Did you know that I recently became obsessed with Sons of Anarchy? Also, Jax Teller. Obviously. I mean, if you follow me on Twitter you can’t possibly have missed it unless you don’t really pay that much attention to me on Twitter. Which…ouch…but, whatever.

My point: despite me blaming the girls on my TL for not making me watch sooner, they really have been talking about it for a long time. I just ignored it…didn’t think it was for me. And then, I went to Atlanta with these bitches & they totally convinced me I needed to try it. I bought Season 1 last Thursday. Then, on Friday, I bought Season 2 & 3. On Saturday afternoon I bought Season 4.

From 3.2 minutes into the 1^st episode of the 1^st season, I was hooked. I mean, Jax hooked me. I mean, I’d like him to hook me. I don’t know what that means. Bottom line…it’s so. fucking. good. (heads up…I may swear a lot here…more than usual, methinks…you’ll deal, yeah?)

I was going to do a whole “here are my general thoughts about all 4 seasons leading up ‘til now” since SoA hasn’t been covered here yet…but I can’t. It’s too much. There are too many thoughts. And better people than me have been covering this for a long time and doing such fabulous character analysis that I’d rather go totally superficial and just babble. Like usual. Hope that’s okay.

Then, when getting ready to watch last night I ran into a huge problem. Stupid FX Canada is a whole fucking season behind. So, as I was sitting down & getting ready to watch & make my observations…I ended up on the phone with my cable company ordering the Superchannel which airs the current season. By the time I got the channel we were 30 mins in. Add that to the fact that, literally, the day after I asked if I could actually “cover” SoA, I was offered a job starting today (Wednesday) which meant I couldn’t really justify staying up until 4 am re-watching & professing my love for every growl, every look, every “Jesus Christ” that Jax Teller gives me. Us. Whatever.

Look, I’m not mad at the job offer…I need to work…I just  think the timing could’ve been better…you know, let me get into an SoA recap/review writing flow. (just kidding employment gods…I’m thrilled with the job…please don’t take it away!)

So here we are…you know I love Jax. I also love Juice & Chibs & Bobby & Opie & Happy…I loved Half-Sack. So much. I miss him. I didn’t love Tig at all in the beginning…I mean, I loved his craziness but I felt like he was too ‘with’ Clay and too ‘against’ Jax and that just wouldn’t do. That said, I’m starting to love him. Lots. And last night…holy shit. He really was SO good. And now I’m dying to see where they take him this season. Chuckie creeped me out in the beginning but you can’t not love him. He’s hysterical. I don’t love Tara…I’m not jealous, I swear…I just don’t love her. And Gemma, I love her but I think she’s crazy as a motherfucker. Insane. Certifiable. I know I’m missing people but as I keep going I’m realizing that I’m doing exactly what I said I wasn’t gonna be able to do ‘cuz of time constraints & also the fact that you probably don’t care what way-late-in-the-SAMCRO-game-Erin thought of the last 4 seasons.  So I should probably carry on.

I think the best/easiest way to get through this is straight up, point form reactions from while I was watching…let me know if that doesn’t work for you. I may or may not take your opinions into consideration for next week.

Okay, ready? Let’s go.

“Sovereign”

• Hi Jax!! Missed you!!! (hush, I know I JUST finished watching four seasons & the rest of you have been waiting for ages since the s4 finale…still, I missed his pretty, dirty, badass, thug face)
• Oh. Poetic justice…stupid Clay having to carry the oxygen canister. Asshole. #RIPPiney L
• WAIT!! Who’s Gemma fucking?? I mean…who’s fucking Gemma…I know it’s Jimmy Smits but who IS he??
• Now who’s this dude…is that carnie Carter from TVD? Polar opposite TV obsession worlds collide.
• Oh no. Daycare is NOT gonna go over well with Gemma. No way. Jax shares my concerns. Clearly we were meant to be.
• Oh no, even more. Gemma doesn’t even remember where she is & who she’s with? This can’t be good for anybody involved.

Conversation I never expect to have. Probably.

Gemma: Are you a pimp?

Nero: I’m a companionator. (I’m instantly in love with Nero.)

Gemma: I sucked your dick too, didn’t I? Oh Jesus. I did a spic pimp.

Nero: Yeah. And, I did a drunken cracker MILF.

Me: Brilliant. I’m madly in love with you guys. So much.

Okay…back to observations:

• What’s with the scar on Nero’s chest? Tell me they bonded over their heart problems.
• Clay looks all kinds of decrepit and hunched over and like he’s aged 100 years in the matter of a few weeks. Look. I already said I hate Clay…it’s the whole hurting my Jax thing…also, he’s just a dick. But, the big thing for me is I can’t look at him and not see the Beast to Linda Hamilton’s Beauty and it totally creeps me out. Anyway, Clay’s broken & aged, and all I can think is Perlman’s a brilliant actor but I still don’t want to look at him.
• Okay…yes, Gemma & Nero have already bonded over their scars. Literally, that’s why they ended up bonding biblically. Which is as good a reason as any, I suppose.

Gemma: Thanks for not being a dick.

Nero: My life’s ambition.

Me: Gemma & Nero may be my new favourite part of the show. Except for Jax. Duh.

• Ohmygoodness…Jax/Opie bromance. “I love you, Ope.” They make my heart hurt.
• And then, Opie stomps all over my already hurt heart with his “I’m afraid I’m gonna turn into you” dig. How dare he speak to Jax like that?? Fuck. Why can’t we just tell Opie ALL of the truths? I need him to know.
• Clay’s still trying to work some kinda angle right… (totally irrelevant…except that this story is about a tattoo…but, I once saw a young-ish girl with a  tramp stamp that said “Daddy’s Little Angle” with a halo over the ‘A’…no joke…and yes, the typo was in the tattoo…that’s not my typo) anyway, we don’t believe that Clay’s remorseful in anyway, right? Fuck you, Clay.
• YES!!!! GEMMA!!!! As if she wasn’t a badass bitch in the first place…sit DOWN Clay!!!!
• Parada: “Keep Elvis in the building.” (made of win)
• OH!!! Excellent play, Jax!!! Parada’s fucked if you rat him out too & he knows it!!! I love you.
• Happy!! “Angry pirates.” ( I don’t even want to set that up…I like it out of context…”angry pirates” will now be my answer for EVERYthing. I mentioned that I love Happy, right?
• Oh, Leroy…that looks uncomfortable.
• Okay wait…new members…potential members? Frankie? Peg??? I missed somebody. Is he important?
• Hey, ummm…by the way…Fuck you, Clay. Playing like he’s a big man & fessing up to killing Piney while totally fucking lying about the reason and then he totally outs Opie for shooting him!!!???…and wait…what’s the deal with Bobby…did Parada tell Jax to keep him in the loop? Does Bobby know the truth?
• By the way, yes…Gemma is, indeed, pissed about the daycare thing. Irrationally. Socialization IS good for kids. Still, Tara laying down the law as far as her kids go is one of my favourite Tara things so far.
• Okay…so Darnell IS Carter from TVD…you know, Caroline’s first real live snack? Oh no…things don’t seem to ever end well for Carnie Carter…he may wanna give up the whole TV thing. #RIPCarter/Darnell.
• JUICE! Do NOT be nice to Clay. Don’t. Fuck him.
• Excuse me, cop dude in the Sheriff’s office…you don’t get to call the Sheriff “LT”. That’s strictly reserved for Lawrence Taylor and/or Ladanian Tomlinson. (please excuse my NFL inspired objection)
• Ummm…Pope’s cleaner dude does not fuck around. What’s his name?
• Nevermind his name…I don’t think it matters…Tig made his name irrelevant. Tig’s poor daughter though…as IF Tig wasn’t crazy enough before. This is gonna be fun. I mean, painful for Tig, obviously…but fun to watch him lose his shit & wreak havoc EVERYwhere.
• Oh Tara…I know I just praised you for putting Gemma in her place so don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical for you to, now, be sitting there smoking weed with a gun beside you, with your boys just down the hall. Irresponsible, ma’am.
• Jax on the run. At a “spa”. I don’t like this.

Okay…what did I miss…this ended up dragging on…was it too much? COULD I have missed stuff? Did you love it? Hate it? Jesus. How the hell do I wait a whole week to watch the next episode when I’m used to mainlining an entire season in a matter of hours? Also, I love Jax.