So remember after the season premiere when I said that there was no one and nothing that anybody on this show could fuck that would shock me at this point?  Well, I was wrong–eleven or so underage hillbillies waiting in line to rape Jason Stackhouse was a bit of a surprise.  Well played, Alan Ball.  Well played.

There was a lot going on this episode and most of it involved the fallout from the Eric situation, but since a couple of things did not, let’s start with those.

Jason is still chained to the bed, looking disgusting, and either dying or turning into a werepanther (we don’t know which).  I’m kind of hoping he’s just getting infected because Jason the werepanther isn’t really a story I’m interested in exploring on the TV show.  I will say, though, that this whole story has really upped the shockingly gross and disturbing factor.  I mean, rape scenes are always horrifying (ALWAYS), but when I realized there was an audience, and then that they were kids, and THEN that they were waiting their turn?  BARF.  So I guess what I CAN say is … this storyline has my attention, for better or worse.

On the subject of rape, of sorts … Jessica told Hoyt about sucking that guy’s … blood, and he didn’t take it well, and so she glamoured him.  And you guys … it made me feel gross too.  Yeah, there was just a lot of that gross, cringey feeling floating around this episode tonight.  And that’s really about all I have to say about that for now, except that I think it was one of those young, stupid, selfish things that you do when you’re not emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences of your actions.  I mean, if I’d been a vampire at seventeen or eighteen … yeah, I’d have totally stolen someone’s memories of how I hurt them.  I mean, if you’re selfish enough to carelessly hurt someone, yes, you’re selfish enough to make them forget all about it.  So again, nice writing for Jessica–it was painfully realistic.

Before Jessica dropped the bloodsucking bomb on Hoyt, they were fighting about a creepy ass doll, and what the fuck is up with that thing, anyway?  They mentioned that they keep trying to get rid of it and it keeps showing up, so my real question is … what the fuck?  Of course, I did love the doll going to Devil Baby, who is rapidly becoming my favorite character on this show.  (Sidenote: Billy said he can’t wait to see the episode where Devil Baby rapes Creepy Doll.  Hee!)  And it made Devil Baby so HAPPY!  Oh, Devil Baby.  Never change.

Now, there was no confirmation that the doll had anything to do with Maxine at all, but there was sort of the implied relativity with her teaching Tommy how to read as she bought dolls off of a home shopping channel, which she apparently does frequently.  And you guys, let me just say … I spend a lot of time doing homework right now and I can’t do it all in silence, okay, and I spent a SHITLOAD of time yesterday watching Hoarders.  And I mean, a fucking SHITLOAD.  I can’t emphasize that enough really.  And this was all perfectly timed, because I caught the episode with the lady who hoards dolls and is clearly out of her goddamn mind, and giggles like a psycho in a nightmare over how cute Cabbage Patch dolls are.  So needless to say, I found Maxine buying Marie Osmond dolls with her fucking frequent shopper points more than a little disturbing.

Also, how am I supposed to feel about Maxine, exactly?  Because I don’t like her, and I’m pretty sure she’s a fucking bitch.  This whole Tommy thing is creepy, and the doll thing is creepy, but those things are both also sort of pathetic.  The way she treated Jessica was shitty, and she’s been rude to various characters, but then Tommy is wanting to take advantage of her, and that’s sad … I just feel like there’s no clear emotion that I’m SUPPOSED to have about Maxine.  Although to be fair, I probably feel the way I feel about Maxine about more people in real life than I feel the way I feel about Tara or somebody, so …

Alright, since Tommy’s name came up, let’s just finish talking about him and move on.  He’s still as shady as ever, even though he did try to involve Sam in a brotherly venture of sleaze, so maybe he genuinely is making an effort there, question mark?  Really, my favorite thing about that was when he (in total little brother fashion) yelled, “I hate your fucking guts, Sam Merlotte!” and stomped out.  And you guys … I kind of know how he feels.  I don’t know what it is about Sam, but this character just really is not working for me.  I think it’s because even when I should like him, or want to like him, he just seems so … sour.  Like, I should be like, YEAH! for him telling Tommy to tell Maxine what’s up, but instead, I just get exhausted.  On the plus side, we didn’t have to see the horse posse, or Sam’s wonk-tittied girlfriend, so … win?  Question mark?

And also, I did like Sam and Tara talking … probably because both of them actually smiled.  More of that, please.  If those two are going to make each other bearable, she can even come back.  And am I mistaken, or did Tara actually go AN ENTIRE EPISODE without crying?  OMFG.

Okay, so that basically brings us to the end of non-Eric-adjacent stories.  Tara was too busy watching Lafayette’s ass (giiiiiirl, aren’t we all?) to cry, because they didn’t know that Eric had lost his memory–they just knew the spell made him leave, so they figured he’d probably be after them and Lafayette wanted to go throw himself at Eric’s feet (giiiiiiirl, don’t we all?) and beg for mercy, which Jesus and Tara thought was stupid.  I fall on the side of Lafayette there, but it’s really a moot point because of the state of Eric.  However, a muddled version of this plan does occur, and they wind up with Pam, who has taken over the scariest vampire pole position in Eric’s absence.  She gives Lafayette, Tara, and Jesus 24 hours to bring her the head witch or she will eat, fuck, and kill all of them.  And I can’t be the only one who thinks that sounds like a more fun, updated version of Fuck, Marry, or Kill, right?

Pam is busy this episode, mostly convincing Sookie to babysit Eric, which Sookie demands to be paid for.  And this seems like a pretty good way to explain why Sookie never really has to work, although I suppose at this point, she really also doesn’t have to make a house payment.  Basically everything that goes down between Sookie and Eric is hilarious, including his sleeveless sweatshirt.  My friend Karen and I agreed that we’ve been waiting for this storyline for four years now.  And I’ll tell you, it’s not disappointing.  Sweet, innocent Eric is hysterical, from calling Sookie “Snooki”, to asking if she’d like to be his, to his sheepish apology for killing Sookie’s fairy godmother.  He really is like a giant twelve-year-old.

I’m not one that usually has a problem with Sookie.  A lot of people (on the internet, where else?) think she’s the worst part of the show but I disagree.  She’s usually alright, but this episode, she was just bugging me.  And the biggest thing that irritated me?  She just told Claudine to fuck off (SERIOUSLY, all of fairyland needs to fuck off in a major way), but then got all butthurt when Eric drained her.  You fuck off, Sookie!  Also, who else thinks that eating Claudine looked like the equivalent of licking off the outside of a Tootsie Pop, only to get to the center and discover a festering turd?  GOD.

Alright, that was most of the important stuff.  A few other things happened (Andy loses his shit, head witch cuts her wrists in the least efficient way possible, Ghost Daddy, Alcide is back with Debbie and looking hot, etc.), but the only other thing I found slightly interesting was Bill fucking Portia.  And not because that was interesting (it wasn’t), but because in the books, they’re actually related–she’s one of his descendents.  I don’t think the show is going that route, but I still couldn’t help thinking of it.  Maybe that says something about me, but I hope not don’t think it does.  It probably says more about me that I felt the need to share the (not really) Luke and Leia moment.

What did you guys think?  I thought this was one of the stronger exposition episodes that the show has had in awhile–it felt like we were prepping for MAJOR story developments while the action kept moving.  There were a few lulls, but not many, and in general, after last week and this week, I like where the season is going.  What did you guys think?  Favorite parts?  Favorite quotes?  Things I missed?  Lay it on me in the comments!