Pretty Little Liars. People don’t usually bring a Glock to the OB-GYN.

Okay you guys, this video from The Night That Allie Died has the potential to become the most hilarious clown-car of a clue ever.  As annoyed as we all are at how the reveal of A is being dragged out, I would sort of love it if every week a new person was revealed walking through Allie’s bedroom door, like Noel Kahn, Mona, Ezra, Byron & Ella, Maya and so on, until there are like 35 people standing around talking about how much they want to kill Allie.  Think of all the gasping!  Nobody reacts to shocking video reveals like the Liars of Rosewood:

But on a serious note, why can Caleb only decode five seconds of it at a time?  Like, once you’re in the decoding zone, can’t you just kind of focus and get the whole GD file done at once?  He doesn’t seem to be going to school right now, so maybe he should just do it.  It’s kind of important.  A lot sort of almost kind of happened again this week, so lets break it down by Liar:

Aria:

Aria split her time between getting info from the dude who promised to track down A for Vivian Darkbloom, falling off a porch, and breaking up with Ezra (only to seemingly be back with him hours later).  Oh, and she wore a pair of leggings that made her look like she was dressed like a fashion-forward youth on one side and a Real Housewife of New Jersey on the other.

The most interesting thing was the Ezra non-breakup, so lets discuss: what was up with that? Ezra went and interviewed for that New Orleans job and seemed taken with it, so he decided to end things with his teenage non-lover.  Aria cried.  Ezra was all like ‘whatevs’.  Now, y’all know I’m looking for any indication that Ezra is evil, so I probably read too much into his reaction, but he really didn’t seem to give the smallest shit that he was dumping Aria, did he?  But then later, they were sitting in his apartment eating an awkward dinner together (why?) when Ella showed up to get an understanding as to what their relationship actually was (paper bag masks, no sex, illegal and boring – does that about cover it?), because she wants to try to ‘get’ them before Aria just up and runs away with him.

Ella showed Aria the letter from A to Byron, connected it to the one telling her about Byron’s affair, and just like that Ella is now on A’s case! But while Ella is sweet, she doesn’t seem like the sharpest tool in the shed (she DID give birth to Aria don’t forget), so I don’t know how much good this will do until she eventually partners up with Ashley, who is much sharper and ballsier, as we will discuss soon enough.

Emily:

As predicted, and not a moment too soon, Paige is back!  She’s back, and she’s adorable, and she’s out to her parents, and she still really likes Em.  And all of this is happening while Maya is busy being a cunting fuck puppet and refusing to talk to Emily who did the unthinkable by daring to refuse Maya’s offer to run away to San Francisco with no money and no prospects. Paige is streets ahead of Maya after only one episode back – Maya’s so not going to be happy about this development.

Of course, another explanation for Maya being MIA is something that I kept thinking to myself jokingly throughout the episode: Paige obviously killed her so that she could have Em all to herself.  But then the cops showed up at the end of the hour wanting to question Emily about Maya and now it all just seems too real.  Although, if Paige actually did it, who could blame her?  She just did what we’ve all wanted to do for a while now anyway.  And then this led me to wonder if Paige didn’t just off Allie too, since she and Em had their whole Sapphic-in-secret thing going on before she died. Paige as a lesbian serial killer would be pretty awesome, but I’m mostly joking, and I feel like she’s been too background to end up being directly involved in the A/murder business.

My actual theory about Maya is either that she’s missing (ran away) or she offed herself, because she’s such a goddamn drama queen that she would totally do that, and leave a note blaming the fact that she was headed back to True North and that Emily wouldn’t run away with her – couldn’t you totally see her killing herself just to ensure that Emily would feel guilty about it for the rest of her life?  I could.

Theory number two: she was arrested for impersonating a high school student.  Because she’s 32. YEARS OLD. You hear of that happening in real life every few years – some 20 or 30-something registers for school only to be found out as a pervy adult after a few months.  As hilarious as this would be, I’m sticking with my first theory for now.

Hanna:

Hanna spent most of her time with Mona, the possible newest inductee to the Liars of Rosewood, who has been A’s main target for the past few days.  She’s getting texts, post-its, and ultimatums, all related to Hanna and their joint past in retail thievery.  OR DID SHE?  I really like Mona, so a big part of me wants to believe all of this and have her join the group permanently, but I’m at least 50% skeptical that she’s orchestrating everything herself in order to get closer to the group and gain everyone’s trust.  She could definitely have someone text her at opportune times, or leave notes on her own apple at school – it’s not hard.

But one of the best parts of this whole arc was that Ashley found the police report that Mona apparently got from A, complete with A’s note attached.  So now she’s aware of A, and also, she immediately marched over to Det. Wilden and demanded that he stop fucking with her daughter’s head.  Ashley Marin for the win! I love when people on this show are direct.  Of course he hadn’t been the one to provide the file, because it makes him look just as bad (or worse, given that he’s the cop and should know better).  Obviously, we’re meant to assume that Garrett found the file and sent it to Mona, but who knows?

The important thing is, both Ella and Ashley are now aware of A and will no doubt work together to find out what the fuck is happening.  However, if the parents end up cracking the A code, it’ll just seem even more ridic that nobody thought to tell them earlier.  But, since this is an ABC Family show where parents are second class citizens (or weeping poets), I’m sure this won’t be the case.

The biggest clue to come from Hanna’s world was the letter that the girls stole from the law firm, which was spied by Ashley who informed Hanna that Melissa used to work there.  Which brings us to…

Spencer:

Okay, so evil or no, I am officially down with Wren as a character on this show.  HOLY BANANAS he is hot.  And of course they did that thing where the girl gets drunk and throws herself at the guy who does the right thing and declines, just to make us love him even more.  Which, by the way, when did standards get so low that the simple act of not taking advantage of someone became a sign of a true gentleman?  To paraphrase Cher Horowitz, a guy declines to date rape a drunk girl and we’re expected to swoon?  I don’t think so!

But whatever, I’m totally swooning because pretty smile and sexy accent and pretty smile…sorry I just zoned out.  Spencer’s into it too:

But Spencer’s arc was the most exciting of the night not only for the ample Wren screen time, but also for the serious amount of info we got about Melissa who is back after what seems like two years, but she’s only about four or five months pregnant, so it obviously hasn’t been that long.  She pretended not to know that Jason was their half-brother (I’m guessing she already knew because she was involved with every shady character including Jason back in the day, and she didn’t even mention the fact that she once made out with him, which would obviously be your first thought about someone who turned out to be your BROTHER.  She was way too calm for that to be the first time she heard the news, you know?).

And then there was the Garrett connection.  Garrett is still creepy as fuck, following the girls around all over town (is he still working? Did he take a leave of absence?).  Also, he is either the worst at being inconspicuous, or he’s the worst at trying to look intimidating:

Wishes he was Dean Winchester soooo badly.

Then Melissa ditched Spencer last minute to get in his car, right after a mysterious someone watched the girls watching Melissa on the latest version of The Video.  Not to mention that we now know that Melissa worked at the firm where the text messages from A were sent (back when the texts were directed at Allie).  We also learned that Garrett accompanied Melissa to her OBGYN appointment at least once.  What does it all mean?

Melissa has long been a suspect, but I don’t think her connection to Garrett was ever so spelled out before, right?  But as for what it means is anyone’s guess.  See?  It felt like a lot happened, but we really don’t know much more that we did last week.  I’m so ready for the cockteasing to end with the season finale – until the question of who killed Allie becomes the focus, anyway.

Oh, I amost forgot the most hilarious moment of the night, when Aria and Spencer went to meet phone-signal-cracking dude, and this happened:

So, as usual the promos for next week are below (father/daughter dance! Prepare for much weeping poet dad).  In the meantime though, you must have new theories – lets talk about them!  Also, feel free to spend between 50-100% of your comment on Wren lust because it’s totally understandable.  I had to restrain myself from just posting 50 screencaps of his face with exclamation points as captions instead of writing a proper recap.  You’re welcome?

US Promo:

Canadian Promo:

 

 

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  • http://twitter.com/hockeybychoice hockeybychoice

    I’ve decided not to watch promos for shows anymore. (Burned by the CW much?) So this comment will be made without those.

    I love that Wren shows up just when it’s super convenient for Spencer and her story. He’s adorable and I’m glad they stopped making him look like a red herring creep. Hopefully we’re passed that because this dude is about 100 times more attractive, charismatic and cooler than weird Toby. Who I haven’t missed one bit, btw.

    Goodbye Maya. I’d like to say we’d miss you, but we really won’t. Worst casting in a teen drama, ever? She was shady, she was annoying, let’s hope she’s dead and they skip the whole drugs are bad after school special shtick.

    I’m very suspicious of Mona and the A inclusion. I can see her being another one of A’s flunkies sent to infiltrate the group. She says she returned the necklace, but did she really? I want to believer her, but her past behavior makes it difficult.

    No Holden this week, which is strange considering the last episode. I guess they can’t pay more than 2 male guest actors per episode. And let’s be honest, we’d all take Wren over Holden in a fucking heart beat.

    No Caleb either. He was made a series regular and then skips an episode. Boooo! Aren’t these kids going to school anymore? Lucas? Noel? Emily is still on Yearbook, somehow, with all her swimming and lying and desperate phone call making. Paige is alive? She didn’t move away. Hmm, I can honestly not remember how they left that. She didn’t want to come out, so that was the end of it? Maybe. Whatever, I like her on the show. Let’s hope she’s not a murderous lesbian. Where else will Emily find a girlfriend in this tiny town (full of lesbians)?!

    The Aria stuff was weird. Why are they hiding the fact that they haven’t slept together yet from her mom. That seems like something she would really want to hear. Plus, they could make up some bullshit about not sleeping together until Aria’s 18 or something to reassure her. If Ezra sticks around much longer without any nookie, I’m going to seriously question his sanity and his evilness more closely.

    Oh, and Wren has a nice place. But what was with the many close ups of the fireplace? Drunk Spencer is great.

  • Frances

    Ive never suspected Ezra as an evil sketchy character, but the whole leaving the love of your life sobbing in a car thing was TOO weird. If he loves her as much as he said/has shown in the past, he should have at least looked a tad sad that he just broke her heart. Then she was just at his apartment, NBD. This show. Emily’s storyline bored me, she either needs to find a new girl or just go solo for a while, she has the worst luck in relationships. Mona skeevs me out mostly because I read the books (she’s the WORST in the books) but I’m not sure if they’ll okay her the same way in the show. Spencer is my favorite, so I love pretty much anything she does. She is so fabulous. And Wren siiigh. I don’t know how she ever dated Toby compared to THAT? I’m still wondering if Lucas or Noel is A, to be honest.

  • Kathater

    Didn’t Spencer bang Wren in the second or third book?

  • http://twitter.com/AwkwardMegs Megs Or Mega

    Ok.  So normally I
    read the entire recap and then comment.  
    But sometimes I feel that I laugh or giggle during a part in the
    beginning of the recap and by the end I forget what amazing thing it was
    Nicole, or whoever is recapping, said or did to give them their just
    kudos.  So today I am trying something
    different.  I have a word document on one
    side and the  A+ recap from Nicole on the
    other… Let’s experiment, shall we? 

    I am not even done reading, but let me just
    say that I applaud Nicole’s use of the “Oh!” face
    picture. I will forever cherish this and the description she provides
    above said photo.

    I love the idea of EVERYONE ending up in the room on the
    video before we finally learn who actually is A.  Also, don’t expect much out of Caleb he is
    pretty, but he is with Hannah… So at least he is able to do a little each week
    between looking at his hair in the mirror.

    I think Lucy Hale fucked someone’s husband in the wardrobe department
    because they are dressing her in the WORST. 
    EVER.

    The non-breakup breakup I am going to need someone to
    explain it to me.  I mean it’s a great opportunity,
    Aria isn’t giving up the vag, so why not put your career first since your penis
    is being neglected.  Did Aria just show
    up at his house with dinner to awkwardly sit across from him making small
    talk?  I’m starting to lose track as to
    which Liar is the craziest.  Screw the
    saying “bitches be crazy”, I feel “Liars be CRAZY” is the appropriate tag line
    for this show.

    I like that more people are getting involved in the “Who is ‘A’?”
    game.  I would love someone like Ella,
    who just entered to figure it out.  That
    would just put the nail in the “these girls are dumb as fuck coffin”, if you
    will.  I do agree though, if any parent
    figures it out it will be Ashley.  I mean
    she was smart enough to steal money from a safety deposit box and get away with
    it!!

    Does Paige’s face look larger, or is it just me?  I mean not like she’s gotten obese, but its
    just larger than when we last saw her, yeah? 
    I love that she is cute and wonderful and came out and all, but her face
    is bugging me.  Maya needs to be killed
    by A or be A or just be gone forever.  Do
    we have to hear about her anymore?  I
    think TVD needs some more Emily flashbacks. 
    If Paige killed Maya, I’ll start planning the parade.  Though, since there is no Rosewood, where do
    y’all suggest we hold the parade? 

    I really love that Hanna has let Mona in with the A stuff
    since Mona was open with her about A torturing her.  Though it makes me wonder, is Mona A and this
    is just her way of getting closer to the Liars? 
    That would be awesome.  But Mona
    doesn’t seem that smart, so I am going with she is just a pawn.  But I still want to go glamping.

    So Seabiscuit  seems
    to be the link that connects everyone. 
    She worked at the law firm, she knew Allie knew about the whole” Jason
    is her brother” thing and that she and Jason kissed and it freaked out all of
    the Hastings clan.  Her little sister,
    Spencer, has always been a pain, you know making out with her boyfriends and
    what not.  Speaking of boyfriends, Wren
    is amazing and he should read me the phone book.  Shirtless. 

     

    I have not made my feelings for Spencer unknown; similar to those
    for Elijah from TVD.  Spencer is the
    best.  I love her.  She is the queen of everything and deserves
    to be in charge.  But Buddha fucking
    Christ, stop being stupid.  Your sister
    gets in a car with the creepy stalker cop, lies to you, is on a tape from the
    night your best frienemy gets killed and you still go somewhere with her
    alone!?  Dumbass.  Go get drunk some more and throw yourself at
    the hot guy.  Please.

    So I am confused.  Are
    there 3 episodes left UNTIL we find out who A is, or is there 2 episodes left and
    then we find out who is playing the part of A? 
    And I am curious as to how they are going to let just the audience know
    who A is or if someone on the show is going to discover this as well. 

    Where is Toby?  I mean
    I shouldn’t miss him with Wren back, but I kind of do.  Will we see him again?  It’d be nice.  And Lucas, where is Lucas?

  • http://www.twitter.com/ReelStina Lemonade

    First off, Welcome aboard the Wren Love Train Nicole, it’s a nice place to be let me tell ya. 

    So obviously I was happy about the return of Wren (my #1 crush on this show), and Melissa (my #1 suspect). I was afraid Melissa wouldn’t be back from Mystic Falls in time to be revealed as A, so I’m glad to see she is still in the running, and acting as shady as ever. I do worry that she may be yet another red herring though, given that the Liars actually suspected her in this episode. And as we all know, whoever they suspect is usually the first person we can rule out. I’m curious what she & Garrett are up to, and I never bought for one second that she didn’t already know about Jason’s paternity.

    Wren’s place was pretty nice, although I wonder how he can afford it, considering he had to crash on someone’s couch after he moved out of the Hastings’ barn. Anywho, I hope we continue to have Wren sexytime in the upcoming episodes.

    I too wondered if Mona was making up all the A stuff just to get closer to Hanna & the girls. Part of me wants her to be an innocent victim too, just so we can rule her out as a suspect, but it does seem a little fishy. What I like to think is that Mona did fake the A stuff, not because she’s trying to get dirt on the girls, but purely because she just wants to be included into their group. I love the idea of Mona manipulating her way in for reasons of good, just because she wants to belong, and having nothing to do with any of the A stuff. That just seems like a funny and kinda sweet idea to me, and would be nice twist on her having an ulterior motive, if she genuinely has been trying to just be a good friend this whole time. I guess I just want her to be ruled out (like Caleb), since I like her.

    Whatever happens with this Maya thing– murdered, missing, whatever– I just hope that we never have to see her again. And I was shocked to see Paige return, didn’t think she existed anymore. (I missed them referencing her in the last episode.) You called it though. I don’t have any strong feelings either way for Paige, so I’ll just wait and see where they go with it.

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