Okay, now THAT was a lot of fun, right? For the first time all season, I loved almost every minute of an episode of True Blood (the werewolf situation notwithstanding), and there was SO much great dialogue, plus sadness and hilarity. Best of all, Lafayette is back and he don’t have time for y’all bitches.
I know that I am not the biggest fan of any creatures on this show that don’t involve fangs and daysleeping, but I do love it when Sam Trammell gets to pretend to be another character on the show. He was SO GOOD last year when he had to play Tommy-as-Sam, and now we get to see Luna-as-Sam, complete with a swish walk, sassy comebacks and a ‘Free Mustache Rides’ sweatshirt. We have now officially arrived at the episode that makes me appreciate Luna’s existence.
Luna, angry about the supe killer that Sam tracked down in the hospital, accidentally transitioned into Sam. Truth: I had to look this up because I remembered that there was some big deal with shifters turning into people but I couldn’t remember the details. Shifters only become skinwalkers if they’ve killed a member of their own family, like Tommy last year. Luna’s mom died during childbirth, so technically that counts. But last year, Tommy died after shifting into Sam, and it looks like Luna might be headed down that road too. But can we talk about Sam, holding himself and caressing his own face? Because that was hilarious, even though the moment was sad. And man, I’m kind of disappointed because if any show was going to embrace the crazy and have a character make out with himself, it’s True Blood, but they stopped just short of going there. I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that the special effects required to make that happen were just not in the budget.
The Authority arc, aka the end of Bill & Eric’s Excellent Adventure, is really starting to get good. We knew that Eric quickly had a change of heart about embracing the Sanguinista way of life after Godric vamp-shamed him last week, but it didn’t look like Bill shared his feelings. Now we know that Bill is definitely on Team People Eaters – he even went so far as to come up with a plan to convert the masses: blow up all 5 True Blood factories and cut off the supply of synthetic blood. Since Bill has always been the most emotionally evolved vamp on the show (‘emotionally evolved’ is code for sappy as fuck), it’s a pretty major reversal for him. So much so that I’m wondering if he’s got a double cross plan in the works; one that he’s not even letting Eric in on. But if that were true, where would all the fun be? Frankly, I’m enjoying Bad Bill – he’s much more interesting. And if Eric has to take him out, oh well. [Sidenote: While Bill is boring, I love Stephen Moyer. This was his directorial debut on the show and he kicked some major ass at his job. Best of the season so far if you ask me].
Oh, and the less said about these two bitches, the better:
I’m sure that our own @hockeybychoice will be all over the Alcide porn in the weekly GIF recap, so I’ll leave that to her (and don’t forget to hit her up on Twitter if you have any specific GIF requests!). Frankly, the ‘growling while going down on your trainer’ bit was a little off-putting for me, so I found myself grimacing at his naked ass instead of embracing it. Also, confession: Joe Mangiello is very handsome, but the big He-man muscles aren’t really my thing, so I’ve never really pined for Alcide like I know a lot of people have. As I’ve said many times already, I’m more of a Jason or Hoyt girl, because I like my men dumb or broken apparently. Also, human doesn’t hurt. As for the rest of it…ugh. I so don’t give a shit about this story. In my opinion, Alcide and Emma’s grandmother should just burn the entire pack to the ground and get on with their lives already.
As feared, Jason stopped Sookie from depleting her fairy powers by ‘spraying them all over the yard’ last week, and convinced her that they could be useful in tracking down the vampire who killed their parents. Sookie agreed, and she and Jason made their way to the place where their parents met their end so that Sookie could use her special powers to relive that night. On the way, they were regaled with talk of ‘halflings’ and why Sookie is basically Albert Einstein from literal exposition fairies.
Basically Sookie had the ability to use her halfling (ugh) powers to access her mother’s memories from That Night and finger the vampire who killed her parents. And she did – she now knows that it was a male vampire with a highly computer-enhanced voice and a big hat. Also, his name is ‘Warlow’, and Claudine arrived just in time to save Sookie’s discarded band-aid, thank god. Her parents may be dead, but at least she can rest easy that the monster didn’t eat her garbage, too. Also, Sookie jumped from her mom’s memories to this dude’s, so maybe she has a connection with him too. For the record, I think it’s Bill. If it’s a new vamp that we’ve never met, where’s the drama?
‘Warlow’ the vampire appeared to her later in the bathroom as some kind of ripple-y 3D hallucination, and for some reason, it reminded me of an awesome/awful ‘80’s family/horror/comedy tv movie called ‘Mr. Boogedy’. Any fellow children of the ’80′s remember that one? Now there is no way that I can take Warlow seriously at all.
Lafayette wins all of the points for everything he did on screen in this episode. He was heartbreakingly sad in the truck with Jesus (confession: I really don’t comprehend the deal with this storyline – is it done now? Did he bury Jesus’ remains somewhere? Is he ‘at peace’?), and he was funny as all get out everywhere else. Sassy Lala is back, y’all, and hooka has not one single fuck to give.
The show finally is tying the Ifrit business in with the rest of show by involving Lafayette. Arlene wanted him to pretend to communicate with the curse-maker and act like she lifted it so that Terry would relax. (Cool plan, Arlene – have you learned nothing?) Of course, things didn’t go as planned since the Ifrit was real and Lala actually channeled the woman. Afterward, Lala informed Terry and Patrick that the curse would be lifted when one of them killed the other. Realizing that he was the only one without a series regular contract, Patrick did the smart thing and bolted out the door.
This leaves Hoyt and Jessica. Why do these two have to keep breaking our hearts all the goddamn time? For a second there, I was really worried that Hoyt had shot himself in that house rather than kill the love of his life. But no, him and Jess teamed up to take out their captors. It was awesome, even if they seemed awfully casual about the other two redneck dipshits still in the house when Hoyt left, sans cellphone, to find help. Why didn’t he just take Jess with him?? I feel like I missed something there. Anyhow, he happened upon a ‘friendly face’ who then pulled a gun on him, but we don’t know who. Unless, of course, you were paying attention when Luna-as-Sam started sniffing around saying that a large woman with a bad diet had been in the Supe Killer house recently. Mrs. Fortenberry, I presume? So THAT is Dragon? Omg, this is all actually kind of great. But if she kills Hoyt, she’s dead to me.
This post started with Russell and Steve, so lets end the same way. Obviously, I’m in love with them being in love and I could watch a 24 hour news channel all about it. Riding ponies! Flirting during Authority meetings held to discuss the end of the human race! They are the best and I want them both to live forever and ever and ever. P.S. – I don’t think that either of them are particularly Sanguinista-y, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see them team up with Eric to fight the rest of the Authority (and Bill?) and I am more than okay with that scenario if it keeps them both around next year.
Here are some of the many, many awesome lines from last night. Check them out, and then hit the comments with your thoughts – were you as into the episode as I was? Favorite/least favorite parts? Are you feeling the wolves AT ALL? If so, please speak up and tell me what I’m missing!
- Ride the pony!
- ‘We saw God.’ ‘We were high as fucking kites.’
- God has the most beautiful tits I’ve ever seen.
- Praise Lilith! Praise Jesus! Praise Moses’ cock, I am born again! (Man, Christian bloggers must have a hard time recapping this show without worrying at least a little bit, right?)
- ‘I need a baby. Lilith wants me to eat a baby.’ ‘Comin’ right up!’
- I hate this goddamn town.
- Hooka, I ain’t in the helpin’ bidness no more; I’m in the fuck off while I smoke a blunt bidness, and bidness about to pick way the fuck up.
- He off his meds. Ciao, bitches.
- Listen, you white trash fucktwat.
- You mean more to me than anything. And you’re incredibly handsome.
- Shut up, buttplug.