Five years ago, it was 2007.
I was in college at Arkansas (with the lovely, talented, and hilarious Stephanie, who is on vacation or something tonight which is why you’re dealing with MOI), everyone was rocking out to “Umbrella” by Rihanna (FIVE YEARS AGO, Y’ALL. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!), and on August 9, 2007, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 387.18 points. Yep.
You know what’s more fun than thinking about the fact that “Umbrella” is five years old and the beginning of the recession began? Talking about this Suits episode, appropriately titled “Rewind.”
This episode jumps around between present day and five years ago at Pearson Hardman, on the days leading up to the Hardman Embezzlement Fiasco. Because Hardman now thinks that he can beat out Jessica to become Managing Partner of the firm, Harvey makes it his personal agenda to make sure that doesn’t happen. So, he sends Mike on a mission: to meet with a woman named Monica and offer her peace. The only thing is that Jessica can’t know Mike and Harvey are doing this.
Meanwhile, Harvey gets on the New Haven-bound Metro North line (I think it was Metro North. It could have been Amtrack, and then that train could have gone anywhere. But I *think* it was Metro North, entirely based on the red seats.) wearing khakis and a navy blue sweater over a crisp, white Oxford. He looks very Yale. (This is also totally subjective since I have decided he’s taking the train to New Haven. And, yes, I know he went to Harvard. Shut up.)
And then we are in THE PAST. But only briefly. Sort of. Because of the way the writers used time jumps in this episode, it actually makes it sort of difficult to review. So, I’m going to separate it out as best I can, and if I totally fail, you can laugh at me in comments.
Harvey & The Dramatic Case of The Embezzler
Pretty much immediately, we see Donna with her cute side-swept bangs. I really like side-swept bangs. I want them to make a come back instead of the long bangs that are The Thing right now. ANYWAY. Jessica also pretty much immediately tells Harvey that someone is stealing from escrow accounts. At this point, Harvey is still an associate and not a partner, so he very forcefully tells Jessica that if he helps her out with the sleuthing of this, he wants to sit at the big kids table.
Donna, being the awesome eavesdropper that she is, overhears the conversation and oh-so charmingly butts into the sleuthing, donning the culprit as The Embezzler and then telling Harvey that the woman who runs the escrow accounts in question is none other than Zoe (from last week.) So Harvey waltzes into Zoe’s office and does that thing where he’s both a giant dick and really charming at the same time, and Zoe ends up logging into her computer and then conveniently leaving so that Harvey can get the information he needs to follow the money.
He does this, and determines that Louis is The Embezzler. This is pretty much based on the following information:
1. Louis has braces (BRACES!) that cost $15,000
2. Louis has joined some swanky Yacht Club or Racquet Club or something. Jessica declares that it costs $64,000 a year to be a member, which is just stupid. Seriously. STUPID.
I feel like you also need to know that 2007-Braces-Wearing Louis says things like “Pray tell,” and is a junior partner. He’s been a junior partner for FIVE YEARS, Y’ALL. No wonder he’s so mad. Anyway, Jessica calls him into her office to confront him being The Embezzler, and it becomes obvious that he is not, in fact, The Embezzler. He just steals all the raspberry bran bars and one time fell asleep on her couch.
So Jessica then yells at Harvey and tells him that if he wants to sit at the big kids table he needs to act like a man. It’s a pretty awesome moment. I wish I had her lady balls.
Because Harvey does not enjoy failing or losing or anything that is not winning, he dupes Louis into helping him find The Embezzler. So he does. Harvey realizes it’s Hardman who is The Embezzler, gives the information to Jessica and tells her to immediately go to the D.A. But Jessica says that she’s going to Hardman so that he has a chance to explain himself. So Jessica goes and confronts Hardman about the half million he stole, and, as we know, that asshole says it was to pay for treatment for his wife who is dying of stage four breast cancer.
Inititially, Jessica believes Hardman, because, seriously what kind of a man would use his DYING WIFE as a front? Harvey is not as compassionate and then makes a Scottie Pippen reference that I didn’t entirely understand, even though both me and Pippen are from Arkansas, because I pretend that basketball does not exist.
Somewhere during all of this Donna wears this weird sheer wrap that I am not feeling at all. Were those A Thing in 2007? I don’t remember them. Then again, I was going to frat parties and routinely wearing T-shirts to class, so maybe I wasn’t on the up-and-up of Legal Fashion at the time. Based on that sheer thing, I’m glad I missed it.
So! Just as things seem all kinds of tied up in some sort of nice neat knot, Donna and Rachel hang out in Monica’s office. Rachel is wearing A TIE AND A WEIRD CORSET-TYPE THING and has fringey bangs. Rachel has been at he firm for three months at this point, and Donna—though they haven’t officially met—knows creepy things about Rachel, like how she has a peach yogurt for breakfast everyday. And, you know, also that Rachel’s dad is some big shot partner at a different law firm. SO THERE WE HAVE IT, FOLKS. They continuing chatting, and Donna finds out that Monica goes to “pilates” every Tuesday. Which is something she didn’t know. This sparks an idea.
TURNS OUT, Hardman and Monica were having an affair on Tuesday afternoons. Harvey struts into the hotel suite with a bottle of champagne and a letter of resignation for Hardman to sign, that also names Jessica Managing Partner. Also, Harvey invited Hardman’s cancerly wife to the hotel as part of the blackmail. Tells Hardman he has two minutes to decide. In addition to Hardman’s resignation, Jessica forces Monica out because she realized that the money Hardman embezzled was actually so that he could buy Monica shiny jewelry and expensive trips abroad. Monica swears she had no idea, but Jessica still forces her out, unless Monica wants the information aired.
But that’s not all that happened on the fateful day that Hardman resigned. On a less victorious note, Harvey’s dad had a heart attack, which Harvey learned from a tearful Donna. But Harvey, because he’s Harvey, spends zero time grieving. Instead, he moves into his new office—Jessica’s old one, btw—and he and Donna celebrate with the infamous can opener and thumb tacks.
You should also know that Zoe announced her resignation the same day Harvey was promoted and given his new office. She explanis that she’s disgusted with the politics of law and wants out, citing Harvey’s not grieving his father as an example.
So that was all very dramatic and high stakes, but filled in some gaps. OH FICTIONAL HISTORY.
Let’s move on to Mike, shall we?
Mike & the Development of the Fraudulent Test-Taking/Bike Messengering/Drug Dealing
I will be honest. I like Mike more than Harvey. This is partially because I am threatened by Harvey’s success and fully because I’m intimadated by Real Men. You know, the kind of guys who own tailored suits and know how to make reservations at restaurants. (Not that Harvey *would* make a reservation—he’d totally have someone else do it—but I’m sure he knows *how* to do it.) Not that Mike won’t become that person, but at this point, Mike and I are on the same level. We’re both all of a sudden in this world of, “I am gainfully employed and can comfortably pay my bills and have a 401K? Boy howdy!”
Anyway. The more you know.
BACK TO THE EPISODE!
In 2007, Mike was apparently a bike messenger. And not the kind that work out of my building, who only speak foreign languages and just nod at you when you give them precise instructions on when and how the package needs to be delivered. No no. Mike is beautiful. If Mike were in the employ of the company I work for, I would routinely hit on him and constantly have things messengered instead of shipped. Anyway. Mike also wears biking gloves, which I’m finding sort of hot. (I don’t know. Leave me alone. ) Additionaly, Trevor is wearing a suit, which is something I don’t understand fully. Am I missing something here? Was Trevor once the responsible one? I guess so. Whatever. They chat and smoke joints IN THE MORNING, which would be knowledge about Mike I would acquire after I’d trashily coerced him into a one night stand and then, once I caught him getting high BEFORE BREAKFAST, I would promptly forget his name and never use the messenger service again. (I don’t like drugs. I know that makes me lame, but whatever.)
So anyway. Trevor and Mike go to a bar and there’s a meet-cute with Jenny and her friend Nikki. They all start flirting with each other, in that sort of incestuous way that happens when there are an even number of attractive people in the same place, and all four of these people realize that this could be a good thing, but they need to feel each other out so that the girls can go to the bathroom and call dibs on who gets who. Trevor tells Jenny and Nikki that Mike is a genius and that they should test him on it. So they do. And Mike does fancy math problems on the spot and quotes Moby Dick from memory, but refuses to quote Curious George, saying that he never read it. Actually, his mom read it to him and he loves the book, but he refuses to use it as a way to pick up chicks, out of love for his mother. Jesus Christ I love him.
The next day, Mike and Trevor chat about Jenny and Nikki as they nom on shawarma like the Avengers. Jenny had been into Mike, but Trevor snaked her from him. Also, Harvey walks past the shawarma truck and they make fun of him. Mike is not impressed by Harvey and his suit. But secretly he is.
Anyway, Mike sets up a date with Nikki that he was sort of forced into, and he ends up having a fun little chat with Jenny, who steals a flower from the bouquet Mike brought for Nikki. They quote movies together and she’s wearing a very small tank top with the maximum amount of cleavage showing that allows for a girl to look casual and somehow not slutty, while still being provacative. It’s an art.
On the date, the underdressed Mike continues to prove his genius, admits he got a 1590 on his SAT, and Nikki’s parents foot the bill for dinner. Nikki, who is wearing the largest earrings I’ve ever seen, then tells Mike that she’ll pay him $1,000 to take the LSAT for her. Mike says no and is very offended that she would ask. Nikki tries to persuade him by being a hoebag, which I absolutely do not blame her for. But Mike isn’t having it, so he leaves to go see Nana Ross, who is not donig so well. The kindly neighbor man tells Mike that Nana Ross needs a full-time caregiver, which is obviously a huge expense.
So Mike goes back to Nikki and tells her it’ll be a $5,000 fee if he takes the LSAT for her. Then, Mike shows up high to take the LSAT, which Nikki is not amused by. But Mike tells her he was both high and drunk at the bar when he was eloquently quoting Melville and then says, ”Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a test to take. And I have to miss a couple questions on purpose.” BOOM, BITCH.
After Mike gets his money, he returns to his apartment with Trevor. As Mike reveals his plans to start a test-taking racket, Trevor reveals his plans to start dealing.
After Harvey gets on the train to New Haven, Mike meets Monica at a coffee shop in the Lower East Side. Naturally, she wants absolutley nothing to do with the firm, but Mike plays hard ball. He knows that Monica has been working retail, making maybe $40K a year. He somehow gets Monica to consider the offer on the table, which I’m still sort of confused by, but it has something to do with helping Jessica retain her position as Managing Partner. Now, of course, Louis observes the entire thing. How neither Mike nor Monica spotted Louis and his weasely face, I have no idea. Yes, I know he was reading the paper or had his back to them or something, but. THESE PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW TO CHECK FOR SPIES. Of course, Louis tells Hardman that Mike and Monica met and that Louis thinks Jessica is making a move. Hardman goes to Jessica about Mike and Monica, and Jessica says she had no idea about this. She then approaches Mike about it, publicly in the firm. But then it turns out that Jessica knew about this play the whole time. OH HARVEY, YOU TRICKSTER.
Also, the train Harvey was on was taking him to visit his father’s grave. He was dressed very warmly for August weather. (I am assuming the show takes place in the same weather season we are watching it in. This might be a stupid assumption.)
Anyway, at the end of the episode, Jessica and Harvey chuckle together about their master plan to re-take down Hardman and then Harvey proclaims,
So, solid episode right? I was hoping that we’d get a flashback to, like, Harvey and Donna making out in the supply closet or something. Alas. Also, I feel like we need to talk about this. We think they were together at some point, right? Or is her love just unrequited? I NEED TO KNOW. Get thee to the comments and TELL ME.