Damn Taco Bell. Why must they try to get all authentic and stick their kids meals in a pinata now? I just want my fucking toy.

Happy Halloween bitches!!!!!!!!

Okay, now that’s out of the way, how good was Happy Endings last night, guys? Like, SOOOOO good, right? It personally had me wanting to sloppy, wet kiss make out with it from start to finish. That’s serious high praise coming from me if you weren’t aware. I honestly don’t know where to even start to tackle this beast. Oh yeah I do. Eliza Coupe. She was fucking fantastic last night. Yes, the rest of the cast was great but Coupe stole the episode with her line delivery and the subtle intricacies that she brings to the character of Jane. Suffice to say that in a cast filled with comedic powerhouses, Coupe’s ability to stand out and really shine is a testament to her talent, the writing, and the castmates’ on-screen rapport with each other. I’ll even go as far to say the Eliza Coupe is the best comedic actress on television right now and it’s a damn shame those stuffy award shows haven’t recognized this fact yet.

Alright, let’s get to the meat of this Italian BMT. You get it? Italian BMT because there were three story arcs last night and the Italian BMT comes with three meats. Still nothing? Whatever, you guys. You know that was an awesome segue. ANYWAY, the Brax renaissance was upon us last night when Max decided to help Brad complete his typical Saturday routine a la Max-style, i.e. for free, now that Brad is now a member of the ‘No-Job-Luck-Club’. This included hitting up various support groups for free coffee and pastries, getting a good run as an incentive to keep their asses from being kicked, and a relaxing steam sauna sesh thanks to the local sewers. Plus the universal rule of booger picking was reinforced. Pick it then flick it, y’all. In the end, Brad had an after-school special realization that he needs a job that allows Max-style shenanigans but also, you know, gives him a hefty paycheck without the crazy hours. It was a beautiful bonding moment. Honestly, I’m glad Brax was back with a vengeance last night because there was too little of this great bromance last year. Seriously guys, remember the greatest of Brax in season one? We NEED that again. In fact, let’s make this a weekly thing in season three complete with the face paint and the donkey pinata (greatest prop ever), m’kay?

While Brax was off doing their own version of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off impression, Alex and Dave went apartment hunting with their realtor, guest star Rachel Harris. Y’all, abode hunting, whether an apartment or a house, is the worst thing ever. You get all excited to go look and then after the first one you’re asking yourself why you didn’t stuff your purse full of liquor. It’s stressful and trying and really just plain repetitive because your hope for a fucking plush living area equipped with all the modern amenities you want are CRUSHED when you realize what you can really afford is an empty Cheez-It box furnished by Fisher Price. So that’s not what really happened to Alex and Dave BUT they did look at a shitload of apartments after throwing out legitimate (in my eyes) concerns about places being to Shia LaBouef-y (i.e. to whiny hipster Jewish-y) and containing too dangerous of lighting fixtures for their chicken fights. Really though, it is obvious that BOTH Dave and Alex are unsure of whether they should get a place together because maybe it is all too fast and they aren’t sure the other is ‘Still The One’ as promised by Shania if their last interaction was anything to go by. So naturally they rented a ginormous awesome apartment together. They’re so practical y’all.

Alas we’ve got Penny and Jane…er… I’m sorry, Tegan Arrowspear and Jerry Maguire. First off, Penny I’m glad you’ve realized how shitty Nissan’s are. I bet you had a billion flat tires right before this decision. Just one question, why a Volvo? It’s because of those Twilight movies, isn’t it? Nerd. Yeah that’s right, Penny decided to buy a new car which she tried to hide from the group so that Jane, who is the Queen of the Good Deal, wouldn’t take over the whole process. I bet if the Native Americans had her on their side John Smith wouldn’t have stolen the colors of the wind and killed them all with smallpox. Anyway, Jane is a way too perceptive to be fooled by Penny and forced her way into the negotiations with Car Czar, who knows what cars are btw, despite Pen’s reluctance. Of course, Jane totally took over with her witchy ways. It’s just the way she rolls y’all. Don’t hate. No need to fret as everything was hunky dory after some intense moments and perhaps one false breakdown. Jane apologizes to Pen for taking over her car buying experience and Penny walks away with a free car and a mail-in rebate making Jane oh so proud.

All in all last night’s episode was superb! Why? The writing and and acting, duh. Don’t y’all know how TV works? Just kidding. Maybe it had to do with the resurgence of Brax or perhaps it was pinata filled with Nerds… Let’s be real, it was TOTALLY the giant rainbow donkey pinata filled with Nerds. The rainbow donkey pinatas are the best and Nerds are the shit. In fact, when Happy Endings goes off the air (a long, long, LONG time from now hopefully) I DEMAND that I get the pinata from this episode AND a piece of Taters. I think those are pretty simple requests.

Other thoughts/observations:

• Alex’s impression of dial-up sounded like a retarded donkey BUT her and Dave’s impressions of the group? Spot. On.
• Who spends 5K on _____ of the month clubs that aren’t all booze clubs?
• Brad’s face paint was totally Blankman’s mask, right? Okay, fine. It was probably Batman but Max’s was totally Garfield.
• I’m so glad we got more Brax-isms last night. Who wants to be my GFF!? Gay fat friend in case you missed that part.
• I’d want to beat some ass too if someone knocked my pretzel out of my hand. You don’t fuck with the pretzel, you guys. But for real, I’ve pouted because I went to get pretzel once at a football game and they were SOLD OUT. What concession stand runs out of pretzels?! Or barbeque place that runs out of brisket because that’s happened too and I was PISSED.
• I wonder what flavor of Nerds made up that 40lbs inside the pinata. As long as it wasn’t watermelon we’re good. Watermelon is fucking gross.
• Funnily enough, Rachel Harris looks eerily similar to  my realtor.
• Max’s face on fake wishing his coffee was a vagina was amazing.
• They obviously didn’t go to the Mexican side of town for that burro pinata. From the way it didn’t break, I’d guess Jane bought from the Italian mafia.
• I could not agree more with Jane that those who read Harry Potter are nerds. Hunger Games though? That shit is for everyone and you KNOW Jane it would be all about Katniss and then want to host her own Hunger Games.
• I’m so glad HE didn’t try to outdo last year’s Halloween episode. It was perfect and why try to compete with perfection?
• Time of the Month Club was totally what I thought it was. You know what also helps tell you when you get your period? Birth control.
• Jane slacking on the brunch fare. NOT. COOL.
• Alex’s one-liners are still the best.

Top Quotes:

• “Hesitant? Is that even a word?”
• “Well, I think that’s Child’s Play. Two. When Nature Calls.”
• “That is from concentrate. Concentrate!” “I’m trying! But I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
• “No one should ever leave the house without their ideal salary written on a folded up piece of paper.”
• “You go to hell, girl!”
• “Are we gonna see Mos Def? I wouldn’t know it if we saw it.”
• “Let’s die in this bitch.”
• “Nope. Nope. Whiteeee.”
• “Just wish this coffee was a vagina, am I right?”
• “CCH Pounder!”
• “Ugh, bad idea. I’m gonna do my Kegel exercises.”
• “LaToya, why you so stupid girl?”
• “Welcome to Max World… TM circle R.”

Your turn! Talk to me down in the comments and tell me what you thought of the episode. Also, if you tell me your favorite part was NOT the pinata then we can no longer be friends. Sorry.