As fun and hilarious and disgusting as True Blood can be, one of the biggest problems that it has is its insistence on having a dozen separate stories going on at any given time. It makes for frustrating viewing sometimes, when stories that we really care about get short shrift in order to make way for inane or boring things (Fairies, Werepanthers, Luna). And this tends to go on all season until finally things begin to converge in episode 10 or 11. So I am really excited that this early in the season we’re already seeing some of the arcs merging, including the most interesting (the brewing vamp civil war) with the most fun (Steve Newlin, always and forever). Yep, the American Vampire League has replaced Nan Flanagan with a new PR mouthpiece/figurehead for the family-friendly image they’re trying to convey to the human public at large. And that new face is Steve ‘Jesus Loves Vampires’ Newlin. Please, let this end better for him than it did for Nan. (Um…also – this means that we might see Steve go up against Russell at some point [he is, after all, the Sanguinista movement's Osama Bin Laden] which on the one hand is awesome and on the other hand means that we’re likely to lose at least one of them by season’s end and that is too sad to think about right now).

I haven’t really gotten into the Pam and Eric flashbacks in my recaps yet, but I’ve really been enjoying them (of course Pam was the Madam of a brothel – what else would she be?). This week gave us a better look at her ‘girls’, and the attention to detail was pretty impressive – the most desired professional ladies of 1905 were a little rounder than today’s tiny waist/huge tits standard, after all. The scene was accurate even down to the casual racism and visible cold sores! (But was it really necessary for Pam to use derogatory terminology AND make a flexible Asian joke? It made my bleeding liberal heart kind of sad).

Speaking of stories merging, the flashbacks have officially been tied into the present day, what with the parallels between Eric’s turning of Pam (after she forced him to either turn her or watch her bleed out from the wrists) and Pam’s turning Tara. Both Pam and Eric were reluctant makers, but in the years since Eric and Pam became ‘family’, he’s always had her back no matter what. Now it’s Pam’s turn to do the same for Tara, or Vamp, Interrupted as I’ve been calling her in my head. Girl is all about the suicide! Maybe Pam can buy her a journal to help her deal with her feelings in a productive way. I guess the biggest difference between the two relationships is that Pam hasn’t actually slept with Tara like she did with Eric. Yes, let’s discuss that for a moment. Pam and Eric had sex!! I don’t know why this is so shocking to me on a show where literally everyone has sex with everyone, but it is. Even more shocking, Pam seems to be a little bit in love with Eric. I’ve always picked up a distinct bro/sis vibe from them, but hey – now that we know how Eric interacts with his actual sort of sister, I guess I shouldn’t be too scandalized about it.

Speaking of everyone having sex with everyone, let’s talk about Salome. We’ve seen the phenomenon of Eskimo brothers on tv before (for an explanation of the term, see one of my Supernatural posts here) But I think that this is the first time I’ve seen it happen in the course of the same day, and with THREE different guys. Salome really gets around! She had Bill, Eric AND Roman in the span of a few hours – it’s a good thing that vampires can’t catch sexually transmitted diseases, or half of this show would have to take place at the free clinic. Also, ewwwwww. Since we didn’t see one, I have to assume that there was no washing up in between each dude, which is just gross. And Roman even KNEW about the other two (Salome was still naked from banging Eric when he got to her) and he was still cool. Gross. This whole show needs to hit the showers, right now. So Salome, who in the bible killed John the Baptist (but don’t worry – it’s because she had a pervy uncle), was testing Bill & Eric and used her powers of seduction to determine that they were telling the truth about not being pro-Sanguinista. I guess her vag is like a lie detector test of some sort. She also knows about Eric and Nora being family, but promised not to tell.

Speaking of Nora, she was being tortured by Barb from Cougar Town, and rather than give up the fact that she’s related to Eric, ‘confessed’ to being Sanguinista instead. I’m still not clear why. Wouldn’t it be better for the Authority to know that they were bro/sis and both on the Authority’s side than think that Nora is against them? Please enlighten me in the comments if this made sense to you.

Oh, and I can’t move on from the AVL without talking about the newest character, the extremely Mac-like AVL tech expert who outfitted Bill & Eric with their S & M looking iStakes, which are activated via app, obvs. Raise your hand if you were a Veronica Mars fan! If so, how excited are you that this is basically Mac, grown up and vamped out?

Veronica Mars fans across the land, rejoice!

In other news, people were hanging out at Merlotte’s again! God, I feel like it’s been a season or two since this place factored into the storyline at all, and I’ve missed it. Even Sam was back at work (his fight with Luna must still be going strong – here’s hoping it stays that way), and Sookie too! When’s the last time we saw her clearing a table? Merlotte’s is an important set piece, because it allows the characters to interact even when their stories are separate. Last night had Arlene, Terry, Lafayette, Sam, Sookie, Tara, Andy, his witch girlfriend, and Alcide all in the same place even though there are about 23 different arcs happening among those people. This is important to the feel of the show, and I hope they keep doing it.

So, what else? Jason ran into his old teacher – a woman who taught him all there is to know about the wonders of sex when he was in high school. He was the Villi Fillau to her Mary Kay Letourneau. And even though she’s now an extreme cat lady with a Laura Ashley fetish, he seduced her into reliving old times, only to have an epiphany before their heart rates had returned to normal – she was the reason he spent his entire life seeking out sex instead of dealing with his problems, and he doesn’t want to do that anymore. So…no more naked Jason? (I wrote that with a quivering chin and a single tear rolling down my cheek.) That can’t be right. This must be going somewhere, but it’s not clear yet so we’ll table it for now.

Lafayette had a major freakout and poured bleach into his gumbo but dumped the batch out before serving it to anyone. He also had Jesus’ brujah face when he looked in the mirror. ANd let’s not forget that Jesus’ body is still missing. Is his spirit in Lafayette?

Emo Hoyt. Hot.

Hoyt finally guylinered himself and put on a mesh muscle shirt (WHY do I love this look on him? What is wrong with me?) and headed over to Fangtasia for…something. Pam tried to stop him, told him that the crowd would rip him apart and he said he hopes they do. Oh, Hoyt. I hate seeing you like this. Well, I like the eyeliner, but I hate all of the sadness. However, it is definitely a step up from his junior high shenanigans from the season premiere, so I’ll take it.

In unhappy news, there is some new dude running around town, who smells reeeeeaaaaallllllllllly good to Jessica and has sixteen sisters. So, I’m guessing he’s either a Duggar or a fairy, and since the Duggar’s aren’t, to my knowledge, especially pleasing in the olfactory sense, I’m guessing he’s a fairy. Fuck. I hate this whole thing – so much that I don’t even register it when Sookie starts throwing magic fairy balls at people. Can’t we all just collectively agree to pretend like that whole thing never happened and move on? Like the werepanthers? Pretty please? If they start going back to that magical place that looks like a goddamn Herbal Essences commercial I don’t think I’ll be able to take it.

Lastly, Debbie Pelt is still an official missing person (why is she the only missing person the police have searched for since season one? There have been about 400 deaths since then) and her parents are now in town helping with the search effort. At first I wasn’t sure if they knew her deal, that she was a werewolf, until they said this to Alcide: ‘She wanted to marry you and have your cubs!’. Ugh. It’s official. I hate every storyline on this show involving any creature that starts with ‘were’. I like Joe Mangienello just fine, but every single other were-anything sucks so hard and I’d be happy if we never saw them again.

So, that pretty much wraps things up. What did you guys think? What are you excited about, and what are you rolling your eyes at? Are you starting to feel like there is a major nudity imbalance at play here? I feel like we’ve seen about a dozen sets of tits in the last three weeks, and hardly any naked men. Alan Ball is still in charge, right? What’s going on, Alan? Hey at least Magic Mike is out this weekend, amirite? Hit the comments with all of your thoughts, theories, etc!