So say we all, Maggie Lin. So say we. Fucking. ALL!
Oh hai! Geez, sorry, didn’t see y’all there. I was, um, busy. Yeah. That’s it.
So, Episode Two, folks!! Two YEARS Daniel Gillies is on The Vampire Diaries, and we barely saw him without a TIE, let alone his shirt. And now this fluffy summer medical drama gives it to us on the second episode, no lines, no waiting. Saving Hope can now officially do no wrong with me, people.
But hey, I think I’m supposed to talk about the actual show and what’s going on at TWHE – The Worse Hospital Ever (TM Sarah), as opposed to just objectifying Daniel Gillies, so I should probably stop staring at the above .gif and get on that.
Charlie is, as you might expect, still in a coma (since that’s kinda sorta the whole premise of the show). His ex-wife, cardiologist Dawn, breezes into town to rub her hands all over Charlie and to accuse Alex of not doing everything possible for him. Methinks there are some unresolved feelings there. Despite Alex’s assertion that none of the treatments Dawn mentions have been shown to make an difference in patient awareness, Alex asks Dr. Hamza about it anyway, and tries her own version of the music therapy she catches Dawn trying. Alex’s choice of song sets Charlie’s hand to twitching, but the look on spirit-Charlie’s face as he watches makes me think that this is perhaps not the good sign Alex is taking it for.
Alex’s Patient of the Week is a young boy who has been seen at the hospital three times in the last month for diarrhea and stomach problems, with no definitive diagnosis. The anything-but-kid-friendly pediatrician dismisses Cal’s problems as him acting out because of his parents’ impending divorce, but Cal collapsing and coding in the waiting room after discharge would sort of argue otherwise.
Turns out that Cal has carcinoid tumors, a diagnosis that spirit-Charlie arrives at while talking to spirit-Cal, who goes wandering around during various times when his heart stops and he codes. Fortunately for Cal, Alex arrives at the same conclusion at about the same time Charlie does. Alex operates to remove the tumors, giving spirit-Cal one last chance to code and talk to spirit-Charlie, who asks spirit-Cal to tell Dr. Reid that he’s there and he loves her. Too bad Cal can’t remember the message. But he does draw a picture of spirit-Charlie in his tuxedo, which he gives to Alex, so that’s… something, I guess.
In other news, Joel is doing everything to prove recapper Sarah correct in that none of these people have actual homes, as he shows up at the hospital post-jog in his sweaty running clothes. Joel cuts in line for coffee, causing Maggie to look up from videos of people “breading” their cats (is this an actual thing?) to call him out on it. Maggie admits to Gavin that she is totally crushing on Joel. (It’s okay, hon. We all are.) The two work together on Patient of the Week #2, who comes in with a compound leg fracture and a busted spleen. The patient, Kim, says no to any pain medication, so Joel and Maggie are forced to reset her leg while she screams at the top of her lungs. If I ever wind up in the hospital, I will be downing any and all pain medications I can get my hands on, thankyouverymuch.
Kim needs surgery for that nastily shattered spleen, but her unspecified religion prohibits her from receiving blood transfusions, so she’s kind of shit out of luck. Maggie is incensed by this attitude and busts into Joel’s OR to harangue him about it, but he sensibly points out that without consent they are not able to do anything, and tells Maggie to keep the patient comfortable.
I was all set to cry “character inconsistency!” about this whole thing, given the lengths that Joel went to last week to save the war-vet’s arm, but when the patient’s husband relents at the last minute and tells Joel to do the surgery, it’s clear that Joel had everything ready to go, having suspected all along that, when push came to shove, the husband would cave and tell them to save his wife.
Maggie is totally impressed, and asks Joel to come observe as she scrubs in on the splenectomy. Joel tells her that he thinks she has a crush on him and it makes him uncomfortable. Since the med students at TWHE have apparently never heard of this little thing called sexual harassment, Maggie gives the title quote and goes in to do the surgery. Afterward, she leads Joel to an unused room. He gives a token protest and says he’s not “up for a relationship,” but he’s obviously “up” for something else, which leads us to the .gif up top, non-locking door be damned.
Here’s the thing with this show: There’s really nothing revelatory about it; the medical cases go pretty much as you might expect (although when the kid presented with stomach issues I did think at first that they were going down the Munchhausen-by-proxy route); the characters are shown having no life (or homes) outside of the hospital; the lens flares are apparently the show’s signature look, despite how annoying they are; the cliches (“Don’t you fricking die on me!”) are thick; and the behavior of the staff would get them canned in any actual hospital.
And, you know what? I don’t care. This is summer TV. I don’t need gritty realism or Game of Thrones level Macchiavellian plotting. Give me some banter, some pretty people, and Daniel Gillies taking his clothes off each week, and I’m in. I am ALL in.
How about you?