“Note to self.”

This may have been my favorite episode of the season – and that includes the acid trip of a premiere – for one reason, and one reason only: Bear. Okay, so there were other good parts to the episode, and some parts that pissed me off (in a good way), but everything pertaining to Bear was fucking golden. GOLDEN. I swear, writers, any episode you make where Wilfred invokes Bear is a winner in my heart. So it’s funny, then, that Jason Gann said on Twitter last night that it was actually his least favorite in the writers’ room.

https://twitter.com/JasonGann/status/228676053047050240

But “the funnest to shoot.” Oh, I believe it. There was just so much. So much Bear. So little time. But I’ll get to that. Because there WAS other good shit that went down in this episode. Ryan’s still dating Creepy Chick, and he thinks it’s time for her to meet his friends (i.e., Jenna), so he orchestrates a dinner party where they can all meet (including Drew, WHO BRINGS SHEBOYGAN LAGER! Oh, Sheboygan Lager, you have been missed.)

From the start, Wilfred has been staunchly anti-forcing Jenna and Creepy Chick to be friends because you can’t force people to like each other. This is true, and once again, Wilfred wins the Sound Advice Award. Until it’s taken away when he explains this philosophy by telling a story about a boy dog (Rex) and girl dog (Lady) who were forced to be friends. The boy dog ends up killing the girl dog, and continually went out to look at the dead dog’s body, whereupon “I would find myself – Rex would find himself getting aroused.” Exquisite.

Anyway, so the dinner party commences, and things are going fine until Wilfred shows up with Bear, who is five weeks sober. The way that Wilfred is flitting around totally reminds me of Nathan Lane in The Birdcage for some reason, and it cracks me the fuck up. Soon, though, things turn south (we find out that Creepy Chick is deathly afraid of dogs, and totally insults Wilfred – HOW RUDE!) and Bear turns back to the bottle to deal with the tension. Let me repeat that so it sinks in: Bear turns to the bottle to deal with the tension. While a debate breaks out between Jenna and Creepy Chick over how clean a dog’s mouth really is, we’re treated to just, GOD, so many great Wilfred and Bear moments. Bear is getting TRASHED and Wilfred is trying to keep him together in front of everyone else.

At one point Wilfred spills Creepy Chick’s wine all over her, and while she’s cleaning up, Ryan concocts a lie about how she was once bitten in the ass by a Great Dane and is thus afraid of dogs. This works for a while and they’re all friends again until Bear, the drunken buffoon that he is, throws the pie Creepy Chick had made in Wilfred’s face and calls him unsavory names. Ryan tries to drag Bear outside, and in a tug-of-war, Wilfred acts like Bear is getting violent, dramatically falling and taking Creepy Chick’s pants down with him. Jenna and Drew see that she doesn’t have a giant ass scar (as opposed to a giant-ass scar. I’m sorry. Come on, Christina, you’re better than that.), and Ryan has to fess up. Creepy Chick gets all screamy and Jenna jumps in to defend Ryan, but Creepy Chick brings up the vid of Jenna’s on-air tit-squeeze that’s gone viral, and she is just the worst. Creepy then explains that the real reason she’s afraid of dogs is that when she was little she found her grandfather dead and half devoured by his dogs. So, that was heartwarming.

Now, personally, I was hoping that she’d run out of the house and out of Ryan’s life forever, but instead, she ran to his room. And apparently Wilfred followed, and did the adorable healing-dog thing. I swear, this actually works, and all you dog-owners, you vouch for this in the comments. Once when I was probably 11 or 12ish, I was staying the night at my friend’s house, and I felt really ill. Now, I only lived down the street, so I could have gone home, but I didn’t want to. So I’m laying there, trying not to move when my friend’s beast of a Chocolate Lab climbed up onto the sofa bed and laid down right next to me. We just laid there for a while and I did start to feel better. I loved that dog. RIP Cocoa.

Anyway, so Creepy and Wilfred shared a nice little moment, and now she’s not afraid of dogs anymore. Even when Wilfred is sucking her tears off her face. With a straw. What. The. Fuck. Anyway, aww, I guess. I still don’t like her. At least Wilfred finally gets to sniff her crotch, which has to count for something, I guess.

Story-wise, it was a really solid episode, I thought. My feelings about Creepy Chick (a.k.a. Amanda) are no secret, so really I kind of hate the outcome of the episode, but, man, do Wilfred’s antics more than make up for it. I love that fucking dog. Before I leave you with some of my favorite moments and quotes, remember to add your own to the comments. Disagree with my hate of Amanda? Defend her below! Basically talk about whatever you want, but comments, dammit! Leave me them!

Random Thoughts/Favorite Quotes

“Come on, treasure. I know you’re under there, you dick!”

“Dinner parties bring out the Pomeranian in me.”

Question: is it “Monet” or “Manet?” “Turns out, both are correct. That’s the great thing about art.”

Loved how there was a bottle of the beer next to Bear. God, then when Ryan moves it and turns, and it crashes against the wall… “BEAR! Looks like we’re in for a bumpy night.”

“Yes, Bear, I heard you the first time. Six beers and Amanda is starting to look boneable. Volume, Bear, VOLUME!”

Drew bringing up how he misses his dog Lady.

My favorite moment of the episode may just be when Wilfred stole the button from Creepy’s coat to replace Bear’s missing eye. When Ryan rips it off, Wilfred freaks out and starts to push the stuffing back inside the hole, and discovers some very useful information. “Hmm… that’s tight…” he muses, moving his fingers (paw?) in and out of the hole. “Note to self…” Amazing. Simply amazing.

Fun fact: A Great Dane’s preferred method of attack is The Pin Down and Slobber On – coincidentally also Drew’s preferred method of love-making!

I lied. The background shot of BEAR’s head over the toilet may be my favorite moment of the episode.

Jenna brings up the internet video that’s ruining her life. Drew promises to send her the link. Stress. Amanda suggests that she and Jenna go to some natural hot springs. Huh, well.

Wilfred noting that Ryan’s lie about Creepy being bitten in the ass will come back to… “come on, Wilfred, you’re better than that.”

“Let go of my wrist. Bear, you’re hurting me!”