind. Ok then.

So there you have it! Laurel has decided that she wants to lose her virginity to Justin and she is adorably excited about this. She keeps asking “Sutton” what having sex is really like and Emma does a very sweet job of telling Laurel that she needs to choose a guy who isn’t going to a break her heart or just use her to be her First. (Which begs the question, do we think Emma has had sex? I’m thinking no.) But Laurel is sure! She’s ready! And she wants it to be with Justin!

So, she starts planning their special night together and it’s going to include a couple bottles of wine. (Remember the wine from the beginning of the post?) As she’s pulling the bottles out from the liquor cabinet she says to Emma, “I’m pretty sure Dad has the thousand dollar bottles under lock and key.” Which means they have THOUSAND DOLLAR BOTTLES OF WINE. I don’t even know what to do with that information. Except be jealous.

Ok, so Laurel goes over to Justin’s “place” and to get things ready before Justin arrives. She wears a very lovely blue nightie and there’s Ryan Adams new song “Lucky Now” (which is pretty much my current obsession) playing in the background and when Justin shows up he’s all “Wow you look nice” and she’s all being forward but also really sweet and then he kind of goes all Dawson for a bit talking about how he’s really falling for her and blah blah blah. But eventually he gives in. They start making out and then THE SHOW CUTS TO A DIFFERENT SCENE. Which annoys me. If Laurel is going to be the Caroline of The Lying Game we need to see that sex scene! These writers need to go watch some more Vampire Diaries before writing their next episode.

So, later, Kristen is FREAKING OUT because Laurel always comes home and just got her license and OMG WHAT IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED. So she convinces Ted that they need to go by Justin’s and see if she’s there. Now, how they find Justin’s, I have no idea, since he’s squatting in a foreclosed home and his address in the student directory is false. I guess they could have driven around Scottsdale and looked for Laurel’s car. Anyway, the important part is that they FIND Laurel and Justin being all cuddly (and clothed!) in a foreclosed home, and Laurel insists nothing happened and that she just fell asleep. In his arms. Wearing his T-shirt. I suppose we’ll find out what sorts of repercussions will be taken in THE NEXT EPISODE.

So, that’s kind of the end of the Laurel story line for this week. But! We’re not done with our girl quite yet. Now, I will give you her three FANTABULOUS one-liners from this episode. Because they were GREAT.

  • “Romantus Interruptus!”—she yells this when she walks in on Emma and Ethan having a serious discussion about his respective feelings for Sutton and Emma.
  • “I’ve got to say having a boyfiend who lives in an abandoned house alone has its perks.” —Ok, so out of context this isn’t so great, but in the episode I loved the hell out of it. Maybe it’s just because she said it.
  • “You’d have to be Lorelai, because I’m so obviously Rory.”—This is seriously my new favorite line in anything. Ever. (Yes, I’m being hyperbolic. But only a little.)
And then! Justin had a very notable line whilst folding laundry: 
  • “My first job was at Abercrombie. It’s like the Harvard of folding.”

OH BEFORE I FORGET! So, we know that Sutton is headed to Las Vegas, where Travis/Tim Tebow the pervy foster brother lives. BUT WAIT. At the end of the episode, Emma is in a robe in Sutton’s room and TRAVIS/TIM TEBOW rolls in and is all “So you have a twin. What’d you do, kill her?” AND THEN THAT IS THE END OF THE EPISODE.

Ok, I think that is ALL. If I missed anything major, please feel free to berate me in comments. :)

*Caroline Cash is the girl equivalent of Pacey Points, named in honor of the incredibly fantastic Caroline Forbes on TVD, and provided by the fabulous Melissa.

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  • http://twitter.com/Strunkette Ann Strunk

    GREAT recap! 

    Laurel is fantastic.  Oh, and her parents found her with GPS tracking on her phone.  How very creepy.

    I’m liking the story more and more. I really wish Sutton would have gotten to deal with the pervy foster brother.  A royal bitch is needed to show him what’s up. I wonder how Emma will get rid of him.

    I’m excited for next week’s episode, for sure!

  • Anonymous

    I keep forgetting how old these kids are supposed to be. Oh Laurel! Save yourself for someone who isn’t clearly a liar and a squatter. I’d really like to know the timeline here because it seems only a week or so since she met him awkwardly playing a violin in the park, right? The last two episodes have taken place over like 2 days soooo.

    I’m clearly an old fart because all I see are red flags all over this!

    Ballet boy is in a coma. Which I’m sure was super duper hard for Sutton’s doctor dad to arrange…

    I’m beginning to wonder what could possibly have happened with Annie to warrant all the blatant and scary law breaking today. The writers better have a pretty badass explanation for all this.

    The minute Sutton opened her mouth about wanting to go home, I knew they’d send her back to her foster family. Except, the real Emma is wanted by the police, sooo good luck with that Sutton. You’re about to have your eyes opened to the life you could have had. It’s going to be good yall!

    Love Emma/Ethan trying to figure out their feelings for one another. Yes, Ethan probably still has feelings for Sutton, he was with her for a year or something? Plus, Emma looks EXACTLY like her. That’s gotta be weird on so many levels.

    Still not down with Thayer. AND now they are totally making Ethan’s cop brother creepy. Is there anyone in this Lying Game universe that is remotely who they claim to be?

    It’s getting complicated, yo.

  • http://twitter.com/Strunkette Ann Strunk

    Totally forgot to mention Annie’s freakout.  They want us to believe Adrian Pasdar is the one that told her Emma was dead but I’m pretty sure it’s Sutton’s dad.  It goes along with my theory that he’s the father.  She’d believe the father wholeheartedly.  Who’s sick enough to lie about their child being dead? 

  • Anonymous

    I know we see more than Emma and Sutton, but at the first whiff of Pasdar and the Doc’s involvement with Annie, these girls should be putting on their Veronica Mars hats! DNA test baby. That has to be step 1 in all this. Even if they don’t want to believe it, they were obviously all involved in SOMETHING. I’d be plucking some hair from brushes or switching out toothbrushes and being 100% certain that I didn’t come from those creepy weirdos.

  • Bethany E. Larson

    Thanks for setting the record straight about Eduardo the Hot Male Ballet Teacher. I really did watch the entire episode. I just somehow didn’t pay attention to all of it?

  • Bethany E. Larson

    THE GPS! OF COURSE! How old school of me to suggest her parents DRIVE AROUND looking for Laurel’s car. . .

  • Bethany E. Larson

    This is awful, but I kind of hope Kristen knows more than she’s letting on.

  • Em

    A DNA test is a great idea!  That would move the plot along nicely.  There had better be more to this whole secret than the fact that one of them is the dad.  Would you really have to ruin someone’s life (and apparently make them crazy) in order to fake adopt your own kid/kids?

    For the record, I gasped out loud when Laurel said that she was loving their relationship in a “Gilmore Girls” kind of way and I loved her even more for the line that you used as the title of the recap.  Oh, Gilmore Girls, how I miss you!  And Laurel/the writers was/were so astute to pick up on that because that pretty much described the situation perfectly.  Poor Laurel when she finds out that Justin’s not actually an orphan, but a runaway/20 year old felon/whatever.  I can’t wait to find out the truth that he almost told her before he chickened out.  I also can’t wait to see what her parents have to say about all of this.

    Oh, I forgot to mention this last week, but when Emma was talking to Char’s mom, the close captioning revealed that Char’s mom originally called Annie her sister which better explains why she had a picture of her with Annie on the wall.  They ended up doing a voiceover where Char’s mom said something like “that poor girl” instead of “my sister”. 

    I can’t wait to see what gross Travis is going to do to make things more of a mess for Emma.  Whatever it is, I’m guessing that it can’t go on for longer than an episode since Ethan knows that she has a pervy foster brother named Travis. 

    I’m not sure why they included the scene with Ethan and his brother.  We already knew that Adrian Pasdar had helped him out in the past.  Maybe we needed to know that Ethan knew too?  It was kind of weird to me and didn’t fit in with the rest of the episode. 

  • Bethany E. Larson

    CLOSED CAPTIONING SPOILERS, FTW!!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/onlymystory Melissa Leaman

    Oh my gosh so much happened that I have to like word vomit about. Which definitely makes me Lorelai (who is soooo much better than Rory but no one gets that at 16). 
    Anyway, first, yay for Caroline cash! Second, I think Char owes Laurel some Caroline cash for finding out about poor man’s RPatz and his bullshit lie about being arrested for possession (or maybe it is real, whatever) and being like okay let’s just kiss. Stupid!
    The only other thing I can think about Ethan needing to know about his brother is that now maybe he can understand more of how Emma feels knowing she can’t trust anyone. 
    Speaking of Emma and Ethan, I really appreciate that Emma isn’t just getting over Ethan’s actions but that she’s not being unfairly mean to him either. Yet another reason I adore Emma and hate Sutton.
    And on that one, I really hope that Sutton is stuck in LV for a while in foster care and gets a chance to see what she’s so nonchalantly kicking her twin sister back to. Though that would help if Travis was there to harass her a bit.
    Also, I’m pretty sure that I watch too much Sons of Anarchy because I totally want Ethan to pull a Jax by walking in and finding Travis and taking care of him. Which probably doesn’t fit in an ABC Family show.
    Oh and then with Justin. I know there’s more going on but I really do hope that its not anything bad or twisted but just more sad puppy problems. Because I want Laurel to be happy a little while longer.
    Finally, Ethan still followed then gave Emma a ride home after she sprayed the air around him with mace. He deserves a handful of Pacey points.

  • Em

    I agree about seeing Sutton in foster care for a while.  I like that idea!

  • http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

    I was totally zoned out. I remember what happened but in a weird dream way.

    Also, HBC?  I am old too because I am all DON’T SLEEP WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST MET WHO SQUATS!!!!!  I guess at least she had a rubber and won’t be giving birth at work like that chick on HoD!

  • http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

    Oh Sutton in foster care will be brilliant.  And her beating the crap out of the creepy foster bro with be excellent too.

    I am not real wordy today. Sorry.  Long day.   

  • Lemonade

    Terrific recap!  I love the idea of Caroline Cash. And has anyone else noticed the number of tv characters named Caroline lately?  2BrokeGirls, The New Girl…They must have all realized that Caroline = AWESOMENESS.

    Haha, maybe Laurel’s name should be Loreline (or spelled Loraline?) now (Laurel+Lorelai+Caroline)  I know Laurel was the Rory in that situation, but she’s so much more like Lorelai (Rory just got too annoying).

    About Sutton’s whole foster care switcheroo, it serves Sutton right after being jealous of Emma for NOT being placed with a rich family as a baby.  (That still doesn’t make sense to me.)

    And what does it say about me that I’m kind of excited about Travis returning?  I guess I’m just glad they’re picking up Emma’s backstory again.

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