Man … not to hate on Jersey Shore because I totally do still love it, but seriously NOTHING HAPPENED in this episode. Again, the girls danced around Sammi as she asked an increasing number of questions, but no one actually told her. And I don’t know why, really, since JWoww, who is CLEARLY the HBIC in that house, knows how bad all of this makes the girls look for knowing and not telling. I get the boys doing the whole bros before hoes thing, and I get Angelina not wanting to rock the boat now that everyone’s being nice to her. But Snooki and JWoww? Come on, guys. First of all, you’re well aware she’s going to find out later, and secondly, you’re her FRIENDS. They did end up writing an anonymous letter, but they didn’t even give it to her in this episode. Sigh.
Also, I do not understand how Snooki and JWoww can know that Sammi will find out about Ronnie eventually and yet not think about how she’ll eventually know who wrote the anonymous letter. Ummm … ?
But yeah, this was seriously what the entire episode was about. And honestly, it was pretty sad. Sammi was so pathetic and Ronnie was such an asshole. I mean, he was a FUCKING asshole. When he made the cab drive off and leave her and was smiling in the backseat? Yuck. Even the editors seem to know, because the 80′s teen movie villain music played when Ronnie got to the second bar. AND THEN he had the nerve to tell Sam that they weren’t together because of her? Gross.
Situation really had it right in saying that Sammi knows, she just doesn’t want to believe it. And he’s right that Ronnie has changed since last year, saying that he doesn’t want to miss out but he’s also like a kid that doesn’t want to let go of his cookie. True.
Just the last few random bits of that story that I didn’t squeeze in anywhere else and then we’ll move on to what little other scraps there were, okay? Okay. Here we go–
- Ronnie doesn’t like tests, which is why he didn’t go to college. Don’t test him, because he will fail a majority of the time. Maybe the most self-aware thing ever uttered on Jersey Shore, actually.
- Angelina didn’t want to get involved and yet she brought up Ronnie and some girl in the club at dinner. Oh GOD, and that wasn’t even the most awkward thing to happen, because …
- … THIS was. Everyone plays “Bowl of Questions”, which I thought was hilarious and also, exactly what it sounds like. And someone asked if you’ve ever cheated on your bf/gf, and Ronnie is like, “No … well, yeah.” And the room got silent and everything was awkward as FUCK.
- Also, did you guys notice him at the gym doing like a boxing exercise? Because seriously … what Ronnie needs is practice PUNCHING. Yeah.
Other than that, Emilio pissed Snooki off and she claimed that that’s why the lesbian rate is going up in this country. And there you go, people. Science. Emilio called later and said he fucked somebody and then said he was kidding, and Snooki did a lot of yelling, but I’ve gotta say … she didn’t seem that sincerely upset. Like, at all. Did they cast him as her fake boyfriend or something? But JWoww answered his next call and told him she’d beat his ass, and he asked if it was voicemail, and that was pretty funny.
Other than that … Vinny entertained me a couple of times, first in a mean-but-funny way with his, “Do we have a butterface flavor or what?” but mostly with him saying, “I’m in Miami. I don’t want girls studying for finals, I want girls studying for dick.” Hee! Vinny.
What did you guys think of this one? There better be a pretty fucking big payoff for this “anonymous” note next week. Any favorite moments? Funny lines? Things I neglected to mention? Comments!
Tags: Jersey Shore