I don’t know about you guys, but I am totally over this season.  I am baffled by the fact that it hasn’t lost viewers.  The judges don’t judge, singers are praised even when they suck, and they can’t even get any young famous people to show up for tapings.  Don’t get me wrong, Hannibal Lecter is cool and all … if it’s 1991.  I will say they are doing two things right: The mentoring by Jimmy and guest (Sheryl Crow this week … still trying to figure that one out) and the fact that they actually end every show on time!  Novel concept I know, seeing as whomever was in charge the last 8 years or so couldn’t end on time to save his life.  I’m not sure that’s enough to keep me watching.  I miss Simon.  I miss the guy that would rip you a new one if you sucked ass.  I don’t know if American Idol and The X Factor can coexist in the world.  I sure hope not.  It’s my wish that The X Factor poisons the black eyed peas and shoves Idol in the trunk.  Cause Idol needs to DIE.  (Thank you, Dixie Chicks, for the perfect murder plot.)

I probably should get to this week’s performances.  Follow me down the rabbit hole … if you dare …

James-So this week I watched with friends.  They think James is awesome.  He can sing high, low and in between.  I still hate the screaming.  His first song was just alright, he got pitchy while running through the audience.  On the second, I think Dave Cook did a better Mariah cover.  Speaking of Mariah, can you believe she named her boy Morraccan?  That poor, poor child.  Monroe, on the other hand, is super cute.  Telling us that he was thinking of his family and getting teary will garner him many votes and we won’t be seeing him in the bottom three.

Jacob-Man, Jordin Sparks would be rolling in her grave if she were dead and in the ground.  That was heinous.  He needed to take it down a step or five.  I’m still not sure why he’s here instead of Casey.  Is he from the south?  They always seem to get mad votes even when they shouldn’t.  Round two was better, but not by much.  I’m just kinda over his brand of wailing.  Plus I think he’s got a huge ego and that always turns me off.

Lauren-Her first song was a fun country song that I didn’t recognize.  It was good, but not spectacular.  Song number two was fantastic.  I think “Unchained Melody” is the most overused song on Idol, so I probably should have compared her to those that have sung it before.  I didn’t though.  I thought she sounded great and if she would just believe in herself a little more she could be in the finals … in my heart.  I have a feeling America and I might disagree on that one.

Scotty-My friend thought this performance was great, but I wasn’t that impressed.  Plus he kept holding his non-mic hand like Cher.  I was waiting for him to flick back his long black hair.  He’s drifting into generic country singer territory.  He’s lost whatever made him unique.  The judges sit there and tell him that he can do no wrong (lie) and praise his ability to sing anything (lie), but really he’s just OK.  Do you see why I’m ready to quit Idol?

Haley- Oh, Haley, the bane of my Idol writer existence, why are you still here?  She dodged a bunch of bullets early in the competition when there was always some slightly worse than her.  Now the judges have her poised to go head to head with James in the finale.  She got a standing ovation, which from this group isn’t saying much, but still.  I can’t even deal.  They were right that the first song wasn’t very good, but they acted like her version of “House of the Rising Sun” was the best they had ever heard.  I think Siobhan Magnus did it better last year.

I know I sound like a bitch and maybe I am, but these judges are infuriating.  They get caught up in the moment and don’t remember whey they are there.  This is a competition.  Ugh,  I can’t even deal.  I don’t have a top or bottom.  I don’t really want anyone to win at this point.  Maybe it’ll get better, hell, I don’t know.

Can anyone pull me out of this black hole?  Does anyone care anymore? Anyone want to switch to “The Voice?”  I like the mentoring aspect and the judges a hell of a lot more.  We can make fun of Christina’s boobs.  Plus Adam and Blake fight like brothers which is kinda cute.  What say you Idol watching nation?!?