Alright, so we’re going to make this quick and dirty, just like Wilfred likes it. Last night’s life lesson was all about being honest. And how the truth can set you free, and all that bullcrap. Or, you know, horribly mess up friendships. It depends, really.

So Rob Riggle’s character Kevin, it seems, was arrested for giving trade secrets to another pharmaceutical company – which resulted in Ryan’s company losing the race for the cure for cancer (or whatever they were trying to do), and you know JEREMY’S SUICIDE. Way to go, Kevin. Oh, and guess who Kev’s lawyer is? If you guess Ryan’s dad, you win ALL the prizes! So the point of this is basically that Jenna wants Ryan to help her score an interview with him. Which, given Ryan’s history with his father doesn’t really seem likely, so DREAM BIG, GURL!

Since Ryan sees the same irony in that request that I do, he’s not even going to bother asking his dad. But he’s not willing to come clean about the pot candy that Jenna ate before work, causing her to trip her tits off and grope herself, henceforth letting her be known in the industry as “Squishy Tits.” The whole debacle was really his fault, which Wilfred reminds him of several times.

Okay, so now that we’ve established the guilt for this episode, here’s what went down. Wilfred comes to Ryan’s house with scratches on his face, which he claims he got from a gang of “dobies,” or Dobermans (“’Dobies’ is their word.”). But it turns out they’re from a pack of cats, those bastards. So Wilfred did the only logical thing and captured them, and is keeping them in a secret compartment in the floor of Ryan’s basement. Man, that must be one magical basement to have a trap door in the FLOOR of it. That is extra secure.

So Wilfred gets this idea to tell Jenna about them, and it can be her Big Story. Wilfred emails Jenna (this dog… I swear. It boggles my mind sometimes how this works. But I guess it’s like in Family Guy. Like, can everyone hear the baby, or only sometimes? Then again, Wilfred calls Ryan on the phone, so really my disbelief should be firmly suspended) posing as the catnapper and says he’s going to not only kill the cats, but also send her a video of him doing it! That is fucked up, yo.

So of course now he and Ryan have to film it, and with Ryan dressed in a white rubber suit with a gas mask, shouting about killing the cats and the mail carries through a voice-distorter is really kind of frightening. I’m also concerned that Ryan doesn’t realize that this could potentially get him, oh, I don’t know, arrested, and that it would just be WAY easier to come clean to Jenna. It’s all kind of ridiculous, but in a good way, I guess? Anyway, Ryan spends the early hours of the morning editing the video, and the next day Jenna rushes over with it, and it’s suddenly some goddamn Sarah McLachlan-esque sad music, battered dog video. And it’s about how cats scratch, like, 4 million dogs a year, and then there’s a weird part about shooting a mailman. It was all very strange, and not the least bit convincing.

Jenna is pissed that she’d been duped, and Ryan realizes this is the time he has to come clean. Of course it doesn’t turn out as nicely as Wilfred assured him it would. Basically Jenna hates him now. But at least she got a scoop story about the pot candy, and some councilwoman wants to make it a law that pot candy has to be properly labeled. Everyone wins! Except Ryan. BUT in what seemed kind of confusing to me (and sure as hell was confusing to Ryan), Jenna apologizes for using Ryan. She played on his crush on her (which was so obvi) to get him to do things for her like take care of Wilfred and pick up her dry cleaning. Which, actually, now that I think of it, was a pretty bitchy move. She asks for his forgiveness, and says that if he hadn’t been honest with her, all these good things wouldn’t be happening for her now. So, all’s right with the world again? Maybe? This was a strange scene.

In the end, Jenna’s happy, Ryan was honest, and Wilfred agrees to let the cats go. Because it turns out he loves them. Which I guess is some metaphor for Ryan loving Jenna or something. So Ryan and Wilfred bring the box of cats out into the alley and let them go. But, oh god, here come the Dobies!

The End.

Random Notes/Favorite Quotes

• “It’s not a numbers game, Ryan.”
• “Did you know there was a coin behind your ear? Oh, it was just the way the light was reflecting off the back of your ear.”
• “Who’s meowing now, bitches?!”
• “Maybe all the cats will be found safe.” “Or sex-butchered by a psychopath.”
• “Imagine how hilarious I’d look wearing a full-body animal suit!”
• Aww, Bear is the Director of Photography for this really, really creepy video. That’s… sweet?
• Loved Wilfred’s Director’s rant, especially since every other word was “goddamn.” Question, was he calling Ryan or the lamp a “goddamn slut?”
• “Time heals all wounds. Time, and a little anti-bacterial cream.”
• How could Wilfred love the cats? He just called one “naughty” and another one “silly.” I love this dog.

So, what did you think of the episode? For me it was okay. It certainly had some funny lines, and watching Wilfred play with the cats was pretty amusing. The thing about the full-body animal suit was pretty great. But, largely, it was… eh to me. Did you think otherwise? Am I just completely crazy and this was the funniest shit you’ve ever seen?? Did I leave out any of your favorite quotes? Let me know in the comments!