Okay, who watched last night? Pretty great, right? I pretty much only saw the top six and the Turkish girl (NBC is all about her for some reason, I think because they like the story of her rich parents moving her to Canada to become a figure skater and giving up their posh lives to clean toilets and so forth), so that’s who I’m going to focus on, from least to most interesting.
Alright, first of all, the second Asian. I agreed with Scott Hamilton and Bitchy Woman Announcer that she was doing everything fine but going through the motions. Obviously I know little to nothing about figure skating, so if even I think you look robotic, ouch. That said, dude, I fucking loved her costume. So cool! It made me briefly reconsider my life and whether I should open up my own shop as a figure skating costume designer. But then I realized I get mad pretty much every single time I attempt sewing.
Next, and I know it might not be kosher to list an American as the second least interesting skater, but Rachel Flatt just doesn’t do a lot for me. I mean, I get that she’s good, but there was nothing that just really jumped out at me as extra special. I suppose some of it could’ve been the other girls knocking it out of the park, or it could be her age, or (most likely) the Olympic hangover that I am basically experiencing every day. Me and the snowboarders, I tell ya.
Next, but only because she didn’t medal, was Mirai Naragasu. Is that right? I’m just going from memory, I’m feeling lazy as usual. She was cute, and I think it’ll be fun to see her in four years, but mostly when she finished, the smile on her face was so priceless and adorable that I wanted to take her home with me. I could have my own little pet figure skater! (Pour water on them and they grow hair!)
Next–Kim Yu-Na. I mean, obviously she was awesome, and she’s so beautiful, and I also loved her face when she finished, and I totally understood all of her happy tears. And I’m sure it was a huge relief to her, given all the pressure. She seems like a really sweet and gracious person, and I was glad she won. But that doesn’t mean she was the most interesting, no, because there are two to go.
First off, Mao “Carne” Asada. (I’m going to keep using it until it sticks.) I really hadn’t noticed until last night but that girl has two gigantic fucking ears. I mean, WOW. They are enormous and the lobes alone could satiate a cannibal for perhaps days. They’re not just big, they’re MEATY. Petty? Maybe. True? YES.
And she did do a really good job–Scott Hamilton seemed extra impressed with her and her fancy pants jumps, and hopefully someday she can be proud of that, but man, she just looked devastated. It was wild watching the podium (and any medal is something to be proud of, for sure), and Kim Yu-Na was so happy with her gold (obviously), and Joannie was so happy and emotional about the bronze, and then there was Carne, looking like she just lost her puppy with her silver. And I get that, it’s totally different situations between Joannie and Carne, and it does suck for her, but it was still really good and a big accomplishment, you know? It’s got to be horrible having that kind of pressure on you, plus all the pressure she no doubt puts on herself.
And finally, of course, there was Joannie, who has totally become the sweetheart of the Olympics and of course, how could you not totally love her. I saw some people on Twitter saying Mirai got robbed and first of all, I disagree, but secondly, I think everyone just WANTED Joannie to get it. The crowd wanted it for her and I’m sure that pushed her along, and all the stuffed animals being thrown onto the ice for her was so sweet and touching … it was another one of those teary Olympic moments (much like it has been with her all along). It was really nice just to see something good happen for her, even if she is a Canadian. (I kid! I kid!)
What did you guys think? Did you even watch other stuff besides the figure skating? Were you happy with the results? Who was your fave? Other commentary? Comments!