Heartache – I honestly don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t the God of Corn. I also wasn’t expecting as much Dean as we got considering Jensen directed this episode.  Very pleasant surprise.  So, let’s get to this.

Random dude is jogging in the park. Alone.  Do people never watch horror movies?  I don’t, personally, but I know better than to jog alone at night wearing earphones.  Anyway, jogging, jogging and older, doughy guy runs past random dude. Look at the guy go! Dough boy has stopped up ahead and Random congratulates him on being so fast.  Then RIP!  Dough rips Random’s heart right out! Nasty.

Sam’s long, girly hair is getting distracting.  Really, cut it or put in in a scrunchy, dude.  And it’s really disturbing when the CW shows that bumper:

and then you see this:

Rapunzel

Anyway, Rapunzel Sam and Dean are walking through a farmer’s market because Sam likes organic food now and they are discussing the ripping out of hearts in Minneapolis six months apart and it’s a case and Dean is all over it.  Sam eats his organic apple.  Dean looks beautiful. Screw Kevin for now.  We want a real case.

Look!  Jensen’s dad is the  detective in charge of the missing hearts! Nice snarkiness! There is another Thor reference.  The police have nothing other than Chubby’s name and he was clean. Nothing. Not even a ticket. Our boys go to talk to him and get nothing but nasty green shakes and a seemingly nice guy who had a “health scare” awhile back. I can’t decide if that is a poster of Bruce Jenner or Arnold Schwarzenegger on the wall behind him.  Also, Dean took a shit in Chubby’s bathroom. Too much fiber.

They have bupcus but Dean does find where there were another couple of murders in Iowa.  Same ripping of the heart out. This time it’s a cop involved.  And he’s in the loony bin chanting something that I assumed was in the the same vein of REDRUM.  It was.  Kinda. Arthur has two different colored eyes and just gets agitated when the boys question him.  He’s not possessed just crazy.  Crazy enough to break off a piece of his mental bed and gouge is own EYE OUT!!

Holy cow that Vampire Diaries promo was HOTNESS!

Dean’s translation app does not compute and at this point even I figured what Art was chanting was in an ancient language. Now is the point when we figure out all the shenanigans have to do with transplanted body parts.  Every organ donors nightmare, right?

The next ripped out heart is in Colorado.  Only this time, the killer is a hot stripper. We get to see the whole ritual!  She is all chanty and smearing blood on her face. Chant, chant and then SHE TAKES A BIG OLD CHOMP OUT OF THE HEART.  Super gross.

Sam and Dean are having a nice little chat about Sam really wanting to be normal (again) and Dean not really believing it. What he IS believing is that all these donor parts are from Brick House (this is what I heard and how I choose to spell it.  Because it’s funny and very close to what I wanted my nephew’s name to be. Seriously. Brick or Out. By brother wouldn’t do it) Brick was some kind of superstar athlete who bit it a year ago by driving his ass of a bridge.

Sam and Dean talk to Brick’s mom.  A super shady lady.  That’s the read I got from her. That’s the read they got too.  They are going back to snoop while Eleanor goes to a college dedication thing.

That professor guy from last season calls Sam back with the translation of REDRUM and it’s Cacao (that’s how I am spelling it) the Mayan god of corn.  Yeah, corn. He is born.

Snoopy boys snoop in the bedroom closets and find that Brick and Eleanor shared a bed…room. Sam is creeped. Dean finds the secret closet in the closet! It’s full of lots of sports stuff.  And love letters. Which the boys steal to read. All to Betsy. They have not yet figured out that Betsy is really Eleanor.  Brick was a Mayan dude who made a deal (of course he did) to sacrifice hearts to Cacao twice a year to stay young and strong and play sports. He was 1000 years old. Which really has to be a total drag after awhile. Plus you would think the taste of heart would get nasty after 1000 years. There had to be a bad one or 100 over the years.

The boys confront Eleanor/Betsy and she tells them the whole story. She got old and Brick just got tired. Brick knew she would die and didn’t want to live without his beloved mom wife. Eleanor gives up Randa the killer heart eater (who got Brick’s heart) and off they go to try and kill her in hopes of ending the cycle of people getting their hearts ripped out. More  shenanigans, Sam falls down when Chubby and some other transplant dude attack.  They flip Dean onto the stripper stage and hold him down so Randa can rip his heart out. This was actually kind of delicious.

Sexy times

Sam comes to, Chubby falls down Dean stabs Randa in the heart and she bursts into flames. As do Chubby and the other guy. And all is right with the world again.  For now.

The final scene is Sam telling Dean yet again how he wants to be normal and we get to see a flashback of Sam with Amelia at the park with the dog on Sam’s birthday and it was actually very sad/touching to realize that Sam was surprised to see a birthday cake. I can’t believe that Jess never got him a cake so I am not buying that but a surprise birthday party at the park with a dog?  Sure.  It was sweet.

Quotes and Random:

“Smell that?” “You’re Gross”  I laughed out loud.  I really did.  The “you’re gross” was perfect.

Sam was Agent Sambora again.  Yeah Bon Jovi!

I suck at this quote part so leave the ones you loved in the comments. How do you think Jensen did directing himself.  I think he did great!  Does Sam’s hair annoy the fuck out of you too?  He has to wear it in a ponytail soon, right?

Next weeks episode looks all kinds crazy camera shakiness. I am not excited.  Unless they swear.  That will make it better.