First off, we need to ogle these new Tyler Shields photos of the Revenge cast together.

Credit: Tyler Shields

Credit: Tyler Shields

And there are MORE of them on Tyler’s website. And they are SEXY and involve GUNS and DAGGERS and dress unzipping and such.

So now that that’s out of the way (STOP STARING AT GABRIEL MANN’S JUNK, OKAY?), we can talk about Sunday night’s episode, titled “Resurrection,”in which V makes her grand, bloody come-back making the Graysons band together and dashing all hopes Emanda has of gaining some sort of influence over Charlotte, Charlotte is released from rehad-prison, Jack and Amily find out the paternity of the behbeh, and Declan makes a new friend. I guess Nolan does too. Sort of.  And White Sensei-in-Training saves the day!

Just a head’s up, I’m not going to go into as much detail this week as I normally do because work is NUTS right now and I’m short on time. SPOILERS, AHOY!

The Graysons

Much like last week, I’m a little shocked by how rapidly V has been worked back into the collective conscious of the show. I mean, I guess it would be completely boring to have her in her Hamptons Hidey-hole for half the season, but I really did think that it would be a bit longer than the second episode. And I suppose that she is a lot of people’s favorite character.  I guess this shows you what I know. HOWEVER, I’m very thrilled that Charlotte is now fully aware of how terrible her mother is and how she cared more about getting Charlotte’s inheritance—which she believes she’s lost control of because she’s been declared “mentally incompetent,” but really, it was wiped out by Conrad to prop up Grayson Global because Daniel wouldn’t give his father control of his trust fund when Conrad asked for it—than she really cares for her daughter. And even if she does now think that V was coerced into saying those things so that WHA wouldn’t kill her, I really hope that Charlotte keeps her guard up when it comes to her family. I have big hopes for her this season.

I guess I should also mention that Charlotte isn’t destitute, because Daniel is a good big brother and he opened a new trust for Charlotte with half of his inheritance. Yay Daniel!

Also, can we please talk about the OMG DOMESTIC ABUSE that went down? It was pretty brilliant to frame White Haired Assassin for V’s “abduction” and beat down, but! The thrill that Conrad got out of beating the hell out of V was just . . . well done and deeply unsettling. But I’ll admit, I *did* LOL real loud when he rushed in with the cops and was all, “WHAT DID THAT PIG DO TO YOU?!”

I’m also interested to see how the Emanda/Daniel relationship plays out from here. It seems like she’s doing her best to ingratiate herself back into good standing with them, and I guess that since Charlotte has fallen through, that Daniel is the best bet, especially since Ashley is basically Conrad’s toy these days. But! Daniel is obvs not over Emanda and very angry with his father and maybe not so trusting of Ashley. But! He does completely believe Conrad when he straight-up lies to the cops and says that he bled Charlotte’s trust dry so he could pay the ransom for V. So. Hmmmm. And UGH. GET IT TOGETHER, DANIEL.

The Porters
Amily tells Emanda that she’s getting a paternity test, AND that she did have a one night stand while she was away. But she really believes the baby is Jack’s. Emanda guesses that Amily wants her to insure the results are in Jack’s favor. Emanda says she’ll do it, but that she’ll need something from Amily in return, which is meeting with Charlotte and making Charlotte belives that she’s going to be an aunt so she won’t abscond with V. This actually works (well, that and the fact that Charlotte has no money), so yay Emanda and Amily!

 However, Jack believes the baby is officially his and Emanda tells Amily that it isn’t. So there’s that. But, we do need to talk about Jack’s unwavering loyalty to “Amanda.” When he told Declan that it didn’t really matter whose baby it was because “No matter waht she’s done, she’s still Amanda,” I was simultaneously in love with him and wanting to slap him. On the one hand, that kind of love is something I don’t think most people will ever experience/understand from another human being and it’s sort of incredible that he feels that way about Amanda. And I guess that that’s the dramatic irony of the series—he wants Amanda to be back in his life so badly that he’ll believe anything as long as “she’s” there. And Emanda knows this and is allowing her white trash ex-juvey roommate with some serious acceptance issues to just BE with Jack. That amount self-sacrifice to avenge your parents is so deep-seated that I don’t even know how to comprehend it.

Additionally, Declan agrees to “hold things” for his . . .  peer? School mate? Sugar Daddy? Whatever he is, his name is Drake Chandler and he is bad news bears. He’s paying Declan to hold onto a very shiny piece of jewelry for him because he knows Declan needs the money. He also tells Declan that there’s a lot more money in store for him if he’ll agree to be essentially his scapegoat. And while this is perhaps the STUPIDEST thing Declan has done to date, the boy is cash-strapped and wants to get out of the Amily-tainted apartment. Which is understandable. And though it’s annoying right now, I’m actually interested to see where this Drake Chandler (good name, right?) storyline leads. Perhaps it’s to THE BOTTOM OF THE ATLANTIC.

Emanda and Nolan, (Whom will from henceforth be called The Revengers)

Nolan’s corporation is being audited. He has no idea who his accounting analyst is (her name is Padma and she’s played by Dilshad Vadsaria, who was Rebecca on Greek.) and he doesn’t have a CFO. He also is both very involved and not involved at all in his company. So, after a video chat call with Nolan, Padma goes out the Hamptons so that she can push the idea of hiring a CFO on Nolan. Then tells her that she should do the job despite her lack of a master’s degree because he wants a puppet, not a leader.

After being framed by the Graysons and tipped off about being framed, WHA calls Emanda. She tells him that she has every frame of his framing recorded from the clam cam. He goes over to her place, and they watch the video of Conrad beating V up together. Emanda tells WHA that in exchange for the video, she’ll need info about her mom. It seems as though Emanda’s mom was *actually* a suicidal nutcase, and V actually told her that David Clarke was going to be framed as a terrorist. WHA pledged to keep Emanda’s mom safe as long as she stayed quiet, but in actuality he was supposed to kill her. I’m honestly not sure if he actually did kill her, but he definitely does try to kill Emanda. BUT WHITE SENSEI-IN-TRAINING SHOOTS HIM IN THE BACK. He and Emanda do not make out over WHA’s shot up body, much to my sort of disappointment. Ever since Jax and Tara from Sons of Anarchy had the sexytimes directly after Jax killed a dude in season one, WHILE THE BODY WAS IN THE ROOM, I sort of want other shows to have that happen too. Because, I’ll be honest, if a dude saved me from death, I’d probably jump him right then and there.

Other Things

Nolan doesn’t wear pants on Skype! He’s just like the us!

“I once did an interview with Katie Couric, butt naked in my jacuzzi. She had no idea.”—Nolan

Nolan calls Charlotte Charlie! I really love the name Charlie for a girl.

I thought for a minute when Jack went to go get a popsicle for Amily that she was going to lift her shirt and reveal her FAKE BELLY CONTRAPTION. Alas.

What is with Daniel’s Ken doll hair?

“It’s like you just expect me to be your fashionably dressed, technologically savvy side-kick.”—Nolan to Emanda. Well. Duh.

So that’s that! Please do let me know all of your thoughts and feelings and theories and hopes and dreams and wishes and GIFS in comments.

BONUS PICTURES (because, LOOK AT THEM.)