Hello Covert Affairsians! It is I, Bethany. Lilja is traveling this week, so you get to deal with ME.
Hopefully you’re okay with this. Especially since OMG LAST WEEK and THE GUN and THAT SONG and AHHHHH.
So obviously we’re all expecting big things this week that hopefully include answers and people living and not dying and such. And most of that sort of happened. But mostly, Auggie went all Scent of a Woman on Lena, and it was awesome. And also, this episode, titled “Suffragette City,” included a song by Milo Greene, a band crush of mine, and all was good in the world for that moment.
Overall, this episode had lots of DRAMA and DEAD PEOPLE and GUNS and very diligent cookie delivery guy. Seriously, that dude is more committed to his job driving cookies around D.C. than probably any other delivery person in the country. Not only did he ring the doorbell several times, but he also yelled “Is anybody there?”, which immediately made me think he was going to be killed because I’ve seen way too many B horror movies, but in the end he just looked through the window and saw Simon and Annie’s poor bloody bodies lying in the floor, so he called the cops. AND THEN NOT ONLY THAT, he also remembered what kind of car Lena drives BECAUSE IT WAS PARKED UNDER THE TREE HE NORMALLY PARKS UNDER TO KEEP THE COOKIES FROM OVERHEATING. I mean, c’mon. This guy deserves a medal.
So, aside from him being a True American Hero, the big drama of the episode is that Annie has been shot in the heart. THE HEART. Specifically, the left ventricle, and though she’s in critical condition, she’s still technically alive. And having really crazy premonition-esque dreams that are probably full of clues and shit. These include Simon insisting she drink tea, her and Simon going to The Diner of Death, and Simon telling her she’s in danger and to look for Blackbird and then telling her he will never see her again. (Sadface.) [SIDE NOTE: I've been reading this comic book called Mind the Gap that is about a girl in a coma and her trying to figure out who tried to kill her while being in a coma. It's awesome, and this episode sort of reminded me of it.]
Speaking of Simon, there is absolutely no mention of his state of life during this episode. They kind of made it sound like he, you know, DIED, but that was never confirmed, so I’m going to hold out hope that he’s still alive somewhere. AND NONE OF YOU AUGGIE/ANNIE SHIPPERS CAN STOP ME.
Which brings me to Auggie. He is Annie’s emergency contact, obvs, so he’s immediately at the hospital, freaked out and terrified and on high alert that something is UBER-WRONG. Then he learns from Beardy Tech Guy that Lena has presented information to the big whigs at the CIA that frames Annie as a traitor and makes it look as if she’s a double agent working for FSB. Lena blames this on the fact that Annie was pulled out of the Farm and put into the field too early. I hope
someone Simon kills her. So Auggie storms into Arthur’s office and makes a big show of demanding to know what evidence Lena put forth. But, it’s above his security clearance and Arthur can’t grant him access to it. So Auggie, sweet, charming, loyal man that he is, goes to Joan and demands to see it, but she tells him the same thing.
But then Joan finds out that there is going to be a hearing to determine Annie’s fate before the woman is even conscious, which Joan takes umbrage with because she is the type of American who believes people are innocent until proven guilty and should also be able to be questioned before they are tried. You know. Basic American principles.
While Joan is trying to figure out what to do to help Annie’s case, Auggie bribes his way into Lena’s polygraph, during which Lena lies her ass off and also intimates that perhaps Annie had something to do with killing Jai. That is the last straw for Auggie and he barges into the polygraph room and yells at Lena. I wanted him to hit her with his blind person cane, but he didn’t. Boo.
At this point in the episode, we get another Coma Dream, in which Danielle is conducting a polygraph on (for?) Annie. Danielle calls her out for making empty promises and hating the miso-crusted cod she made for her last birthday. Try as she might, Annie can’t pass the test, and then Danielle becomes Joan. As Annie leaves the polygraph room, Auggie pulls up in his fancy car. And he has SIGHT. They drive away together, off into the horizon.
Meanwhile, in the world of the conscious, Auggie goes back to the hospital. He gets an itemized list of Annie’s personal effects, which were picked up by some person with a warrant, from a realistically attractive nurse who sort of looks like Dichen Lachman. On this list is a passport, conveniently complete with passport number, and Auggie has Beardy Tech Guy run the passport number…it’s a forgery! Auggie is super excited about this! He then goes to visit the best cobblers—which is apparently the word for a person who makes really good fake documents—(COBBLERS! Like shoes! Or those desserts that are a lot like pie, but aren’t pie!) in the area.
But, when Auggie goes to the place, the cobbler is freshly dead. AND LENA IS THERE, WITH GUN. It sure is convenient that Auggie is blind and can’t see her murderous ass. BUT DON’T DISCOUNT HIS OTHER SENSES, BITCH. By the time the police arrive, the scene of the crime has changed and Auggie is the only person who knows it. And that the scent of lavender was wafting in the air. Dun-dun-dun.
Back at Langley, Joan learns that Annie is being decommissioned. Joan is annoyed by this. And by the fact that her husband never considered that Annie wasn’t guilty. Which leads to: THE ADVENTURES OF JOAN AND AUGGIE. But first, Auggie has to say some important things to Coma Annie, like how much he needs her and how he’s sorry that he screwed things up in Barcelona. And let’s face it, with his Peace Corps loving, pirate attracting, ex-fiancee on top of all of that, Auggie has had it emotionally rough this season. Out of everyone, HE is the one who desperately doesn’t need Annie to die. I mean, no one ever wants anyone to die, in general, but Auggie (and, okay, Danielle) would be wrecked if she did die. But then maybe we could get a spin-off show about AUGGIE: BLIND VIGILANTE and it would be awesome.
Anyway, after that lovely scene, we are catapulted into more of Coma Annie’s subconscious, and this time, it’s gorgeous. She and Auggie are going into a very fancy hotel and are looking for Blackbird, who is in Room 309. But somehow, when they open a door to go to the kitchen service elevator, they end up in a ballroom and the Milo Greene song is playing and they both look incredible and everyone is dancing, and then Auggie and Annie KISS. And everyone freezes and the scene is just beautiful.
And then it’s ruined by a call back to when Annie swipes her magic ID card and smiles at coyly at the camera in the show’s intro package. Ugh.
When we return to the land of the living, Lena is at the hospital. She tells Auggie she doesn’t blame him about what happened in the polygraph room, and I am fairly certain she is going to kill him. I think Auggie knows this too. ESPECIALLY WHEN Auggie goes to Joan and tells her it was Lena, which he knows because of his Scent of a Woman powers of identifying Tom Ford perfumes that have hints of lavender in them. He and Joan start connecting the dots of Lena being the real double-agent, but it’s all conjecture. Auggie says that if he can’t have access to the evidence, he’s going to quit. Joan says no, but then conveniently calls tech support and says all of her access information aloud. So Auggie goes into FIGURE SHIT OUT mode and finally something about Lena’s car triggers something in his brain.
This is the part where Joan and Auggie find the diligent cookie deliverer. Ask if he saw a gray BMW parked anywhere nearby. He says he does remember that car because he is the best and most observant delivery man ever in the history of delivery people. With that evidence, Arthur promises to make the case to postpone Annie’s decomission sentence.
Back in Coma Annie’s subconscious, she is standing in front of a bunch of mirrors. And Lena is there. Annie figures out that Lena is Blackbird, duh. Lena has a gun and shoots, shattering a the mirrors. Then Lena tells Annie that SHE is actually Blackbird, and that she needs to examine her true motives and allegiances. Then there’s a creepy-ass scene with animated blackbirds flying across Annie’s chest and then we’re jolted back to reality where Lena is STRANGLING Annie. A security-type person comes in and Lena punches him out. Then Joan and Auggie are there, saving the day! But Lena gets away. Of course she does. Auggie resourcefully hits the fire alarm and Joan goes after Lena so she can get some REVENGE for whatever shit it was that Lena did to Joan back in their operative days. But Annie is flatlining and being defibrillated and Joan loses Lena. She calls and demands that everything that could possibly transport anyone away from D.C. be shut down. I have a feeling that Joan is totally gonna die.
And then Annie wakes up.
“Questions only lead to answers. Where’s the fun in that?”—Simon in Coma Annie Land
I really liked the transition from Annie’s subconscious to reality with the noise of Joan’s heels clacking. That was really well done.
“The thing about this whole witty banter deal is that it takes two people, otherwise it’s just a guy by himself being incredibly clever.”—Auggie, to Coma Annie
So that’s that! Lots of drama, still a lot of questions, but next week looks a little REVENGEY! Please do tell me all of your thoughts and hopes and dreams and wishes and concerns, in comments.
Happy Wednesday, everyone!