This episode is titled “Bitten”. I had to look up who wrote this POS because the credits were at the end after the AV club kid’s “movie” aired. Ya’ll, I am sad because I hated this episode. And honestly? I didn’t hate “Bugs” and “Red Sky at Morning” as much as everybody else did.
So what was it about? This is going to be fucking short and not so sweet.
Sam and Dean bust into a house. Blood everywhere. A couple of bodies. And a laptop with a post it note that says “watch me”.
“This should never have ended this way” it says on the screen.
Michael, the cute one, and Kevin, the nerdy one are “filmmakers” (and I use the term loosely) and they are making a movie but they don’t know what it should be about or who should be in it. I wasn’t looking forward to this episode because of the whole Blair Witch/Cops film style and the show did not disappoint. All choppy and smash cutty. Like a bad porno with no porn and too much mushy kissing at the beginning.
Michael hits on Kate, a cute girl they see at the local eatery. She likes film too. Bla bla bla. Michael and Kate have the sex and fall in love. Gross. Oh, you silly young people.
A neighbor a couple of doors down is murdered and Kate is a little worried but the two AV boys don’t seem worried. They just keep filming everything. Of course they do. The dead guy had no heart. It’s gone. No big deal. Let’s go out tonight anyway and film shit for our movie. Kate stays home because she is the smart one.
While they are out filming in a tree, they see this douchy guy sexing up a girl beside a dug out (maybe?) and decide that’s something great to film so they can put it on You Tube. Because they aren’t douchy at all. No sir. But the ass hat (their favorite word this episode – no bleeped out swearing here to make this episode better) guy gets slapped and the girl runs off and the guy sees them and chases them into the woods! OH NO! But cameras are still rolling, unfortunately. Rolling and shaking the camera Michael gets attacked. I really hoped he would get eaten but nope. Just bitten.
Oh, I see what they did there.
Kevin finds Michael all bloody in the woods and instead of taking him to the hospital like a normal person, he takes his bloody friend home. Where his wound has healed.
And since Michael and Kevin don’t have a TV where there are these shows like The Vampire Diaries and Teen Wolf and Grimm or even, you know Supernatural, they don’t know anything about werewolves until they overhear the “FBI” talking about it the next day at another murder scene. Douche boy ass hat is dead with no heart.
I think I might have skipped a day in there but do you really care? You know it’s Micheal who ate the douche’s heart.
Keven wants Michael to bite him so he can be a werewolf too because we all know how cool THAT would be. Michael says no.
So I am skipping a bunch more stuff because, really, it’s a shitty episode and there is almost no Sam and/or Dean at all. And actually, I stopped even taking notes 20 minutes ago.
The AV club guys professor is a purebred wolf who can control his shit and whatever and Kevin gets him to bite him then calls Sam & Dean and they kill the prof and all is right with the world.
But no. Michael is mad and he and Kevin fight and Kevin kills Michael. Oops. Then Kevin bites Kate because, well, it had to be done. And she kills Kevin and finishes Kevin’s shitty video so Sam and Dean have to sit though the whole crappy thing with us.
Kate says she hasn’t killed anyone and she won’t so please let her go. And they do. I assume because she is cute.
So that’s finally over. Thank Cheezus.
Quotes and Random:
Apparently, Dean says “Awesome”. We already knew that.
Dean orders two burgers at the diner and says something about not “eating a big penis for a year” OK he probably didn’t say that but I can’t understand WTF he said so if you know, leave a comment.
Dean actually DID say “Clear eyes, clogged arteries, can’t loose” FNL shout out! Whoot!
Seriously, if you liked anything about this episode, let me know. I won’t be watching this one 20 times. Once plus 30 seconds to get the quote right is all for me.
Next week’s episode is “Blood Brother” and looks like we get some more Benny! Halloween episode!