You know how they make you take a gym class in high school? Well, I was the fat kid who hated it, so I signed up for summer gym. The summer before my freshman year, I had to do organized activities in the blazing sun from 8am until noon every day for five weeks. It was the summer of Batman and Robin (I remember the promotional cups at Taco Bell, where I ate too many lunches). It was also a watershed moment in my process of falling in love with pop culture: every single day I would come home from summer gym and flip back and forth between MTV and VH1.
Minute by minute, I fell deeper in love with Jakob Dylan. Each afternoon I lie prostrate before the Lord asking for a Jewel video to come on. And several times a day, for months, I watched Fleetwood Mac’s VH1 reunion special, “The Dance.” The morals of this story are plentiful, but they apply to this post in these ways: I love Fleetwood Mac with the burning nostalgia of a tea partier reminiscing on a klan rally, I am so fat that I would leave summer gym and ride my bike to Taco Bell, and high school fucking sucks.
What I mean to say is, Fleetwood Mac episode of Glee, don’t fuck this up for me.
I get it that I’m supposed to love Brittany, and her little one-liners are the bread and butter of this show now, but I just feel exhausted by it. I get it, she’s dumb. I didn’t write last week, so I didn’t get to joke about how “Lebanese” was the dumbest joke I’ve ever heard.
I think the problem is something bigger, and ultimately is the reason I should probably stop watching the show: the things that used to be fun just aren’t fun anymore. Sue and Brittany’s jokes just aren’t funny, the songs feel tired, the whole show feels too earnestly pseudo-serious.
Every time I start an episode, I feel worn out. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t do any pop culture stuff out of obligation. I don’t read books I don’t want to read or watch movies I don’t want to watch, so why am I still watching this dumb show? Two reasons: the clothes (because some of these outfits…I die), and because I promised SB I’d write about this show and the only promises I break are ones that result in me losing tons of money or dignity or whatever.
I’m so bored that I’m genuinely just going to copy and paste the notes I half-heartedly typed while I watched.
Brittany outs Santana accidentally. Totally hilarious except for the fact that kids die from being outed.
Rachel is more desperate for love than I am, which is unprecedented.
April’s back. Best news I’ve heard in years.
No, really, I love April, but why did they hire the same wigmaster that must have done Elizabeth Banks’s 30 Rock abomination?
April’s an alcoholic. Totally hilarious except for the fact that adults die from alcoholism.
April and Will grind in front of the class and it’s like seriously, even when your teacher is pretty hot, how weird is it to always watch him get a boner in the front of the classroom?
Artie calls Brittany stupid. I imagine a post-it note: “Have good characters do bad things and bad characters do good things.” – The Writing Staff
Brittany’s hippie dress changes everything about my sad little life.
The Chain plays in the background. Quinn hugs Sam.
Brittany interviews Scheu.
Finn and Quinn sing “I Don’t Want to Know.”
Rachel and Quinn fight.
April and Will are going to take a show to broadway. Who did they consult about how shows get to broadway, a second grader? SB?
Cute idea: that you just practice a couple songs and then make a broadway show out of it.
Brittany interviews the cat. Last season I would have LOLed at this shit, now I need a Xanax.
Wait, but at what point did the act of washing fruit become pathological?
Go Your Own Way. Rachel. Pretty not terrible.
I get it that the Sam at a hotel thing is sad and tragic, but didn’t my grandma tell him that bad things happen to boys who keep their hair like that?
Scheu’s ex-wife, April, and Sue in one room. honk shoo.
Rachel and Finn go to Sam’s hotel. Touching.
Sam sings Don’t Stop. Nah, do.