I loved everything about Jessica’s whole look. Not even the Lady Beetlejuice photobomb can distract from her badassitude.

I think I have to start out by talking about the true star of this episode, who was obviously Doug the construction dude. I loved his reactions to everything (screaming, crying, general terror and hysteria), which were exactly the kinds of reactions that we, NORMAL PEOPLE, would have to things like a haunted asylum on a hill that may as well have had bats circling the roof and crows perched on the perimeter. Actually, this entire sequence reminded me so much of a Scooby Doo episode, and the creepy (if completely heavy-handed) establishing shot of the asylum was the perfect touch. In case you’re wondering, this would mean that Doug was Shaggy (terrified and probably a little high), Sookie was Velma (she’s not as smart, but she’s just as sassy), Eric was Fred (tall, blonde and more pretty than helpful), Alcide was Scooby (Shaggy’s sidekick, plus…DOG), leaving Bill as Daphne by default. Oh, and Alcide’s construction truck was obviously subbing in for The Mystery Machine. Of course, in Scooby Doo Velma hadn’t slept with Fred, Daphne AND Scooby, so I’m sure that this little adventure was much more awkward than the cartoons of our youth.

But it was all worth it because FINALLY they’ve located Russell, thank dog. Russell makes everything better, especially now that he’s talking. And quoting Talbot, awww. I was kind of surprised that they found him alone, and so weak, because hello easy target. But it wouldn’t be True Blood if they didn’t end with a cliffhanger, and I guess that’s what the sound of a billion dogs barking madly was. He’s surrounded by protective werewolves, who I guess like to hide and surprise potential threats for the sake of drama rather than just attacking them from the minute they step onto the property. Anyway, we only got a small taste of Russell, but next week should be pretty freaking awesome.

Speaking of the Sanguinista movement and a lady member of the council letting Russell out of his cement jail, I know that there’s a huge neon arrow pointing at Nora and her totally dumb spider necklace and her confession and her pledges of allegiance to Lilith, but please. We all know she’s not the one. We’ve all watched enough Law & Order to know that it’s never the obvious suspect, and Det. Stabler Roman should be well aware of that. Are we also all in agreement that Salome is the obvious culprit? The only other option is Barb from Cougar Town and I don’t think it’s her. Plus, Salome is so lurky and shady – it’s totes her.

Oh my god. If I ever starting having the kinds of nightmares that Jason’s having, I think I’d go all Elm Street and start drinking Red Bull like crazy so that I’d never fall asleep again. Sure, it started out all cute with grown-up Jason in He-Man footie pajamas, but quickly turned gross when his parents started bleeding into their cereal and his mom started offering him blow jobs. I think that this nightmare might GIVE me nightmares. It’s possible that I’ll never sleep again, actually. So, Jason was clearly really torn up about this whole ‘Vampires killed your parents’ thing, and I’m guessing he’s going to go all Jason Stackhouse: Vampire Hunter pretty soon. Which could be kind of awesome, as long as he doesn’t touch Pam, Jessica, Tara, Eric, Bill or Russell. Yes, I’m including Tara in there. Because Vampire Tara is turning out to be everything I dreamed of for the character. She’s kickass, funny, and most importantly, not crying all the time. Plus, I love her and Jessica as newbie vamp buddies and I hope that the ending doesn’t put a permanent damper on that friendship. Hoyt was ASKING FOR IT! And he looked so hot in his outfit that he clearly stole from the set of a Duran Duran video circa 1987. How could Tara resist that?

Lafayette is still dealing solo with his bruja business, and now he’s got Jesus’ disembodied head talking to him, or rather mumbling through sewn-shut lips. (I bet Kevin Alejandro is loving filming those scenes.) But at least there was a bit of movement this week, with the head also appearing at Laffy’s mom’s bedside. Unlike her son, she didn’t freak out and seemed to understand what he was saying, promising him that she’s pass on his message to Lafayette. I just don’t really care that much about this. Laffy is best when he’s verbally smacking bitches down, and it’s no fun to watch him crying alone in a room week after week. Get thee back to work, sir! I’m sure that someone is in desperate need of an AIDS burger.

Also, the police (aka Andy & Jason, so…) are investigating the shootings of those shifter friends of Sam & Luna’s. Apparently there is someone (or someones, as we learned) shooting ‘supes’, which, is this a word they’ve been using from the beginning? I don’t remember it. But anyway, at this point Bon Temps has to be like 80% supe, right? Lots of targets in that town. We came face to mask with them at the end when they rolled up to Luna’s house just as Sam was leaving and started firing. Luna is surely dead, Sam surely isn’t, and Little Emma turned into a puppy rendering her too cute to kill (sadly, no pajamas this time). God, please don’t tell me that Sam is now going to be saddled with a small child. Something tells me he’s going to try to ensure that she doesn’t end up in a wolfpack like Luna wanted. Supe question: aren’t werewolves basically just shifters without fancy options? Are they really that different?

I guess I have to talk about this Terry/Patrick war crimes/fire curse storyline, but…do I have to? Does anyone actually care about this? I feel like I can sum up my feelings about this development by saying that Lost called, and it wants its smoke monster back. At this point this arc feels both too serious and too ridiculous to be compelling. Shooting a dozen innocent Iraqis while tripping balls ON DUTY during a war? Way too serious for a show about vampire politics and fairy sex clubs. Vengeful elements and deathbed curses? Seems like an episode of Charmed, which could out-cheese True Blood any day of the week. And any time you’re making me think of Lost, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Because Lost can suck it. Sorry Lost fans! I was one of you for about three and half years, but I defected and never looked back.

So, what did you think of this episode? Are you finding that this season is really slow to get going? (Spoiler – I am). Again the problem is too many storylines. When you have only one or two scenes per story each week, it’s hard for any of them to get off the ground. I’d be perfectly fine if they ditched about half of them and just focused on the good ones. Like…Steve Newlin. It’s been two weeks, and that’s just not fair. I can’t wait to see him and Russell interacting. That’s going to be some good times. Anyway, hit the comments with your thoughts on the episode, predictions, wish lists, etc.!