I promise this is how the Jamaican bobsled trained. Cool Runnings just edited that part out.

Okay, I really have to stop being surprised by how the Happy Endings writers find new ways to make me love this show every week. This week’s episode, ‘The Kerkovich Way’, certainly wouldn’t be considered one of my top faves but it still contained tiny nuggets of pure awesome in it that made me want to hug it. The best one? The Supermarket Sweep reference because, by god people, I FUCKING LOVED that show. It is on my bucket list to get that show rebooted so I can be a contestant on it. I already even have the perfect game plan but I’m not going to give that away just in case my sister and I end up competing against one of you. Fair warning though, you will lose.

Seriously guys, I don’t think you know how much Supermarket Sweep (and Shop ‘til You Drop) has impacted my life. I CANNOT go to the store without eyeballing my shopping cart and guessing the final total worth of products before checking out and I’m ALWAYS within a dollar. Even Cale, the financial wizard, is baffled at how I can do that but not figure out simple math problems in my head. I’m telling y’all I am destined to the be the greatest Supermarket Sweep contestant ever, so when I win my all-inclusive trip and check, I’ll be sure to thank Happy Endings for making it possible. I’ll even throw in a giant turkey for each of the writers as I’m generous like that.

ANYWAY, now that I’ve made my case for being a supermarket Rain Man of sorts, why don’t we move onto to actually discussing last night’s Happy Endings episode? As I said above, this was not my favorite episode despite having a scavenger hunt (which I love) and crazy Jane (which I ALWAYS love). I don’t know what it was exactly but something just didn’t gel for me all the way. I’m sure some of you would disagree but, hey, I’m here to keep it real and what’s real is that in a year of AMAZING episodes this one seemed to falter a little. I think the main problem was the pacing, which seemed a little slow. Still, if that’s the biggest problem then the mantra must be repeated: sub-par Happy Endings episodes are still a hell of a lot better than the majority of comedies on TV. So what happened last night?
Well we got resolution to the whole Alex and Dave sexgate of 2012. Alex, who wanted to act like Dave’s P never entered her V, enlisted Jane to help her erase history. Dave, on the other hand, wanted to confront the issue head on just in case a group baby was conceived (kind of overly optimistic about your swimmers there, Dave) and sought out Brad’s help. What transpired had Alex having an imaginary krump contest with her alternate reality self, Dave dismembering Skyler the mannequin (I’d hate to see the S&M shit he does to his blow-up doll), and Jane nailing her spy audition and cementing her spot on Leonardo Dicaprio’s new Inception team. While Alex and Jane were busy creating a new faux-reality for Dave (and Brad by default, since he’s married to Jane) (poor Brad), Sonny and Tubbs were trying to prove that the deed went down. Jane’s exquisite plan was foiled when Alex forgot to backdate the Momma Mia! dvd rental. Should have Redboxed it you guys. That receipt gets sent to your email and the Hardy Boys would have never been the wiser. Blockbuster’s lack of support for deceit is why they went bankrupt. Eventually, both Dave and Alex act mature, talk about their drunken hook up, and agree to forget it ever happened because they’re happy at where they’re at in their relationship.

As Sexgate plays out, Max and Penny decide to enter Rosalita’s (Is this Taters’ real name? So sad.) Scavenger Hunt after it seems that their archenemies won’t be able to compete this year on account of having to wear the worst pregnancy belly ever. Also Penny just wants to help Max get over his break up with Grant. Turns out though that Barbie and Ken (I couldn’t be bothered to learn their names) weren’t going down without a fight and entered the contest. What follows is the best John Hughes scavenger hunt ever complete with shopping cart racing and glittered eggs. I do have one problem with the scavenger hunt; how can you have a John Hughes theme and NOT include Home Alone or Uncle Buck?! I needed some tasks like sledding down some stairs or sliding across skating rinks on one’s knees. Way to drop the ball you guys. Geez. Despite Max’s mopey interruptions, Pen and Pooh Bear were victorious after Max’s supreme shopping cart selection and driving. They will forever be immortalized on the wall in Taters. Consider me jealous as my number one bucket list item is to have my picture hang up in Taters immortalizing my Supermarket Sweep win. One day, you guys. One day.

Overall, I think the show handled the Alex/Dave hook up the right way. I said in my recap last week that I didn’t think this would be the start of their romance rekindling and I was right. These two characters are really great apart so I’m happy the writers are the geniuses I think they are and recognized this too. Max, on the other hand, needs to pep it up some. I just don’t like mopey Max and I never will. Sorry.

Other thoughts/observations:

• Jane spinning the top like in Inception was my favorite thing of the night. I loved it so, so much. Also, of course she owns a pink spinning top just for that purpose.
• Nice to see Penny’s Jazz Kwan-Do outfit get some use again.
• Who agrees to pet sit a cat? Cats are the worst.
• Brad’s Julia Child/Meryl Streep impression is the BEST.
• I really wanted to see Max dance on a float and sing.
• Seriously, do movie rental stores still exist? I’m still trying to process this information.
• Jane owning a nanny cam is not surprising in the least.
• Penny running into the street sign is something I’d totally do myself (and I have).
• Back to the Future reference- SCORE!
• So Jane and Alex’s grandma, Senka, was also a black man and a member of the Jamaican bobsled team, right?

Top Quotes:

• “Group baby? Is that a thing?”
• “Do you even know a farmer?”
• “Trust me, I saw God. He’s black.”
• “Year of Penny!” “The year’s been over for a couple of months now, Penny.” “Not the fiscal year. Suck it, taxpayers!”

PS- In case you forgot, Happy Endings has weekly webisodes now. This week features young Brad and Jane and yes there are dreads. Go watch it immediately here.