Mad Men: There Are No Vampires Here

Oh, Betty. Poor Betty is weighing out her spartan “reducing” breakfast. Does the toast need to be blackened, or is that just to make us feel worse for her? I can’t even talk about the half-grapefruit, the world’s saddest creation.

Pete struts into the elevator to announce that the New York Times is interested in doing a feature on SCDP, so Don pulls together their creative portfolio. It looks like Ginzo is writing most of their copy. That boy is GOING PLACES, KIDS! Don doesn’t want to include “The Letter,” probably because he’s internalized that it’s the kiss of death in their business.

Those of us who live for Bert Cooper moments get a big win as he tries to get Roger to help him land the Manischewitz wine account, because of “his Semitic wife.” Roger reminds him they’re getting divorced. “Not Mona, Jane!” says Cooper, witheringly. Yeah, Cooper. Welcome to the treehouse. Cooper, on being informed that Jane is also on her way to Splitsville, checks his watch and says “so soon?” Ouch.

Leaving the office late, Don finds himself rifling through a file of Ginzo’s pitches for Sno-Ball. He’s amused, and it inspires a weird series of stream-of-consciousness pitches of his own.

Betty stops by the Draper residence to pick up the kids, is filled with self-loathing by the sight of Don’s new digs even BEFORE she watches a lithe, sexy Megan button her blouse through the window on the deck. JESUS, Matt Weiner, what did January Jones do to you? Oh, not to mention Megan’s easy rapport with the kids.

Betty, on getting home, mainlines canned whipped cream. Oh, whatever, we’ve all been there!

In the Sno-Ball pitch meeting, Don clearly feels pressure to compete with Ginzo. Ginzo mildly pushes back, expressing fake excitement that Don can “still write” after so much time away from the actual work of creating pitches. Hmmmmm.

Betty is at a horrific-looking Weight Watchers meeting. Not horrific, okay, just…unpleasant. Betty radiates “I am not really a fat person.” But then she shares (minus details) her crappy Megan-spotting incident, so maybe she’s trying to be less flat-affect these days.

Megan is helping a friend of hers to a scene study, and they get into a Fight over Megan being a dilettante now, and Megan resenting her friend for actually getting work as an actress.

Roger has obviously called Ginzo in to help with the Manischewitz account. Apparently, Manischewitz is looking to sell wine to “normal people” now.  Ginzo is supposed to keep it from Don, because Roger wants to cut Pete out of the shuffle completely. God, you guys, it’s like a little soap opera in that office. Just poison each other, go telenovela with it!

Betty finds Henry secretly frying himself a steak. Why should everyone suffer? Henry does seem like a nice guy, you know? He emotes about his job, Betty is nice (okay, she’s repeating Weight Watchers slogans, but it’s a step.) He feeds her a bite of steak. We’ve all thought about the possibility that Henry prefers Betty fat, right? I mean, he came onto her when she was Mega Pregnant.

Roger calls Jane, wants her to tag along to the Manischewitz dinner and be Professional Jewish for him. She wants a new apartment. And has one in mind. Man, I hope Roger has some savings.

Rory Gilmore slinks into SCDP in a fur coat. And underwear. And pearls. Oh, PSYCH, no, she didn’t. Pete is just being dreamy on the couch in his office. We all remember he impregnated Peggy on the couch in his office, right?

Betty is home, pretending to be a decent, involved mother, and finds an absurdly sweet note that Don has written for Megan on the back of a school drawing. WHICH embitters Betty sufficiently to inform Sally (working on a family tree for an assignment) that Don has a dead wife named Anna. In order, of course, to make sure Megan finds out. Wow, Betty. WOW. All of Betty’s sympathy points in this episode are floating away. She stuffs the drawing in the trash and stomps off.

Don rolls out the two Sno-Ball images to the account boys (his and Ginzo’s). They like Ginzo’s better. Don is not happy.

Sally is being kind of a bitch to Megan, who she feels betrayed her by not telling her about Anna. Megan, happily, already knows about Anna, and is as nice to Sally about it as she can muster. It’s a neat scene. Megan and Don fight about it, Sally overhears.

Late night at the office: Ginzo tells Peggy about his extra work for Roger, deliberately leaves out the Jewish detail to make her think he was picked for being the best creative. Peggy is not pleased.

The New York Times piece comes out, SCDP has not been mentioned (insufficiently hip).  Don yells at Pete for telling him on a Sunday. Then he talks to Sally about the Anna situation. She remembers going to her house in California. Wow, Don, it’s like children HEAR AND UNDERSTAND things. He asks her to apologize for being mean to Megan about it.

Peggy and Roger have a fantastic confrontation in the elevator. She accuses him of disloyalty, and not understanding her range.

DON DRAPER, YOU SLY DOG. Don purposely leaves Ginzo’s Sno-Ball pitch in the CAB, so they’ll have to use his. Is this “act like a child” week? Seriously!

Betty, smug as shit, asks Sally if she told Megan about Anna. Sally, COOL AS A CUCUMBER, says that Megan and Don “showed her lots of pictures and spoke of her very warmly.” Yes, Betty. Don tells Megan his secrets. You have nothing. NOTHING.

Roger and Jane are rocking their faux-Jewish dinner, when the son of the Manischewitz executives show up looking like a freaking matinee idol.  Jane and Matinee Idol have sparks flying all over the place.

BACK AT THE OFFICE, Harry comes in to tell the creatives that Sno-Ball loved the pitch. DON’S PITCH, of course. Ginzo goes postal when he hears that Don left his pitch in the cab. Well, it’s like “Game of Thrones,” guy, sorry. Harry tells him to suck it up. Peggy is thrilled, in a snide way.

Jane and Roger, in the cab on the way home. Roger tells her to keep it in her pants around Bernie, the Matinee Idol. And he wants her to show him the new apartment. Is he going to try to seduuuuuce her? Yes. The next morning, she’s upset. She wanted to move out of their old place because of the memories, and now he’s ruined this one too. Jane: “You get everything you want and you still had to do this.” Roger is either fake-guilty or genuinely-guilty.

Pete and Howard the Cuckold on the train. Pete threatens to fuck Howard’s wife (again). Howard thinks he’s joking. Pete needs to get it together.

Ginzo and Don have it out on the elevator (just like “Grey’s Anatomy”). Ginzo: “I feel bad for you.” Don: “I don’t think about you at all.”  YOWZA. Don does think about him, of course.  He thinks about him all the time.

It’s a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving at the Francis home. Sally pointedly remarks on her mother’s hunger. Bobby is oblivious. Betty says “I’m thankful I have everything I want, and that no one else has anything better.” Jesus, Matt Weiner. Jesus.


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