You guys have NO IDEA how excited I was for this premiere.  I think, actually, that it is equalled only by my excitement of the return of Glee, which I think of every time I hear “Somebody to Love” on the radio, which happens a lot down here since apparently that is one of like six songs that Florida radio stations feel is acceptable for constant rotation.

But I totally digress, as usual.

The season picked up exactly where it left off this season, except … can I just say how good Stefan is looking?  I think the show got a new hair colorist or something, and they are working it.  Big time.  Damon is, needless to say, as beautiful as ever.  And Matt … you heated up all four seconds of your screen time.

Damon and Stefan caught onto Katherine’s presence relatively quickly; however, everyone else did not, and as Elena’s double, she was granted immediate access to pretty much everywhere, which is SO gonna come back to bite them.  Literally.  (Okay, sorry, but come ON.  It had to be done.)  I am impressed with Nina Dobrev and her ability to make Katherine a totally different and identifiable character than Elena.  (Sidenote: did anyone else notice her prominent forehead vein?  Tyler has one too.  I wonder if I have one …)  Also, I am totally impressed with her ability to rock the tightest pants of all time.

I love how Katherine has thrown the story into a total tailspin, not just because she’s all plotting and threatening and shit, but also because of what she’s doing to Damon, which is seriously fucking him up.  With Elena’s help, of course.  God, did it suck (heh) to be Damon in this episode, right?  Elena was more than a little insensitive, Katherine broke his fucking heart, Stefan was pissed at him, and Bonnie refused to call a truce even when he healed Caroline.  It was kind of painful to watch, actually.  Damon having feelings after repressing them for so long intensifies everything, including how much it hurts me (as a Damon lover).  The scene where Katherine told him that she never loved him was some cold shit, and especially gut-wrenching.

To Stefan’s credit, he was pretty awesomely badass in this episode.  I loved him telling Katherine how much he hates her, and him shoving his blood in Uncle Bastard’s mouth and demanding that he leave town or Stefan will turn him was the perfect amount of aggressive, forceful, devious, and fitting–and yet it retained that bit of Stefan mercy, where he did give John the option of leaving town.

Since I’m just kind of running through characters right now, catching up on the stories (which is essentially what the show did tonight as well), let’s keep going with that.  Bonnie continued to be a bitch, which frankly … I am not down with.  I want to get past this whole Bonnie-the-Vampire-Hater thing soon because it is just not becoming.  Stefan hasn’t done shit to her, and Damon has come through more often than not.  And I like her being Elena’s friend, and not just snapping at her about her boyfriend(s).  So is it totally wrong that I got a moment of glee out of Katherine faking the headache?  Hee!  Don’t worry, it was balanced out by her flinging the door open (smart!), so I don’t feel TOTALLY horrible.  It’s just … I love Katerina Graham–I don’t want them to take her character down a road that I can’t deal with.

And then there was Tyler.  I get the feeling we’re going to get some movement on the werewolf front soon.  Tyler is getting more animal all the time, and Uncle Cowabunga (seriously, why do all the “cool dudes” gotta be surfers on TV shows?) pinning him down on his back and keeping him there till he mellowed out is TOTALLY something that dogs do, and I LOVE that.  It’s a great foreshadow, and just brings an element of reality to the fantasy of the show.  Very cool.  I hope to like Uncle Cowabunga more than I liked the mayor, and I am really glad that we had a “he was a real dick” moment at his funeral, because … totally.

Okay.  So I have to say, I felt like the episode got off to kind of a slow start.  I mean, not in a bad way, but more in a catching up/setting up sort of way.  You know, kind of typical for a season premiere but not really in keeping with the standard whiplash pace of TVD.  BUT THEN!  Oh my god, all hell broke loose, no shit.  Let’s start with Jeremy.

Jeremy didn’t turn into a vampire with Anna’s blood in his system, and I loved that we got an actual legitimate explanation for that, which was that her blood actually healed him of the pills quicker.  Totally logical and where I would’ve gone with that one.  Still, that is what Jeremy gets for trying to commit suicide like a bitch.  Seriously.  That’s how women commit suicide.  Just saying.  (Sidenote: Did any of you guys see Piranha 3-D and did you know going in that he was totally the main character?  Because I didn’t and yet I was so proud of our little TVD bro and his prehistoric man-eating fish killing skills.)  I totally, and I mean TOTALLY, did not see it coming when Damon got pissed at Elena and snapped Jeremy’s neck.  WHAAAAAAAAAT!  That was insane!  Billy’s first reaction was, “He’s gonna turn,” forgetting (as I did) that Anna’s blood had probably passed out of his system by now.  So I was even more stunned by the twist on that twist (pun intended) that Jeremy had on his father’s ring, which he had recovered from Uncle Bastard.  So now Jeremy’s got the ring, isn’t a vampire, knows Damon killed him (even though it didn’t stick), and Elena has declared her hatred for Damon.  That’s a lot of shit to go down at once!

Also, I love Stefan for trying to look for the best out of Damon (he must’ve seen the ring and that’s why he did it), and then laying the blame where it belonged, on Katherine, for ruining everything good about Damon.  Bromance!

Speaking of bromance, I miss Alaric.

Okay, back to the next major WTF of the episode.  Caroline.  Now, I think you all know what a special place in my heart Caroline has, but when I found out she was a Jersey Shore watcher?  GIRL CRUSH OVERLOAD!  It’s like the writers of this show have a direct line to my soul, right?  So when Katherine showed up in her hospital room, where she was recovering with Damon’s blood in her system and smothered her with a pillow, my stomach dropped.  Historically, female vamps do not fare well on this show.  Listen, Show.  Please, please, please, do not kill my Caroline.  I will cry actual tears.  I still can’t think of Lexie without getting a pang.  And I wonder what this will end up doing to Matt and Caroline, who I also love.  Maybe Caroline will turn all Flava of Love Girl on Katherine for trying to steal her man and stake a bitch.  I can get behind that.

Wow, I’ve just veered off about as far as I’ve ever gone into fanfic territory–sorry about that one!

Okay, I think that hits the main points.  What did you guys think of the episode?  A worthy return?  Any favorite lines or moments?  Did I forget anything?  What are your predictions for the rest of the season?  Go comment crazy!  (It’s been a long ass summer and I’ve missed all of you and your great discussions and I can’t wait to get going again!)