True Blood. You’re being punished for being stupid.

So remember after the season premiere when I said that there was no one and nothing that anybody on this show could fuck that would shock me at this point?  Well, I was wrong–eleven or so underage hillbillies waiting in line to rape Jason Stackhouse was a bit of a surprise.  Well played, Alan Ball.  Well played.

There was a lot going on this episode and most of it involved the fallout from the Eric situation, but since a couple of things did not, let’s start with those.

Jason is still chained to the bed, looking disgusting, and either dying or turning into a werepanther (we don’t know which).  I’m kind of hoping he’s just getting infected because Jason the werepanther isn’t really a story I’m interested in exploring on the TV show.  I will say, though, that this whole story has really upped the shockingly gross and disturbing factor.  I mean, rape scenes are always horrifying (ALWAYS), but when I realized there was an audience, and then that they were kids, and THEN that they were waiting their turn?  BARF.  So I guess what I CAN say is … this storyline has my attention, for better or worse.

On the subject of rape, of sorts … Jessica told Hoyt about sucking that guy’s … blood, and he didn’t take it well, and so she glamoured him.  And you guys … it made me feel gross too.  Yeah, there was just a lot of that gross, cringey feeling floating around this episode tonight.  And that’s really about all I have to say about that for now, except that I think it was one of those young, stupid, selfish things that you do when you’re not emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences of your actions.  I mean, if I’d been a vampire at seventeen or eighteen … yeah, I’d have totally stolen someone’s memories of how I hurt them.  I mean, if you’re selfish enough to carelessly hurt someone, yes, you’re selfish enough to make them forget all about it.  So again, nice writing for Jessica–it was painfully realistic.

Before Jessica dropped the bloodsucking bomb on Hoyt, they were fighting about a creepy ass doll, and what the fuck is up with that thing, anyway?  They mentioned that they keep trying to get rid of it and it keeps showing up, so my real question is … what the fuck?  Of course, I did love the doll going to Devil Baby, who is rapidly becoming my favorite character on this show.  (Sidenote: Billy said he can’t wait to see the episode where Devil Baby rapes Creepy Doll.  Hee!)  And it made Devil Baby so HAPPY!  Oh, Devil Baby.  Never change.

Now, there was no confirmation that the doll had anything to do with Maxine at all, but there was sort of the implied relativity with her teaching Tommy how to read as she bought dolls off of a home shopping channel, which she apparently does frequently.  And you guys, let me just say … I spend a lot of time doing homework right now and I can’t do it all in silence, okay, and I spent a SHITLOAD of time yesterday watching Hoarders.  And I mean, a fucking SHITLOAD.  I can’t emphasize that enough really.  And this was all perfectly timed, because I caught the episode with the lady who hoards dolls and is clearly out of her goddamn mind, and giggles like a psycho in a nightmare over how cute Cabbage Patch dolls are.  So needless to say, I found Maxine buying Marie Osmond dolls with her fucking frequent shopper points more than a little disturbing.

Also, how am I supposed to feel about Maxine, exactly?  Because I don’t like her, and I’m pretty sure she’s a fucking bitch.  This whole Tommy thing is creepy, and the doll thing is creepy, but those things are both also sort of pathetic.  The way she treated Jessica was shitty, and she’s been rude to various characters, but then Tommy is wanting to take advantage of her, and that’s sad … I just feel like there’s no clear emotion that I’m SUPPOSED to have about Maxine.  Although to be fair, I probably feel the way I feel about Maxine about more people in real life than I feel the way I feel about Tara or somebody, so …

Alright, since Tommy’s name came up, let’s just finish talking about him and move on.  He’s still as shady as ever, even though he did try to involve Sam in a brotherly venture of sleaze, so maybe he genuinely is making an effort there, question mark?  Really, my favorite thing about that was when he (in total little brother fashion) yelled, “I hate your fucking guts, Sam Merlotte!” and stomped out.  And you guys … I kind of know how he feels.  I don’t know what it is about Sam, but this character just really is not working for me.  I think it’s because even when I should like him, or want to like him, he just seems so … sour.  Like, I should be like, YEAH! for him telling Tommy to tell Maxine what’s up, but instead, I just get exhausted.  On the plus side, we didn’t have to see the horse posse, or Sam’s wonk-tittied girlfriend, so … win?  Question mark?

And also, I did like Sam and Tara talking … probably because both of them actually smiled.  More of that, please.  If those two are going to make each other bearable, she can even come back.  And am I mistaken, or did Tara actually go AN ENTIRE EPISODE without crying?  OMFG.

Okay, so that basically brings us to the end of non-Eric-adjacent stories.  Tara was too busy watching Lafayette’s ass (giiiiiirl, aren’t we all?) to cry, because they didn’t know that Eric had lost his memory–they just knew the spell made him leave, so they figured he’d probably be after them and Lafayette wanted to go throw himself at Eric’s feet (giiiiiiirl, don’t we all?) and beg for mercy, which Jesus and Tara thought was stupid.  I fall on the side of Lafayette there, but it’s really a moot point because of the state of Eric.  However, a muddled version of this plan does occur, and they wind up with Pam, who has taken over the scariest vampire pole position in Eric’s absence.  She gives Lafayette, Tara, and Jesus 24 hours to bring her the head witch or she will eat, fuck, and kill all of them.  And I can’t be the only one who thinks that sounds like a more fun, updated version of Fuck, Marry, or Kill, right?

Pam is busy this episode, mostly convincing Sookie to babysit Eric, which Sookie demands to be paid for.  And this seems like a pretty good way to explain why Sookie never really has to work, although I suppose at this point, she really also doesn’t have to make a house payment.  Basically everything that goes down between Sookie and Eric is hilarious, including his sleeveless sweatshirt.  My friend Karen and I agreed that we’ve been waiting for this storyline for four years now.  And I’ll tell you, it’s not disappointing.  Sweet, innocent Eric is hysterical, from calling Sookie “Snooki”, to asking if she’d like to be his, to his sheepish apology for killing Sookie’s fairy godmother.  He really is like a giant twelve-year-old.

I’m not one that usually has a problem with Sookie.  A lot of people (on the internet, where else?) think she’s the worst part of the show but I disagree.  She’s usually alright, but this episode, she was just bugging me.  And the biggest thing that irritated me?  She just told Claudine to fuck off (SERIOUSLY, all of fairyland needs to fuck off in a major way), but then got all butthurt when Eric drained her.  You fuck off, Sookie!  Also, who else thinks that eating Claudine looked like the equivalent of licking off the outside of a Tootsie Pop, only to get to the center and discover a festering turd?  GOD.

Alright, that was most of the important stuff.  A few other things happened (Andy loses his shit, head witch cuts her wrists in the least efficient way possible, Ghost Daddy, Alcide is back with Debbie and looking hot, etc.), but the only other thing I found slightly interesting was Bill fucking Portia.  And not because that was interesting (it wasn’t), but because in the books, they’re actually related–she’s one of his descendents.  I don’t think the show is going that route, but I still couldn’t help thinking of it.  Maybe that says something about me, but I hope not don’t think it does.  It probably says more about me that I felt the need to share the (not really) Luke and Leia moment.

What did you guys think?  I thought this was one of the stronger exposition episodes that the show has had in awhile–it felt like we were prepping for MAJOR story developments while the action kept moving.  There were a few lulls, but not many, and in general, after last week and this week, I like where the season is going.  What did you guys think?  Favorite parts?  Favorite quotes?  Things I missed?  Lay it on me in the comments!


  • Cindy

    Staying with the episode ‘rape’ theme – as only TB can – don’t forget that Snooki.. oops, I mean SOOKIE told sweet, childlike Eric that he “fang raped” her.

    ERRRRRKKK! Pump ya breaks, Sook! You did NOT just say that to Eric Northman, when Saint Bill actually tried to RAPE you as he was fang raping you. ((and in the books, DID rape her — see, this is a thin fine line of fuckery that AB is crossing. Luckily, most of the major Sookie/Eric megafans are so sated by amnesiac that they aren’t be picky. But luckily, I’m not one of those anymore.

    I’m not a fan of any of it anymore. I watch to know what people are talking about and so I can point out how terrible the accents are and lame it is. It’s fun. That said, Devil Baby is the BOMB and is totally my very favorite character ever. Can’t wait for Devil Baby/Doll sexytime. ;-)

  • Christina

    GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Gah, you said so many things that I thought while watching last night. I totally thought the “eat, fuck, kill” thing was an vamp version of “fuck, marry, kill.” Maxine? Total creepy doll hoarder. And Devil Baby? THE. BEST. The scenes from next week make it look like he’s going to actually do something creepy, and I cannot wait.

    As for the episode itself, I really enjoyed it. I, too, have been waiting for Amnesia Eric for a LONG time, and I was a giggling schoolgirl through the whole thing. Just something about Eric saying the word “tickle,” and his bloody, open-mouthed apologetic grin at the end. More of this please!

    But I was really, really disturbed by the all of Hot Shot rapes Jason story line. I honestly was so disturbed by Crystal’s having her way with Jason as he came out of a daze that I actually didn’t notice that everyone else was queuing up to have their turn. That shit just took a turn down Fucked Up Blvd. Especially that little-ish girl who kind of looks like Penny on Happy Endings. I really don’t like this story line, and I would not be upset if it just magically disappeared, but it is kind of interesting, really. At least from a “this is kind of like Deliverance, only with women and werepanthers and Ghost Daddies instead” standpoint. It’s interesting because it’s happening to poor Jason, who was finally getting his life on track. But, no. Just, make it stop.

    Also, you are not the only person who recalled that Bill and Portia are related. I actually had to look away from the screen when they were fucking on that rocking chair (which totally didn’t help the “Bill is your great-great-great-something grandfather, isn’t he?” thoughts!… And now you’re all thinking that too, so I’m sorry). I don’t think they’re going with that story line either, but part of me wants them to. If only because it would make Bill that much more creepy and disturbing and god I hate him so much. Also, finally playing maker to Jessica? Psshhh… I don’t believe you for a second, Beel. You’re totally unsympathetic, and power-hungry, and you just seem like a pedophile. Oh, wait… oh, retch.

  • Nicole

    So, I really liked the ep. My thoughts:

    1) No horse posse – I feel like there is something unlikeable about Sam too now and I can’t put my finger on it. I used to love Sam. It’s like, ever since he became all empowered by his shifting, he’s been up on his high horse (or he’s been his own high horse…whatever. There’s a horse, and it’s high, and it’s annoying).

    2) Maxine is just hilarious. I love her character. Her doll obsession is awesome. BUT, the doll in question – wasn’t that in the final episode of last season? I’m pretty sure that they showed a shot of it in Hoyt & Jessica’s place last year. And at the time, I remember thinking that Summer had put it there to like curse them or something. Maybe that’s why they’re fighting all the time? Because it’s a cursed doll and it brings negative energy? My thinking about the doll is this: Summer loves Hoyt, wants him back, puts cursed doll in his house to break him and Jessica up. No matter how much they try to get rid of the doll, it comes back. They fight all the time. Now that Devil Baby has the doll, it might start making things happen around Arlene’s house that she’ll attribute to the baby, when really it’s the doll. I wonder if Summer’s coming back at all now that she’s a regular on Big Bang Theory? Hmmmm…. All I know is, I love Hoyt – I feel the same way about Hoyt that most people feel about Eric. I really really don’t want him to die.

    3) On to another character I love more than Eric – Jason. Oh, holy sadness – that was a tragic story and I felt that way even before I realized that the underage methgirls were LINING UP for their turn!!! I just thought they were watching, in some weird, sister-wife kind of way. Like, to bear witness to the second coming of Ghost Daddy or whatever (I assume that there will be a Ghost Daddy flashback and he will be played by Bill Cosby, right?). I really, really hope (and kind of suspect) that Jason is suffering from infection and not transitioning – there was some talk last night about how werepanthers are born, not made. I’m hoping that it turns out that they can’t be made. That way, Hotshot has effectively methed itself off of the planet, since none of them can have healthy pups anymore. Will Jason’s grandfather’s pocketwatch come into play here at all? There has to be a reason why that was brought up, right?

    4) ‘You perfect just as you iazzzz’. I love Lafayette. I loved Tara last night too – her talk with Sam reminded me of season 1 and that was a good thing.

    5) Any chance that the killing of the fairy godmother means an end to all of that? No? Just wishful thinking on my part? Oh well.

    6) Alcide may be hot, and the actor was funny on HIMYM, but whoa damn is he wooden on this show. He’s pretty but I find him SOOOOOOO boring. I don’t care if he stays in the suburbs forever with his contracting business. Nothing about that character does anything for me.

    7)I haven’t read the books so I haven’t had my panties in a bunch over this amnesia thing, but even I will admit that Eric was pretty adorable.

    8) Bill is 100% more interesting than he used to be. That is all.

    9) That’s two eps in a row that Steve Newlin’s name has come up – last night they said he’s been missing for 6 months. Does this mean he and his wife will be in this season??? I can only hope, because oh my god do I miss those characters. I need them to come back.

  • hockeybychoice

    I wanted to wait to comment after I watched the episode a second time. A lot of the Eric/witch stuff did make more sense going through it again. In addition to the hilarious Snookie line, that whole part with Eric trying to remember his last moments was fan-fucking-tastic. Eric slips into Swedish, remembering “the sea” and home and can’t help but speak Swedish. (BTW translated means: “The wet sand beneath my toes. The wind against my shoulder. Her eyes. Her eyes. They were cold. Empty eyes.”) When Sook is like, Bitch! English please! He gets this perfect look on his face.

    I will say it a million times, Alexander is killing it. From the 7 Sorry’s to the smiles and the eyebrow action. Just fucking love it. Love his “cubby” under the house (and love Eric descending the ladder. Can you say bicep??) Honey, I’ll be yours! Have your way with me.

    So obviously the spell has something/someone to do with Eric’s WAY back past. I’m on board with that! The answer to why he was put under the spell in the books never really satisfied me. This seems like a much more compelling and deeper story.

    I’m one of those people that like Sookie and Anna. She looks gorgeous this season and I’m really loving all the little confused huh? looks she’s giving in reaction to Amnesia!Eric. They are playing off of each other so well. Ugh, just fall in love (and out of your clothes) already!

    If I have to deal with any more of the stupid Sam stuff or the boring Sheriff crap or even the totally creepy Hot Shot storyline, I am perfectly content skipping through all that and only watching the Amnesia!Eric storylines.

    Don’t care that Alcide is back. Or Debbie for that matter. She looked horrible and Joe Manfreako does nothing for me. Maybe it’s the overly waxed chest when he clearly should be hairy? I don’t know. I digress. I am slightly interested in the Debbie thing ONLY because of the books. Will they go that route? I hope so.

    The doll is creepy as fuck but yes, I love Demon Baby. ADORABLE.

    Ick to the Jason storyline. Just ick.

    Oh and Eric draining Claudine gives me hope that the fairy storyline will be put on the back burner for awhile. It was awesome when she reverted to her original form before bursting into fairy dust though. And SPOILER ALERT: adorably drunk Eric next week!

  • Stephanie

    So I don’t have much to say that everyone hasn’t already said and I pretty much agree with it all so good job everyone! I will say that this episode is the first one I’ve truly enjoyed in a LONG time. I was actually sad when it ended mainly because I wanted more Amnesia Eric. Seriously Alex S plays it perfectly. I kind of want it to never end.

    Also the whole Hot Shot shit really creeps me the fuck out. It might be because I live in Arkansas and can kind of imagine that type of fucked upness going down (minus the werepanther shit obvs) or it’s because the shit is generally just fucking messed up. I’m going with the latter.

  • Niobe

    Not that this takes the ick factor out of Jason’s rape in any way and I could be wrong, but I really didn’t get the impression ALL of the people waiting in line for their turn with Jason were kids (the creepy one with the flowers certainly didn’t look underage to me).

    Theo only girl who I think they want us to focus on was the girl with the pigtails, who looked downright disturbed about what was taking place, but perhaps will try to awkwardly follow the lead of her older sister/mother/aunts (whoever they are). I’m hoping that next Sunday, despite the threat of cutting Jason’s thing off if he put up a fight, she won’t be able to go through with it.

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