I’m just going to go ahead and say that it’s kind of genius to vilify high-fructose corn syrup by making it Dick Roman’s chosen method for creating fat, happy and docile humans who won’t object to becoming food for the Pac Men (and Ms. Pac Men) down the road. Because if you take out the Leviathan/soylent green aspect of it all, it ain’t too far from the truth. HFCS really is bad for us, and it really is in everything. I wonder if SPN will face any kind of Oprah/beef industry-style blowback from the corn syrup people as a result of all this? If so, I’d like to read the transcripts of the courtroom testimony because that shit would be hilarious. (HFCS Muckity-Muck: ‘Our issue with this show is that it is making us, the High-Fructose Corn Syrup industry, out to be literal monsters. When in fact that couldn’t be further from the truth. We are merely figurative monsters’).
So yeah, I think it’s clever, and I like it. And maybe it will convince us all to grab a banana and some water the next time we’re craving some ‘road food’. Or, it won’t (face it – we’d all be Eric Cartman screaming for our Cheesy Pouffs). But it’s still funny. And topical! And Dick Roman continues to awesomely ooze slime every time he’s onscreen, which only adds to my delight. I mean, look at this smarmy motherfucker:
He’s the best, and I love him. But I also want to see him die a firely and painful death, and inspiring this kind of internal dilemma in the audience is exactly what a show like Supernatural should strive for – it’s an indication of a great Big Bad.
The hunt is on for the ingredients needed to kill Dick Roman and (hopefully) the rest of the Leviathans with him. Fallen angel blood: check! Now all that’s needed are the blood of two more individuals: an Alpha and Crowley. Then they must be used to coat the bone of a righteous mortal (which reminds me of Pheobe telling Rachel and Monica that they needed the semen of a righteous man for their ‘getting over our boyfriends’ spell. Because everything, EVERYTHING, can be related back to Friends). The brothers called Crowley first but he wasn’t willing to give up his blood until the 11th hour since he doesn’t trust anyone to hang onto it for any length of time. It’s thinking like that that got him where he is today. The President of Hell can’t just go throwing his bodily fluids around willy-nilly, you know.
I really loved all of the Sucrocorp/Dick Roman/Alpha vamp stuff in this episode. The one thing that didn’t work so much for me, and I know that this might not be a shared opinion, was Bobby. I reserve the right to change my mind once we see how this all plays out next week, but I’m not really loving Bobby being reduced to a bratty ghost that requires 24-hour babysitting. I’m hoping that he’ll have a big hero moment in the finale, but for now I wish that they’d use him sparingly so we weren’t subjected to yet another conversation about how he’s going to snap soon. We get it – this isn’t good for him, he’s a danger to the plan…can we just have him knock the odd book off a table until they’re ready to take this story to the next level? And don’t get me started on how this flask attachment works: he can’t hear the brothers talking five feet away if they put the flask in the car, yet he can zap himself inside Alpha Manor no problem?
But on to happier things, like alpha vampires and their super creepy progeny. I mean, we all saw it coming that the girl was bullshitting them, right? She was far too calm, and in a situation where you’ve been kidnapped by vampires and held against your will for 12 years, calmness is creepy. But Sam and Dean have always had a weakness for damsels in distress, so they overlooked the glaring warning signs and chose to focus on being heroes instead.
But it all led them to the Alpha Vamp who was sooooo good in his previous appearance on the show and kept the trend going in this episode. I could watch him all day – he’s so charismatic, so charming and so badass. He carries himself in a way that you just kind of have to admire him, even though he does loathsome things like kill people and collect innocent children to drink from. I mean, just check out his face off with Edgar, the leviathan second-in-command. He showed no fear! And he even managed to slam Edgar against a wall or two before Dean and Sam went in for the kill.
So now, we have what appears to be the start of a monster vs. monster war. We’ve known all along that the HFCS is making humans into suitable and willing leviathan food, but this week we learned that the same substance is also making them poison to all other baddies. Vampires, werewolves, wendigos, etc. were promised a never-ending human buffet if Dick went ahead with their support, but as the Alpha found out this week, the non-Pac Men monsters will instead be cut off from their supply completely.
I imagine that now that the Alpha knows what’s up, word will spread quickly through the monster community (that’s a thing), and they’ll also be told that, for now, Sam and Dean are not to be fucked with. And Sam and Dean, who now have the Alpha blood, will use whatever connections they have to bring Dick down. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, after all.
It all comes down to next week, and frankly, there is so much that has to happen I’m honestly not sure if we’ll get any kind of resolution or if they’ll purposefully keep this story going into next season. Oh yeah – did I forget to mention that the show has been picked up for another year? Because it has! So really, anything can happen next week because the writers know that they have the luxury of torturing us all summer.
Random thoughts & favorite quotes:
- Sex just keeps making things awkward between Dean and Sam. A few weeks ago they realized that they had both slept with the same woman, and now they discover that they both made repeated use of the same Playboy as kids (Anna Nicole, for the record). And the nudie mag initially belonged to their DAD. And he carried it around in his duffel bag. Gross. I bet when all was said and done, there was enough Winchester DNA on that thing to create a very rugged clone army.
- Dean’s new brown leather jacket? HAWT.
- Call Chef Fieri. I feel like barbeque. (Obviously this makes sense. Fieri has never seemed quite right.)
- Slurpee Dude: Ow, that hurts. This is for Hurricane Katrina you said?
- What’s a Kardashian? (Oh, if only I could honestly ask that question)
- I think any way you slice it, you’ve got Pac Man and True Blood in the same room and that’s bad news.
- Alpha Vamp getting meta with the Winchesters: See you next season.
Okay, that’s it from me. I’ve included the promo for next week (the SEASON FINALE!!) below, so after you check it out be sure to hit the comments with all of your thoughts on this episode, Bobby’s predicament, renewal celebrations, and theories for next week and beyond. Like, who will be the righteous mortal to provide the bone? Will it have to be someone who’s already dead? And what bone will it be exactly? With all of the dick jokes that have flying around all season, you’ll forgive me if my mind goes straight into the gutter. (Man, I just got a visual of Dean or Sam using their actual BONE, washed in the three bloods of course, to literally fuck Dick to death. I’m not opposed to this plan, though I doubt the CW would be able to get that past Standards & Practices. Oh well – I guess that idea will have to be saved for the inevitable porn parody of the show. Superfuckable? Leave all SPN porn parody suggestions in the comments!)