Hard to believe next week is the finale. Where has all the time gone? This is like the first episode in Biggest Loser years.

A little follow up to my comments last week about Tyce being a huge curse this season: Here is his track record through all the previous weeks.

Top 20-1: Bottom 3
Top 20-2: No choreography
Top 16: Eliminated
Top 14: No choreography
Top 12: Eliminated
Top 10: Eliminated and Bottom 4
Top 8: Eliminated

Special guest judge for the night is Kelly Bundy. Lil’ C will be joining us as not-as-special guest judge. Also, Cat looks like a chicken coop.

Melanie & all-star Twitch:
Since it is a Nappy Tabs routine, I was fully expecting props and was not disappointed. We have little red riding hood and the big bad wolf motif. The music is terrible and it was really distracting from everything else. The dancing was meh, but of course the judges and my wife loved it (although they all complained about the music too).

Sasha & all-star Kent:
Uh oh. Looks like Sasha might be going home this week on account of the Tyce curse. But you know what I did like about it? It was Tyce not being Tyce. I appreciated the use of the wall, but there was still nothing that really grabbed me like some of the other touching dances we’ve seen this season. Mary says that Tyce has created a body of work. Only if those were eliminated bodies used to make the FrankenTyce monster which will come alive at the finale and eat the winner.

Marko & all-star Janette:
I have to start this off by saying I have a major crush on Janette. I was inconsolable when she got eliminated a few seasons back. Plus I love the paso doble. It was still no Neil/Sabra paso doble, but not bad at all. Also, does anyone remember who did the paso doble where the guy unfurled the girl from her dress?

Tadd & all-star Ellenore:
WTF was that? They ended up swinging around on the chandelier the entire dance. Weird.

Ricky & all-star Jamie:
More WTF. Ricky is dancing with sticks. You know what would have been more interesting, more sexy, and less dangerous? Dancing with dildos in his hands. Ok, Mary pointed out that it looked like a piano up there. Obviously, Ricky was playing chopsticks I used to play that song all the time as a kid. That song has got to be racist now, right?

Caitlynn & all-star Pasha:
That was a hot dance in the beginning and the middle. It kind of petered out at the end. Also, Pasha was wearing a see-through shirt and yet, my wife was complaining that he was wearing a shirt at all. I guess she gets a Pasha-ogling pass since I was ogling Janette pretty good earlier.

Sasha & Ricky:
They are doing something called whacking. Apparently I have a very different definition of whacking since my version involved locking myself in my bedroom as a 13 year old (I was awesome at it). Their version on the other hand, is hiphop broadway or clean krumping. As the wife pointed out, it was like High School Musical. Most of the judging comments were thinly veiled masturbation jokes. Gotta love the family show.

Melanie & Tadd:
We are getting a super meta dance rehearsal within a dance. I actually thought Tadd did a really nice job on this dance. Part of it is that Melanie just makes her partner better. See my comment below on Marko.

Caitlynn & Marko:
The other half of the Melanie & Marko show makes his partner better as well as he thoroughly demonstrates with Caitlynn. That might be why Melanie & Marko were such a force to be reckoned with the first half of the season.

Solos: I think Melanie is the only one who really “gets” what the solo portion is all about. She really did some stuff in her solo that we haven’t seen much out of her (splits with the arched lean back, for example). Marko’s was good as well. Everyone else just sort of did the same dance they always do – Ricky piroetting around, Tadd standing on his hand, and Caitlynn doing whitebread contemporary. Sasha’s was a little different from the other three, but nothing mindblowing.

According to the crystal ball, Tadd and Caitlynn are going home this week, although she was contemplating throwing Ricky in there instead. Tadd’s growth has really been stunted and his choreography just looks too rehearsed. He isn’t living the choreography like Melanie, but just doing the steps instead. Caitlynn is good in that mechanical way, but still doesn’t have the connected presence. She has a plasticky, beauty queen feel to her.

So what are your thoughts, everybody? Are you ready for the finale? Got your picks solidified at this point? How do you feel about whacking? Have you ever whacked in front of your parents? Let me know in the comments.