You know what I find both hilarious and infuriating about this show? Next week is the season finale, and I have no freaking clue what’s going to happen, what kind of revelations Ryan is or isn’t going to have, or how they’re going to leave us until next season. I guess that’s really why you have to be so go-with-the-flow with this show. As someone who searches for meaning where there sometimes isn’t any, I occasionally have trouble understanding where this show is going until I remind myself that I can’t care. You can’t. We as viewers just have to enjoy what comes.

Take for instance the episode from two weeks ago. I loved it because Ryan had revelations, you guys. He realized things about himself. And I LOVE when that happens, when characters actually develop from episode to episode. But while Ryan may have learned something about himself last night, what with manning up and going to Amanda’s apartment and it seeming to turn out so well (smiles all around!) – it wasn’t what I enjoyed about the episode at all. Like, hey, good for Ryan. But, no. It was the damned dog and his doggie ways that stole the episode for me. Completely.

I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard at an episode of Wilfred in a really long time.

So here are the basics: Jenna and Drew’s wedding is upon us, and Ryan has yet to RSVP. Wilfred accuses him of still having feelings for Jenna, and Ryan says that it just reminds him of what he lost, i.e., Amanda. First of all, that is the bullshittiest of all bullshit excuses, and it makes me think way less of Ryan, actually. Jenna is your friend, dude. You got her fired, fucked up her life, and she FORGAVE YOU. And you’re not going to get over yourself for one goddamn minute and go to her wedding (even if it is to the douchiest douche who ever douched, Mr. Sheboygan Lager, himself)? Fuck you, Ryan. GTFO.

Anyway. Whew. Where was I? Okay, so of course because he’s easily manipulated, he agrees to go. And somehow even winds up with the position of co-ring bearer with Wilfred. Let me reiterate this: he is co-ring bearer. With a dog. That’s harsh. Is anyone on this show not a horrible person? Anyway, so Drew entrusts Ryan with the ring. LOLS. I mean, I guess of all people, he would be a pretty trustworthy guy when it comes to protecting rings with secret inscriptions. But one does not simply walk down the aisle carrying the ring. No. Because later that day, he loses it. Or, well, Wilfred swallows it, and thus begins Poop Watch 2012.

And here’s where things get really hilarious. Wilfred is upset that Jenna has been cheating on him by petting other dogs. So he’s all sullen, and refuses to shit out the ring. After getting drunk, Wilfred stumbles into the garage where the humans are talking and falls onto a gun, which shoots Drew in the leg, splattering blood all over Jenna’s white dress – which, come on, why is she wearing that now anyway? Showing it to the guys, I know. But isn’t that bad luck? Anyway, so Wilfred runs off to the impound. The junk yard dog, whose name I don’t know, but whom I will assume is named Chopper (Sic Balls), runs at Wilfred, and Wilfred, I guess in fear, does shit. And they get the ring back. Hooray, save the day!

Now most, if not all, of the funny parts were in the dialogue, so I’m going to leave the recap at that, and hit you with the massive list of excellent quotes.  Afterwards, let me know in the comments if I left out any that you loved. Also let me know how you felt about the episode as a whole. Love it? Hate it? Think it was okay? LoTR jokes are also welcome.

Random Notes/Favorite Quotes

“What’s up now, Water?! Get some, bitch!”

“Wilfred loves the hose.” #thatswhatshesaid

“Being happy is like being gay: it’s a choice. That’s why they mean the same thing.”

“What’s the matter dude? You never seen a lipstick this big? Keep yappin’ and I’ll smear it all over your lips!”

“You shut your lying face vagina.”

“You can tell Drew I’m not going either. To the wedding OR the bathroom. EVER!”

“Wilfred, calm down!” “I should calm down? You should calm up!”

God, Wilfred cleaning the ring with his mouth. Gross.

Ah! Almost forgot one of my favorite parts – Wilfred, so upset about Jenna, he vomits into a bucket. Later, in the kitchen, Wilfred gets a spoon to eat it like it’s a tub of ice cream. So freaking disgusting. So freaking amazing.

Wilfred asking Ryan’s advice on which walk he should do down the aisle might be my favorite thing ever. I vote the second one.