YAY! Glee is back! And I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially the super meta beginning with Jew-Fro asking Mr. Shue if he knew that there was an entire forum on his blog devoted to begging Mr. Shue to stop rapping. Hee! And YES. It basically made mention of the opinions held by The Internet and then told us all to suck it. And then Mr. Shue performed a very white, very gay version of “Baby I Got Your Money” by Old Dirty Bastard.
Just kidding. That last part didn’t happen. But it COULD have.
Sidenote, OMG, I was just inspired to go back and look at the lyrics of this song and I had forgotten that I knew ALL of them. And it’s hilarious. ”I don’t have a problem with you fuckin’ me, but I do have a problem with you not fuckin’ me.” This will be on my iPod by the end of the week.
What were we TALKING about? Oh right, so no one wanted to do glee club because they’re still losers who didn’t win and also … show tunes. That’s all. Just … show tunes. Plus, they didn’t hold auditions and Sue was totally right on this one. So instead, Mr. Shue sent them out to show the school how cool glee is in like, the most uncool fucking way EVER. But … okay I guess. Still, Billy had told me earlier this evening that Glee would be doing a Jay-Z song, and I was like, WHAT! You all may or may not know from my Twitter/Facebook/conversations that I currently have a small to massive Jay-Z obsession right now, and I was super excited and speculating what they might go with. And I’m all like, “I wonder if Beyonce talked him into letting them use his song!” Because sure, there’s nothing more hip-hop than making money, but Jay-Z also seems like he might be too cool for that. So I was sorta bummed when they picked Empire State of Mind. I mean, there are just SO many awesome Jay-Z songs, and that one isn’t my favorite. I mean … okay. Current obsessions: Lucifer (which, granted, is old), Run This Town with Rhianna and Kanye (“that girl’s got an ass that could swallow up a g-string, and up top, UH, two bee stings”–fuckin’ poetry, y’all) and Young Forever. Mmmmm … that one might have too much cussing. 99 Problems, too. So I guess it’s good that they went with the most mainstream one. Still. Puck managed some decent rapping and everyone else should’ve and most did stick to singing. And we got some sweet Brittany dancing.
Man, that was a lot of Jay-Z talk. But sometimes I get enthusiastic.
Alright, so the next song was the blond big mouth bastard singing Every Rose Has It’s Thorn in the shower. And you guys … sigh. That song is a goddamn motherfucking CLASSIC, and if that was supposed to be a good rendition of it, someone is sadly mistaken. Also, I feel like when you get the rights to one of the most awesome songs of … possibly ever but at least the 80′s, a song that you could say more or less gave us Rock of Love, you don’t squander that opportunity, you RELISH it. You give it to Puck. You don’t MASSACRE it. God, that was more painful than the sum total of all the STD’s on Rock of Love.
I kind of like the character of the blonde kid, hereafter referred to as Mouth, but he just cannot compare with the existing hotness on this show. And it’s clear that they’re going to have to be cautious with song choice on him. Where he didn’t sound so hot on Every Rose Has It’s Thorn, his voice actually was very well-suited for Billionaire, which was an entertaining number. Except Artie was totally doing the rapping, and kind of killing it, and does anyone else think it’s hilarious and a little weird that the only person who can successfully pull of rapping on this show is ARTIE?
This is kind of where my interest in the music in this episode ended. I liked Rachel and Sunshine’s bathroom number (do you think it was #1 or #2?) well enough, but I didn’t know the song. And as for Sunshine’s Dreamgirl’s song … whatever. I was getting more of a Mercedes vibe off of her than a Rachel, and I’m not saying that she can’t sing, because she totally can, it’s just … I could not have been more blah about her character. There was no magic there, which means she’ll be PERFECT for Audio Adrenaline, and speaking of … Cheyenne Jackson as their new director? THERE’S the magic. He was delightfully assy, and I can’t wait to hear him sing and see him ass it up.
Oh, and Rachel’s big solo number. No clue what it was from, I’m assuming a Broadway show and you’ll all fill me in. It just didn’t do it for me. But … did anyone else think Lea Michelle is looking kind of disturbingly skinny? I mean, she’s always been small, but I thought she looked a little unhealthy–her collarbones were really jutting out and she was looking a little bobbleheady. I’m putting her on Sandwich Alert.
Alright. Let’s discuss Coach Beast. I know, I know, French spelling. I just don’t care. I sort of liked the idea of Will and Sue working together against a new nemesis, but I guess Sue does work better as the straight up villain. The thing about The Beast is … I was truly unsure if s/he was a man or a woman. I wasn’t going to IMDB it and just enjoy the mystery but my curiosity got the best of me and would you believe it? She is a WOMAN. Incredible.
Other than that … Quinn is head Cheerio again, Santana is pissed at her, the glee club is pissed at Rachel for being a selfish fucking bitch and sending an Asian to a crackhouse, Emma was nowhere to be seen in this episode, Finn is off the football team, Tina dumped Artie and is dating Breakdance, and that pretty much brings us up to speed.
What did you guys think of this episode? I liked it and thought it was a nice return and a good place to start up again. I was glad that they seemed to have moved away from the music dictating the stories in this episode, which I hope continues throughout the season. Although … DUDE, I am so surprised they’re busting out the Britney Spears episode so early. Next week! I’m SO excited. Did you guys have any favorite moments or lines that I forgot to mention? What songs did and didn’t do it for you? Any new characters you’re really into? Other thoughts? Comments!