Florida. A colorful, lawless swamp.

February 24, 2010 in off-color commentary by offcolortv | 15 comments

If any of you feel like lately, I’ve had my head planted firmly up my own ass, well, you wouldn’t be wrong entirely.  So rather than just let you all think I’m a total space cadet (which, okay, is actually really true), I thought I’d let you know what’s going on with me.  As you may or may not have guessed from the title (which cracks me up, by the way), Billy and I will be moving to Florida at the end of March.  That is really soon, and there is a TON of stuff to do.

So if you notice me being flighty, or posting things a little late, or not participating as much in the comments, it’s not because I don’t love you or am getting bored with the blog, it’s just because I’m tired or busy or traveling around trying to find apartments or squeeze in visits or looking for cross-country movers that won’t rip me off or lose my stuff.  Once we get down there, I’ll be as bloggy as ever.  Just know that I love all of you, I think you’re very special, and I read all your comments and they make me totally happy, and I’ll chat as much as I can.  :)

In the meantime, we’re halfway into the last week of the Olympics and we haven’t had a very important group project yet, and that of course is drinking games.  So here’s my question, let me know what you think in the comments and I’ll get started on it probably tomorrow–do you think we should have one giant, epic drinking games post where everyone contributes all their ideas about any show, or do you think I should break them up into separate posts per show.  OR, third option, would you prefer I break them up into smaller groups, like by night or something?  Let me know in the comments, and like I said, we’ll get started tomorrow, so get your thinking drinking caps on!  (And yes, I did just recycle that joke, and I will again.)  COMMENTS!

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  • Anais

    Where in FL?

  • Anais

    Sorry… I forgot to say thats where I live when I am not in OH for college.

  • offcolortv

    Oh, that’s okay, I actually remembered that! Tampa/St. Pete. Where do you live?

  • Nicole

    No way! I used to live in Florida (Jacksonville – aka the bible beltiest part of the state). At this time of year, I’m VERY jealous of you. Did one of you get transferred or did you decide to move b/c you wanted to? Either way, congrats!

  • Kimber

    Wow! Congrats! (I think? Sounds like it’s a good move?). Where do you live now? (Or do I know that already?). Lots of ()’s in this post, sorry! I blame the -30C temps that I’m currently dealing with…

  • offcolortv

    Oh, definitely! And I’m in Chicago, which is very snowy and cold (so I feel your pain, although what is this “celsius” you speak of?), so it makes daydreaming about laying out on the beach and wearing flip flops that much easier. :)

  • marthapao

    Oooooh good luck with the moving! Living in winterless areas is wonderful!! :) But good luck with the humidity, that one is a bitch! LOL

  • Amy

    Jealous, even though you are moving to the land of palmetto bugs (flying cockroaches) and lizards. The beaches more than compensate, I think.

  • Nicole

    Amy – oh god, Palmetto bugs. When I moved from Toronto to Jacksonville, I had never heard of a flying cockroach – the only roaches I had ever seen were illegal and gave you the munchies. One night I had most of the lights off in my apt and thought I saw a small FROG on the carpet. I turned on the light and it skittered under the couch. I tried to suck it up with the vaccum hose and it GOT STUCK on the end because it was so big!!!! I freaked – I called my dad (in Toronto) as if he could solve the problem for me. It ended up living with me for 2 days until I chased it with a shoe and turned it into abstract art on my balcony. DISGUSTING. My friends from the south thought I was adorable for being scared. THEN, one day I was in the bath talking to a friend on the phone, and I was looking at that metal circle thing that’s on the bath near the top of the tub, under the faucet, and I saw two antenae poking and waving out of the holes in the bottom of it. I jumped out of the tub screaming (my friend thought for sure I was being murdered) and sprayed poison into the holes then stuffed them with tissue. Trauma. It’s not why I moved back to T.O., but it was definitely a perk.

    The lizards were actually really cute (they’re EVERYWHERE) except for one time when I was making my bed and I yanked my comforter really quickly and a little lizard went flying into the wall and scared the shit out of me. Those motherfuckers are fast as hell. I finally got it out of my apartment though (after a couple of days).

    Never a dull moment in Florida I tell you. Wait’ll you see all of the billboards from God, SB – he invests heavily in billboards across the state apparently (the north part anyway). (Example: “Keep Using My Name in Vain And I’ll Make Rush Hour Longer” – God, or “You Think It’s Hot Here?” – God) He’s a bit dickish and condescending actually. It was my first exposure to a place that was really all about God and football – every bumper sticker was either for the Gators, the Jaguars, or Billy Graham.

    I hope I don’t sound bitter – it’s all fond memories. I actually miss it – you’re going to love it there. And I think being in Tampa/St. Pete’s will be really fun. I’m jealous you’re going to be so close to Orlando when the Harry Potter section of DW opens!

  • Kimber

    OMG, Nicole. Those bugs sound creepy! And I’m a girl who actually LIKES bugs, too. But not really in my house. I like them contained, or when I see them in nature. Flying cockroaches, though, that’s a whole other story. That would creep the fuck right out of me!

    The lizards are cute, though! And they’re everywhere! Kind of like Canadian geese here, that just wander around and walk through parking lots. In 2003 I “moved” off land and worked with Carnival Cruise Lines, and my port was Tampa, FL. I had to fly to Miami and stay there for a day before being bussed to Tampa to meet my ship. While in Miami I took a lot of walks, and absolutely adored all of the little lizards everywhere. I even chased one down a highway once, in an effort to pick it up!

  • offcolortv

    Marthapao, I know I’m probably in for a rude awakening with the humidity, but I am at least better with hot than I am with cold.

    Now, as for the rest of you. Thanks a lot, Amy. I suppose I should’ve explicitly stated the Topics That We Must Never Discuss. Billy is finding them out one by one, but bugs and particularly palmetto bugs are at the top of that list. Oh. Mah. God. As soon as he got the job, I started having nightmares about bugs. But now that it’s out there, we’ll discuss. (Also, are you going to come visit? You can bring the kiddos, or not–whatever you want! And sidenote to everyone else, this Amy is my aunt, not to be confused with that bitch Amy who goes by NordicByNature and loves figure skating.)

    Nicole, I had no idea you lived in Jacksonville! Your frog story cracked me up and made me feel a little bad for the frog (I can’t help it!), and I think I’m mostly okay with critters, like frogs and lizards. Those don’t upset me and I’m with Kimber that they’re cute. I’m sure they’ll startle me though, before it’s all over. Billy was telling me about how when they were kids, his cousins would get the lizards to bite their earlobes and then let them hang there and be all, “Look!” That’s pretty damn bizarre, but maybe I should try it sometime. I’ll keep you all posted. But yeah, I actually had a similar horrifying experience to your bathtub one … well, maybe it was like two experiences that add up to your one. One was in Indianapolis, there was a spider in the bathtub and I screamed REALLY loud and threw myself to the other end of the tub and stood up. Well, as I stood up, I caught my hip really hard on the faucet and I already bruise easily, and I swear to god that was one of the most disgusting bruises of all time. Billy started to be mad at me for screaming like that but then he saw how badly I hurt myself and decided I must have been really scared and he got over it real quick. The other one was that I was in the bathtub up here in Chicago (I’m a total bath person, in case it doesn’t show) and I saw the antenna poking out. That time I was very calm and just got out, tried to pour some water down in that silver thing to kill it, and then just checked really good every time I got in the tub after that for like a month. But I did have that gross “there are bugs all over my legs” feeling every time I went into the bathroom for awhile after.

    DUDE! I am so going to Harry Potter, that is on my list! I want to take Amy (not my aunt, That Bitch Amy) with me because she looooves HP.

    The God billboards and sports don’t sound totally unlike Indianapolis, actually, except just maybe a little more redneck to the extreme, which I’m kind of excited about. You can ask anyone, I love crazy people. I’ve been scouring roadsideamerica.com for kitschy stuff to do and most of it involves talking to crazy old people. That’s the benefit of all the gray-hairs going to live (die?) there.

    Kimber, what did you do on Carnival Cruise Lines? That’s so cool! You totally crack me up, I can just pictures you chasing a lizard down a highway. Ah, to have that on You Tube. :)

  • NordicByNature

    You’re the bitch, Sarah.

  • cross country movers

    Yes . I would like to go to Florida.
    Some Cross Country Movers also want to go Florida but they dont have sufficient amount to spend or don’t know the actual way to come Florida.
    Movers dont know some time which company they have to  choose for travelling across states etc.

    Cross Country Movers want to go Florida the Colorful State but they hesitated to do this act …. :( 

  • emr123456

    Now, as for the rest of you. Thanks a lot, Amy. I suppose I should’ve explicitly stated the Topics That We Must Never Discuss. Billy is finding them out one by one, but bugs and particularly palmetto bugs are at the top of that list. Oh. Mah. God. As soon as he got the job, I started having nightmares about bugs. But now that it’s out there, we’ll discuss. (Also, are you going to come visit? You can bring the kiddos, or not–whatever you want! And sidenote to everyone else, this Amy is my aunt, not to be confused with that bitch Amy who goes by NordicByNature and loves figure skating.)
    visit
    EMR 

  • emr123456

    If any of you feel like lately, I’ve had my head planted firmly up my own ass, well, you wouldn’t be wrong entirely.  So rather than just let you all think I’m a total space cadet (which, okay, is actually really true), I thought I’d let you know what’s going on with me.  As you may or may not have guessed from the title (which cracks me up, by the way), Billy and I will be moving to Florida at the end of March.  That is really soon, and there is a TON of stuff to do.EMR
    visit

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