Still the greatest Microsoft Paint masterpiece I've created which is appropriate for the greatest bromance ever.

THE GREATEST BROMANCE ON TV IS BACK! No Happy Endings hasn’t made an unexpected return this summer, I’m talking about that other epic bromance that we fell in love with last year. That’s right Harvey, Mike, and the rest of the Suits gang have returned for what is sure to be an epic season two. That is if the season premiere is anything to to go by. Seriously guys, it was SO GOOD. I don’t know if I can type out coherent thoughts to explain how much I loved the season two premiere, “She Knows.” Before we dive into the gush fest that is to be this recap, let’s take a stroll down Lover’s Lane, *ahem*, memory lane I mean. So what happened in season one?

Well, Mike was scamming the bar exam (or was it the LSAT?) until Harvey, aka the flyest motherfucking lawyer in NYC,  decided to take him under his wing and hire him as his law practicing prodigy minus a law degree which, you know, is illegal. Throw in a little fooling around with co-workers and best friend’s ex-girlfriends, a skinny tie or two, hair product, deception of bosses, and can openers and you’ve got season one of Suits in a nutshell. Oh yeah, Mike might totally up the creek without a paddle going into this season as his best friend Trevor may or may not have ratted him out to Harvey’s boss, Jessica. Also this happened:

Shirtless Mike.

And this too:

Harvey in a henley. Sorry HBC is on vacation and I’m just not as good as she is at finding hot shirtless man gifs.

Now that we’re caught up on what Misters June and July of the USA Network’s Hunks on TV Calendar were up to last season, shall we discuss if Mike is no longer the Mike to Harvey’s Ike? Speaking of which, I have a feeling Mike is a strawberry and Harvey is a lime… flavor that is. If we were comparing to actual fruits, Harvey would be some exoctic shit like star fruit while Mike would be a McIntosh apple—not too plain but unique enough that you have to go to special stores to find them.

ANYWAY, let’s start with the case of the week since this is a legal show and there’s ALWAYS a case of the week but it was minor in comparison to other things happening at the Pearson Hardman offices so it’s best to just get it over with now. Basically, we had an ex-publishing assistant who claimed that the her boss stole her book idea and passed it on to some James Patterson type of author which was holding up a big merger Harvey was facilitating. Naturally, Mike is in charge of making the complication go away by talking to the ex-assistant. However, despite asking ‘WWHD—What Would Harvey Do?’, Mike feels sympathy for the girl and fights to get her a settlement check as compensation for the idea.

All seems good until B&N’s (because we ALL know that bookstore was a Barnes & Noble) employee of the month decides she wants more money and PUBLIC acknowledgment of her idea. Mike, being the idealistic and naive stud he is, is momentarily held up about what to do until his badass Grandma kickstarts the gears in his head with a flippant comment about how she changed a famous fairytale into her own ”story” when he was younger. Later in a meeting with the publishing house and ex-employee, Mike FINALLY settles the disagreement after threatening to countersue whatever her name is (I can’t be bothered with minor details sometimes, sorry) for plagiarism since previous novels from the company had very similar premises. Basically, the gist of Mike’s speech was that there is seemingly no new idea out there that someone, somewhere hasn’t already thought of and that you can’t copyright an idea, only the specific content in a book. So yeah after her very basic Media Law & Copyright 101 lesson, the bitch took the money and the merger presumably went through without another hitch.

That was only the minor drama, y’all. The MAJOR drama of the episode dealt specifically with personnel issues at Pearson Hardman, like how Jessica finally found out that Mike is a fraud and demanded that Harvey fire him immediately. It wasn’t exactly like her request was unreasonable since it does put her firm’s reputation at risk. The possible repercussions of the truth getting out there for everyone to know are HUGE in this fictional landscape. But just like Pat Benatar said, love is a battlefield, and Harvey wasn’t going to give up Mike without a fight. Instead of firing him like Jessica asked, Harvey makes sure that Louis gets his chimpmunk hands on him like he’s the last nut before winter as a precaution since Mike’s abrupt leaving would cause Louis to question what the fuck was going on.

To add to Jessica and Harvey’s already no good, terrible, very bad week, Donna receives news that Daniel Hardman’s wife had passed away, which means that he might possibly return to the firm. What’s the big fucking deal if a partner comes back, you ask? Well, it turns out that Jessica and Harvey forcibly pushed Hardman out by threatening to tell his wife about his shady dealings after discovering he was borrowing money from various company accounts and doing other unscrupulous business things. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that he’s going to want revenge on both Harvey & Jessica by pushing them out like the way they did to him. Harvey, being the mastermind he is, sees a silver lining to this situation and cuts a deal with Jessica that if he can keep Hardman from coming back to the firm then Mike gets to stay.

Despite Harvey’s best attempt to smooth talk Hardman from coming back, Hardman flips the nail on the head and admits his past wrongdoings to both the partners at the company and his daughter, leaving the only leverage Harvey had to keep Mike to disappear into thin air. However when push came to shove, Harvey stood by his man and told Jessica that if Mike goes so does he. Jessica has no choice to but to keep both because Harvey and Mike leaving would cause Hardman to look into why which he could then use later to push Jessica out of the firm. Jessica, meet rock and hard place because you girl are stuck between them. Oh, how I hope the HR department has a secret booze fridge hidden somewhere [ED NOTE: Boyfriend is a lawyer. I assure you, EVERYONE has a not-so-secret booze stash in that firm.] because shits about to get real at Pearson Hardman.

Y’all, my heart almost burst from bromance awesomeness last night. Seriously, there should be no doubt about how much Harvey loves Mike after last night’s episode. Don’t tell me if there is because it hurts. Seriously, just don’t speak. I mean, HELLO, Harvey going against Jessica’s wishes to keep Mike I think attests to how much Mike means to him because I honestly believe Harvey would do whatever Jessica wants him to do in any other circumstance. I’m curious to see if Mike ever finds out about the ultimatum Harvey gave Jessica and how he reacts if he does. I wonder if a fruit basket will be involved?

Back to serious business though, last night’s episode was by far their strongest to date. The dialogue was quick-witted and fluid and mixed with the perfect amount of pop culture references which provided legit LOL moments at the right times, yet didn’t take away from the drama unfolding. We were given insight to characters’ backgrounds and motives for their actions whether it was Mike’s parents’ deaths as his catalyst to practice law or Harvey’s choice in shirt color in regards to his relationship and feelings about Mike. These reveals were perfectly interwoven and I really liked how they weren’t dissected. They were said and then the story just moved on. These nuggets make my life, really. Overall, the premiere set up the rest of the season perfectly and I expect that each episode will continually be stronger than the previous. Basically, I’m fucking EXCITED for this season and everything that is to come. I can’t say it much simpler than that.

Other thoughts/observations:

• I’ll be patiently waiting for USA to sale ‘WWHD?’ shirts and rubber support bracelets. Obviously, if these don’t come in lavender I’ll be very disappointed.
• Donna is the BEST. Calling out Harvey on his shirt color and how it relates to his feelings about Mike. Let’s just give her all the awards now.
• Mike being a hardass with Trevor after confronting him about his douchebag move with Jessica—SO HOT. I need more of that Mike, please.
• I wonder if my biggest question of season one will be answered this year which is of course, was Mike a mathlete? I NEED TO KNOW.
• Speaking of academics, how do you cover your tracks about Harvard Law but not create fake records for an undergraduate degree?! A University of Phoenix degree can’t be that hard to counterfeit. Way to drop the ball, guys.
• Mike’s Grandma needs more screen time.
• The Jenny/Mike resolution seemed a little too quick but, hey, I hear she’s needed in Rosewood. I hope someone warned her about the pedo teachers there.
• Rachel should have just confronted Mike directly about the kiss and the message. Take charge girl!
• Mike dancing in the elevator might be my favorite moment to date on this show.
• Can we get Mike and Harvey to have a movie quote-off contest?
• Gabriel Macht looks damn fine in a suit. So does Patrick, duh.
• Mike’s messenger bag needs its own credit listing. It’s a main character dammit!
• Donna’s mother comment makes me believe that Harvey’s “friend” story that he told Hardman is really about him. Actually, I KNOW it is because it couldn’t have been more obvious. All “I have a friend…” stories are actually autobiographical stories. Inference people. Use it.
• I have so many thoughts that I can’t fit them here.

Top Quotes:

• “What’s up motherfleckers?!”—Mike
• “I got to thinking. WWHD: What would Harvey Do?”—Mike
• Jessica: “We’re at a funeral and you’re quoting Highlander?”
  Harvey: “Yeah, a lot of people died in it. Seems appropriate.”
• “Black don’t crack.”—Mike
• “You need me and I’m not staying without Mike.”—Harvey to Jessica (BEST. BROMANCE. EVER.)
• “Can I get you anything? Tissue? Glass of water? Tampon?”—Donna, to Harvey