Awkward is the show that every OCTV reader should be watching. I’d say more people should watch but the material is a little risqué for those with delicate sensibilities. And obviously, those people don’t hang out here because our minds go dirty faster than Lorelai Gilmore can say “don’t say dirty, it’s too easy”.

Anyway, Awkward is another of MTV’s return to scripted shows. So far, we’ve had 5 episodes (4 of which I’ll sum up here, then do a recap of 5 later if ya’ll are into the show) and unlike the fucking disaster that is Teen Wolf, Awkward is really good. If I had to compare it to anything, I’d say it reminds me of a live-action Daria in ways but with more sex, more cheerfulness and less goth. Hipster is the new goth.

The story is that of Jenna, a 15 year old played by Ashley Rickards (Sam from One Tree Hill, and don’t pretend you don’t watch that shit because it totally has the same blackhole factor that Glee does), her bffs Ming and Tamara, crush Matty McKibben and self-appointed nemesis, Sadie.

So here’s the sitch: The pilot opens with Jenna losing her v-card to Matty McKibben (her longtime crush) in a utility closet at summer camp. Jenna quickly informs us that she’s smart enough not to get pregnant (obviously, this isn’t an ABC Family show) and that she’s not about to let Matty know it’s her first time. Jenna’s trying to enjoy this, not overanalyze like fucking Joey Potter. Anyway, Matty finishes and then informs Jenna that she’s great, but no one can know that he likes her or fucked her. And I know, you’re like, wow, what a charmer but the thing, is he totally IS a charmer.

Later, Jenna’s having the joy of reading an anonymous letter to her that suggests she fall off the face of the earth. In true teen angst, Jenna blogs about how being a teen makes you want to die (with no actual desire to kill herself). Through a quick series of accidents though, Jenna falls, breaks her arm so it has to be set in a cast like she’s waving hello, and thanks to her awesome blog entry, is believed to be suicidal. Okay, maybe teens do have a reason for their angst. By the end of the ep, Jenna’s learned to make it work for her, though not without incurring the wrath of Sadie.

Ah, Sadie. Seriously, if a bigger fucking cunt exists in television, I have no idea who it is. And I watch a lot of fucking television. Sadie is a cheerleader and hater of pretty much everyone. She rules the school through a well constructed blend of manipulation, bribery and fear. I kind of have to give props to the show and actress because they went the less traditional route with the school bitch routine. Sadie’s too overweight to be called curvy but not really enough to be fairly called the fat girl but just enough to be an insecure bitch. Goldilocks does have an evil doppelganger, who knew. I can’t explain my hatred of her. You just have to watch the show and join me in my blind rage. But she’s still not a one-note character in anyway, so I do appreciate that.

Ep 2 finds Jenna getting her cast removed while Sadie and Chastity Carrie (I don’t know her real name so she’ll be that to me) take a photo of Jenna topless in the locker room and send it through the school. Matty then gets his chance to be a hero by taking down all the pics and then kissing Jenna. Seriously, you guys, I know I should hate Matty and be indignant towards his smiles but he is so fucking adorable. But I digress. Ep 3 has Jenna  and Matty doing a lot of secret fucking. Matty invites Jenna to a party but doesn’t take them public in a dick move that, again, should make me hate him. (I don’t.) But oh this party! So the main gist is that Jenna leaves with Jake (a friend) thanks to some girl macking on Matty. (In Matty’s defense, he stopped it but so not soon enough.) The best fucking part is Chastity Carrie, who’s one of those intercourse is out but everything else is kosher. It’s Chastity Carrie and Jake’s three month anniversary, which of course means sex or get dumped. (Someone needs to write this rulebook ya’ll cuz shit, I didn’t get these memos in high school.) Chastity Carrie doesn’t want to give it up so she flops her half naked ass on the bed and squeals that they can’t have sex but he can have her behymen. I swear on every horribly written fan fic that’s what she said. Her fucking behymen. Well technically, he’s supposed to be fucking her behymen. In what is one of the smartest moves by a teenage boy ever, Jake leaves. Because, as he tells Jenna, he wants sex as much as any teen boy but some shit is just too fucked up. Ep 4 reveals that thanks to shit in the hot tub, the party goers have pink eye. Sadie is faking pink eye to prove she was at the party (she was, but not in the hot tub and it’s so sadly pathetic) but Matty, Jenna and Jake don’t have such a lovely accessory. Jenna finally has “the talk” with Matty about what they are, where he says he’s not interested in a relationship. Like, Matty is completely beyond a total douche here and yet I still <3 him so hard. What the fuck is wrong with me?!

So that catches you up essentially. Time to DTR (define the relationship) with the show. Also, I totally was with the counselor when she translated “DT” to mean deep throating which apparently makes me old. Awkward isn’t perfect. The adults are ridiculous caricatures and consequences are nonexistent. I speak of the nude photo incident which is technically a felony but of course nothing happens.

Also, someone needs to clear this up for me because my high school did not have the queen bee or popular clique. So is that a normal high school thing or a tv thing?

I wouldn’t call Awkward an accurate look at high school but it is an accurate look at some people’s high school. The best part about Awkward is easily Jenna. She belongs with the Veronica Mars of the world, as in girls who want to be bold, confident and self-sustaining but still need their parents and someone to love them. Jenna may bury her feelings but her voiceover/blog tells us that she believes in fairytales. I wouldn’t say she’s a perfect role model, but she’s a pretty damn good one.

Now if I could just get over my crush on Matty McKibben!

Thoughts, OCTV readers? Are you as in love with Awkward as I am? Do you want to go all Russell Edgerton on Sadie’s spine?  Share in the comments!