THE VOICE. Final Blind Auditions. America Needs To Be Punched in the Face With Rock N Roll.

 

Tonight is the final few artists of round one. Who will complete the teams of 12?

Whitney Myer “No One”–Quirky little red head that has a band with her dad and uncle. She gets all four judges to turn around with Christina being the last to push her button. Adam says she reminds him of Mary J. Blake says he’s a fan whether or not she picks him. Adam tells her she can win the whole thing. Christina tries to plead her case but ultimately Whitney goes TEAM ADAM. 

 

David Dunn “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved”–The girls in the crowd go wild for the tall, cute boy. His dad might not approve but the ladies do. I’m surprised the coaches don’t turn around for that alone. Don’t they know who votes on this thing? Christina explains it doesn’t really matter what they think because he’s got fans in the audience. Can’t win ‘em all indeed, David.

 

The Sheilds Brothers “Dancing With Myself”–80′s flash back! All I could think was Flock of Seagulls! They live on a farm and dad wants to get them out of the house. Cee Lo pushes his button and then proceeds to sing along. Is it any surprise he knows every word? The audience loved it. Cee Lo is pumped to get them and the other judges point out he’s the perfect coach for them. TEAM CEE LO

Cheesa “If I Were a Boy”–Not sure that ‘s the song I’d use to audition for The Voice. She spent most of the song on low notes that did not sound good. She really got into it at the end though. Cee Lo thought he missed his chance, but lucky for her the song wasn’t quite over. I’m not she’s as good as he thinks she it. I know I wouldn’t have wasted one of my final spots on her. Good for her I’m not a coach. TEAM CEE LO

 

Preston Shannon “In The Midnight Hour”–64 year old Preston is famous in Memphis. He thinks he needs coaching though so he’s here. The man can play a mean guitar, but this is The Voice and not The Guitar. No one pushes their button. Adam does give a good “Fuck!” though when he turns around. Cee Lo wants to be as cool as Preston when he grows up.

 

Lex Land “I Can’t Make You Love Me”–Both Cee Lo and Adam push their buttons at the same time pretty quickly. They can hear the unique tone in her voice in the opening notes. It seems she gets more nervous when they turn though. Blake also turns around. Adam called it super sultry and begins to coach her. Blake felt he heard three singers during the performance. All three coaches feel in love with her low register. Blake pretty much tells her she gave him an orgasm. Who could pick anyone else? TEAM BLAKE

 

Carson felt like taking a trip to Santa Monica but forgot his product placement car. Wouldn’t this be the perfect opportunity?? Orlando Napier will audition later.

 

Cameron Novak “You Oughta Know”–Oh, please. This kid thinks he’s God’s gift to the world. He can rap AND sing Opera. He’s a triple threat, but only if that’s as high as you can go. I was going to feel sorry for the judges that they’re blind to his douchey-ness but thankfully they didn’t need me. He sounds like a girl. All the coaches are amazed that he’s a he. Once the coaches turn around to see what they missed Cameron starts rapping. Cee Lo is really disappointed he didn’t push his button. Adam lobbies to allow Cee Lo to pick him now. Cee Lo says it would ruin the integrity of the show. I’m happy I won’t have to deal with Cameron and his ego.

 

Orlando Napier “Waiting On the World Change”–Adam, who’s been the fickle bitch in the past, pushes his button after the first five seconds. If you close your eyes and ignore the hipster, he does have a fabulous voice. Adam felt he had perfect timing. Not sure that’s going to win a singing competition, but whatever you have to tell yourself. Carson calls Orlando “Mr. Cool.” I need him to burn that hat and I’ll think about not wanting to close my eyes every time he sings. TEAM ADAM

 

That’s the end of Adam’s blind audition process his team is set.

 

Lee Koch “Like a Rolling Stone”–Man, the guy actually sings really well, but it didn’t look like anyone was going to turn around. It wasn’t until he started playing the harmonica that Christina pushed her button. Adam wanted to choose him, but he’s done. Christina adds to her team dynamic that is completely different from last year. TEAM CHRISTINA

 

WADE “Rehab”–Did anyone else think he was blind when he was holding hands/hanging onto his mom and aunt as he walked into the audition? That’s weird right? He has a very interesting take on the song. I actually thought he was going to be awful. Maybe it was the weirdness before the audition. Cee Lo is the only one to push his button. Blake liked his improv. Christina liked what he did with the song. TEAM CEE LO

 

That’s it for Team Cee Lo.

 

Adley Stump “Last Night”–She’s only been singing 10 months. Her hair is awful, just so you know. She was losing quite a few of the notes. She needs more work. Her mom freaks out back stage thinking no one is going to turn around. If Blake wastes his last spot on her he’s crazy. I guess I’m the crazy one because both Blake and Christina turn around. Christina actually says Adley has “chops.” I’m definitely not on the same page as these coaches. For some reason Christina and Blake are fighting hard over her. TEAM BLAKE Don’t sweat it Xtina. She’s not that great, though she is a sweet girl.

 

Blake is done. Christina now can be as picky as she wants and she takes full advantage of that fact. She goes through at least three before she finds “the one.”

 

Sera Hill “I’m Going Down”–This is the diva voice that Christina has been waiting for. You know she was looking for it.  She definitely had a right to be selective and got a great singer because of it. Christina loved the performance so much she expressed her desire to join in. So they give Christina a mic and we get a mini duet. It’s cute. Sera is starstruck and can’t stop saying “what?” TEAM CHRISTINA

 

The Teams are Complete:

TEAM CHRISTINA Chris Mann, Jesse Campbell, The Line, Lindsey Pavao, Moses Stone, Geoff McBride, Anthony Evans, Ashley De La Rosa, Jonathas, Monique Benabou, Lee Koch, Sera Hill

TEAM BLAKE Raelynn, Gwen Sebastian, Jermaine Paul, Brian Fuente, Erin Willett, Jordis, ALyX, Charlotte Sometimes, Jordan Rager, Naia Kete, Lex Land, Adley Stump

TEAM CEE LO Juliet Simms, Jamar Rogers, Angie Johnson, Erin Martin, James Massone, Sarah Golden, Jamie Lono, Justin Hopkins, Tony Vincent, The Sheilds Brothers, Cheesa, WADE

TEAM ADAM Tony Lucca, Kim Yarbrough, Angel Taylor, Chris Cauley, Katrina Parker, Nathan Parrett, Pip, Karla Davis, Mathai, Nicolle Galyon, Whitney Myer, Orlando Napier

 

 Coach-isms

  • “Fuck!”         “My sentiments exactly.” –Adam and Preston Shannon
  • “Huuuuuuuuaaah”–Blake’s O moment curtesy of Lex
  • “Oh Blake, you’re so premature.”–Adam
  • “How are you not a woman?”–Adam
  • “I love you,too. In a totally non-sexual way.”–Adam

“I can’t say the same.” Blake

 

Next comes the Battle rounds that have proven to either be awesome or awful. Are you pumped the blind auditions are over? Excited for the Battle Rounds? Who’s your favorite of the night? Do you want video for the coming rounds? COMMENT!

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  • http://twitter.com/phouse1964 Patty Housel

    You know I don’t watch but I have a question. 

     The Sheilds Brothers “Dancing With Myself”–80′s flash back! All I could think was Flock of Seagulls! 

    ^ Because they looked like Flock of Seagulls? Or because you think that’s who sang thing song?  

  • offcolortv

    I haven’t watched yet, but I wanted to let you know that I’ll be back AND I requested some Voice gifs if HBC can find any!

  • http://twitter.com/Dayna_Barter Dayna Barter

    The Shields Brothers — Seriously, WTF with that shit?  The only explanation I have is that the coaches realize they’re going to need fodder going into the battle rounds.  Consider yourselves fodded, boys.

    Cheesa — Sort of an ironic choice, considering that when she started singing she sounded like she WAS a boy.  Not impressed.

    Lex Land — the best part of her audition was the interplay she caused among the coaches.  To quote That Other Judge on That Other Show, “she was a’ight for me.”

    Cameron Novak — Somehow, I think “the girlfriend” is maybe more like “the beard” because dude was pinging my gaydar big time.  Thank god he and his ego are outta there.  They’re not going to do any second chance or wild card spots, right?  Because I may have to cut a bitch if he shows up on my TV again.

    Orlando Napier — good voice, not a thrilling performer but serviceable.

    Lee Koch — Okay Lee, look.  We need to talk about the hair.  And the facial hair.  And the hair WITH the facial hair.  Dude.  Between that and the harmonica, all you need to complete the picture is some lederhosen and an accordian.  There is A LOT of “before” to deal with here, is what I’m saying.  Also, he’s a baker.  In case you didn’t get it one of the 2,364,572 times he said it.

    Wade — TOTALLY thought he was going to blind, and I was waiting for the inevitable grown-worthy “blind audition” jokes from Carson.

    Adley Stump — Wow, that name is kinda tragic.  Also tragic?  Her over-the-top, pain-in-the-ass stage mother.  Like as if that shit isn’t going to get old with a fucking quickness.  I thought her voice was okay for being relatively untrained, but again, someone needs to get a stylist on this girl STAT, because it’s clear she should not be dressing herself or doing her own hair.

    Sera Hill — She was so cute being all flabbergasted that she was on a stage singing with Christina.  Be interesting to see how she does.

    Me — Still firmly on Team Blake. 

  • Strunkette

    The one kid had a blond swoopy hair do ala Flock of Seagulls…I think. Hee!!

  • Strunkette

    I will say one thing about the 12 artist teams. I feel like I can’t really remember the best one from each group. Last year I felt like I knew them better. It will interesting to see how the battle rounds go. I hope they pit the right people against each other.

  • Sarah

    I liked Sera  and Whitney!

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